This isn't a horror comic either; any horror in this series was probably unintentional and after the fact.

On the Futurama episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" Fry tries to remind Leonard Nimoy of Star Trek, describing it as "You know--1966? Seventy-nine episodes? About thirty good ones?" Which is kind of how I've always felt about the series Excalibur, a book I love to death, even if it was like 127 or so issues, maybe 30 good ones? OK, they had more good issues than that, but when it was bad; it was usually just staggeringly mediocre, like it didn't swing hard enough to be bad. Like today's book? Let's see! From 1994, Excalibur #77, "Lowest Common Denominator" (Deep breath here.) Plot by Scott Lobdell and Richard Ashford, script by Chris Cooper, pencils by Robert E. Brown and Ken Lashley, inks by Randy Elliott, Keith Champagne, Don Hudson, and Jason Gorder.

There's a few upsides to this issue: we start with a rare look at Nightcrawler's childhood, where he's a happy-go-lucky, adventurous scamp. Who immediately gets his face rubbed in the dirt, as his best friend Christian tells him they can't be friends anymore, since his dad beat the hell out of him for hanging out with that "gypsy freak." Crying, Kurt tries to make a deal with God (not like that--well, maybe) to try not to be like the devil, if he could have his friend back. His adoptive mom, Margali Szardo's, picks him up again, telling him "love always lasts longer than hate."

Back in the present, Kurt had returned to Germany, at the request of his adopted sister/girlfriend Amanda, to rescue Margali; who was caught up in race riots stirred up by D'spayre. Sure, because there's never racial tension in Germany...D'spayre briefly lets Kurt see him, since he's got all the cards: Margali got her magic power from the Winding Way, which seemed to have terrifying lows, dizzying highs, creamy middles--no, D'spayre's point is, Margali was on top of her game in X-Men Annual #4, now she was too weak to fight him. Kurt then has a brief consult with Amanda, who can't help against D'spayre without getting zapped like her mom, but she would try to tamp down the riots...how exactly? Amanda's magic powers were pretty vague; and I don't recall her as being as blonde as she is today. (I thought she was more reddish-blonde?)

After a few subplot pages with the robot Zero, Nightcrawler catches up to D'spayre in the catacombs, and throws down with a sword against him. D'spayre grabs him, and tries to break him with his own bad memories of his friend Christian. Which fails, since there was a happy twist: grown-up, Christian had reconciled with Kurt, introducing his old friend to his young son. Kurt stabs D'spayre through the heart, which of course doesn't kill him, but drives him off: he ran out of juice, because Amanda had stopped the riots that were feeding him. Somehow. (Yeah, the riots are pretty much just dropped.) D'spayre is not especially well used here; this could've been the Hate Monger, Psycho-Man, just about anybody. Margali also gets a moment with Kurt: she had been worried he would be mad she had hidden his heritage with Mystique, but Kurt is more about forgiveness than most, and embraces the only mom he had ever really known. Which would probably be a high point to go out on, but no, there's two more Zero/Douglock subplot pages. (Aside: I was going to say, I can't believe I have a goddamn Zero action figure, but yes I can. There's so much re-use in that set.) 

Margali is kind and supportive and just seems like a good mom here: don't get used to it! That's about the last time we'll see that out of her. She'd pretty much go full villain in Ellis's run, which features some creepy, creepy bits; some on-panel, some in captions, some described just enough that if you put it together you'll be appalled. Short answer: there's a couple versions or timelines where she took her daughter's place, and considering Amanda and Kurt's relationship...yeah. Margali would also be involved when Amanda was killed/disappeared/written out in Nightcrawler #4, then turned Kurt into a monster in Legion of X so she could pull the "Hopesword" out of him. (That makes at least twice Kurt had a magic sword he could pull out of himself! Two nickels, yeah, but weird.) I was kind of thinking editorial over-corrected and made Margali bad to make Mystique (and/or Destiny) seem good; but no, that had been going for a while.

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If I ever finally collect this entire series, I'm actually going to be sad; because finding issues here and there was a lot like a new episode here or there. From 2012, Bongo Comics Presents Futurama Comics #63, "Igner-ance is Bliss!" Written by Ian Boothby, pencils by Tone Rodriguez, inks by Andrew Pepoy.

Professor Farnsworth seems to have become young again--oh, wait, that's actually his son with Mom, Igner, dressed up as him for Halloween! Sure, it was July, but it's a nice thought; although his mean older brothers pick him up and steal his candy. No time for that, though, as there's a delivery to be made, to "Shangri-Linux? The Robot Pleasure Planet?" Yes! Since its atmosphere was too acidic for organic life, and since Bender couldn't be trusted to make the delivery himself; Fry, Leela, and Zoidberg are transferred to robot bodies for the trip. After the delivery is made, Bender shows them "robot thrills are like human ones times a thousand," and they're quickly sold. So to speak: Bender then discovers the sinister secret of Shangri-Linux, that Mom and her sons then wipe the memories of their robot guests and resell them!

While Bender is able to warn the others easily enough, they're too distracted by new robot pleasures like Voltroning to do anything. Luckily, Bender still has the brain transfer ray; which may come in more handy than he thinks.

With all the Pinocchio references in this one, I'd say put it on while you read it; but Futurama still isn't on Disney+? Aw, man.
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"The End" week begins! Probably.

It's the last week of the year again, traditionally when I do "the end" week and look at last issues I've presumably stocked up over the course of the year. Somewhat surprisingly, I only have three posts scheduled as I write this! I usually burn through more than that the first day! So, let's start with a book I know I read at least a couple of when it was running: from 1982, Buck Rogers in the 25th Century #16, "The Sellers of Souls" Written by B.S. Watson, art by Mike Roy.

The Gil Gerard/Erin Gray movie came out in 1979, and I feel like I must've seen it, in bits and pieces, about 40 times as a kid. I rarely if ever saw the TV show, however--maybe it was on past my bedtime or something? It was a sci-fi show when beggars could not be choosers so I probably would've watched it, even if it seems like it wouldn't have been great even then. The same can hardly be said for the Gold Key/Whitman comic, however: compared to even the most boilerplate Marvel or DC books, they usually came up short. This one didn't even have a painted cover, which was often a selling point for the company.

This issue, on deep space patrol, Buck gets captured by slavers. He's put to work by them as a pilot, but manages to work with the slaves to turn the tables. If this was from any other company, I'd suspect the former slaves would abuse their former masters just as badly as they had been treated; but this one doesn't go that far. The aliens are all cartoony, but more alien looking than was usually seen on the show; you have to give them that. I did kinda like the bit where Buck asks his captors why he's been kidnapped, and they're like, la-de-dah, get Mr. Fancy.

That one wasn't so great, so let's check out another sci-fi TV show tie-in comic, that surprisingly was cancelled even earlier! From 1995, Babylon 5 #11, "The Psi Corps and You" Written by Tim Dehaas, art by John Ridgway. I may have caught an early episode by chance when the series began, but I didn't start watching Babylon 5 regularly until the third season, and I wouldn't see the fifth for years. So how I came up with this comic, I have no idea; but I noticed it was the last issue a while back. DC was probably hoping this would be their next Star Trek, but no such luck. They would try a three-issue mini-series after this, In Valen's Name, and then that would be that.

Without any knowledge of the show, this issue would be a little inaccessible, since it's written as an informational presentation from your friends at Psi Corps. It's designed to come across as friendly, humanizing, and empowering; three things the unabashedly fascist Corps definitely wasn't. Imagine if, say, Marvel's mutants decided they would police themselves, make themselves useful to the normos, and quietly bide their time...waiting. The insidiousness of the Corps doesn't quite come across here, but in concert with the show it works a little better.

Since we've already looked at two sci-fi tie-in books, why not take a look at a better comic from a better show, why not? I certainly miss both the most: from 2016, Bongo Presents Futurama Comics #81, "A Touch of Medieval!" Written by Ian Boothby, pencils by James Lloyd, inks by Andrew Pepoy. Not unlike Simpsons Comics, this wasn't a book I read every month, yet one I almost always enjoyed when I randomly picked one up.

Professor Farnsworth's newest invention is the reversal ray, and Bender immediately realizes that has to go. On the way to the dump, Fry stops by the cryogenic lab where he had been frozen, trips, turns the tube into a time machine, and ends up in ye olde times. In the vein of the Wizard of Oz, everyone is there; with Sir Bender, King Farnsworth, and filthy peasant Leela.

Easily the best of the three books here! Without any announcement inside, this was the final issue before going digital only...which may or may not have happened, I'm not sure. Man, I miss that show; why isn't it on Disney+ yet?





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Mephisto probably should've gone with that fiddle contest.

What's easier to follow, a good example, or that voice suggesting the darker, easy out? Okay, but what if the good example had a hammer, what then? From 1981, Thor #310, "The Maelstrom to Mephisto" Written by Doug Moench, pencils by Keith Pollard, inks by Joe Rosen.

A superhero confronting muggers is a pretty standard sight, even if said superhero shoots lightning at them; but Thor takes a different tack today, offering the muggers a choice. That is interrupted slightly by a police chase where Thor has to save some kids from an out-of-control car; but the choice remains: good or evil. Our mugger today chooses good, giving back the stolen money and apologizing. (There were at least three muggers before, but later the focus is only on one, presumably because it's easier to draw!) You could be uncharitable and say of course he does, since by then the cops were there as well, and it's not like the mugger had a chance against Thor either. Or, you could argue Thor is giving mankind help it doesn't deserve, like any given Republican Mephisto! In the battle for the souls of mankind, Mephisto felt that Thor had his thumb pressing down on the good side, and was crying foul. Invisibly, Mephisto then hits that block in New York City, whispering in people's ears, and compelling them to evil.

By the time Thor gets back into it, the situation has progressed to full-on street riot, then the street splits open and the mob is sucked into hell! Oh, ahem, "Hades." Mephisto confronts Thor, not because he especially needs or wants the souls of the mob; but because Thor's example to humanity cuts into the evil damned souls flowing into his realm. After some preliminary skirmishing, in which Mephisto can't gain the upper hand, he opts to kill the mob--but that's a feint, to get Thor to throw Mjolnir! The hammer is held by the mob; if it flew back to Thor it would tear them apart. Thor tries to fight his way to Mjolnir, but the sixty-second timer gets him again, and he turns back to Dr. Donald Blake! (EDIT: I forget all the rules, but technically I'm not sure that should've happened. I didn't think the timer worked in other realms; he didn't have to hold Mjolnir in Asgard, did he?)

Undaunted, Blake refuses to bow down, and instead offers his soul in place of the mob's; but Mephisto laughs, knowing he had him over a barrel. Except, in the trapped souls, the mugger from earlier sticks to his choice, and throws Blake his walking stick, returning him to Thor! Thor calls Mephisto on his cry of interference, since Mephisto interfered in man's destiny far more than he did; but also offers to stay and fight him, forever. Mephisto opts out of that one, and sends everyone back to earth, where the mugger and the mob resolve to clean up both the block and themselves...Y'know, there were some serious crimes committed during that little wilding, but everyone acts like lesson learned, so okay? Now, if you'll just sign this fiddle waiver...

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I hope to be this stoic. No promises, though.

Off to the dentist today! What could be more fun?...ah, it gets me off work an hour early, so there's that. (Cover from 1974's Action Comics #434, "The Krypton Connection!" Cover art by Nick Cardy.)

And what could be better than Marathon Man references? I don't think kids got those during Clerks: the Animated Series either, but maybe 1997's Major Bummer #2 did better. (Cover by Doug Mahnke and John Dell.)

And I uploaded the cover for Futurama #74 to the GCD, because it's pretty sweet; and for good measure Fry's off to the dentist as well! We'll see if the dynamite sounds like a better idea later...("What The What If?" Written by Ian Boothby, pencils by James Lloyd, inks by Andrew Pepoy.)
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(Somewhat) a Review: Futurama Robot Santa/Series 5!

It's October, which of course means it's time for Christmas stuff; if you believe any store in America. So today we'll check out Toynami's Futurama figures Series 5, featuring the build-a-figure Robot Santa!

The Robot Santa first appeared in the episode X-Mas Story, where it's explained he was created to give toys to good boys and girls, but due to a programming error, his settings were too strict and he invariably found everyone naughty. (Mostly...) By the time Fry awakens on December 31, 2999; the Robot Santa had nearly two centuries of holiday-themed mayhem under his belt! He's a good sized figure in comparison to the others, but not especially heavy, and comes with an alternate arm with machine gun and an alternate spiky puff for the top of his hat. (I didn't want to force the regular puff, so I haven't changed them out; and I'm a little disappointed the gun isn't removable! Deadpool would've stolen it at some point...)

Since she comes with the alternate arm and puff, you could theoretically skip Amy Wong; but she's the only core Planet Express character this series in their traditional look. Bender, Fry, and Leela are in their (short lived) super-hero identities from the episode Less Than Hero: SuperKing, Captain Yesterday, and Clobberella. They're a little more static, but look nice; and the crown and cape are removable on SuperKing, leaving you with a bandit-masked Bender. (One other difference: SuperKing has a new signet ring on his hand.)

Nudar, the alien scammer from Bender's Big Score, is possibly the grossest figure I've seen since McFarlane Toys horror days. He has a weird articulation scheme but you won't want to handle him that much, I repeat, he's gross.

On the other hand, I love Calculon, the robot actor who makes multiple appearances on the show, and claims to have been all of history's great acting robots, like David Duchovny. During the episode Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television, Calculon proclaims that he only does one take, and that Bender's audition was "so bad I think you gave me cancer!" Like his namesake, the figure doesn't have a great deal of range, but has enough to act as loudly and broadly as possible.

This was a fun batch of figures, but they've been out for some time, and I picked them up at Hastings, for $9.99 a piece! Probably at least a five buck saving per figure, but I didn't find them on their website right now! Still, you may be able to find them in stores; I know there were other stores in town that still had them, and possibly the URL and Wooden Bender figures as well.


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"Danger Drink."

It's a robot rampage today, based on a struggle to find something to do with a Marvel Legends Danger figure that I had bought for $2.39. It did take a bit of thinking...
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"Drinks for everyone!"

Dale from Mr. Morbid's House of Fun asked me what I used for drinks in my posts, and that struck me as a good excuse to be lazy as usual chance to be educational for a change! A great source of beer for your figures: McFarlane's Strange Brew figures from a few years back. I got them just for the accessories, and Bob and Doug McKenzie came with a pile: chairs, a cooler, a camp stove and food, a 'Great White North' backdrop, and beer, beer, beer. Longneck and short bottles, and cardboard cases. I know I gave a friend the figures, but they weren't bad; I just had what I needed. Another quick fix: Playmates Simpsons figures! Homer, Moe, and Barney, among others, will come with a nice frosty mug: it may be a little cartoony for your tastes, but it works. I know the jug's from Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel; but I'm at a loss for the moment as to who had the flask. Pretty sure it's from the Simpsons... There's others, some of which I'll have to try and find another time. And of course, if you have a modicum of craft in you, you may be able to knock out your own: I used to have a couple homemade bottles, cobbled together from old ads. For some reason, perennial Hulk villain the Gremlin had a bottle of MD 20/20 for several years, but trust me, if you looked like him you'd drink too. Read more!

I'd be OK with Frank's next project being Space Boy.

Frank Miller style action from Futurama Comics #15, "Fry Me to the Moon!" Written by Eric Rogers, pencils by John DeLaney, inks by Phyllis Novin.

Comic-Con would turn up in the animated series episode Lrreconcilable Ndndifferences, but it was too good an idea not to use in the comics. Fry gets Frank Miller's head to sign his copy of Space Boy in Outer Space, then gets word of auditions for Space Boy: the Movie. As usual, things don't go as planned.

With Calculon as one of the villains of the film, Bender tries to muscle his way in as Fry's agent. As usual, things don't go as planned. Maybe a little worse than that...

Damnit, I just bought Futurama #50, and a recent issue of the Simpsons Comics, at the grocery store the other day; since the Youngest watched a ton of Futurama and insisted on calling me Bender for a couple of days. Not sure where that kid put them, though. Ah, they'll turn up.
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Iceberg! Right ahead!

You don't need me to tell you that the melting polar ice caps are a major problem for everyone on the planet. Methane release from permafrost, animal habitat loss, drastic changes in the oceans' currents, and sea levels rising to where we would rather they not be; and those are just the possible effects scientists have come up with so far. (I hate that sinking feeling I have that more Americans would be more upset about climate change if scientists said it would cause gay marriages and voting Democrat...)

Still, bad as climate change is going to be for us, it's going to be far worse for inhabitants of the Marvel Universe. They're going to get all the downsides we get, and then some, since every time you see an iceberg in the 616, you can be damn sure something's in it. Probably Captain America, but still.

Most of you probably remember Cap was frozen at the end of World War II, to be found some years later by the Avengers. Except, if you wanna be a stickler about the continuity, Cap was frozen multiple times!

In Captain America #17-20 (volume four) "Cap Lives" we see the Capsicle not found by the Avengers in 1964, but by a U-boat full of Nazis. Waking to a world where the Allies couldn't win the war without him, Cap rallies the unpowered Marvel heroes into overthrowing the Red Skull, and ends up thrown back in time by Dr. Doom's time machine. Which was considerate enough to put Cap back where he should be, in a block of ice outside the Avengers' sub. Somehow.

Or, perhaps Cap was left on ice by a faction in the United States government, that feared Cap may oppose use of nuclear weapons on Japan. Experimented on by rogue scientists, a Lemurian, and some alien severed hand thing, Cap was eventually discovered by Namor, and thrown back in the drink.
Yeah, let's never speak of that one again.
Here's a happier occasion of Cap getting frostbite: following up on a possible sighting of his lost partner D-Man, Cap accidentally releases a giant icy worm, then ends up swallowed. Cap is rescued by another frozen hero, the forgotten Liberty Legion member (and possibly littlest frost giant) Jack Frost. Jack is forced to sacrifice himself to freeze the worm again, so he's still out there somewhere...

...although D-Man was later freed from an icy prison...so he could live with a bunch of smelly, homeless, forgotten Kirby characters. Yeah, that's much better than waking up in the future. This is pretty much the coolest D-Man will ever be. (Boo!)

But Captain America and his cohorts aren't the only bit of flotsam jetsamming around the Marvel Universe's icebergs! Not by a long shot! For example, there's everyone's favorite short-pants-wearing dragon, Fin Fang Foom!

Or for the literary types, Frankenstein's Monster!

Or...the Hulk? Really? OK, whatever...

I am like this close to grabbing a random Hulk figure and an old milk carton, filling them up with water and throwing them in the fridge...

And Leela from Futurama? The problem is worse than I had thought!


EDIT: Some nine years later, here's Hellboy from the animated Sword of Storms! If you can think of any other iceberg-embedded Marvel (or other) characters, let me know! And if you can fix polar ice cap melting, maybe you could get on that, too.

Credits after the break!

First, we've got the classic Avengers #4, "Captain America Joins...the Avengers!" Written by Stan Lee, art by Jack Kirby, inks by George Roussos. It's been reprinted tons of times, but this is from Avengers Classic #4.

Then, Captain America #17-20 (volume four) "Cap Lives" by writer Dave Gibbons, penciler Lee Weeks, and inker Tom Palmer. It's like a What If that runs four issues, but a drastic improvement from...

Captain America #12-16, (still volume four) "Ice" Written by Chuck Austen, art by Jae Lee. (The cover to #16 was reprinted, minus the cover elements, in the Captain America poster book that came with the series VIII Marvel Legends Ultimate Cap!)

A far more enjoyable story was Captain America #384 (volume one, baby!) "Lair of the Ice Worm" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Ron Lim, inks by Danny Bulanadi.

Just as much fun: Marvel Adventures Spider-Man #19, written by Peter David, pencils by Mike Norton, inks by Norman Lee.

It took me forever to find my copy of Book of the Dead #1, reprinting Monster of Frankenstein #1, Gary Friedrich and Mike Ploog adapting and expanding on Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.

Then, we've got an Earl Norem cover for Rampaging Hulk #9, and a time-travel tripup from Futurama Comics #19, "The Time Bender Trilogy, part III" Script by Ian Boothby, pencils by John Delaney, inks by Phyllis Novin. Read more!

There's obscure references, and then there's comic book obscure references.

I could've sworn there was going to be a remake of Logan's Run by now, but in today's culture, it would be less a cautionary tale then a call to arms. Oddly, even though I'm old enough I should've caught it on cable as a kid, I didn't see it until I was in college. (I'm still trying to catch Damnation Alley and Silent Running, though...)

Coincidentally, the Planet Express Crew ends up in college this issue, and there's cameos from Hogwarts School, a Talosian, the Breakfast Club, and below...

Halby and Blue from Evan Dorkin's vastly under-rated Hectic Planet! Nice. They're the two in the hats in the lower row. Look, you really should go read it, OK? Not sure Blue was actually blue, though, most of the series was in black and white, but who's going to know? Well, you now, I suppose.

From Futurama #16, "Kickin' It Old School" Script by Ian Boothby, pencils by James Lloyd, inks by Steve Steere, Jr. Read more!