I grew up in a small town in northern Montana, and I may have mentioned this before, but the local radio was absolutely godawful when I was a kid. Anne Murray may have had the most hardcore songs in regular rotation. Top 40 countdowns were a rare treat. I don't think I heard Led Zeppelin until I went to college. So, for large swaths of my childhood, I listened to the Star Wars soundtrack (on 8-track!) and Power Records. Specifically, one LP with four stories adapting comics I wouldn't get to read for years; again, until I went to college: Amazing Spider-Man #125, "The Mark of the Man-Wolf!" Captain America and the Falcon #168 "And a Phoenix Shall Arise!" Fantastic Four #126, "The Way It Began!" And finally (although probably not in the order they were on the record) The Incredible Hulk #171, "Revenge!" Plot by Steve Englehart, script by Gerry Conway, pencils by Herb Trimpe, inks by Jack Abel.

The Power Records version ("At Bay.") actually begins slightly before the start of this issue, with Betty Ross and the Hulk trapped at an erupting volcano. The army sees them and rescues Betty, and while it had looked like the Hulk had left, he stowed away with them, hiding in a crate. Still, he might not have, even to be close to his "friend" Betty, if he had known they were going back to Hulkbuster Base. Betty and General Ross have a tearful reunion; possibly their first since the death of her husband, Major Talbot. Still, something else is up, as a soldier reports to Talbot's replacement, Colonel Armbruster, that the base was "completely deserted."

Aboard the plane, the Hulk had fallen asleep and reverted to Bruce Banner. Although confused, he finds some clothes and makes his way to the base's kitchens in short order. Meanwhile, another soldier tells Armbruster the base's radios had all been smashed as well, but since they still had the radios in their planes, Armbruster brushes it off, saying they'll figure it out after they unload. None of them see the cannon shell them from a hanger, destroying a jet, before--"Nightmare!...Not one uncrushable foe--but two!"

Ross, Betty, and the soldiers are captured quickly; and the Abomination and Rhino gruffly explain their team-up: to kill the Hulk, duh. They planned to use the Hulkbuster equipment to bring him in somehow, although it's not like it had been doing a bang-up job for the army, guys. Twelve hours later, said army has surrounded the base; and the Hulk's old friend Jim Wilson and his girlfriend Talia are blocked from entering. As they drive off, Bruce Banner wakes up from a nap in an emergency bunker: huh, the Hulk had slept, yet he was still tired, and he realizes he hadn't eaten yet, either. Still, Bruce has started to notice the base is somewhat empty, and stumbles across everyone locked in one of the "Hulk-retaining cells!" (How many of those do you need? Hulk-specific, anyway?) Bruce then badly fails an awareness check, as he is snuck up on by the 980-pound Abomination and grabbed. Panicked, Bruce becomes the Hulk again, who is confused to wake up and be immediately attacked, which I thought was how he usually "woke up." Maybe his last memory was going to sleep?

Rhino gets the Hulk from behind, but Abomination suggests using the Hulkbuster weapons instead. Seeing the Abomination packing heat, the Hulk takes off, but they're pretty sure he would be back. Outside, Jim and Talia have made it past the army blockade, and the Hulk meets up with them. They work out a plan, using Talia as an extremely unwilling decoy, to lure A & R out for the Hulk to hit; while Jim goes to get Ross and the rest out of their cell. Ross tells him there's no time for that, he has to disarm the gamma bomb first!

Abomination had set the timer on the bomb, which Ross explains was part of the self-destruct for the base, which sounds like a good way to make more Hulks, but okay. By turning up the intercom, Jim is able to hear Ross talk him through disarming it. It's not a bad sequence on the record, although Jim's "Far out! I did it!" is a bit cheesy. Up top, the Hulk had been mostly stalling at Jim's request, then decides "This is stupid," and ducks while Rhino and Abomination charge into each other, knocking themselves out. (It's far more dramatic on the record; a little anticlimactic in the comic.) With the base liberated, the TV news is there in short order--told nowadays, the government would cover that jazz right up. Ross thanks the Hulk for saving all of them, even though the Hulk distinctly remembers Ross being the guy chasing him all the time; yet it's Armbruster that attacks from behind, doing his "patriotic duty" and capturing the Hulk! He uses a clangy steel trap, that kind of reminds me of Arcade's garbage truck.

The next issue blurb here is for the Juggernaut, but the record ends with the narrator hopefully pointing out even though the Hulk was captured, he'd escape again soon enough: "He always does." That does make me feel better, Power Records Narrator! It's still available at Power Records Plaza, so check it out yourself!
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Somehow, I heard this story before I read it.

The Comic Book Shop had a pretty great sale last week--although a cynical man might think they were just trying to get my cash before the next local comicon--and I picked up another random Conan back issue, that turned out to have an interesting history: from 1980--sort of--Conan the Barbarian #116, "Crawler in the Mist!" Written by Len Wein ("Aided and abetted" by J.M. DeMatteis), art by John Buscema and Neal Adams!

Crossing the desert of Corinthia, Conan's horse is spooked by a snake that would be massive by any standards other than Conan comics; and Conan is thrown off and then bit. He tries sucking out the poison, then passes out, only to awaken on a camel? Honestly, that's not the weirdest scene transition-slash-place Conan woke up. He had been found unconscious by some traders, and one, the gnarled Rasto, has chained Conan to him as his prisoner, to be sold into slavery. Considering Rasto appears to weigh 90 pounds, and is suffering from "the wasting illness which has twisted his body," that seems optimistic. Conan proceeds to beat the other two slavers, with Rasto, swinging him on the chain! Using a handicapped man as a flail is morally suspect, but they were going to sell him, so...

Conan commandeers the remaining camel, but while being used as a blunt instrument, Rasto lost the key to the shackles. Conan appears to seriously consider lopping off Rasto's hand, but instead opts to allow him to come too, until they find someone to get them out. Riding into the evening, they come across a city; which Rasto wants no part of, believing it to be cursed. While such curses have probably come true ten times out of ten in Conan's experience, he still opts for the city, where the inhabitants are hiding and inhospitable. Possibly because a giant slug is roaming the streets at night!

The creature breaks the chain and takes off with Rasto, and while Conan doesn't owe him anything, he's come to kind of like the little guy. He ends up fighting another, black slug-creature, and crushes it with a pillar. Pretty standard operating procedure for Conan. But Rasto begs Conan not to kill the red slug, since it's really a wizard from another dimension! And Conan had just killed its soulmate, because she never learned to speak human. Harsh. The slugs had been gathering up the sick, aged, and infirm, and taking them to their "land beyond the shimmering veil," where they could live, healthy and young. Conan is so not invited.

When I picked up this issue, I thought Neal Adams was too big of a name for this era of Conan; and I was right! The bulk of this issue was from the 1976 Power Records set Conan the Barbarian: the Crawler in the Mist! I didn't have this one as a kid, but I know I downloaded it from Power Records Plaza, and so can you!
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Unless they make an action figure of him, that Talky Tawny/Man-Wolf crossover's not gonna happen.

There are some things in comics that you're either going to accept or not. More often than not, these things are going to generate in an individual reader either a unconditional worshipful love, or instinctive arachnid revulsion. For example, Talky Tawny of the Captain Marvel Family. While some readers will have stars in their eyes and little hearts around their heads at the mention of the name; others will never be able to accept a talking, anthropomorphic tiger as part of the same fictional universe Batman lives in, and will hate poor Talky for it.

Yeah, you probably already know that, but I'm building to a point here. For me it's an almost unconditional love of old school Spidey villain Man-Wolf. Sigh!

This was another Power Records adaptation, so again it was a long time before I read the actual comic. "Wolfhunt!" Written by Gerry Conway, art by Ross Andru, inks by John Romita and T. Mortellaro. From Amazing Spider-Man #125 and reprinted in Marvel Tales #102. Something that isn't mentioned on the record, and that I often forget, is that this story occurs very shortly after the deaths of Gwen Stacy and Norman Osborn--yes, Norm came back, but not for years and years. In fact, the opening caption dates it in the same week as their deaths. I'm glad I hit this story first, though: it would have to be a step down in intensity, if not quality, to come from the tragic ends of Spidey's first love and greatest villain, to a space werewolf.

Spidey is attacked by the snarling Man-Wolf, for the second time that night, after previously stopping Man-Wolf's attack on J. Jonah Jameson. Dumb luck for JJJ on that one: an agitated Spidey was on his way to Jameson's apartment to finally give him that long deserved ass-kicking. While he calmed down on the web-swing over, when he got there Jonah was just realizing the lunatic in his apartment wasn't a guy in a mask, but an actual, factual, werewolf.


Even though the Man-Wolf nearly killed them both by pushing them off a building, Spidey is having a hard time getting worked up for this fight: without Gwen, he doesn't care why Manny attacked JJJ, or himself, or even why a werewolf at all. Then, he notices the Man-Wolf's pendant, a shiny, maroon gem. Distracted, Man-Wolf takes Spidey down, and is about to finish him off when he notices the moon setting and flees. (Like all good werewolf stories, the timing of moonrise and moonset have only the most tenuous connection to actual astronomy: the moon rises at dusk, sets at dawn, both with alarming speed.)

Spider-Man tries to pursue his attacker, but collapses, weakened from blood loss from the previous attack. Yet, even as he lies bloodied and beaten in a dirty alley, verbally kicking himself for letting Man-Wolf escape and getting into this mess; Spidey has won a huge victory. Intrigued by the mystery, Peter's rediscovering his purpose and sense of adventure. We all know he does the super-hero thing because of he thinks it's his responsibility, but there is some fun involved too; and Spider-Man's taking steps back towards getting back some of what he's lost after Gwen's death. Right before he passes out in bed.


Subplot: at the local coffee shop, Flash is hassling Mary Jane for moping over Peter. Flash is being an asshat, and when Harry shows up, Flash wonders how long Peter and Flash are going to have their little pity parties going. Yeah, I really just don't like Flash Thompson. Harry sends MJ running off crying, since she's supposedly dating Harry, but spending more time on Peter. So, Harry's also a dick; and this is one of the seemingly rare occasions where Mary Jane is a sympathetic character, since often in this era she was either down on Peter for ditching her, or a complete flake. (Re-reading this story and some others, the retroactive revelation that MJ always knew Peter was Spider-Man seems flimsy as hell.) Enough subplot!

Elsewhere, Jonah is on his way to his son John's apartment, where JJJ finds him passed out on the couch, wearing the Man-Wolf's tattered yellow costume. At first, Jonah shakes John down for an explanation, but slowly stops being concerned about scandal and becomes a dad worried about his son. John explains his predicament: on a secret moon-landing, he found a shiny red rock, and decided he wanted it. He convinces a friend to boost it out of quarantine for him, figuring one more moon rock either way wouldn't matter, even if it was completely different from anything else ever found in space. Good thinking, John; but I must confess he has a very sharp pendant made out of it. A very sharp, apparently glowing red pendant. Most grown men would probably not be as enamored of phosphorescent jewelry, but John Jameson sets trends, instead of following them. Besides, if you have the stones to steal from NASA, then wear the evidence around your neck, you can probably pull that look off. Anyway, what possible harm could a glowing alien rock do?

Hmm. I was just picturing how much cooler it would have been if Luthor's kryptonite ring had turned him into some kind of hairless Man-Wolf. "Lexoloitzquintle!"

As you already guessed, the full moon turned John into the Man-Wolf, his first transformation happening while driving to his fiance's. While the inconvenient timing is neat, because I thought a young werewolf's first transformation usually happened while walking through the moors or during sex or something; Manny crashes John's car after running a truck off the road, then attacks the trucker. The trucker escapes, but given the timeframe of this story, you would think a werewolf attack would be all over the CB airwaves, in mangled pseudo-code: "Breaker, breaker, this is Long Haul Pappy: stay off the Jersey Turnpike. I got a Fuzzy Navel all up my ass. Over." At the very least, maybe the cops would be able to track Manny down since they've got his car; although John probably eventually found it and went home.

So, John's been taking Werewolf by Night's bit for at least a couple of months, changing during the full moon and running around, although apparently without successfully eating anyone. John takes the high-tech road to trying to control himself, as opposed to chaining himself down or maybe checking the calendar to see when the moon will be rising: he has a radiation suit "made to cut out the lunar rays." That idea at least has the benefit of never being tried before, but I had thought radiation suits usually had sleeves. It looks like gym clothes for the nuclear plant, and fails miserably. Not that it would work, but maybe you want to try a larger size, so you won't just wolf out and blow out the seams?


Jonah suggests maybe taking off the pendant, and while John is understandably a bit panicked, he doesn't verbally beatdown his dad for that: "Gee, really? That was the first goddamn thing I tried! And the second! And the ninth!" The moonstone had attached itself to his neck: suffer for fashion.

Later that afternoon, Peter wakes up, and decides to try to get some info on the pendant from Joe Robertson at the Bugle. Joe tries to warn Spidey as the cops and Jonah storm in and tear gas Spidey. And probably Joe, now that I think about it. Sadly, tear-gassing his city editor probably isn't the worst thing JJJ's done to his staff, either. Spidey smashes out a window, but falls onto a pile of garbage in an alley.

The editing seems a little off here, and I think the reprint skips another subplot page with Peter and MJ: John's fiance Kristine shows up at his apartment, and although she can see the lights on, John doesn't answer, so she gets mad and leaves. John is telling Jonah he too needs to get away before he changes again, but Jonah thinks John wanted help, and makes a speech when he should be running. Helpful tip: whenever someone grows dog ears, it's time to leave. Man-Wolf gives Jonah a swat, then takes off out a skylight...boy, lots of apartments with skylights in Marvel's New York. Manny attacks a junkie, then is distracted by Kristine, who stalls her car before she can get away, and is really regretting getting the convertible right about now.

Backing up about ten minutes, Spider-Man is swinging through the city, and musing Mary Jane's accusation that he's been "pretty grim lately." Again, a week after his girlfriend died. A week. And just like that, MJ burns through her sympathy again. Griping about his life, Spidey then stumbles across the answer to the Man-Wolf question, ala Batman on an old Super Friends episode. He gets to John's address just in time, to stop Manny's attack on Kristine.

Spidey tries a similar tack to John's plan, trying to block the moonlight with his webbing. By that logic, wouldn't Man-Wolf revert if he went inside? Not a great plan there. Spidey and Manny punch it out for a bit, until Spidey gets mad and rips off the pendant, along with a good lump of fur. (I love the howl-scream on the Power Records version. If I could make it my ringtone, I would.) Spidey hadn't expected it to be attached.

Jonah arrives in time for him and Kristine both to see Man-Wolf turn back into John, who doesn't have any more lines this issue as he's probably busy trying to hold his larynx in. Spidey snarkily suggests taking him to a doctor, "like you should have in the first place." Oh, the same way you went to a doctor after you found out you could climb walls? He angrily tosses the pendant (which while torn, is now in one piece again) into the river. Jonah is worried about the publicity, and Spidey rips him, and John, a new one. Spidey's big on responsibility, and to him both father and son had been careless, and lucky someone wasn't killed.

Incredibly, Man-Wolf would return in Giant-Size Super-Heroes #1, where Morbius returns the stone to John, in order to use Man-Wolf against Spidey. From there he would appear in runs of Creatures on the Loose and Marvel Premiere. In the latter, Man-Wolf was upgraded to Stargod, an extra dimensional god with a sword, bow and arrow, and intelligence. It's an idea that sounds just insane, but it has early George Perez art. Eventually, John would be cured, and would have odd jobs in the Marvel Universe like Captain America's pilot or head of security at Ravencroft Asylum (think Spider-Man's Arkham, not too derivative there).

Recently, Man-Wolf has made a comeback, in the pages of She-Hulk; and on the toy shelves as part of Toy Biz's Spider-Man line. He also appeared in Toyfare once or twice, where the description 'Spider-Man's space werewolf' was lodged in my head.

Finally, the next issue caption box: "When stalks the Kangaroo!" Wha...really? You couldn't find a better example for the hazards of the monthly comic grind: looking six months before and after this issue, we find another Spidey-Hulk fight, Gwen and the Green Goblin's deaths, a Luke Cage guest spot, two parts for Man-Wolf, then the Kangaroo, a scab replacement Vulture, then the first appearance of the Punisher, followed by the Aunt May and Doc Ock wedding story. Kind of up and down, wouldn't you say? I would defend the Man-Wolf story as perfectly serviceable fun, but even I can't scrape up a kind word or fond remembrance for the Kangaroo.

The Talky Tawny page was from Shazam!, "The Talking Tiger" reprinted in Adventure Comics #499 (digest format), art by C.C. Beck, story by Otto Binder. No reprint info was listed in the issue, and I wonder if this doesn't date back to the original Captain Marvel issues. Read more!

Civil War was right: The Fantastic Four are a bunch of jerks!

Here's a puzzle for you: why is it that today a character's origin might be rehashed and revisited over and over again, when the small pool of today's comic readers already know all that? You can tell the Fantastic Four's origin any number of ways from a myriad of different angles, like the Ultimate version, the Marvel Adventures all-ages version, the recent Joe Casey/Chris Weston First Family mini-series, and the movie continuity. Aside from maybe the movie version, did any of these bring in new readers? Or are they just telling the same old story, perhaps adding a new coat of paint or stripping dated references.

Fantastic Four#126 was not only a retelling of the FF's origin, with maybe a little barnacle scraping duty on the side, but it was also immortalized in a Power Record. (The link should be fixed, and a big thank you to Jason over there again. Check out his other stuff, and see what jumps out!) When I think of the Fantastic Four, these are the voices I hear. Well, OK, the guy from the 90's cartoon did a pretty mean Thing, and I hear Jessica Alba's voice a lot for no reason, but neither here nor there. As usual. Let's just go on: "The Way it Began!" Written and edited by Roy Thomas, art by John Buscema, inks by Joe Sinnott. The letters page notes this is Thomas' first issue as regular writer, after Stan Lee's last (regular) issue.

Perhaps because this is going to be a introspective clipshow of an issue, we start things off with a bang: Ben Grimm and longtime girlfriend Alicia Masters open a door in the Baxter Building, only to discover Doctor Doom standing over the murdered body of Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman. (Wait, she was the Invisible Girl back then. It's been 'Woman' for what, twenty years now, in Byrne's run? So I didn't notice at first.) Enraged, the Thing moves to attack Doom, only to jump right through him. As Ben picks himself out of the wreckage of a wall, Doom and Sue have both faded away.



Mr. Fantastic turns on the light, and explains he had been testing "the new, improved version of my thought-projector helmet" and that he had to concentrate on the most repulsive scene he could imagine. Why, I can't say. I would have thought repulsive scenes would leap to mind more readily and clearly than happy pastoral images, but then again the idea of projecting what's in my head onto a wall for public consumption is mildly terrifying. One stray thought about my Liz Phair fixation, and it definitely wouldn't be Comics Code Approved. This is another one of Reed's inventions that should be worth billions and revolutionize society, but I'm pretty sure most of Reed's money comes from 'kill fees' instead: The television, cable, and movie industries probably cough up even more for the helmet to never see the light of day. (Reed alludes to this in Mark Waid's run, when he gets the FF solvent again by inventing an acne cure, with which he more or less blackmails Revlon or Stridex or something.)

Nonetheless, Reed really needs to lock the lab door, or put up "Genius at Work" signs or something. He lights up his pipe, which is awesome: smoke 'em if you've got 'em, young scientists! Reed also seems to be mocking Ben a little; but then I guess Ben did demolish a wall there.

The Human Torch and Invisible Girl come charging in to see what the crash was, Johnny burning a hole and flying through another section of wall. Sue rips into Johnny for "stirring things up," then lets Reed have the other barrel when he defends Johnny; as they were supposed to be on their way to see Franklin right then. Perhaps forewarned by this scene, Ben takes this moment to tell Alicia that "maybe we should get to know each other a little better" before getting married. Wow. That's crushingly insensitive and ill-timed. The only worse thing I could think of is if Ben saw a slightly overweight woman and told Alicia he didn't think they should marry because she might get fat. In his defense, Sue is raging.



Since Ben made that little suggestion out in public with everyone, Johnny can't resist pitching him some crap, which quickly escalates into blows. Reed tries to separate them, and gets slugged by both. Sue then yells some more: "Are you trying to murder the finest man who ever lived?" Cherish that moment while you cough up your lungs, Reed, because I don't think you'll be hearing that again anytime soon.

Reed defends his teammates again, however, and suggests maybe they all need some time apart. He probably meant separate vacations for him and Sue as well, so he could finish that quantum spacedrive he'd been working on, while Sue would get to change Franklin's diapers and think about the Sub-Mariner. Reed and Sue head out to see Franklin.

Ben makes a crack to Alicia, then regrets using the word "see" to his blind girlfriend. Ben is weirdly sensitive about the damnedest things, I swear. Alicia doesn't mind that, but has too much class to be alternately insulted and condescended to, and excuses herself. Ben complains to Johnny that despite all his power, he can't restore Alicia's vision, and Johnny points out at least Ben has a girlfriend. Johnny's long-term girlfriend Crystal of the Inhumans was stuck back at the Great Refuge, as the Inhumans currently couldn't survive for extended periods in earth's pollution. Johnny flames on and storms out, looking for "someplace where I'm treated like a man--not just a kid with an all-over hotfoot!"


Left alone and feeling like a jerk, Ben decides to distract himself by playing with Reed's thought projector, which shouldn't fit but totally does: "Reed must be more swell-headed than I thought."

(From the record version: "Hey, whadaya know? It fits! Goodie.") Like Reed, he decides to test it on the most "revoltin' thing" he can think of: himself. He sees himself as the lumpy Thing he was in the FF's first issues, then the more common rock-like version, then as he used to look. Stricken by a "sudden urge to see the way it was", Ben starts our flashbacks with a meeting of the four as they plan to steal Reed's experimental 'Pocket Rocket.' Man, I'm glad they don't call it that anymore.

In this version, Reed plans to steal the rocket, which Ben refers to as "some harebrained scheme to beat the rest'a the world into space." Sue calls Ben a coward, and asks if he wants some foreign power to beat America to the moon. Ben responds with a crack about "cleaning up Harlem an' Watts," which is just as dated. This version is as Ben remembers it, at the time; but very much a period piece. The secret base, located "upstate," is described as "the base the Pentagon didn't even tell the boys at Cape Canaveral about!" Space flight as a national defense issue, which seems odd today but was probably very true back then.


"Mebbe if we'd had to wait fer Official Clearance, we might'a Sobered up, and the whole thing never would'a happened..."
Yes, Reed, Ben, and Sue were just hammered when they stole the rocket. And it's obvious Johnny lit one up from time to time.

So, the four are the first in space, which would make Ben's flashback circa March 1961 at the latest. Since that would make them too old, and getting into space isn't as novel anymore, this is usually retconned into testing Reed's experimental warp drive or something. My least favorite alteration was probably the Heroes Reborn version, which I haven't read in years, but I believe involved Galactus or the Silver Surfer irradiating the four somehow...

As the cosmic rays hit, Johnny starts to feel like he was burning up, and Ben feels so heavy he needs to lie down. Since I first heard that line on the record as a kid, I always pictured a little cot in the back of the rocket for that. Reed had installed an automatic pilot, which almost begs the question of why he had to drag Ben in on this, but honestly, it's not a great landing. The team lurches out of the crash, alive, but uncertain as to how the cosmic rays may have affected him. Sue has a terrible line here, since for the whole story she's relegated to either shrewing or complaining: "But Reed--after all your work, your dedication--we failed!" Don't rub his nose in it or anything, Sue. And what's this we business? One of the better changes in the Ultimate continuity is that Sue is just as much a scientific genius as Reed, albeit in different fields; as opposed to being the naggy team mom.

It's a sign of the times, but it struck me that after the rocket crash, the Four have time to talk about what just happened, and maybe get their story straight for the military; which is really not on the ball here. Back in the sixties crashing a rocket was a more private, leisurely affair: today there would be hazmat teams, the military, the press, conspiracy/alien fans, assorted gawkers...

Because there was no time to waste back then (tradewriting!) the cosmic rays start changing them right away: Sue turns invisible, and everyone freaks out a bit. Ben complains some more, and Reed finally gets fed up with it. Reed may have picked the wrong time to stand up for himself, though, as Ben starts changing into the Thing. Since Ben's using the helmet to watch this, that would explain why he looks like the 'normal' Thing (rocky, beetle-browed) here instead of the original lumpy, dinosaur-hide version, even though he pictured that earlier. Narrating, Ben admits: "It ain't pleasant rememberin' how I wuz then--Mr. Bad Temper of 1961--" then, in the flashback:


"Reed, darling, bull!"
Awkward. That must have been one longass ride (or walk) back home after that little outburst. It's often been painfully obvious Ben loves Sue, but that one was more overt than usual.

Johnny calls Reed and Ben monsters, then flames on and takes off, namechecking "that oldtime comic-book hero--the Human Torch!" A very Roy Thomas touch there, but Johnny must have been a hardcore fan, because most people bursting into flames wouldn't think, 'Hey, I saw this in a comic once,' they would think 'Ohnoesjebushelpme.' Except with more swears. In most retellings, it takes longer than two panels for the Torch to have any control of his powers, but even in the old Lee/Kirby issues, Johnny had enough control over his flame to shave Namor, and that was like the third issue.

Reed reasserts control over the group, although Ben steps on what would probably be a long and dry speech: super powers, help humanity, blah blah. Thomas does sneak in a line about telling the government what happened, which is quaintly trusting by today's standards. Most of you can probably see lots of possibilities for stories that would be fleshed out later: I believe First Family had a plot involving the aftermath of the crash and the government, for example.

Ben's mind then wanders to the first "do-badder" the Fantastic Four fought, the Mole Man. Even though Ben was just off-panel for this, he recalls Moley telling Reed and Johnny his origin, which means we're up to a flashback within a flashback. Nice!

Mole Man's motivation for leaving humanity behind, his 'Hell is other people' line, while not new, is uncut on the Power Record's version. Y'know, I would actually watch Ugly Betty if she did this. Moley narrates about washing ashore on Monster Isle (It's actually a peninsula...) and exploring a cavern, not five minutes later from the way it's laid out.

Even hampered by an inferiority complex and hung up about his looks (or lack of same...) the Mole Man was man enough to survive a fall of several hundred feet (as Ben pictures it), then conquer the Moloids and assorted monsters of his "legendary kingdom," while more or less blind and unarmed. Moley could have been a king, a regal presence of nobility, but he can't let go of the pain and cruelty the world gave him. So, he's a revenge-crazed loon. A guy with giant monsters, access to untold treasures both material and scientific, and an army of little yellow servants; should be able to get the respect he desires. Maybe the problem is you, Moley.

For some reason, probably faulty synapses, I keep thinking of Moley now as a disgruntled Pokemon trainer: "I choose you, Groot!"


As the Mole Man concludes his tale, we find Johnny again being insensitive: "What good's it (Moley's kingdom)do you--if you can't see it?" That's a pretty harsh assessment on the lives and achievements of blind people, Johnny. When Johnny says, "Come back with us--maybe we can help you," he doesn't mean "Reed can probably cure your blindness. And you ugliness. Possibly even your shortness." He means, "We can put you in a nice home for the blind. Or the ugly." And yet, he later married Alicia. Fake, Skrull Alicia. Whatever.

Not surprisingly for Ben's flashback, we linger for a moment on Moley then beating the hell out of Johnny with a stick: it demonstrates his powers, and it's fun! He then shows his tunnel map, and how his "mighty minions shall attack--destroy everything that lives above!" Ben decides he's heard enough, and it's time to make the donuts. Except he forgot about the army of monsters. Oh yeah.



You can see some more of the altered lettering there, but I still like that panel. I think it's a bit of a tip of the hat to the cover of Fantastic Four #1. Also, the Mole Man has awesome tiling.

Although they had thought that was the end of the Mole Man, he would return many times. Ben recalls the last time, which apparently involves real estate, and revisits that scene with his pilot light hat:



Sue manages to get Moley's glasses, leaving his over-sensitive eyes blinded; and somehow breaks his blindness ray thingee. The Torch...torches it, so it's never used against them again; and the Mole Man escapes again, blowing up the house in another failed attempt on the FF's lives. Ben wonders why he's been going over all this, then realizes if the Mole Man can cause blindness with a ray, then cure it, he might be able to help Alicia see again.



Ben resolves to get Moley to cure Alicia's blindness, or kick his ass trying; a point he underlines by punching Reed's countertop hard enough to shake the entire Baxter Building. Now that's an invention! I can't even slice cheese on mine...On his way out, Ben runs into the building's landlord, Collins. There's a slight jump there, as Ben was upstairs, then suddenly he's exiting the elevator on the ground floor, but still on the same thought. Collins starts to give Ben the hassle. Unwise.

On the record, it really sounds like Ben is this close to going ape all over Collin's face, and that the Mole Man had better watch his back. Maybe it's the residue of Civil War, but going over this issue I was surprised how angry, abusive, shrill, and insensitive the Fantastic Four was. Just like a real family! I didn't get the conclusion to this until almost thirty years later, so I guess we'll get to that one much, much later. (Spoiler: the Mole Man is no help to Alicia, or any blind people, anywhere. Surprise!) Read more!

Well, Germany's most hated after Hitler, Mengele, the Red Skull, Baron Strucker, the Iron Major...

Thanks again to Jeff for the link to the old record for this issue, an audio adaptation of Captain America and the Falcon #168, "...And a Phoenix Shall Arise!" Written by Roy Thomas and Tony Isabella, art by Sal Buscema, inks by Tartag and Roussos. Oddly, and I could very well be wrong about this but don't have the time to look it up right now, but I'm not sure this has ever been reprinted.

The story opens with Cap and the Falcon on nighttime patrol, and even the narration has to admit, "No less than a baker's dozen of their most harrowing adventures must have begun in just this way..." Cap's on his man-out-of-time bit yet again, a plot point even Stan Lee got tired of. Luckily, our villain obligingly attacks before Cap can eat up more pages on that. The Phoenix (a few years before Jean Grey took up the name!) opens fire with his snazzy death-ray, and gives a standard villain rant about getting his vengeance. Only Cap and Falc have never seen this guy before.

Since Phoenix seems only concerned with killing Cap, Falcon's able to get a shot in, but Phoenix doesn't go down easy. He would've finished Falcon off, except his death-ray ran out of juice, so he escapes, promising a rematch "Perhaps tomorrow!" Now it's Falcon's turn for moping, that he's not pulling his weight as a sidekick. I dunno, Sam: attracting enemy gunfire, check. Getting beat up and endangered, check. Making the hero feel worthwhile by needing his help, double-check. Sounds like an A+ sidekick there.

Cap and Falc are convinced Phoenix is someone they've previously fought, or know somehow. Not Ditko fans, I guess. Cap muses that he had "more arch-enemies than most people have relatives!" then goes through three and stops: the Red Skull, the very dead Baron Zemo, and Solarr. I can see why they'd want to introduce a new villain, because Cap's rouge gallery is looking a little thin here. The next night, Cap meets up with Falcon, then gives him the brush-off, saying he hasn't been any help.

Cap searches the city for the Phoenix, and finally comes across a guy running like hell, after an attack from "some costumed nut." Cap has the victim point him to his attacker, the Phoenix. Cap smashes him, quite literally: sound effect, SMASH! And the Phoenix was a robot decoy. The 'victim' actually was the Phoenix--unmasked, Cap didn't recognize him--and the decoy was full of gas. Man, I totally want a decoy now.

Scene change to Phoenix and his evil warehouse hideout, where he has Cap chained to a table over a vat of boiling Adhesive X. Guh, what a crappy brand name. I mean, it's not like Xerox or Post-it, is it? Maybe something like Stuck-oh or Burnyglue or Thatsnotf***ingoinanywhere. Look, I'm not in advertising, but Adhesive X isn't great. Still, Cap recognizes it as Baron Zemo's invention, but Phoenix is too young to be him. He's his son, Helmut, although he doesn't get a first name this appearance.

Also, since on the sliding scale of Marvel Time, Cap wasn't revived in 1963 but probably more like ten years ago. Which then means Helmut's either pretty old--as in, born before WWII, if he remembers his dad Heinrich getting his mask glued to his head; or he could very well have some technological means of slowing his aging. I suppose Helmut could've been born later, but that would involve Heinrich fathering him with a bag glued to his face...

Phoenix tells Cap about how great his dad was, like the bestest Nazi scientist ever! The elder Baron Zemo had invented a hand-held laser weapon in the 40's, and the aforementioned Adhesive X, a glue that "once applied, nothing could remove it!" While that sounds silly, I suppose if you had a glue so strong you could build tanks using it, that would be something. Something hideously unsafe, yeah, but something.

Since American newspapers called the laser a 'death-ray,' Phoenix notes that 'propaganda' made his father "the most hated man in Germany!" (Yeah, ok, we know you're proud of your dad, but that's just not true.) Zemo had taken to wearing a mask, although I'm not exactly sure how that was going to help. Even in the Marvel U. during WWII, there weren't that many masked Nazis. Couple dozen, tops. The mask pretty much just singled him out for Cap's attention, who ends up smashing a tank of Adhesive X over Zemo, who ends up with his mask glued to his head forever. (From an old Marvel Handbook, I believe Zemo had to be fed intravenously for the rest of his life.) Lashing out at his family, the Baron soon disappeared, and his wife died shortly thereafter, leaving Helmut alone.

Now the continuity is a little dicey here: Phoenix makes a living on his scientific knowledge, until he sees the headlines of Cap's return. Returning to Castle Zemo, he recreates his father's death-ray and Adhesive X. But, the original Baron Zemo was killed shortly after Cap's return, and Phoenix had already been working on his revenge. Busiek would straighten this out a bit in Thunderbolts, as I would've thought they would try to get in touch to get revenge together. Cue "Cat's in the Cradle." Or don't.

Either way, Zemo is about to dump Cap into the Adhesive X, when Falcon and Redwing smash through the skylight that all warehouses have. Sam totally knew Cap was just trying to get him out of harm's way, but with his bird running interference, Falcon's beating Phoenix pretty handily. In fact, the beating is getting so bad, Cap feels bad for the "misguided fool still fighting World War II!" He manages to get loose, and stops the Falcon from further thrashing Zemo.

Phoenix takes this opportunity to try to kill them both with Cap's own shield. I applaud thinking big, but I have no idea how the hell he thought that was going to work. It would be like trying to stop two people by throwing a manhole cover at them: you might get lucky and get one, but even that's pushing it. And he manages to miss Cap and Falcon both, and boomerang it back into himself. Again, no idea: Cap's shield doesn't naturally return or rebound, Cap has to bounce it off things or put a helluva lot of spin on it. But, Zemo goes into the tank of Adhesive X.

Cap starts to try to save Phoenix, but Falcon, quite rightly, stops him. Not a lot of superheroes are going to be able to dive into a boiling vat of unbreakable glue to save a Nazi, but that may be just as well. Cap mopes that, "the big war just claimed another victim," and that his revival also brought back "a whole generation's hatreds--hatreds that should've been left frozen a quarter of a century ago!" Cheer up, Cap: we've got a whole ton of new hatreds now!

This is about as objective as I could be on this comic: thanks to listening to that record so many times, I love it to this day. Probably 15 years after last hearing it, I bought the comic at Red Iguana Comics in Missoula, MT, for a dollar. And today I was able to read it and listen to it at the same time, for the first time. A pretty good day.

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That's like the 27th Ultimate Frisbee fatality this year.

Phoenix tells Cap about how great his dad was, like the bestest Nazi scientist ever! The elder Baron Zemo had invented a hand-held laser weapon in the 40's, and the aforementioned Adhesive X, a glue that "once applied, nothing could remove it!" While that sounds silly, I suppose if you had a glue so strong you could build tanks using it, that would be something. Something hideously unsafe, yeah, but something.

Since American newspapers called the laser a 'death-ray,' Phoenix notes that 'propaganda' made his father "the most hated man in Germany!" (Yeah, ok, we know you're proud of your dad, but that's just not true.) Zemo had taken to wearing a mask, although I'm not exactly sure how that was going to help. Even in the Marvel U. during WWII, there weren't that many masked Nazis. Couple dozen, tops. The mask pretty much just singled him out for Cap's attention, who ends up smashing a tank of Adhesive X over Zemo, who ends up with his mask glued to his head forever. (From an old Marvel Handbook, I believe Zemo had to be fed intravenously for the rest of his life.) Lashing out at his family, the Baron soon disappeared, and his wife died shortly thereafter, leaving Helmut alone.

Now the continuity is a little dicey here: Phoenix makes a living on his scientific knowledge, until he sees the headlines of Cap's return. Returning to Castle Zemo, he recreates his father's death-ray and Adhesive X. But, the original Baron Zemo was killed shortly after Cap's return, and Phoenix had already been working on his revenge. Busiek would straighten this out a bit in Thunderbolts, as I would've thought they would try to get in touch to get revenge together. Cue "Cat's in the Cradle." Or don't.

Either way, Zemo is about to dump Cap into the Adhesive X, when Falcon and Redwing smash through the skylight that all warehouses have. Sam totally knew Cap was just trying to get him out of harm's way, but with his bird running interference, Falcon's beating Phoenix pretty handily. In fact, the beating is getting so bad, Cap feels bad for the "misguided fool still fighting World War II!" He manages to get loose, and stops the Falcon from further thrashing Zemo.

Phoenix takes this opportunity to try to kill them both with Cap's own shield. I applaud thinking big, but I have no idea how the hell he thought that was going to work. It would be like trying to stop two people by throwing a manhole cover at them: you might get lucky and get one, but even that's pushing it. And he manages to miss Cap and Falcon both, and boomerang it back into himself. Again, no idea: Cap's shield doesn't naturally return or rebound, Cap has to bounce it off things or put a helluva lot of spin on it. But, Zemo goes into the tank of Adhesive X.

Cap starts to try to save Phoenix, but Falcon, quite rightly, stops him. Not a lot of superheroes are going to be able to dive into a boiling vat of unbreakable glue to save a Nazi, but that may be just as well. Cap mopes that, "the big war just claimed another victim," and that his revival also brought back "a whole generation's hatreds--hatreds that should've been left frozen a quarter of a century ago!" Cheer up, Cap: we've got a whole ton of new hatreds now!

This is about as objective as I could be on this comic: thanks to listening to that record so many times, I love it to this day. Probably 15 years after last hearing it, I bought the comic at Red Iguana Comics in Missoula, MT, for a dollar. And today I was able to read it and listen to it at the same time, for the first time. A pretty good day.

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A plea for help to the Comic Blogosphere!

First of all, a big thanks for the link to When Fangirls Attack! If you stumbled over here from there, on behalf of Male White Corporate Oppressor Comics, welcome aboard! We'll be talking about the new 'Dr. Light vs. the Female Green Lantern Corps' maxi-series today...No, seriously, welcome, and I don't know what's coming up next either. So, I thought I'd take a second to ask for help.

Conveniently, this ad was in the aforementioned issue of DC Presents with Enemy Ace. Since I'm old, I had a record player as a kid; and since my folks are a bit square (Mom, Dad, sorry!) instead of listening to Zeppelin or Foghat or whatever 70's people listened to, I had comic books on record. "The Action 'Comes Alive' as you Read!" To be honest, I probably didn't have a lot of choice. In the town I grew up, there was one radio station, and all I remember besides 'it sucked' was that it seemed to play a lot of Anne Murray.

(No cable, four channels at best, crappy radio, and of course no internet, but you could buy comics at four different locations within walking distance of my house: two grocery stores, a convenience store, and a weird little grocery that always had the black-and-whites like Savage Sword of Conan . Thinking about it, I'm not sure if this is 'progress.' I seriously wonder if you can comics within 80 miles of this town now.)

An old friend of mine once said, if I had listened to Zeppelin as a kid, I would have become a guitar player. So, by that logic, if my parents had gotten me 'real' records, I might have become a rock god instead of a comic blogger.

Mom, Dad, I don't, and can't, thank you enough. Seriously. Probably saved me from a 'career' in prog rock, at least. At best, I'd be a 'guitar hero' playing the county fair circuit...

The above four issues were condensed on one record, and while I didn't have the accompanying comics to read along with, I listened to those stories, without exaggeration, probably hundreds of times. I grew up in northern Montana in the seventies, and for those of you used to deluges of information and media, it would be like living in a sensory deprivation tank. Except that someone keeps tapping on my tank and asking what the hell's wrong with me. Suffice it to say, I had a lot of time to listen to those stories and play with my Legos and my Megos.

Today, I still have that record squirreled away somewhere, and eventually tracked down copies of the adapted comics.(I have the record version of the Fantastic Four one, which was probably edited to match the audio version, and the new lettering looks like it was done with whiteout and a sharpie.) Whenever I read them, my poor brain can still piece together the sound effects, dramatic declarations, and breathless narration. And, to be honest, what I remember of those records is doubtless a bazillion times cooler than what they actually sound like. But that's not good enough! Has anyone seen these, in MP3 format, for download? Anyone?

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