I may have groaned loudly at the reveal in this one, so now I'm passing it on to you! Uh, you're welcome. From 1977, Adventure Comics #453, "You Too Can Be a Super Hero!" Written by Bob Rozakis, pencils by John Calnan, inks by Murphy Anderson.

Returning from a visit to the Legion in the 30th century, Superboy makes a quick pass by Camp Smallville, where he saves a young girl from drowning before swinging back into town to change into Clark Kent and then return to camp. The girl gets grounded in her bunk by her older brother Anthony, and wishes she was a superhero herself: oh, how she'd make them pay then...Luckily for her, Superboy had brought back a magic crystal from Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #230, and things might be happening. Later that night, she's forced to go out to the campfire with the other kids, as Lana Lang tells a ghost story, with Clark and Pete Ross ready to jump out and scare them...with sheets over their heads, real low production values, guys. Transforming into Mighty Girl, the little girl clobbers ghost-Clark, with a punch that would've killed a regular kid. Switching to Superboy, he's able to get back to save Pete, with the usual lie that he had already 'saved' poor Clark. Next, with a fire spreading, Mighty Girl tries to stop it but instead spreads it with super-breath. (Aside: I feel like DC did this one every so often, where a girl gets the hero's powers but just causes problems with them. I suppose most super-powers took some practice, and an 11-year-old with Superboy's powers would be trouble, but it still felt pretty condescending and sexist.)

While Mighty Girl is ready to fight for her powers, Superboy throws the crystal into the sun to destroy it, taking them away. He tries to explain that you couldn't get super-powers by wishing, but training and experience were needed. Only briefly daunted, the little girl pipes up that she will be a super-heroine someday, and that little girl was...Barbara Gordon? The closing caption box asks if you put together the clues; which I didn't really see? Her brother Tony had maybe two appearances pre-Crisis, that's not much of a clue.

Also this issue: an Aqualad short, "Aqualad--Who is Thy Father!" (Written by Paul Kupperberg, pencils by Carl Potts, inks by Joe Rubenstein.) The Idylists of the underwater Hidden Valley have been stonewalling Aqualad, about who his father really was; refusing to reveal the secret, or the Hidden Valley would be doomed, and where would you get your ranch dressing then? (Boo!) Read more!

80-Page Thursdays: DC Cybernetic Summer #1!

Every so often it gets really hot up here, like to the point that it's probably hazardous to go biking out in it right when I get off work. Or, it's a good excuse to be lazy and read an 80-pager! From 2020, DC Cybernetic Summer #1, with stories by Corinna Bechko, Andrew Constant, Stephanie Phillips, Heath Corson, and more; art by Paul Pelletier, Nik Virella, Scott Koblish, Nicola Scott, and more. Cover by Dan Mora, although how Batman can look so sour while driving the freakin' Metal Men is a mystery. (This one wouldn't fit in the scanner, so the pics are extra janky today; but maybe that'll encourage you to find a copy!)

The opener with Batman, "The Limits of Control," doesn't hit the right notes for summer fun, as Bats points out, "There's no summer in space." He gets out the probably then-current Bat-armor out, to stop Brother Eye from reforming. "Fandom" is closer, as Wonder Woman teams up with Platinum, to stop the other Metal Men, who have been conglomerated into an anime-derived kaiju.

Next, in "Summer Camp" Red Tornado's vacation with his family is interrupted by JL calls and a lost alien; then the real fun: "The Boys of Summer" with Blue Beetle and Booster Gold! When the beach is too crowded, Booster suggests they travel back in time to a less-crowded day...which gets more crowded, since they have so much fun, in the future they keep going back to that day, despite poor Skeets repeated warnings and a visit from King Shark.

"Cybernetic Summer" is a Flash-race, with Barry vs. the Earth-44 Mercury Flash; but then we get the Legion of Super-Heroes, Superboy, and Robot R217, in "Summer Lovin'." Trying to capture an alien, Superboy tags in R217 to cover for him as Clark Kent, and the robot finds himself smitten with a local girl. (Her initials weren't LL; it'd never work out!)

"Out There" pits Midnighter and Apollo against Monsieur Mallah and the Brain; then Harley Quinn and her elderly cyborg pal Sy Borgman try to beat the heat at a water park in "Splish Splash Special."

"Summer Bummer" is a fun one: Robotman's pal Mike doesn't want him to spend the summer moping about, but human stuff isn't as much fun for him. Nor are robot activities super-fun for Mike, but maybe there's something they would both enjoy...? Finally, "Catfish Crisis" is a bit of silliness with Cyborg and Superman against...the Cyborg Superman; until from the multiverse a version of the three of them in one shows up...or does he? Read more!

I have not one, but two Legends of the Dead Earth annuals next to me in the blog piles, both of which I don't think I had read before. This one falls under, I see they were trying to do something new, but I don't like it. From 1996, Superboy Annual #3, "Fathers and Suns" Written by Barbara Kesel, pencils by Anthony Williams, inks by Andy Lanning.

By now you know the premise of these annuals: in the far-flung future, as mankind spread out across the universe, earth was just a distant half-memory, but the legends and legacies of its heroic age lived on. This one starts a little closer to the beginning of that epoch, with a fanciful tale of mother earth sending its children to distant colonies, to fight boredom and bring back gold; in this case, the colony world named Aztlan. Which seems populated by miners playacting as "ancient Aztecs," but they start panicking when they lose contact with earth: they figure it was isolationists cutting them off, as opposed to a Great Disaster or such; but they weren't "raw-landers" and assumed when their machines eventually broke down they would be done for. But, they had an ace-in-the-hole they didn't know they had: Sanson, a metahuman, who had always kept his powers secret. He considers taking the mantle of a hero like Superman, but decides the colonists are going to need something bigger than a legend: a god. Making an elaborate costume, Sanson first appears to the people as Quetzalcoatl; telling them he would give them a Superman; then later Sanson pretends to have just got his powers, to inspire them to build an empire...which, to me, feels like he perhaps unintentionally enslaved them to a false religion.

Centuries later, the colonists had built themselves a pretty nice little society, although they were still ruled by the current Superman: a Superman would always choose a successor, a Superboy, who would eventually replace him. Today, Superman chose young punkass meta Quetzal for his Superboy, not just for his powers, but "...for a certain tame quality." Despite initially being wowed by the pomp and ceremony, Quetzal starts to notice things: his boss was kind of mean in training him; he meets a pretty girl, Chala, with powers that were "forbidden" for a girl; and this Superman was more than a little corrupt. After saving a small village, Superman also helps himself to the local girls, then savagely beats a priest for horning in on his protection racket. As Quetzal has more doubts, Superman warns him about making attachments, a veiled threat about Chala. (Not unlike the 90's Superboy, Quetzal's main characterization was "horny gloryhound.") On a flight to clear his head, Quetzal then meets Ral Ezhno, the previous Superman; who had been usurped by his successor, and was now protecting a small village overtaxed to keep the capitol in luxury.

Quetzal catches a slap from Superman upon his return, as the meta-games were coming up: the competetion was intended to show new powers for the glory of Quetzalcoatl and advancement of Aztlan, although they could get a bit bloody. Superboy wasn't competing in the early rounds, as Superman was keeping him in reserve "until the losers were weeded out." In a later heat, Superboy beats a local speedster, and proclaims himself the greatest...which Superman takes as a challenge, as planned. It was a set-up, and Quetzal had bit, but he makes a plan with Chala. He had powers seemingly like the 90's Superboy, but his "T.K. shield" was no match for Superman, and he catches a beating as Superman proclaims himself as Superman, Quetzalcoatl, and "your god." Also as planned, since Quetzal, Chala, and Ral use their powers together, to make an illusion of Quetzalcoatl and accuse Superman of heresy. Superman eventually figures it out, and attacks them; only to be incinerated by the real Quetzalcoatl! (Divine intervention, after we'd seen fakes twice; boo!)

In the aftermath, Quetzal resolves to stay Superman, until his two advisors Chala and Ral tell him it's time to change tags, and to serve his god and his people better than Superman had. Which I suppose he'd have to, he would know Quetzalcoatl was real. I would have preferred the heroes winning on their own; maybe Quetzalcoatl should've got top billing here. OK, I have to do a little searching here, and compare it to the list from the DC wiki. At least some of those are probably in my garage; although it may be easier to buy them again... Action Comics Annual #8 Missing? Adventures of Superman Annual #8 Missing? Aquaman Annual #2 Azrael Annual #2 Batman Annual #20 Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight Annual #6 Batman: Shadow of the Bat Annual #4 Missing: Catwoman Annual #3 Detective Comics Annual #9 Flash Annual #9 in a couple weeks! Green Lantern Annual #5 Missing? Guy Gardner Annual #2 Impulse Annual #1 Justice League America Annual #10 Legion of Super-Heroes Annual #7 Missing: Legionnaires Annual #3 Power of Shazam Annual #1 Robin Annual #5 Missing: Sovereign Seven Annual #2 Missing? Starman Annual #1 Superboy Annual #3 right here! Supergirl Annual #1 Missing? Superman Annual #8 Superman: The Man of Steel Annual #5 Missing: Wonder Woman Annual #5 Read more!

It's fun that they get a meetup that doesn't immediately turn into punching, or worse, Superboy-Prime.

From 1991, Superboy #16, "Metropolis: City of Tomorrow...Today!" Written by John Moore, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Kim DeMulder. Cover by Kevin Maguire and Ty Templeton.

We've seen a couple of these, tie-ins with the syndicated Superboy TV show; but this would've pushed the budget a bit too far. It's the conclusion of a time-travelling two-parter, as young Clark has an adventure in the Metropolis of the year 2240 with some "genetically altered J.D.'s" with an albino tiger caretaker, and the time-traveler Dancer, who brought him to destroy a malfunctioning time beacon. But, instead of 1991, he's returned to 2001! It takes Clark a moment to put that together, even after he sees himself fly into a white time void and disappear.

Clark figures, if he saw his future self, that must mean he gets back to 1991, right? Unless the whole timeline goes blooey or something. Still, he sees his old friend T.J. White on a storefront TV--man, there's a plot device that's gone away--and goes to him for help. T.J. believes him, since Clark was ten years younger than he should be, and takes him to the Daily Planet, where he would work in the future, but to see someone else. Clark takes off his glasses, and is introduced as his own cousin, "Clark Shuster," to Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen! T.J. knows Lois is going to be the one to figure things out, even if she is snowed by his lies about Clark's time-travel expertise. The four head to S.T.A.R. Labs, to see temporal physics expert Jessica Gary, and get there in time for another time rift to open, this time like a sinkhole. Clark thinks it's a path into the timestream, and Lois asks why he's the expert: Clark is about to come clean, although I don't know how much he was going to tell her, but is interrupted by Jimmy Olsen activating his signal watch! Clark can hear it, and is unused to the signal, so he's almost in pain. Jimmy thinks the watch must be "on the fritz," otherwise how could Clark hear it? You're...you're so close, Jimmy!

Dr. Gary and Clark climb down the time sinkhole, which changes Clark's clothes to Superboy's, then Dr. Gary slips, falls, and disappears. Superboy is lost in a featureless temporal soup, but comes through, to find Superman, on a sphinx! Superboy recognizes it as Dancer's headquarters, and they find an albino tiger cub and Dr. Gary inside. The doctor was acting weird, and her voice seems to have a reverb effect, but she deactivates the sphinx's time machine, then gets zapped out of existence! Only to return a moment later, as Dancer: she had set this up in the future, so she would be able to make things right. Superboy and Superman return to S.T.A.R. Labs, where Lois has questions about what happened to Dr. Gary and Clark Shuster, which Superman doesn't really want to get into but kinda seems like she'll wring it out of him. Superboy then disappears, returning to 1991 and Lana, who doesn't seem particularly interested in hearing about Clark's trip. 

 Perhaps serendipitous, but there's an ad for Armageddon 2001 in there, too! I had to take a look: this would have been just a couple months after Curt Swan got to do a few pages for Superman #50. He had been the Superman artist for so long, but DC seemed to think he was old hat: I wonder if his work on this series was an olive branch...or a consolation prize.

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I thought it was weird he knew Bruce and Hal as a kid; but that's just scraping the surface here.

I got this a couple shows back, and finally got to read it! From 1971, Superman #171, "Dark Strangler of the Seas!" Written by Frank Robbins, pencils by Bob Brown, inks by Murphy Anderson.

Some time back, we saw a book from a decade later, where young Clark met Hal Jordan; but this issue is all Superboy and Aquaboy. Some fishermen pull an oil-covered "monster" from the ocean, which Superboy rushes to a detergent factory to have him scrubbed off, but the mysterious teen in the scaly orange shirt keeps trying to fight his way back into the water, until he finally is able to explain he needed it to breathe! Aquaboy introduces himself, and explains how one of "his" porpoises had died after being covered in oil from a leaky tanker: he had tried to confront the ship's captain, and was himself doused in oil. Superboy is rather quicker to action than stodgey old Superman, and flies with Aquaboy to the shipping-line owners; who outright refuse them: one in a shiek-style headdress decries the idea of taking their ships out of service to repair them as "wasteful!"

The young heroes aren't cowed by this, and step up their campaign: Aquaboy sets up surveillance with his fishy friends, and Superboy picks up a leaky tanker, flies it out to the desert, and drains it. (Dumping a lot of oil into the desert isn't seen as an environmental issue!) Superboy then takes the tanker to a shipyard, to be repaired at the shippers' expense. Fearing for their bottom line, the businessmen know they can't take Superboy, but what if they eliminate his partner...? Or use him as leverage. As Superboy brings in another tanker, they set their trap, with Aquaboy's girlfriend, Marita? Who looks a lot like a young Mera, down to her style of swimsuit; but who then betrays him to be captured? Feels like there's a lot that should be unpacked there, but they don't go into it at all! Marita doesn't even have any dialogue! Maybe she got tired of having a boyfriend she could only see for an hour at a time.

Superboy rescues Aquaboy from an exploding tanker, and the bad guys, including Marita, are flown off, to...jail? A stout lecture? It's not clear, but left rather open, as the battle against pollution continues. Spoiler alert: we're pretty much losing. Also this issue: an editor's note, explaining their new approach to Superboy. Previously, he had been stuck in an older "time slot," but going forward his adventures would "trail" the perpetually 29-year-old Superman: if Superman was 29 in 1970, he would've been a teen in 1955; and Superboy's time period would continue to move accordingly. Read more!

We recently saw a fairly old Adventure Comics with Supergirl, but here's a much more recent one: from 2010, Adventure Comics #518, "Whispers of Doom" Written by Paul Levitz, pencils by Kevin Sharpe, inks by Marlo Alquiza.

I don't know if this was a reboot/relaunch of the Legion of Super-Heroes, so much as an updating of some classic stories, with maybe some continuity patches. In space, several members are after the henchmen of space pirate Zaryan (from classic 1963's Adventure #304!) who has planned an assault on Naltor. He's a bit chuffed when he gets there, and every science-cop in the quadrant is waiting: Naltor was home to future Legionnaire Nura Nal, who would later join as the pre-cog Dream Girl. While Zaryan escapes again, Nura has another vision, of a dying Legionnaire...but who?

Meanwhile, Superboy visits the new Legion headquarters--the one shaped like a rocket accident, you can't miss it--which Phantom Girl is patrolling, possibly for ghosts: several had claimed, they had been hearing voices. Superboy has to visit the Superman Museum, which has a massive exhibit to Doomsday and Superman's death, which is kind of a downer--they didn't note that he would come back after that? Seems like an important part of the exhibit. (Superboy had a post-telepathic command from Saturn Girl; so he wouldn't remember anything he learned about his future when he returned to his own time.) Still, he hears a ghostly voice, telling him to go home; and Brainiac 5 has to agree: Superboy could only come to the 31st Century at specific times; other times history already noted when and where he was supposed to be.

Also this issue: the Atom, in "Nucleus, part 3: We Are All Atoms" Written by Jeff Lemire, pencils by Mahmud Asrar, inks by John Dell. I like this one, even if it's a bit darker than classic Atom stories: Ray's old friend Professor Hyatt is attacked, by soldiers from "the Colony" that stole Ray's tech. Unfortunately for them, they didn't also have white dwarf-star fragments like Ray did, and their bodies couldn't survive the shrinking process. Ray makes a call to Oracle, which Barbara initially thinks was to flirt, but he needed a call traced, so he could face the Colony... 

I'm pretty sure there's a similar scene in the Legion of Super-Heroes 2006-2008 cartoon with Clark staggered by a visit to his future museum, but I think that had been a piece of Legion lore for some time. This was just bringing it in earlier on.

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File under "Comics you can hear." Too bad for you!

Some people can come out of personal tragedy as better, stronger, and kinder; but they probably don't have the added burden of looking and sounding like Gilbert Gottfried. That's too much to put on anyone...from 1991, The Adventures of Superboy #20, "The Secret (Until Now) Origin of Nicknack" Written by Scott Lobdell and Gilbert Gottfried, pencils by Jim Mooney, inks by John Statema. Cover by Kevin Maguire and Ty Templeton!

Huh, this was another series, tying into the 1988-92 TV show, which ran for a hundred episodes? Luthor, Bizarro, and Mr. Mxyzptlk all made appearances; but instead of Toyman, we got Nicholas Knack, a.k.a. Nicknack, with a similiar gimmick. Although he had been convicted for murdering his assistant, he was also pretty obviously crazy, to the point that the warden wanted to move him to a psychiatric facility. That's less out of kindness, than the fact that Nicknack is loud and annoying: despite having made dangerous toys in the past, he was still allowed to have some action figures, mostly to shut him up a bit. The warden calls in Superboy for help with the move; and they watch Nicknack beat the hell out of a Superboy action figure with a Nicknack figure, and tell his "secret origin." His dad had worked at the Mega Toys factory, until he had an unfortunate accident--well, unfortunate for him. He fell into a vat of molten plastic, but the "Fright Face Fling-Ding," a frisbee of his virtual death mask, was a massive seller for the company! His mom was killed in an accident at the funeral, and young Nicholas was adopted by the owner of the toy company. He's left with an overbearing nanny, whom he eventually murders, but it did give him the opportunity to study business; and he would flee to Europe and make a name for himself with hit toys and hostile--occasionally deadly--takeovers.

In fact, Nicknack still had holdings in Europe: the prison had bought its paddy wagon from one of his companies, and it transforms into a tank! I don't know if there was much call for that, but sure. With his tank and armor, Nicknack tries to make his break, eventually shooting a heat-seeking missile at the prison cafeteria--not just revenge for so many terrible meals, but he figures Superboy would have to stop it and he could escape. Instead, Superboy heats up Nicknack's armor, drawing the missile back, hitting them both: the prisoners have a moment to cheer for Nicknack making himself useful in death, but both survived, although Nicknack's armor was worse for the wear. He's left at the prison, but more worried about Tuna Melt Tuesday than anything.

The running joke is that everyone knows Nicknack looks like Gottfried, even Nicknack; with the line even getting crossed towards the end as he mentions his last appearance on Letterman! A fun issue; I hope Gottfried enjoyed it. Of course, years later, he would make multiple animated appearances, as the voice of Mr. Mxyzptlk!

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President of whatever, Zaphod Beeblebrox couldn't pull off that outfit.

It's the first issue with the Legion sharing cover billing! It's the return of our boy T-Wolf! It's pretty much the usual nonsense! From 1973, Superboy #197, "Timber Wolf: Dead Hero, Live Executioner!" Written by Cary Bates, art by Dave Cockrum.

On a pleasant 20th century afternoon in Smallville, Clark is sitting under the apple tree with Lana Lang, who wonders why he's never tried to kiss her. Cue the Legion signal, and Clark has to use heat vision to drop an apple on her head to give her a severe concussion harmlessly knock her out so he can race to the 30th century, where he's surprised to see a ghost: Timber Wolf, who had been believed dead since...just now? I don't think the events referenced appeared before, but six months prior Superboy and T-Wolf had been pursuing an "astral vulture" when a planetoid exploded: Superboy's invulnerability saved him, but T-Wolf was presumed dead, until he showed up on earth again the other day. Better wheel his statue out of the memorial! (They mention deceased members Ferro Lad and Erg-1, one of whom would also later return...)

Mon-El was keeping tabs on Timber Wolf, even watching him sleep; since he figured somebody couldn't disappear for six months without some effects. Sure enough, when the President of Earth shows up to give him a medal, T-Wolf turns on him, intent on murder! Supes and Mon stretch Superboy's cape, so T-Wolf can't throw the President away, and then catch him. Brainiac 5 runs him through the "mento-rehabilitation" machine to clear up any brainwashing, and T-Wolf remembers something: he had been saved, by a towering figure who blew up the planetoid in the first place but pulled him into another dimension. T-Wolf is cured, but later that night is roaming Legion headquarters, and sets their self-destruct mechanism! Saturn Girl senses what's up, but before she can do anything is shot by the newly arriving villain: Tyr! Hey, he's gotten action figures a couple times, but they were regular sized, and here Tyr seems twice as tall as a regular human!

Tyr has just enough time before the headquarters explodes to explain his scheme: a "double-brainwashing" of Timber Wolf. His assassination of the president was never meant to succeed, but to get him in position for sabotage. Still, Tyr's shot at Saturn Girl also hit T-Wolf, shocking him back to normal: he throws Tyr into a generator, shocking him, then switches off the self-destruct in the nick of time. But, while Tyr was captured, his cybernetic gun-hand was not: it escapes, and was orbiting earth, the whole world in its sights...

Also this issue: "The Slay-Away Plan" Written by Cary Bates, pencils by Bob Brown, inks by Murphy Anderson. At a dedication ceremony for a collection of art treasures gathered by Superboy, a visiting speaker peps up a boring speech by shooting an audience member! He makes a daring, pre-planned escape; which Clark can't do anything about, since Lana refuses to let him run away like a coward as usual. Lana and Clark realize, they didn't recognize the victim; and even stranger, the arriving EMT's don't seem to be actually treating the victim, just hustling him out of there. Clark can see, the "victim" wasn't even injured, but can't get away from Lana to investigate, since she borrows a motorcycle for them to give chase!

The ambulance goes to an abandoned barn, and the "victim" gets out, and Clark can see the EMT's, the victim, and the "killer" playing cards! Lana doesn't have x-ray vision, though, so she tries to sneak up to get a look, but gets grabbed; which gives Superboy the chance to show up and catch them all. Lana had it figured out, though: the alleged killer's bullet had a homing device in it, so when Superboy took the treasures for safe-keeping, they could find them later. Superboy tells Lana he already took Clark home, and Lana's furious at that "mama's boy." All's well, I guess? 

Also, this particular copy bears the stamp of Armchair Family Bookstore in Portland; maybe I'll get there someday!

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Lana's an innovator in the field of getting mad at you for something she imagined you did. A real trailblazer.

Although, she has some competition on that front this issue! From 1972, Superboy #181, featuring "Super-Marriage or Super-Flop?" Written by Frank Robbins, pencils by Bob Brown, inks by Murphy Anderson; and "The Menace of the Mysterious Voyager!" Written by Leo Dorfman, pencils by Bob Brown, inks by Murphy Anderson.

Spoilers for a comic almost as old as I am: the "Mysterious Voyager," discovered in a nearly-instructible bunker buried beneath Metropolis, claims to be Jules Verne, but as you can probably guess, he's a fraud. He gets Superboy to take him to a bunch of top-secret wonders of the modern age, because he's really a spy. An American spy: he's a counter-intelligence agent, on a mission to prove Superboy was a security risk: "You may be super, but you're still a boy! You can be tricked...hoodwinked...flimflammed!" Duped! Bamboozled! Smeckledorfed! Let's see: at least three full-time agents, months of training, authentic period props and fake time-machine, an underground bunker, a demolition crew, and your usual James Bond spy camera crap; your tax dollars at work! And they still can't fool Superboy, who notices "Verne" would have been more into music, and maybe not had a shirt made of nylon. But the government getting mad over Superboy's imagined misdeeds and shortcomings can't hold a candle to the master, Lana Lang; who defends her super-boyfriend for about thirty seconds into this one, "Super-Marriage or Super-Flop?"

Lana's friends tease her about Superboy not having time for her, but Lana is big enough to know he has to go where he's needed. That kind of maturity doesn't hold up for long; as Lana imagines a future with the Teen of Steel, after they settle down and she can nag him into getting a real job, like...door-to-door salesman? Selling weights around the world, to scrawny farmers and nebbishy nerds alike! Lana's friends point out a plothole in her fantasy, though: buying weights from Superboy, wouldn't turn anyone into a Superboy, it would be false advertising.

Superboy, innocently enough, returns to the malt shop, with a literal passel of orphans he saved from drowning, and Lana's still pissed at him? Daaaaaamn! Lana's friends cheerfully tell the confused Superboy, they aren't possessive like Lana...that reads a lot more suggestively than was probably intended. In front of the orphans, yet! Read more!

Sorry, your princess is in...excruciating pain!

A downside to my blogging technique is that I sometimes pick up a bunch of issues of a particular title at once, but I don't want to blog them all at once, right? Which sometimes leads to me not reading half of, or even any, of said bunch! For example, I picked up a bunch of Legion and a Showcase volume, and I still have most of them unread. Somehow I think I thought I had just done a bunch of Legion posts; which I'm not sure was actually the case, but whatever. Here's one I thought we'd hit before, but now's as good a time as any: from 1975, Superboy (starring the Legion of Super-Heroes) #209, "Who Can Save the Princess?" Written by Jim Shooter, art by Mike Grell.

Princess Projectra nearly plows a Legion cruiser right into headquarters, stopped only by Timber Wolf and some quick lasso work; but while he and Karate Kid would've probably written that off to women drivers, it's worse than that. She collapses, and Brainiac 5 makes a remote diagnosis: she had contracted the dreaded "pain plague." While the fever it caused wasn't fatal, it did cause six hours of blinding pain that did kill; but Brainy talks them through a treatment: Projectra had already suffered through two hours, and if T-Wolf, Karate Kid, and Saturn Girl can each take an hour of her pain, Superboy would be back on earth in time to cover the last hour. Seems reasonable enough, but the flaw becomes apparent, as T-Wolf goes berserk.

After subduing T-Wolf (and changing to his new costume going forward!) Karate Kid suggests he could take two hours, since the pain was getting worse each hour. Saturn Girl is unwilling to let him risk himself, but her mental powers could be a problem: she could turn on him, Projectra, anyone. She has to be bound and gagged in an anti-telepathy helmet for her hour; which kind of feels like a fetish for someone. Superboy arrives after Karate Kid had taken his hour, in stoic meditation; but Superboy realizes, his invulnerability is protecting him, and he can't take Projectra's pain. As Superboy scrambles to try and find a fix, Karate Kid drags himself to try and save his love by sacrificing himself for the last hour, but is stopped by the sudden return of reserve member Duo Damsel! Who then attacks herself, forcing Superboy to keep them separated for an hour. (DD had a crush on Superboy that didn't pan out, so she was probably okay with that one!)

Also this issue: "Hero For a Day" Written by Cary Bates, art by Mike Grell. Young Flynt Brojj was the number-one fundraiser for the U.P. charity drive, and wins a day with the Legion. And what better place to start the tour than...the mailroom, basically. Just in time for some joker to ship them a dreaded "witch-wolf!" The witch-wolf gave off "an invisible poisonous radiation" that turned someone's greatest ability against them, and it downs Cosmic Boy, Wildfire, and Shrinking Violet as they try to teleport it away. Luckily, Flynt has realized something: after his borrowed Legion flight ring fell off, he couldn't see the witch-wolf anymore. It was a trick of hypnosis, transmitted through the rings. Seems like that's something the team'd need to follow up on, but nah, Flynt gets his moment of glory, and that's good enough.

Also also this issue: a USPS statement of ownership. Average number of copies sold during preceding 12 months (total paid circulation): 225,427. Actual number sold for issue nearest filing date (total paid circulation): 260,480. Read more!

"The End" Week: Valor #23!

I watched Beneath the Planet of the Apes again recently: I first saw it when I was 6 or 7; and I think every time I've seen it since I can't help but hope it will somehow end differently. It never does, and neither did this one; as I finally read two parts of the crossover that wrapped up the "Five Years Later" era: from 1994, Valor #23, "Infinite Valor" Written by Kurt Busiek, pencils by Colleen Doran, inks by Dave Cooper.

This was, like Team Titans #24, another Zero Hour crossover/last issue; but more importantly it was part 5 of the 6-part "End of an Era" crossover with Legion of Super-Heroes and Legionnaires. Yeah, the Legion basically had three titles then! "Valor" was Lar Gand, the post-Crisis version of Legion powerhouse Mon-El, finally returned to the 30th century, pretty much just in time for it to fall apart. Among other things, time seemed to be erasing the Legion and their friends, with heroes seemingly randomly disappearing; a fate Valor had avoided only with the help of Tasmia Mallor, Shadow Lass. She remembered them being married, and they were able to keep each other in place. Mostly: when Lar starts to slip out of reality again, an old friend lends a helping hand...

Meanwhile, sort of, since time was breaking; Rokk "Cosmic Boy" Krinn faces one of the Legion's oldest foes, the mysterious Time Trapper. Who tries to explain, that wasn't what he had been trying to do, at all: the Trapper had been trying to save the future, but, well, mistakes were made. He references three attempts to help that went south, and three tries to rebuild the timeline that also failed; and also cops to creating the SW6, the younger version of the team that had been discovered in Dominator pods. The SW6 had been a time paradox, which didn't help matters. Nor does the reveal, that the Trapper actually was Rokk Krinn! Also, on the planet Talus, the remnants of both Legion teams, were getting clobbered by Mordru and Glorith, who had stolen the power of the Infinite Man. Confused and demoralized, the Legion is on the verge of defeat, when Lar and Tasmia arrive with help: Superboy! Classic pre-Crisis version.

Lar is able to distract Glorith with a bit of dirty pool: offering himself to her, if she'll spare the Legion. She really seems into that, until Superboy punches her out; and the Dream Girls play a hunch, knocking Lar into absorbing the power Glorith lost. After fighting Mordru on equal footing for a bit, the Brainiac 5's tell Lar to release the power, let Mordru have it: the infinite power is too much, which gives them the chance to exploit his weakness: burying him. The plan isn't a complete success, since Mordru buries himself within Pocket Earth, which had been pulled into that dimension in a previous issue, but was going to explode soon...Worse, Tasmia had caught a stray blast. She has time to tell Lar--Mon--she loves him, before disappearing. Lar tells the others, fix this, he was going after her, and disappears as well.

It's a brutal loss, but before the Legion can fall into despair, Superboy rallies the team, one final time, before disappearing himself. Still, even without him, the team stays rallied, for one last push...

I had read the final chapter when it came out, and I knew Superboy wasn't in it, so I knew what was going to happen here and there was no avoiding it. I don't think I had warmed to Valor before, since Mon-El's final battle--against the Time Trapper, if I recall correctly!--was surprisingly affecting. I think I liked this better than some of his other, modern appearances; but then I like the character: keep giving him shots. Read more!