Warbat probably had vast computing power, like 160 gigabytes or something.

Somehow, the Warbat hasn't gotten an action figure? Honestly, feels like several characters from Legends of the Dead Earth probably could've. From 1996, Detective Comics Annual #9, "Warbat" Written by Chuck Dixon, pencils by Flint Henry, inks by James Hodgkins.

Thousands of years after earth, on the planet Typhon, a time-lost frieghter makes a delivery two thousand years late: a warbot, which is found by some kids on the sunny side of the planet, Sybaris. The planet didn't rotate, so the other side, Crotona, was always night, which eventually led the citizens there to revolt over the less-pleasant living conditions. The war was fought in the stormy region between the two sides, for centuries, but ended in a draw: the Sybarians built a weapon that drove the Crotonans back, and while they hadn't been seen in like a thousand years, the Sybarians still fretted that they might someday attack again. Young Deely thinks the bot is to fight the Crotonans; although it was bought by them instead: his main contribution is a bit of paint and welding bat-ears on it. Geela, "the best gearjock in the gang," is able to alter its programming to make it a "good guy," but she can't change its directive to march to Crotona.

Cue Goonies style adventure, as Deely and Geely independently make themselves Robin outfits for the trip. (Poor Bruggo has to be "Alfred Gordon," one of Batman's friends.) In the stormy region, the Warbat defends them against Crotonan "genetic constructs," lab-built monsters, that seem to be running wild. Eventually, they find a Crotonan city, of the dead: all killed off in the last war, but the Sybarians never knew it. But one grinning warbot remains active, dubbed "the Jokester" by Deely: the two destroy each other. Geela thinks they were just obeying programming from long-dead masters, but Deely believes the Warbat had been a hero to the end.

Returning to sunlight, Geela wonders if they should tell anyone, but considers her people might need "a devil to believe in." (That's how tons of resources get spent on defense!) Deely figures on a smaller lie, a fishing trip, to get into less trouble; but wonders if he doesn't like the night a little bit...Deely also saved the Warbat's head, which will probably have a cult built around it inside of a hundred years, if prior history is any indication. 

Even though there was a better than even chance I had this already, I bought another copy of this and Detective Comics Annual #7 the other day: it was a slow week for me, and I wasn't 100% sure I still had either. #7 is of course "Leatherwing," the Pirate Batman Elseworlds, which did get action figures. Warbat may have just missed a window of opportunity, I guess.

Read more!

Some Toyman, that Batman figure's got like twelve points of articulation, tops.

The Toyman that would get a DC Universe Classics figure (And an Alex Ross one!) appeared on TV's Super Friends yet had a very short tenure in the comics. This incarnation would be around longer, yet is not as fondly remembered, but he does deal Batman a surprising loss here! From 1998-1999, Batman/Toyman #1-4, written by Larry Hama, pencils by Anthony Williams, inks by Klaus Janson, Flint Henry, Sal Buscema, Aaron Sowd and Ray Kryssing.

I kind of see where they were going with this: each issue of this limited featured a different narrator. The first was Detective Bullock, who investigates a murder with one witness: Tyler, a young boy who had been deafened in a shoot-out that had killed his parents. His aunt had just been murdered, but the Toyman had been looking for him, for interfering with his plans for a computer game: namely, killing a ton of kids for playing it. Toyman's motivations seems to be a strong notion that kids should play with real toys instead of "electronic garbage!" More than that is hard to say, but he seems really crazy; particularly in the second issue that he narrates.

Toyman had hired himself some muscle: Stiletto. (EDIT: Man, it really looks like Stiletto should've punched a hole straight through Batman there, instead of a mere...three inches.) While she draws the line at killing kids, saying Toyman would have to do that himself; she does manage to stab Batman good in the third issue, the silent "What the Deaf Boy Saw." In the final chapter, Batman narrates as he tells Tyler how he lost his own parents in much the same way, while getting Tyler to stitch up his chest. Together they race to a video game tournament, where Toyman is making his final preparations. Stiletto again expresses misgivings towards hurting children, this time mentioning losing an eight-year-old brother in a drive-by shooting. Tyler notices this, but Batman tells him (Tyler having to read his lips) that while she may seem good compared to the Toyman, Stiletto was still a criminal. Toyman turns on his henchwoman, setting off explosives in her communications gear, and Batman has to save her from a fall. Toyman had set up the game so when a player died in it, their system would explode and kill them: I'm not sure about that plan, wouldn't the gamers take off after the first console explodes? (Virtual reality is invoked, even though Tyler is playing a relatively standard computer game.)

In the end, Toyman attempts to throw a Batman-shaped grenade into the crowd to cover his escape, but Stiletto knocks it away so Batman can throw it...at the roof? Toyman nearly falls, and Batman then has to catch him; with both saves tearing on his stitches. Meanwhile, Stiletto gets to Tyler, in more ways than one: she tells Batman that Tyler thought he would adopt him. Batman has to tell him (while still holding Toyman up) that he couldn't be a full-time parent; but Stiletto tells him he could be her little brother. And he accepts! The story ends with Batman futilely calling after Tyler, "...but of course, he can't hear me."

I don't think the post-Crisis Toyman went off the rails until he killed Cat Grant's son. That pretty much sucked the fun out of him going forward. Has there been a New 52 Toyman? Apparently, only in flashback, because that page space is needed for Mr. Oz or something. Oh, damnit, now I want to write a new Batman/Toyman: Batman tries to figure out why Toyman has been murdering 'vulture' venture capitalists--for jacking up the toy industry and sales! Even while being murdered with toys, they would still have no idea why they were dying...Although this is arguably a step too far, Batman also has to contend with anti-capitalist fans who think maybe Toyman's on to something. (He's not; Toyman would be capitalist as all get out. If he could make a ton of money selling toys, he would, but there's always some holdup, like lack of legal capital, safety laws, copyright, etc.)
Read more!

We mentioned Trekker the other day, and based on the description for the Ominbus I'd guess I've read...maybe a third of the series? More than I'd have guessed. I had thought there was a bit more; like today's series, which I've read maybe 10% of? From 1991, Grimjack #80, "Behind Blue Eyes" Written by John Ostrander, pencils by Flint Henry, inks by Bruce Patterson.

Karma can be a bitch, especially when you invested in the junk bond version of it: James "Grimjack" Twilley's family is up to their elbows in bad debt, after a financial crash on Cynosure that might be Grimjack's doing...He was off the hook since he had long since been disowned, but his dad and brothers were facing liquidation. Possibly literally. Grimjack notes that's a little harsh for this kind of thing, but the "adjudicator" handling the case won't cut a deal, and is going to throw the book at them. His baby sister has already been sold into prostitution...

Confronting the adjudicator, Grimjack realizes the problem: it's former warden Jagart, who he had previously conned into getting a pardon. Jagart was going to get his revenge through his family; and this seems like the kind of problem that could be solved with violence, but Grimjack decides to try a different tack.

It's going to come to a confrontation, but the stakes and the tension ratchet up more before the close: Grimjack tries to call in some favors, including contacting a dead wizard; but sees his own afterlife as a blasted wasteland, indicating his own karma might not be doing so well. Jagart receives a note (possibly, but possibly not from Grimjack) indicating for each one that dies, he would lose a member of his rosy-cheeked, Puritan-looking family. Columbo makes a cameo as a cop telling Jagart that note wasn't really enough to go on, and Jagart's superiors suggest maybe he shouldn't abuse his power (or press his luck) by going after Grimjack's family; they weren't going to waste the expenditure (or lives) defending his family if it came down to it. His wife says they are "sacrifices on the altar of (his) pride!" and has a point, but Jagart can't back down. Instead, he goes to have an illegal hit put on Grimjack; as Grimjack's dad is headed to "default."

I had thought this might be the last issue of the series when I grabbed it, but I'll definitely have to watch for the conclusion: Jagart only had twenty thousand credits, which I'm guessing doesn't buy the kind of quality hitters that could give Grimjack the serious hassle, but I want to see if I was wrong.
Read more!

80-Page Thursdays: One Million!

For the next stretch, as long as I can find them, every Thursday we'll check out an 80-page comic! Not 64, not 100, 80-page giants only! Today, revisit the Quantum Age of Comics with DC One Million 80-Page Giant, with Grant Morrison, Mark Millar, Chuck Dixon, and more writing; and Mike Wieringo, Flint Henry, Norm Breyfogle, Dusty Abell and more on art.

I like DC's 853rd Century, but I find it exhausting. With the core heroes stationed on different worlds of the solar system (and Batman presumably upgrading Pluto back to planet status by virtue of being Batman) and Justice Legions from A to Z (and possibly more) I don't think we've seen a baseline human normo yet in that setting. And why would we, when everyone and anyone could be a fifth-generation genesplice of Tamaranian and Braalian traits, trained in Vuldarian hapkido, carrying on the heroic legacy of the Infrared Bee, and locked in battle with Hellgrammite³? If none of that made any sense, DC's One Million is not going to be for you.

To be fair, the 853rd Century looks to be just as exhausting for the heroes as well: I suspect this is Morrison's doing, and could be read as a commentary on modern man or superman; but the crisis level is constantly at 10. 10+. 10+ followed by another 10, then some more that make that first 10 look like a 3. Picture three years worth of Justice League of America--the old series--happening in an afternoon; and that's a slow day in the future. (It's not in this one, but I know there's a Superman One Million story where he gives some prospective alien conquerors a quick tour of the solar system, and they're scared off by watching the JLA bash a bunch of threats in fifteen or so minutes.)

I don't think DC One Million has been seen recently, and with the reboot it might not be again for some time. But, it does kind of undermine dramatic tension: if you know there's a Superman and a Batman legacy centuries in the future, you're more sure than usual how things will turn out in the present. On the other hand, it is a fun place to visit every once in a while. Flip through this one, see if it grabs you. Read more!

I'm running behind, and I thought more Lawdog would be a quick one. Well...

Since I mentioned Lawdog last Tuesday, and I happened to find the rest of my issues (and I'm running late since I was working on BOTU strips) here's a quick scan from the last issue, Lawdog #10, "Breakdown Lane" Written by Chuck Dixon, pencils by Flint Henry, and inks by John Stangeland.

Lawdog and his sidekick/companion Lina (who, over the course of the last few issues, has gone from punker mouthy girl to pretty tough woman) have found a world almost identical to the one Lawdog originally came from: a seeming utopia, that had the misfortune of opening a dimensional doorway to another world that promptly invaded the hell out of it. This time, the doorway to the next door dimension opened and this strolled in:

(Above scan from Lawdog #9, "All Things Considered" Still Dixon, Henry, and Stangeland.)

Leaving Lina behind, where she gets arrested and thrown into a political correctness-asylum with that world's version of Lawdog (pre-war); Lawdog backtracks to the Nazi-run dimension, and hijacks a giant walking panzer thing to spank the giant monster. Eventually, he does, and then...I'm going to put this after the break, since it's a pretty big spoiler. Remember how I said Lawdog was the American Doctor Who? Well, try to imagine the Doctor pulling this on his last episode...


Lawdog shoots the alternate version of himself on sight, and it's all downhill for Lina from there. While Lawdog brushes it off ("I know what a pain in the ass I can be...") the effect is not unlike John Wayne casually committing cold-blooded murder in the last reel of the film. Lina is shocked and appalled, but when the citizens try to use words to disarm Lawdog, he's just getting started, and guns down a batch of them:
There are a couple hints in the previous issue, the pre-war alt-Lawdog being incarcerated for charges like "unprogressive thought, insensitivity, eco racism (?), sexual bias." He had been out of place in his own world, since he was a tough-guy, take-no-crap, brute; and those were exactly the qualities that helped him survive. And now he's back, with the chance to do it all again...with an assload of guns. This time, Lawdog's running the show, and it'll all be different.

Lawdog gives Lina his car; roughly the equivalent to the Doctor giving his last companion the TARDIS. And actually, couldn't you see that happening? The Doctor getting another chance at Gallifrey, at not having to live with being the last of the Time Lords, with a chance to make things right by any means necessary? (You might not think the Doctor would do the wrong thing, even for the right reasons; I think you're underestimating how much the Doctor would not want to be the last of his kind again.)

For her part, Lina drives off, not so much into the sunset, but just across dimensions; not really trying to get home, but not really going anywhere in particular. Of course, that's probably because this was the last issue; and that in all likelihood is why Lawdog goes all dickery here too. Oddly, even though the cancellation order had to be in at some point before this issue was published, there's still four pages of subplot with bad guys from earlier in the series being gathered up for another run at Lawdog. If Peter David had written this thing, the baddies would've arrived in time to be stepped on by the monster...

Read more!

This would be the weirdest regeneration ever...

I picked up another issue of Lawdog the other weekend at the Comicon; and really need to find the rest of my issues. In fact, I had to do a search, since I knew I had brought it up before, but never really posted about it. I did a quick Ask Cerebra search and got two hits, including the one time I mentioned it? That shall not stand! Moreover, that surprised me, since I liked it a lot, and loved the insane Flint Henry artwork, along with a great 'behind-the-curtain' issue with guest artists Gary Kwapisz and others.

And then this weekend, it hit me: Lawdog is the American Doctor Who. Seriously.

Time-travelling, anti-authoritarian hero, with a taste for young female "companions" and a quirky time machine? Check, check, and check.

Although, this is America, and our hero isn't going to have a little sonic screwdriver; he's going to have some motherlovin' guns, son.

And Lawdog's 'companion' Lina is arguably the main character of the series, especially for the issues where Lawdog is dead, pending reincarnation. He doesn't regenerate like the Doctor, but Lawdog's employers keep reincarnating him, whether he wants to or not.

Most American of all? Lawdog's time machine isn't a mere box (even if the Tardis is bigger on the inside) it's a muscle car. A muscle car with guns. U-S-A! U-S-A!

(OK, it's less a time machine, than a means to travel to alternate realities, but I'm not going to split hairs here. I like this comic too much to compare it to Sliders, for god's sake...)

Perhaps even still most American of all, is that Lawdog himself is a bit of a thuggish brute of a hero. But it's OK to be a brute when facing Nazis, zombies, and Lovecraftian monsters. Hell, it's probably encouraged.

In another Dr. Who parallel, I don't remember Lawdog or Lina ever being portrayed as especially interested in each other in any sort of romantic fashion. Like some of the Doctor's other companions, initially Lina doesn't believe in or want anything to do with Lawdog, but gets swept up along with him anyway, and stuck in situations far more dangerous than anything they previously would have dreamed off. And Lina eventually outgrows Lawdog and moves on, not unlike a companion leaving the Doctor. (Although, that may be because the series ended more than anything; Dixon may or may not have kept Lina on indefinitely had the book continued.)

I sincerely doubt Chuck Dixon and Flint Henry intended Lawdog as an American spin on Doctor Who...and yet, it seems like there's something there. Since it was handy, all scans from Lawdog #5 (or is it Law Dog? I prefer the former...maybe that's why my search results were crap.) "a new day" Written by Chuck Dixon, pencils by Flint Henry, inks by John Stangeland. This was part of the last real gasp for Marvel's Epic Comics, in their "Heavy Hitters" line with among others, Chaykin's Midnight Men and Hansen's Untamed, which I loved. I think Lawdog only ran eight issues, and a crossover bit with Alien Legion's Jugger Grimrod? I still wonder what the sales actually were though; compared to today's numbers they may have been staggeringly good.
Read more!