I still haven't watched his series, but honestly, Marvel/Disney is missing the boat by not getting "Secret Hospital" on there. From 1986, Wonder Man #1, written by David Michelinie, pencils by Kerry Gammill, inks by Vince Colletta. Cover by Bill Sienkiewicz!

Was this the first mention of the in-universe soap opera "Secret Hospital"? Michelinie would use it again years later, as Mary Jane Watson-Parker would get a role there in Amazing Spider-Man; but here Simon Williams flubs an audition for it, by not turning off his glowing ionic eyes. (Which I'm not sure he could do before!) Sulking over it, we get a recap of his origin, and this was post-Avengers #211, where Simon left the team to go Hollywood with Hercules, but rather unsurprisingly none of Herc's contacts had worked out for him. Headed back to Avengers Mansion for a workout, he gets a tip from another hero who never felt he was far from the unemployment lines either: Scott Lang, Ant-Man! He gives Simon a card for Cordco, a scientific research company set up by Tony Stark, before he lost his company to Obidiah Stane. (Ah, continuity! Like a warm hug when it does a good job.)

Cordco turns out to be weird science central, and after Simon goes through on the tour; a scientist desperate for a breakthrough blows open a dimensional portal and unleashes a horde of angry little gnomes. His prospective employers are somewhat blase about sending Wonder Man into the thick of it, but hey, he's invulnerable! He doesn't even have to breathe, which is kind of news to Simon: it feels like it took him a long, long time to get his head around his powers. While he does manage to save the day, he later loses the job when during another emergency, he gets called in by the Avengers to stop the Sandman from causing a nuclear meltdown. The Sandman's not usually like that (although, the splash page notes this was before Marvel Two-in-One #86!) but had been told he was dying of cancer. Simon is able to stop him, and whatever they did in the reactor room cures Sandman, but Simon's annoyed that they may have found a cure for cancer and lost it. Still, all of this maybe helps Simon get himself back on track. 

 This is also noted as being before West Coast Avengers #1--wait, the GCD even notes, this came out in '86 but is set before "Marvel Two-In-One #86 (April 1982) and West Coast Avengers #1 (September 1984)." It reads all the way like Michelinie is giving Simon his own supporting cast, for solo adventures, then nopes it away in the end.

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The back-up feature this issue just infuriated me, but we'll get to that in a second: from 1977, Aquaman #59, "Prey Perilous!" Written by (an uncredited here!) David Michelinie, art by Jim Aparo.

Near the Marianas Trench, a NATO boat tries to shoo Aquaman away with some warning shots; but he's too pissed off for that: his son was dead, his wife was gone, and he'd been trailing old foe the Fisherman for two days. The Fisherman was trying to salvage something from the sunken ship Bellerophon, on the orders of the mysterious, unseen "King-1." (It's somebody who was getting the big push around then! Which maybe didn't quite take...) In their fight, the Bellerophon nearly falls deeper into the trench, but is grabbed by another old Aquaman villain, the Scavenger! (One of the few Aquaman bad guys to make appearances elsewhere: he had a brief stint in Warlord, of all places.)

Aquaman tries to get Fisherman to team-up with him, to get whatever everyone was trying to get off that ship; but the Fisherman blows him and "King-1" off, trying to backstab Aquaman with a sonic drill. Doesn't work: Aquaman has the tied-up Fisherman delivered to NATO by dolphins, but now had to race after Scavenger's rather striking scorpion-ship...to be continued!

Ah, now the backup, "The Kingdom of Doom!" featuring Mera! She had returned to her dimension, to try and get a machine to heal her son, but has to fight an usurper. Mera beats him, shattering his mind, but he was the one who knew where the machine was...to be continued, except we know Aquababy was already dead, so this just feels mean and pointless and mean. (Written by Paul Kupperberg, pencils by Juan Ortiz, inks by Vince Colletta.) 

I'm a fairly casual Aqua-fan, except I did read all of the brief '91-92 series: there's an issue that maybe hints at Black Manta being abused as a kid, but that still didn't stop me from rooting for Aquaman to drown his ass, and another where Mera and Aquababy are maybe alive in another dimension, or Arthur's hallucinating. Poor Aquababy is one of the few comics characters to die and largely stay dead...Also, the Scavenger, who we really didn't scan here, has a somewhat cool mask design to go with his scorpion-ship, but even in Warlord where he was turned into a soul-draining monster, I don't think he's ever had characterization beyond "some jerk." Still, that puts him a step above the Fisherman, since I don't get his look at all: he maybe needed one of those hats with the lures and hooks on it.

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So, a few years back, we took a look at an issue of the New Universe title Justice, and I spent most of the post bitching about time zones. I also advised against buying those from the quarter bins, as "They'll just hurt you in the end." Yeah, you see where this is going, but I swear I've got a good reason! Or a reason. Maybe marginally good? From 1987, Justice #10, "Hour of Corruption" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Keith Giffen, inks by Vince Colletta.

At this point, the book seemed to be building up for a final battle in the other-dimensional Winterland, like King's the Dark Tower by way of Kirby's New Gods. Am I overselling it? Definitely, the book would absolutely whiff any potential it had. The bad guys, including corporate evil Damon Conquest, were preparing for their massive assault on "the justice-warriors of Spring," who were disorganized and demoralized, possibly because of their name. Damon reports to a bigger bad here, his dad; and had abducted and corrupted the hero's love interest, FBI agent Rebecca Chambers. Damon also makes a phone call to one of his agents on earth, casually talking through his hand, his cold breath seeming to come out the other end...a much stronger visual than this book deserved! Back on earth, Tensen, a.k.a. Justice, was still murdering drug-dealers here and there, but was largely depressed; since Rebecca was believed dead and he was being blamed for it.

Damon transports Justice to the desert, to face Klane, Black Justice; who has a real Fist of the North Star vibe to him, as does their fight. (Fist wasn't released stateside yet, although it had been running in Japan since 1983. Could Giffen have seen it and be riffing on that...?) It's a trap, though, intended for Justice to strike him down in anger, a violation of his code. Beaten in the desert, Justice is unable to do anything when Rebecca appears, at first intending to kill him, but deciding he wasn't worth it. Harvesting dark power from Justice's corruption, Damon lists off his evil plans to his dad, as the invasion draws nearer...

Yes, yes, yes, that's all well and good; but I was actually looking for Giffen's issues of Justice, because of a joke in a better book! From 1990, Secret Origins #48, featuring "The Secret Origin of Ambush Bug: We Thought Him Up!" Plot and pencils by "Keith Van Giffen," script by "Robert Louis Loren Stevenson Fleming," inks by "Bob the Louvre Lewis." Cover by Kevin Maguire and Al Gordon! This is a banger of an issue from late in that series, featuring a bit we saw in Blue Devil Annual #1: here's a whole bunch of 'secret' origins, not a one of them even remotely close to right. "This calls for a Giffen 'big-eye' panel!" is still a fun bit of him poking fun at himself; but Giffen had done layouts for Wally Wood: if we consider Wood's 22 Panels That Always Work!! is the big-eye panel a variation on 'extreme closeup,' or its own thing?  

For good measure, this issue also includes Phil Foglio on Stanley & His Monster, a few years before that mini-series, an extended Captain America riff for the origin of Rex the Wonder Dog, and the largely-forgotten western heroes the Trigger Twins. I had to double-check, since I was thinking it would be just like me to say something like 'largely-forgotten' and then find out the Trigger Twins had a book for like 14 years and a massive following in Paraguay or something: I mean, Rex the Wonder Dog used to be huge. The Trigger Twins, not so much. They were in a bunch of All-Star Western, and the name's been repurposed since.

Anyway, all of this, and there's only one proper "big-eye panel" in Justice #10. Feel like there were more in the previous issue...or maybe the next one? Giffen only did three total here, but I still feel like there is a Fist of the North Star influence.

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"There's a lesson here somewhere," he said for the fifth time.

So I've been blogging Warlord comics randomly for years, which means I've not been reading them in any particular order; which makes it mildly annoying when a plot is repeated, or Travis doesn't learn a lesson; whether or not this is the first time it's happened to him. From 1979, Warlord #23, "The Children of Ba'al" Written and penciled by Mike Grell, inks by Vince Colletta.

Bathing in a river, Travis hears people nearby, and finds a group of blond, pretty youngsters; right before they're attacked by green-skinned brutes. He rushes to their defense, even if the blonds seem unwilling or unable to stand up for themselves. After the fight, he's a little upset they didn't try to help him out, and they give him the Vulcan hand salute.

Travis is mildly impressed the "Children of Ba'al" have managed to build a peaceful, egalitarian society; but dismayed that they won't fight back. Taking the fight to the green "Orms," one girl accompanies him, and together they knock out the artificial sun of the Orms' underground city. He remarks that he's seen it before: "The more highly advanced the civilization, the more savage they become!" And sure enough, Travis gets clonked on the head, and set up to be the sacrifice...to Ba'al! Oh, and they're cannibals. Well, at least that's not wasteful.

Luckily, Travis is saved, by the Orms, who don't hold a grudge or anything. In fact, they had a bit of a chuckle at his dumbassery; but did have to wipe out the Children of Ba'al: they were merely annoying before, but if Travis had taught them to fight, they would've been dangerous. The Orms send him on his way, with a passing comment that might indicate they were cannibals as well, or that they had a pretty good sense of humor. Either or.

This was a fairly standard plot for Warlord...and probably any other sword-and-sorcery adventure comic you choose to name: the hero sides with a pretty face, gets double-crossed in short order. Warlord #48 has a good example, so does the awful Warlord #10 (third series). He'll learn eventually...
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Pretty sure I had a copy of this, but you find something like this in the quarter bin, you kind of have to, right? From 1989, Fred Hembeck Destroys the Marvel Universe #1, story and pencils by Fred Hembeck, inks by Vince Colletta and Joe Staton.

A down-and-out Hembeck doesn't think things could possibly get worse, when he's faced with the Punisher, who wants to know if he's the guy that destroyed the Marvel Universe. Or, at least, all the heroes and villains, anyway. Well, yeah, but in his defense, he was tricked into doing it by his evil twin, and the pages were never published...until now! Which explains some of the minor continuity issues; like the Hulk was grey by the time this hit stands. Hijinks, of course, ensue.

Some of the jokes are hit-and-miss, like an extended riff on Doctor Doom's true identity as Reed's dad? And Reed's long-lost sister? I think I liked J.Jonah Jameson's reaction to incoming news of assorted heroes dying, which swerves from legit grieving to champagne popping off about when you'd expect. There was another book a year later, Fred Hembeck Sells the Marvel Universe, which was mostly reprints of his Marvel Age strips. There was also a 2016 the Marvel Universe According to Hembeck trade, but it's been a few since I've seen new stuff from him. Read more!

Technically, it was designed by A.I. and was radioactive; but it does look better than a Cybertruck.

From 1978, Shazam! #33, "The World's Mightiest Race" Written by E. Nelson Bridwell, pencils by Tenny Henson, inks by Vince Colletta with an assist by Kurt Schaffenberger. (That's somewhat unusual, Colletta's usual main selling point was that he was timely.)

This was pretty late in this series' run, and the book had been updated to more closely resemble the TV show; with Billy travelling the county with a newly mustached Uncle Dudley. He had more contact with the gods of his namesake for assists; but all this meant no Mary Marvel or Captain Marvel Jr. (Or so I thought, maybe it was just this issue: C.M. Jr. would be in the next issue; and the rest of the Marvel Family in the last.) This issue does feature a classic villain, that the TV show wouldn't have had the budget for, at all, ever: the robot Mister Atom! Mr. Mind had rebuilt him, and tasked him with challenging "the best car on earth" at the Indianapolis 500. The people had one hour to produce a racer, or Mister Atom would meltdown, irradiating the entire city.

Captain Marvel has an idea, and a reporter tips him to a garage where he can build a racer, with the help of some plucky kids. The wizard Shazam had tipped Billy, say his name while in the car, which the kids dub the Shazamobile--a great name, that Captain Marvel couldn't say! Now with the car powered by magic lightning, CM races Atom, who is dismayed when the Shazamobile pulls ahead, doing "300 miles a minute!" Which would be, what, 18 thousand miles an hour? That's 23 times the speed of sound, so wouldn't Indianapolis have been destroyed by sonic booms? Atom tries running him off the road, but the Shazamobile was as invulnerable as its driver, and knocks the Atomobile out.

Mister Atom then summons his body back by remote control, and gets punched off the face of the earth. (Atom could take that, but didn't seem able to fly fast enough to get back to earth!) Captain Marvel throws the radioactive remnants of the Shazamobile into the sun, while Uncle Dudley backtracks Atom's trail with a geiger counter to catch Mr. Mind. CM leaves the depowered Shazamobile with the kids. Read more!

Ugh, so needy! Die with a little dignity!

Man, I knew "As the World Turns" was a soap opera, but totally conflated whatever its opening was, with the one for "Days of Our Lives." Just a smidge of soap opera in this one, though: from 1979, Action Comics #499, "As the World Turns...For the Last Time!" Written by Cary Bates, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Vince Colletta.

The storerooms at GBS are getting crowded, as it's not just Superman changing to Clark Kent in there, now there's Vartox as well, to his new secret identity "Vernon O'Valeron," security guy. A secretary finds them both in the storeroom, which probably would get some ugly rumors started; except the poor girl walks in on Lana Lang and Vernon not five minutes later. Vartox had this ID for about twenty minutes and already had a girlfriend, but there was no time to waste, since earth was going to explode soon. Somewhat surprisingly, Vartox doesn't keep the usual code of silence about his ID, and tells Lana everything, starting with how his world Valeron basically exploded out from under him. I honestly forget all of his massive grab bag of powers, I guess invulnerability was in there somewhere? But, now so was survivor's guilt.

Meanwhile, Superman investigates a story that comes through the teletype; about a small town in Wisconsin suddenly convinced the world was going to end. Feels like there should be a "go Packers!" joke there...Superman tries to calm the people down, and they immediately assume he's lying to "spare them from the truth." The mob piles onto Supes, some even trying to hang on to him as he flies away; and more apocalypse-panic continues to sweep the globe. Which, Vartox admits, is probably on him: his "hyper-powers" were psychic, and the dread he felt was bleeding out to the rest of the planet. (Supes and Vartox have most of this conversation, while trying to keep a "Eurasian" general from bombing his own populace, to give them a peaceful death!) In the Fortress, Vartox explains, he had accidentally picked up an unknown space element, that reacted explosively to oxygen: Valeron's atmosphere had a higher oxygen content and blew up sooner, but the result was still going to be the same. Or not, since Superman checks the oxygen in the room with his x-ray vision, and it was fine? Had the guilt just gotten to him?

The desperate Vartox sucker-punches Superman: Supes knows Vartox had an edge on experience, but Vartox knew he couldn't outlast Superman in a longer fight. He had to take Supes down quick, with a "hyper-brain blast!" Then, to try and convince Superman he was sane, Vartox...dresses up like Jor-El, and stages his plea to a manikin Kryptonian council, that the planet was doomed and they had to act now. Yeah, that seems...like a dick thing to do, really. Superman smashes his way outside, but then notices, hey, oxygen was exploding out there; why wasn't it in the Fortress? 

Working together, the heroes realize radioactive fragments of Valeron were countering the space element, so they have to gather a lot of the exploded planet, and scatter microscopic fragments of it over earth, until the chain reaction stops and oxygen was safe again. (Traditionally, wouldn't the radioactive chunks of Valeron be like Kryptonite to Vartox? Valerite?) While earth is saved, it's still not an entirely happy ending; as Vartox opts to go into space, and find another world that needs protecting. (Yeah, 'cause he did a bang-up job on the last one...too soon? Too mean!) He says a sad goodbye to Lana; but he'd be back.  I bought this from the quarter bins because of the cover, but I had read it before. See if I remember not to buy it again...maybe.

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Hey, this ain't a Two-in-One! Gimme my quarter back!

Well, this was continued from Marvel Two-in-One #7. Synopis: "The Thing and Valkyrie stop Enchantress and the Executioner. The Thing saves the world with a supernatural harmonica." Aw, man...from 1975, Defenders #20, "The Woman She Was...!" Written by Steve Gerber, layouts by Sal Buscema, finishes by Vince Colletta.

The Enchantress and Executioner are here briefly, as this ties into what was the current origin for Valkyrie: "...created full grown, without a past, by the Enchantress's magic--and inhabits the body of Barbara Denton--a person she never knew." Amora and Skurge split, although not before the Thing gives him a couple good shots, but their plan had fallen through: Ben figured, the magic harmonica from the previous chapter was probably out of juice. He moves to help Val, who was torn up with grief over the death of the father she didn't know, and she tells him she would do this alone. He's a little hurt, but then decides he might as well go home, until Doctor Strange's astral form appears, to tell him there was still danger. Yeah, yeah, whatever: Ben takes a nap, waiting for Strange and another friend of Val's to show.

Val brings her father's body to the police station, unaware that a local snitch has also seen her. Although it had apparently been a couple years since Barbara Denton had been home, the locals still recognize her and treat Val as such. The police chief seems nice enough, helping her to her old house and letting her in with a spare key; but also lets slip that Barbara had been married! Meanwhile, the Thing is awakened, but not by Reed Richards, but by Doctor Strange and Nighthawk! Ben hadn't met Nighthawk before, and the latter grouses a bit about the non-team team nature of the Defenders, with a roster of whoever felt like showing up that day...and at her house, Val is attacked by a caped figure with zappy-hands. Hey, this copy still has the MODOK Marvel Value Stamp! Nice.

In the front yard of Val's house, the Thing and Nighthawk fall through a trapdoor: the snitch is there, but alarmed that he got those two and not Strange. Still, Ben can't climb out of the electrified walls, and was too big for Nighthawk to carry. Worse, the snitch disappears, and he snagged the magic harmonica! With some mystic force blocking his way, Strange enters the front door, and finds a portrait of a woman who resembles an older Val: Celestia, which was the name inscribed on the harmonica as well. Strange also gets zapped by the caped creep, and trussed up on a sacrificial altar with Val, by worshippers of the Nameless Ones, included the grotesquely deformed Celestia, who was more than willing to sacrifice her daughter for power and beauty.

Ben and Nighthawk get free, and wade into the cultists and Nameless Ones, while the narration explains all of this had been going on since way back in Incredible Hulk #126. (Which I might have a reprint of handy! Sooner or later.) Events had piled up to turn Barbara into Valkyrie and maybe use her power to unleash the Nameless Ones, but nobody planned on the appearance of the Thing! Ben gets the harmonica from Celestia and destroys it, then frees Val and Strange. Celestia turns to ashes, the Nameless Ones don't fully manifest, and Strange hypnotizes the cultists to...leave? Turn themselves in? Jump in a lake? While this might have been deeply traumatizing for everyone involved, Strange still feels like they eked out a win today. This wrapped up pretty quickly, and feels more like a Two-in-One than a Defenders, which might be why I like it a little more? The next issue blurb teases Val's husband, problems for Nighthawk, and the Headmen; so the return to usual. Read more!

Kinda didn't think there would be that many stories or covers for this series that were this literal, but hell, maybe? From 1981, Secrets of Haunted House #41, featuring "Castle in the Attic" Written by Bob Rozakis, pencils by Greg LaRocque, inks by Vince Colletta; "Canine Conniptions" Written by Robin Snyder, art by Noly Zamora; "House at Devil's Tail!" Written by Jack C. Harris, art by Steve Ditko; "Time Piece" Written by Wyatt Gwyon (Martin Pasko!), pencils by Charles Nicholas, inks by John Celardo; and "The Blood Curse of Maule's Well!" Written by Bob Rozakis, art by Dan Spiegle. Cover by Joe Kubert!

Hmm, so was the titular "Haunted House" different than DC's House of Mystery or the House of Secrets? Abel traditionally lived in the latter, but he's presenting today's stories; but there's not a lot of continuity in any of these: it may or may not be the same House. Anyway, in "Castle in the Attic" a young dad goes on an unexpected trip when he checks out his attic, and finds along with pink fiberglass insulation, a castle! Complete with a giant, and monsters; but luckily his son is more prepared to deal with them, advising dad to stay outta the attic unless he gets strapped.

"Canine Conniptions" is almost literally a shaggy-dog story, but is at least short. "House at Devil's Tail" isn't real long, either: an escaped killer tries to hide out in the titular house, named after the windy-road it sat at the end of...or for another reason? "Time Piece" is a time-loop number, set in the far-off future of...2000? It's three pages of predetermined nonsense, try this instead: Finally, "The Blood Curse of Maule's Well!" was a Mister E story: he was created by Bob Rozakis, and I suspect was intended to play a similar role to say, the Phantom Stranger or Doctor 13; but later writers...usually went in a different direction with him. The blind vigilante visits Salem, where some of the tourists are kind of dicks "...what is a blind man doing on a sight-seeing tour?" He's doing nunya. Nunya business, lady! Geez, maybe I get why he went bad. Anyway, Mister E foils a rather Scooby-Doo scheme involving water turning into blood, but enough weird stuff happens that the paranormal may or may not be involved; and his two assistants are like two steps behind the whole way, but I guess they're his ride home.

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I can't tell if it's more or less cliche for the arranged bride-to-be to be beautiful or not...

By the time I started reading Warlord regularly, King Aram Al Ashir was relegated to the lower tier of the book's supporting characters, behind Rostov the Werewolf and Mongo Ironhand. But I did pick up more of his appearances much, much later; like today's book! From 1980, Warlord #40, "The Brotherhood of Death" Story and pencils by Mike Grell, inks by Vince Colletta.

Morgan and Shakira arrive in the kingdom of Kaambuka, where Morgan's friend Ashir has recently taken his crown, and immediately regretted it. Surrounded by enemies within his royal court and outside it, he was also looking down the barrel of a more horrible fate: marriage. It's a marriage of state, and Ashir is positive it's going to be to a beast; Travis tries to encourage him by pointing out maybe he'll be killed first. In that vein, Ashir suggests a royal hunt before the wedding; which is more dangerous than usual even for Skartaris, since a hooded figure plants a mystic talisman on Ashir that makes a saber-tooth tiger go after him.

Later, back at the castle, Morgan, Ashir, and Shakira are ambushed by Ashir's own royal guard; and kill the hell out of them. Ashir notes maybe there's a bit more resentment towards him than he'd expected, but is thrilled to have enemies. It is something to do. But his spirit is crushed again by the announcement of the arrival of his bride--who, surprisingly, is beautiful.

Since it's Tara, Morgan's wife! EDIT: Good news, we blogged the next issue earlier this year, when I was all mad at Danger Street. Which is still running? Ugh, I'm not checking back in on it.

For a change, the back-up feature this issue ties into the main story! Machiste and Mariah are still in the distant past of "Wizard World," but might be able to return to the present since Mongo Ironhand just found the Necronomicon! Which is immediately stolen by a rival wizard, Zaargon. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't turn out the way he wanted, but that would take about 26 issues to wrap up!
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John Williams would have punched that scene up nicely.

Every December it's killing me, as I blog last issues for "the end," since I know I have the last issue of this series somewhere, but it would take Indy to find it! Entirely possible there's creepy-crawlies out there in my garage too, as well as the not-zero chance of something massive coming rolling out at you...Anyway, we're still in that pleasant, half-awake moment before the new Indy film comes out and hopes are still probably higher than they should be, so why not hit this issue: from 1984, the Further Adventures of Indiana Jones #18, "The Search for Abner, chapter 2: The City of Yesterday's Forever!" Written by David Michelinie, pencils by Herb Trimpe, inks by Vince Colletta, Danny Bulanadi, and Ernie Chan.

And we open in the Himalayans, with Indy and Marion Ravenwood falling to their deaths...! They were searching for a lost city and Marion's lost dad Abner, one of Indy's old teachers. That relationship was ended when Indy and Marion hooked up, since there was a somewhat problematic age difference there. Indy manages to snag their cut rope bridge on a ledge, but Marion isn't able to hold on, and falls; leaving a devastated Indy to push on. He's shortly captured by local guards, who take him to a domed city...K'un Lun? No, but close? The local priest explains not much, but good news: they had rescued Marion, from a bad landing on a lower outcropping. Then things take a creepy turn, of course: the locals were immortal, from the mystic doodad keeping the city warm, but it was immortality with a few drawbacks, as they couldn't go far from the city without horrible pain. Long since bored with eternal life, they were forcing captured outsiders--like Indy and Marion now--to capture yeti-like creatures, who would then be allowed to kill/free an immortal. As often the case, feels like some extra steps in there.

A Nazi expedition had followed Indy and Marion there; and was now fighting the yetis and the locals; while Indy and Marion try to discover if a masked outsider was Abner: they never find out, but they do manage to dynamite the mystic power-source and get out of there. But, returning to Marshall College, new problems await: an artifact Indy recovered in a previous issue has been proclaimed by experts as a fraud, damaging Indy and the museum's reputation, to the point that Marcus Brody has been removed as curator! Well, I guess that qualifies as a cliffhanger ending...maybe not. Read more!

I don't know when this post will go up, we'll see if I'm still mad: I just read a couple issues of Tom King's Danger Street, and I don't say this very often, but to hell with that comic. It features all the characters from 1st Issue Special...because they were all in that; that's about all they have in common. Travis is pretty much unrecognizable: he, the 70's Starman, and Metamorpho are going to use Doctor Fate's helmet...to summon, then murder, Darkseid? So they can get on the Justice League? What the--?! I tried to be charitable, and just suggest it wasn't for me; but I dislike it much more than that.

To get that taste out of my mouth, back to the classics: from 1981, Warlord #41, "The Pit" Story and pencils by Mike Grell, inks by Bob Smith. 

In scenic Kaambuka, Travis and Shakira have got sucked into the local palace intrigue, with the thief-turned-king Ashir. He's got an arranged marriage coming up that he's not looking forward to, until he gets a gander at the bride: from neighboring Shamballah, Tara! She's attacked by assassins about as soon as she arrives; but while Travis dispatches them soon enough, Tara pretends not to know him. This was their first meeting since the death of their son, so I thought she might be mad at him, but this wasn't that, nor did she seem bent out of shape by the introduction of Travis's new "constant companion," Shakira! Who takes Ashir aside, then ditches him to chase a mouse; while Travis sneaks up to Tara's chambers, but is seen by a goon. Tara explains, her "council of elders" pushed the marriage on her, since the Theron army was threatening them. (Cue "War on Thera" joke again, even if the spelling changes somewhere there.) Travis thinks he can talk Ashir out of the wedding. Or stab him. Geez, man.

As a cat, Shakira overhears the plot against Ashir, with the unusual appearance of her racing away with a mouse in her mouth; and Tara and Travis are attacked by more assassins. Who aren't very effective, and Travis's Hellfire Sword defends them against a spell, but they get knocked out by a glass full of "the black lotus!" which has been putting fantasy characters under for years. The head bad guy has them hung over the titular pit, which has an orange blobby thing in it; which seems like a creepy thing for Ashir to have in his basement but maybe it came with the place? While the bad guy tries to talk the nobles into joining him, Shakira has brought Ashir, who puts an arrow in his head. Ashir realizes Tara was Travis's...wife? Girl? Steady? It's not handled well: they talk about Tara like she was Travis's property, like a horse; she clocks them both and they had it coming. Fuming, she tells Travis now she "must be won!" Travis resolves to do just that, which involves more stabbing and less flowers than you'd expect, in the next issue.

Also this issue: another "Wizard World" strip with Machiste and Mariah, "The Book of the Dead, part 2" Story and art by Mike Grell, inks by Vince Colletta. This does include a creepy little Gollum-type, who would upgrade himself to the Evil One later. Trying to think of a name for it, when self-improvement is purely for evil...

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I'm not saying they all need to Crypt Keeper it up, but Destiny is far from my favorite horror comics host. I think he's intended to give the stories a little more gravitas, but that might not have been the angle to take with all of these stories, anyway. From 1980, Secrets of Haunted House #26, featuring "Elevator to Oblivion" Written by Valerie Owens, art by Amado Castrillo; "Last Train to Eternity" Written by George Kashdan, pencils by Charles Nicholas, inks by Vince Colletta; and "Mikey's Friend!" Written by J.M. DeMatteis, pencils by Charles Nicholas, inks by Armondo Gil. Cover by Marshall Rogers.

In "Elevator to Oblivion," a jealous cancer researcher plots to kill his twin brother, so he can get a heart transplant. He succeeds, but his brother turns the murder weapon back on him to take it back! "Last Train to Eternity" features an engineer given the boot by the railroad when he hits retirement age, but a mysterious stranger offers him a job with his railroad: this is one that could be a horrible fate if told slightly differently, but is pretty much a happy ending here.

Lastly, "Mikey's Friend!" is the old imaginary friend turned real killer story; although DeMatteis does try to put a spin on the end. Mikey's friend looks creepier on the cover though, where he appears to have...a massive crotch eye? So he can see where he's going--alright, enough of that. Read more!