As usual, the first comic you read will set the tone for the year...as usual, hmm.

It's not a minty-fresh copy, but let's be honest, I'm not super-minty-fresh myself. (Spine damage, faded colors, pretty sure I too am missing a staple...) From 1968, Not Brand Echh #10, cover by Marie Severin.

This was a "worst of" issue, but it opens with a great one, "The Silver Burper!" from Not Brand Echh #1, by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, and Frank Giacoia. That was from May 1967, and it was a riff on Fantastic Four #57, on sale 09/08/1966! Well, it's probably easier to spoof a recent issue, the plot's maybe still fresh in mind. A picture of that one, rather than cramming it in the scanner, but that panel is a favorite.

Also this issue: "Peter Pooper vs. Gnatman and Rotten" Written by Stan Lee, pencils by Marie Severin, inks by Frank Giacoia. (With a guest-panel by John Romita!) Man, we mentioned Marie Severin last week with Alf, but she was on point for years! Posting this so you'll know when I inevitably steal "SKLUNCH!" and here's some panels that were maybe stolen--er, homaged--in my favorite Spider-Ham story in Marvel's later What The--?!:

Well, this bodes well for the rest of the year! (Something had to...) Read more!

I probably read this when it came out, and probably read the title for some time after this; partially on goodwill for the Simonsons, partly because comics were cheap then. From 1988, X-Factor #26, "Casualties" Written by Louise Simonson, pencils by Walter Simonson, inks by Bob Wiacek. 

This has the "Fall of the Mutants" crossover banner on the cover, but the bulk of it was over: this issue would be largely about reabilitating X-Factor's reputation, in-universe and metatextually. They had defeated Apocalypse, or at least driven him and his Horsemen away, returning Archangel to their side; but when Beast disabled the colossal Ship it had done a lot of damage before crashing in the Hudson River. This was that stretch where the human-looking Beast had super-strength, but using it made him stupider. Or more stupid? There is a great panel in What The--?! #3 lampooning his problem there...(Written by Kurt Busiek, art by Kyle Baker.)

As the team helps rescue efforts across the city, Beast was eaten up by guilt, Archangel was consumed with rage, Cyclops mistakes an endangered bystander for his presumed-dead and long-abandoned wife Maddie and confesses how he failed her, and Marvel Girl gets exhausted telekinetically carrying everybody around. Still, their efforts seem to prove their goodwill to humanity, who hails them as heroes with a bona-fide parade. (Meanwhile, unnoticed by the team, the X-Men were about to fight their final battle in Dallas, and Maddie tells Scott to find their son.)

One of the cops tailing X-Factor through the story suggests they could stay on the downed Ship, since it wasn't going anywhere (yet) and humans were electrically barred from entering it. Jean takes Scott to bed, no longer willing to "let anybody's ghost stand between us." Later, the team gets new costumes, from a grateful tailor they rescued earlier. (How he got their measurements, who knows? Maybe he was a mutant.) And Apocalypse watches, thinking the power would corrupt X-Factor soon enough...which seemingly leads back to the cover, as the team seems to be giants, towering over the Statue of Liberty and the city. Was their real fall to come?

Love the Simonsons, and see what they're trying to do here, putting to bed some of the book's problems: no more mutant-hunter cover-story, no more will-they won't-they with Scott and Jean, trying to make them unequivocally heroes. I'm not 100% sure it worked, though; I'm still mad at Cyclops, but he's had to do like three image-rehab tours since then.

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I won't even pretend I planned to find this, but it's great.

So I mentioned this issue the other day when we checked out the debut of Pork Grind, but this is my favorite Spider-Ham story. Granted, I've maybe read ten, twelve? But still. From 1992, What The--?! #22, featuring "What Goes Up Must Come Down!" Written by Barry Dutter, art by John Costanza.

J.Jonah Jackalope demands pictures of Spider-Ham! Or rather, Dr. Octopussycat, who has a bomb on the top of the Empire State Building! Spider-Ham swings into action, but Doc Ock might have his number this time! Web-swinging and wall-crawling don't get S-H anywhere, but if only there was another way to get to the top of the building...By the way, I'm by no means an original art collector, but I think I would pay folding money for the page above!

Also this issue: "Hazards of Being a Super-Villain!" Written by Roger Brown, art by Rurik Tyler. It's hit and miss, but there's at least a couple good ones! And this issue also had the "Captains Outrageous!" page we saw years back.
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I never eat those, but a bag sounds delicious now...

So I laughed at least once at the Forbush Man story in What The--?! #14, and there's a much better Spider-Ham story in WT?! #22, but Milk and Cookies and Wolverina were never, ever funny. That said, you might kinda need this issue now! From 1992, What The--?! #20, featuring "Pork for Dinner, Milk and Cookies for Desert!" Written by Barry Dutter, pencils and letters by John Costanza, inks by George Wildman.

This was...ugh...an Infinity Wart crossover, featuring Negative Forbush Man. Forget that, we only care about the sensational character find of 1992: Pork Grind! Who...talks like the guy in your office doing their best impression of the worst SNL impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger. They aren't making this easy, I gotta tell you.

Pork Grind only appears for four pages this issue, but I love the name, that just makes it for me. Going with the Schwarzeneggar voice instead parodying Venom's usual shtick--which was fairly well established by that time, I think--feels like a mistake. Maybe they thought it would be too creepy if one cartoon pig was going on and on about eating the brains of another one. OK, that may be a valid concern.

Of course, we're all up in arms, since we're less than a month away from the Marvel Legend Spider-Ham with Pork Grind head! Eek, sold out at Big Bad! There's some mild grousing that S-H could've gotten a bit more articulation, but I'll be glad to have him...and I have a Venom figure waiting to donate his body to Pork Grind!
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You'd assume the two undersea guys would at least be acquainted, but nope!

For some reason--I'm guessing the Paul Jenkins/Jae Lee Marvel Knights Inhumans--I thought Triton had known Namor since he was a baby. Maybe not, since we're looking at their first meeting today! From 1968, Sub-Mariner #2, "Cry...Triton!" Written by Roy Thomas, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Frank Giacoia. (Reprinted in 1980's Tales to Astonish #2, albeit minus several pages!)

Defeated by the man named Destiny (not to be confused with the woman named Destiny, from the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants) a furious Namor is now wrecking up Destiny's equipment so hard he nearly kills himself in the ensuing explosion. Now Namor finds himself at a loss: how to find Destiny, on the surface world? Where would he even start looking?

Not being any moron, Namor opts to go to the Fantastic Four, since they're always ever so glad to see him...Meanwhile, far away yet conveniently in Namor's path to New York, on a tiny island, the Inhumans investigate a mysterious sub. Or rather, they have Triton do it. He's a good guy, even willing to give the sub the benefit of the doubt: maybe it's a friend. Nope! It's Plantman. Is that the standard, no space, no hyphen? Well, we're going with that. And I'm sure later writers tried to upsell him, maybe give him powers or motivation or something, but here he's very much a nut in a costume. Still, he's savvy enough to realize, when Namor approaches from the other direction, maybe those two didn't know they were on the same side: Plantman makes a radio call...that both Triton and Namor can hear, somehow...telling Namor to attack Triton. Figuring Namor to be a bad guy, Triton attacks, and five pages of fighting fill up like magic!

Eventually, Triton and Namor are caught in a plant trap, then magnetized to a pole; and the guys start to realize what's going on maybe. (Triton mentions hearing about Plantman from the Human Torch. Um, okay. Weird conversation to have.) The other Inhumans come to help Triton, but are too late, as Plantman launches his rocket-sub towards his target: London!

I like how Gorgon appears to be pretending to think in that panel there. Pulverizer panel from What The--?! #1, "Accounts Overdrawn--Checks Returned for Lack of Funds" Written and plotted by Peter B. Gillis, pencils and plots by Hilary Barta, inks by John Severin; and it was sheer happenstance that panel had Namor in it, I was thinking of the "any moron" line!
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Throw the switch, get the party started!

Even if this particular comic doesn't count, towards what we're doing! From 1990, What The--?! #7, "Us Against Them!" Written by Scott Lobdell, art by Rurik Tyler.

There are some nice lines in this, starting with the text opening: "For years we've been promising the ultimate super-hero team-up. No, we're not talking about Secret Wars III--we're referring the long-awaited Avengers/Justice League crossover between Mighty Marvel and DC. Since none of us will live that long to see it, we'll have to make do with this What The--?! version..." Hopefully some readers held out long enough.

But the line I like, in breathless caption box narration: "From all over the Marble Universe they come! From their own series...from canceled series...from series that should be canceled!" And man alive, are there a mess of those! We are somehow up to our ninth annual "The End" Week, where we look at the last issues of various comic titles! I think when I started doing those, there were at least a couple books you figured would always have the same numbering and never fold, like Detective Comics. I was even wronger than usual on that point, but it does ensure a solid pool of comics for this week every year! We're jumping the gun a little, since the first issue we're checking out is a Christmas one, later today!


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That should put me off eating those. It totally doesn't.

I mentioned yesterday I was looking for "in-universe" comics: the comic books that would exist inside a fictional comic book universe. After that, I was searching Hostess parody ads: there were a few I remembered, like the Thunderbolts, Preacher, or Radioactive Man. (I found it on Google, but I posted it? Senile old goat...) But there were some I didn't recall or hadn't seen, like ones for Breaking Bad, Watchmen, and Nexus! But I didn't immediately see this one, from the back cover of 1990's What The--?! #7. Story and art by Marc Siry.

There are a couple bits this issue that still crack me up, including one I'm saving until later in the year--not the terrible Christmas carol parodies. Also, the Alpha Flight story is titled "Awful Flight," it should be "Awful Plight!" C'mon, it's right there! Geez! (Written by Marc McLauren, pencils by Donald Hudson, inks by Jeff Albrecht.)


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"The End" Week: What The--?! #26!

There were a couple last issues that I finally found this year...that almost immediately made me regret finding them, and realize why those titles were cancelled. Here's one of them: From 1993, What The--?! #26, featuring stories by Stan Lee, Barry Dutter, Dan Slott, and more, art by Aaron Lopresti, John Constanza, Marie Severin, and more.

What The--?! has had a tag on this blog for years: it was Marvel's in-house parody book from 1988 to this last "fall special!" in 1993. The title was always hit-and-miss, not just in the sense that not every joke lands, but some of the strips are polished and professional, while others are terrible and amateurish. And yeah, nowhere near every joke landed during the bulk of the series, but this issue is just dire.

Previous issues featured work from John Byrne, Mike Mignola, Kurt Busiek, Kyle Baker, Jim Lee, Whilce Portacio, and more: Stan Lee's the big name this issue, for a cornball "Silver Burper" origin. (With John Severin inks!) Later issues also featured some go-to creators like Aaron Lopresti and Rurik Tyler, who aren't their best this time. A disappointment, buy some older issues instead--I recommend the first eight, or any story with Hilary Barta art. While Marvel has done other comedy titles in recent years (and I'm not sure they were any good, either) What The--?! has yet to be relaunched, although the title would be used for a series of videos.

(I really wish I had all my What The--?! issues handy, but they're all over the place: I was looking all over for #8, for Kurt Busiek and James Fry's "The Son of Satan Censored!" and my copy was in Montana. There are a couple panels in #5's "Alien-ated Legion" that I still love, and a panel from #7's Avengers vs. JLA that I wanted for the year-end posts...)
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The main reason I want a USAgent figure:

Over at It's All True, there's a look at Hasbro's new USAgent figure (and I imagine other sites will have reviews for him shortly, Poe's had a nice shot of USAgent, too) and while it looks like an all-right figure, I want a proper, Marvel Legends scale one!

I know there are some readers who don't care for a character like USAgent, specifically intended to be a replacement/rebuttal to a classic hero. Or, as I like to think of him, the Player 2 version. John Walker was occasionally written as having mental problems and probably a good chunk of post-traumatic stress disorder, but kind of like Guy Gardner, his sheer unfailing dickishness eventually wins you over a little. (I don't think I have it handy, but I'd love to dig up Avengers West Coast #69, where USAgent delivers a not-entirely-undeserved beating to Hawkeye.)

From What The--?! #22, "Captains Outrageous!" Written by Barry Dutter, art by Joe Quesada, inks by Joe Rubinstein.

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Traditionally, for a parody, you make fun of something people have heard of...

The cover of What The--?! #23, featuring a parody of Marvel's short-lived NFL tie-in, SuperPro: "The Drop-Kick that lifts your...um...spirit!" Written by Hilary Barta and Doug Rice, pencils by Rurik Tyler, inks and cover by Barta. Not their best one, but look what they had to work with.

I think the sales for SuperPro proved the venn diagram of comics fans and football fans to be almost mutually exclusive. Or, it wasn't a very good comic. It's almost a shame: there's plenty of drama in pro football on and off the field, and I'm sure more than a few stories that would work with a super-powered ex-player; but the NFL kind of likes to keep it's image almost Disney-clean. They wouldn't want stories about SuperPro fighting alleged sexual harassment, dog fighting rings, or drug users; just to name a few.

Anyway, out for the weekend: it's time for the traditional buying of Super Bowl snacks...that will all be eaten today and Saturday. Enjoy the game!
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Every time I read the X-Men previews, I think of this:

I suppose the X-Factor panel today would have a couple more babes, in front of a crowd of Multiple Men, but it's hardly the worst offender...

From What The--?! #3, "Mutant Beach Party!" Script by Kurt Busiek and art by Kyle Baker. Those costumes seem positively demure now, don't they? And seriously, check out the current X-Position at CBR, then tell me I'm wrong.

That's (probably) it for this week, and have a good holiday!
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Probably not how to fix the comic industry, but it couldn't hurt.

From What The--?! #14, "Tangles" Written by Bill Wray, art by Rurik Tyler, gently poking fun at Todd McFarlane's Spider-Man #1.


This got me thinking about ol' Todd, something I don't usually do, and it suddenly hit me: Todd McFarlane is the Michael Jackson of comics...without any icky connotations that may bring. Consider: Started small on books like Infinity, Inc., worked his way up to popularity on Amazing Spider-Man, then Spider-Man #1 was his Thriller, a massive hit, never to be completely repeated. This would make Spawn #1 Bad: also a huge hit, but not as huge. And then...long stretches of no output, legal troubles, and making most of their money and headlines in other ventures. (Again, McFarlane's legal troubles are much less distasteful than Michael's.)

And then we've got this panel from Aaron Lopresti, just because it makes me smile.

I have no idea how long this post has been in the draft file...July 7, 2007. Huh. Well, still on no-internet mode, so it'll do. Have a good weekend! Read more!

"Y'see, sometimes retirement isn't rewarded, it's forced."

From What The--?! #2.

I wasn't feeling too hot today: long, boring day at work, it's tried to snow on me a little twice today, Sugarpie's dug himself a nest in my mattress, and so on, etc. I was hoping to get started on pictures for the next batch of homemade comics, but I just wasn't up for it.

I did find this issue while I was digging up some Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe issues, though. Nick Fury and the Infinity Formula came up over at Pretty, Fizzy Paradise a couple of weeks back, and Kalinara had a pretty funny take on it. (I have the Jim Starlin/Howard Chaykin Marvel Premiere issue where Fury gets the Formula, but I don't see it right handy, so maybe we'll check that later.)

The point is, it's never really been addressed why Fury's friends, namely Gabe Jones and Dum Dum Dugan, aren't much, much older than they appear to be. Fury has the Infinity Formula (called the Eternity Formula in this spoof, which is no worse a name) to keep him more than a bit more spry than an eighty-plus-year-old should be.


"Furey" then runs afoul of the Hydra Ladies Auxiliary. Hilarity ensues. In the end, he offers to try and get Dum Dum a prescription for the Formula, mostly for his own benefit. Funny, but it would be pretty cool if Dum Dum and Gabe had found their own, unrelated methods of staying younger: I think Jimmy Woo did something like that in Agents of Atlas, which I really need to finish reading.

Speaking of finishing reading, this reminds me: I think I missed an issue of Severin's Bat Lash, I better track that down. Probably out for the week, so have fun, and stay warm! Read more!

RE: Green Lantern #22

Grife, Jack T. Chance snuffed it? Hell, I liked him, especially since I can remember his first appearance. Nice Flint Henry art.

This Green Lantern Corps vs. Sinestro/Yellow Lantern/Manhunter/Cyborg Superman/S-Boy Prime/He-Man Green Lantern Haters/Corps thing is going to rack up a lot of casualties, 99% of them unfamiliar to the casual fans. I kinda doubt Kyle's going to die, Kilowog or Mogo are beloved to GL fans, and I don't think DC would kill someone like Arisia for fear of another 'women in refridgerators' moment. Who's left, Charlie Vickers? The Green Man?

Frankly, a lot of Green Lanterns seem to get killed off, then return; either because there was a demand from the fans (like Kilowog) or because the writer forgot or didn't know they were supposed to be dead. Still, the ranks of the crowd-filler Lanterns could get a little thin during this crossover, especially when it's overstuffed with villains like this one. (Sinestro Corps seems like a perfectly good idea for six or more issues, then put them to the side for an equal amount of time, then escalate and bring them back with the Manhunters, then the Cyborg Superman, emo kid formerly known as Superboy-Prime, God, etc.)

Where am I going to find a new favorite obscure Green Lantern? Who will rise up, to fill up the background?

OK, I thought it was funny. Anyway, totally dogging it today. I wanted to work on a longer piece and I got some new back issues and...

Yeah, that is about how I feel, sorry. A big thanks to SallyP for the head's-up on Green Lantern #22!

Oh, one more thing: the above panels were from What The--?! #11, "This Man, This Meal!" Written by Rob Tokar, art by Keith Wilson. Not great, but it has it's moments. On the other hand, "Okay, It's Not Such A Wonderful Life!" written by Scott Loebdell, skewers Daredevil with art by then-DD artist Lee Weeks, Rob Liefeld (!), Keith Wilson, Ron Wilson, and Dale Keown. Keown delivers a great faux-Byrne page:

Two points: somewhere I read something mentioning how Marvel's humor stuff brought more to the table when it had the regular writer or artists for a particular book spoof it; and while it's not something I'd want a steady diet of, eight pages a year would go a long way. And I think Daredevil should have to do a flashback or throwback book once a year, set back in the Lee/Colan heyday, when Daredevil was having way too much fun. It'd be fun in and of itself, but every time you did it, it would underline how much Matt's life outright sucks in the here-and-now.

Man, that's a lot more than I intended to write today... Read more!

Probably the only explanation for Excalibur that's ever made sense.


From What The--?! #4, "Mutant Beach Party! Chapter 2, the Fall on the Mutants." Written by Kurt Busiek, pencils by Hector Collazo, inks by Kyle Baker.

My wife has a little party tomorrow, and the boy hurt his leg, while the youngest was a little beat from his playdate. So, I spent most of the evening cleaning and minding the youngest, while the kids watched Justice League Unlimited. (Well, the youngest ran around a bit more than he watched.) I didn't reckon I'd have much time to blog, and I was right.

Even though it had long stretches of 'meh' issues, and the last two years are just crap, I really liked the first run of Excalibur, particularly because it gave Nightcrawler, Kitty Pryde, and Phoenix a home for about ten years. But the above origin makes more sense to me... Read more!

Sadly, I use the line "It's malignant!" all the time.

I know Hilary Barta did some Splash Branigan stories for Alan Moore, but the last thing I saw from him was the adaptation-slash-"director's cut" for Bruce Campbell's the Man with the Screaming Brain. Good stuff.

Anyway, this Wednesday I picked up a pretty good pile, including new All-Star Superman, Ultimates 2, the first issue of Casanova, and Claremont's last Uncanny X-Men and annual.

Since recently taking ill, Claremont may have only gotten the plot credit for the last issue of Uncanny. Although I haven't cared for a lot of his stuff in recent years, his good work still far outweighs the bad, and I hope he's doing better.

But, on that I'm going to read more comics. More fun later. Probably. Read more!

Terry Austin's Inking School, from Marvel's What The? #2. Back in the day when Marvel was funny, hell, John Byrne was funny. Weird, huh? Anyway, blogger was having some problems earlier, so I scanned some junk for later, and will get on that later. Ironic that the type, on a page about inking, ended up so washed out... Read more!