"Illyana."

Most guys would probably be intimidated that Illyana has a big brother that's an insanely protective, seven-foot-tall, slab of metal beefcake; but she's actually plenty intimidating on her own. 

X-Men '97 has, in my probably solitary opinion, maybe done too much to rehabilitate the rep of Cyclops. Everyone thinks he's the bee's knees all of a sudden, 'cause he can what, electric slide using his eyebeams now? I say, he probably maintains a running mental total, of demerits for all of the X-Men, and probably himself. Only took out two Sentinels instead of three? Demerit! Not wearing a clean uniform after a three-issue fight? Demerit! Abandoning your wife and kid for your ex? Demerit, but only one.

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"Lesson."

Two recently picked up figures this week: Spider-Boy and Magik! I saw the latter at a Wal-Mart, and kinda figured it was now or never. We'll see her again next time and have a halfassed explanation why she's in her old New Mutants uniform. Then, I wanted Spider-Boy to serve as a foil to both Miles and Pavitr, who are both at that awkward age where most everyone older than them is a geezer that doesn't understand them, and anyone younger is still a baby and doesn't understand them. It also frees them up from just arguing with each other, to argue with Bailey instead. Either Spider-Boy is weirdly tall, or that Miles figure is a bit short? Read more!

That first panel's pretty much the reason we read this, sure.

When we checked out Uncanny X-Men #29, I mentioned how the cover didn't seem to line up with the interior; and I just read #23 and #24, and they don't either, or at least not very well. This cover has got Goth Dazzler, for reasons probably not actually within the issue: from 2014, Uncanny X-Men #24, written by Brian Michael Bendis, art by Kris Anka.

This was the, I don't know, rival schools era of X-Men? (Not to be confused with Rival Schools, which was like a million times more fun.) Some were at the Mansion, now renamed Jean Grey's School for Gifted Youngsters; while others were with Cyclops, in his red-X, "New Mutant Revolution" phase. Both factions seem to kind of hate each other, and also some people are on sides I wouldn't expect them to be on? Kitty was on Team Cyke; I'm not sure how, unless she was rebelling against her mentors Wolvie and Storm. Still, She-Hulk tells the Jean Grey crowd that Cyclops has to be there, for the reading of Charles Xavier's will. Beast says he knows where he is, although he didn't tell the others: not out of loyalty to Scott, but because he couldn't stand him and "(didn't) want my life to be his life." Rachel, Firestar, and Kurt show up; then Wolverine comes in late, to admit he didn't own the school anymore: he had signed it over to Charles, just in case. Storm fears, the will would give it to Scott; since there's no way Charles would have expected him to kill him...Beast reveals Cyclops had been hiding out, in the old Weapon X facility, as it would've been the last place Wolverine would've looked; which he seemingly accepts with a wry smile. Well played, dickhead.

There's then seven pages, with new super-mutant Matthew, who blew up a town: Maria Hill tries to talk with him via remote, but it doesn't go well; and that plot's gonna run several more issues. Yay. Storm, Iceman, and Beast go to get Cyclops: while all of the other X-Men appear to be up and in costume, Cyclops is in bed? That's weird. When told of the reading, he claims he doesn't want it, but maybe changes his mind about going when he sees Wolverine glowering at him from the plane. Illyana teleports him, Kitty, Emma, and (goth) Dazzler for the reading. The color palette this issue isn't doing She-Hulk any favors, but she reads the will; and the first bombshell was that Xavier attests he was married--not to Magneto, that would've made sense; but to Raven Darkholme. She-Hulk tries to recollect where she's heard that name, but everyone else--the X-Men and the readers!--knew her as Mystique. Before that can sink in, a Shi'ar hologram of Xavier is activated, and he tells them about compromise, and was about to reveal his darkest secret...which, I'm 90% sure ties back to Matthew. Pffft. (Just like yesterday's Deadpool, this was an Original Sin crossover; although it doesn't seem to involve Uatu's eye or anything, just a secret sin revealed.)

Hey, Magneto doesn't appear this issue? I'd be surprised if he wasn't in that will, or if there wasn't any stipulations for him to be there. Also, the reason Dazzler was going dark (figuratively speaking) was that she had been captured and tortured by Mystique: I know she's on a face-turn now, but still feels like there's a lot of things she would've had to answer for. We're a few years removed from this era, so unless you're willing to read a bunch of X-books at once, I think it might be tough to recall who did what to piss off who at any given point. A few more of Bendis's trademark wisecracks hit this month than usual, though. Read more!

I'd like to read the issue this cover should've been on, not enough to read more of these, but still.

Some of this maybe aged better than I would've guessed, but again, not enough to make me want to keep reading. From 2015, Uncanny X-Men #29, written by Brian Bendis, pencils by Chris Bachalo, inks by Tim Townsend, Mark Irwin, Jaime Mendoza, Victor Olazaba, and Al Vey.

The cover appears to be a bunch of characters trying to read Charles Xavier's will over She-Hulk's shoulders; including some of Xavier's closest compatriots, Howard the Duck, the Man-Thing, Doctor Doom, and Forbush Man. I--just--anyway, that's not in this particular comic; instead, we've got Cyclops in his red-X mutant liberator/terrorist mode, trying to win over an insanely powerful new mutant, Matthew. Magneto confronts them, but while he cautions Cyke not to "poison him against me," Matthew still teleports him away, since nothing Cyke says about him was false, really.

Magik goes back in time for help with this, from Doctor Strange; who isn't thrilled about time-travel, but trains her in the use of the Eye of Agamotto, so she can see for sure if Matthew is going to be good or bad. Before they can do that, Magik, Cyclops, and Matthew are all blown to bits by what appears to be a helicarrier. But, another mutant, Eva--who looks way too much like Rogue, I assumed it was her, but it's Tempus--opts to also go back in time, to tell Professor Xavier that his plan for Matthew maybe hadn't worked out, hopefully without telling him um, his best student would kill him? This seems fairly typical for the X-books: somebody brings up, should we do this thing? Thirty seconds of debate over the morality of said thing, before somebody unilaterally decides to just do it.

Nightcrawler did not appear often in this series, but I know he's there at the reading of Xavier's will, because I've seen the scene where he flirts a bit with She-Hulk. What issue is that? Before or after this one? Read more!