"Better than rock-paper-scissors, but not as decisive."

There are few constants in life. But these should be. Captain America's shield: indestructible. Thor's hammer Mjolnir: indestructible. The Silver Surfer's board: indestructible.

...for all practical purposes. (Some writers seem to prefer the Surfer's board as less a physical object, more like energy manifested by the Surfer. Which would also be unbreakable.)

Maybe once in ten, fifteen years; a story will come along as acceptable for the unbreakable to get broke: Cap's shield shattered in Secret Wars? Dramatic! Cap's shield broken in Waid's run? A mystery...resolved with asspull, but still interesting. Cap crying over his broken shield in Fear Itself? Did that even happen, or it was symbolic?

Likewise, for Thor, there was an old DeFalco/Frenz story, where Thor breaks a good chunk off his hammer trying to stop the Celestials from destroying a planet. (Or something, I'd have to find Thor #388-389.) And I think a chunk was broken off again in Thor #600, wherein Thor is manipulated into fighting his grandpa...look, all I really remember of that ish is the Mini-Marvels strip. And Mjolnir's Wikipedia page mentions a few more breaks as well.

Off the top of my head, we saw Firelord smash the Surfer's board in Silver Surfer #146, for one. The board blinks out in Silver Surfer #40 when the Surfer is cut off from his cosmic power; and we saw the Hulk give breaking it a try in Incredible Hulk #250.

Thanos shatters Cap's shield in Infinity Gauntlet, and I almost thought he broke Mjolnir and the Surfer's board there too, but maybe not. The trifecta, all three were destroyed by the Molecule Man in Avengers #215! Then reconstituted the next month in #216.

With the exception of Fear Itself, what do most of these occurences of unbreakable breakage have in common? They weren't hyped events. A lot of them aren't even on the cover! And now Marvel's trotting them out as if they were the most monumentally dramatic moments ever, even though it has been only a couple of years since the last time it happened. In point of fact, Mjolnir breaking or Cap's shield being smashed, are about as exciting as the big reveal being Dr. Doom was a robot the whole time!

Topless Robot pointed out the broken Mjolnir teaser, but only as an afterthought to a discussion of DC's new 52 and George Perez quitting Superman. Rob takes the tack that DC's ongoing disaster is at least more novel than Mjolnir breaking again; well, maybe.



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Feeling burned by Schism, but not that way...

Over at Blog@Newsarama, there was some commentary from Graeme McMillan on the Wolverine/Cyclops fight in X-Men: Schism #5. How do you show Logan and Scott have finally had it with each other, this time for really reals? Um, by optic-blasting Wolverine's face off, I guess.

Now, I would figure that's a little too far for Cyclops to take things, no matter how mad he is at Wolvie...but then again, Cyke may well know even that's not going to kill him. It doubtless hurts like all hell, but Wolvie's probably trying just as hard to stab Cyke in the face, and is all sorts of a dick anyway. Plus, as some of the commenters point out, this is an X-Men comic, did you really want them to sit down and talk things out calmly and rationally?

But my first thought is super, super geeky: where did the flames come from? Cyclops' optic blast isn't hot, it's concussive. It's the first line of his powers in Marvel's own wiki for Cyclops: "Cyclops possesses the mutant ability to project a beam of heatless ruby-colored concussive force from his eyes..." And don't take their word for it, take mine! And, um, John Byrne's:

From Fantastic Four #250, "X-Factor" Storyteller, John Byrne! The Thing recognizes "Cyclops" there as a fake because the blast burns him! (That's a super great issue, and the first FF comic I remember buying myself.)

Mind you, I had the idea that years and yeeeeearrrs later, Byrne would have to have Cyclops zap the Thing one in X-Men: the Hidden Years to justify that one, but no! After some research, I found Fantastic Four #28, a Lee/Kirby classic: "We Have to Fight the X-Men!" (Not their most imaginative title...) Cyclops zaps the Thing more than a couple in that one, without setting him on fire. (No scans of that, since I looked in up in Essential Fantastic Four Volume 2.)

Now, if I was trying for a No-Prize, I'd tell you the force of Cyke's beam on the adamantium was enough to spark Wolvie's head and mask and hair aflame. Or, you could well argue the rule of cool applies to Wolverine's flaming skull. Maybe. I don't know if it's that cool. I feel like a lot of writers at Marvel are trying to invoke said rule of cool, without having earned it. Breaking Cap's shield or sending Spider-Man home crying in Fear Itself would be likewise unearned. Now, if say, Warren Ellis wrote a scene where Emma Frost telepathically turns Scott into a twelve-year-old, who then goes on a crying jag with his optic blasts, setting the drapes on fire...I'd buy that.

(P.S. All this bitching, but I'll almost positively buy the new Uncanny X-Force with the Age of Apocalypse Nightcrawler! And Deadpool and Psylocke! And Fantomex, who I absolutely can't stand already.)
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Nightcrawler's going to miss the next Secret Wars barbecue...

Comics Alliance, Topless Robot, and Comic Book Resources all ran pieces on Marvel's teaser ad for the April 28th release of X-Force #26, which promises the death of an X-Man to save the world. The candidates? Colossus, Angel, Emma Frost, Cable, Nightcrawler...or an X-Woman I can't place. Is that Rogue? Magik? Probably Magik.

Nightcrawler's the front-runner in Comics Alliance's Second Coming Death Pool, and is the smart money bet: Colossus recently returned from the dead a couple years ago in Astonishing, Cable in Cable & Deadpool about the same time. Magik recently returned as well, and Emma's outfit pretty much precludes her from dying anytime soon. Angel just seems unlikely, which leaves Nightcrawler.

Which sucks, since I'm more a fan of Nightcrawler than the X-Men...but to be honest, poor Kurt hasn't had a central role, or anything else to do, in the X-books for some time. He's either left to do psuedo-priest duties like setting up a chapel or whatever, or used as a teleporting bus if Pixie isn't there to do it. (Longtime readers know I can't stand the priest angle.) It'd be nice to have a fun, swashbuckling Nightcrawler again: maybe we'll get that when he comes back, or if he pulls through. Good luck, Kurt.

I'll have a little post for it later, but X-Men Origins: Nightcrawler came out last week or so. It features an ad for Second Coming on the last page, and it would be pretty rude to run an ad for the book he's going to die in, in his origin.


(And even if Nightcrawler dies, he'll probably live on around here. Most of the point of doing these strips, besides pure distilled snark and entitlement, is to get the kind of comics I'd want to read.)
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I'm not really prepared today: can I let Newsarama and CBR take this one?

As the title may imply, I'm not ready today. And my family is coming up tomorrow, so I'm not sure what the rest of this week is looking like. Of course, I say that a lot, then end up with a huge post about some C-list villain or forgotten plot point.

So, I didn't have any scans ready today. (Yet. Give me a minute, we'll see.) Considerately, Newsarama has a preview of New Avengers #29, featuring the first clash between the freedom fighting/lawbreaking New Avengers and the sellout/law-enforcing Mighty Avengers. (CBR has it too, for good measure, and let's note: written by Brian Michael Bendis, pencilled by Leinil Francis Yu.)

Good god, this looks miserable. Both Bendis and Yu have done stuff I've enjoyed before, but this looks punishing. Not punishing like the Punisher is punishing, punishing like 'make it stop' punishing. Although, it does look like those pages will go for big bucks in the secondary market, eh?

I'm not going to comment on the assorted douchebaggery of Iron Man or anyone else. I'm not going to comment on Spider-Man's Brother Voodoo crack, which is just outright hackery. Or why the issue starts with three pages of Electra/ninja standoff before changing to a different standoff the day before. Or why Black Widow and her guns appear to be vogueing from panel to panel. Or what Luke Cage is doing pointing his fists at the ninjas like he's going to launch a Screw Crusher Punch at them Admittedly, I would totally buy that comic.

No, I was really just curious what the ever-loving hell Iron Fist was doing on Page 6, panel 3. Really, tell me. I'm legitimately curious.

Commenters at Newsarama are already starting to point out some of the WTF aspects of the preview, including some of the points I've got here; but seem to be shouted down or drowned out by Rox/Sux-type posts. Comment here or there if you have any idea.

EDIT: How about one panel from happier times?


From Avengers #71, "Endgame!" Reprinted in Marvel Super Action #32. Written by Roy Thomas, art by Sal Buscema, inks by Sam Grainger. This was one, if not my first, Avengers comic. So that's pretty much my dream Avengers roster. Well, them plus Black Widow, Hercules, Quicksilver...and Wonder Man, Ms. Marvel, Tigra...geez, this would be easier just to cut the ones I don't want, so we'll save that for later.

Anyway, I love this panel, especially Wasp and Yellowjacket getting a little sugar in the background... Read more!