OK, I'd be about two seconds away from screaming like a little girl.

.

I'm just going to tell myself Superman is simply adjusting his belt and not...you know...assessing the damage...downstairs...moving on....

To get "Stupor-Man's" attention, Mxyzptlk turns the WGBS helicopter into an eggbeater, as was the expression I've never heard. Clark changes back to Superman, and realizes the "skin-mutation" is spreading all over. His powers are also starting to fade.

Confronting Mxyzptlk, Supes is starting to grow a snout, catfish whiskers, and his hair is receding. Even Mxy has to admit, maybe Supes has his own problems today, but he also denies having caused that. Mxyzptlk says he wants to get back to the fifth dimension, and needs Superman's help, since saying his name backwards isn't working. Supes says if Mxy cures him, he could help; but Mxyzptlk doesn't trust Supes. Which is stupid: Supes has never wanted Mxyzptlk around, so he'd decide to keep him now? Although, Supes has tricked him every single time he's ever appeared, and there's that "lie to everyone, all the time, always, to protect my secret identity" thing...my god, Luthor was right! That alien can't be trusted!

Mxyzptlk decides he'll just pull pranks and torture the citizens of Metropolis until Superman caves and has to send him back. Admittedly, this doesn't seem that different than what he's done in the past, but if it ain't broke...He starts with the Galaxy Broadcasting Building, which he refers to as the old Daily Planet building: a newspaper building. Transformed, it promptly collapses, leaving Superman to rescue the workers inside with a superspeed tornado. Just like a real tornado! Superman actually gets so mad he takes a swipe at Mxyzptlk, something Mxy says he's never done before, but Superman's furious that Lois could've been hurt.

Backing down, Mxyzptlk explains that he's in the same boat: sprung over a girl. The increasingly-catfish Superman uses his super-vision to check out the bride-to-be...something I personally wouldn't be that comfortable with...and tells Mxyzptlk she's beautiful but: "Oh no! She's about to be hit by a car!" As Mxyzptlk begs him to save her, Superman's powers give out, and he falls. He could help her, though, if Mxyzptlk used his magic to cure him; and Mxy does. Superman freely admits he lied: his vision had already failed, he couldn't see squat. Does the fifth dimension even have cars?

Before the furious Mxyzptlk can turn Superman into a giant penis, he's returned to the fifth dimension. The judge that exiled him explains there was a clause in the spell that would return Mxyzptlk if he performed a "Good turn," which for them apparently includes extortion, but is still probably the most good deed he's ever done.

With Mxyzptlk gone, as Superman helpfully explains: "All the effects of his magic are gone--as usual!" Then you should still be a green catfish, Supes. The venom wasn't caused by Mxyzptlk's magic, the cure was. If Mxyzptlk brought Lincoln back from the dead, then was sent back to the fifth dimension, Lincoln would be dead again. Rrrgh. This issue is the secret origin of me yelling at comic books.

Superman tells Lois that he probably won't be trying to give her super-powers again, at least for a while, as he's a little "gun-shy" from this attempt. Way to push the wedding date back some more, Supes. Nice. Lois, for her part, seems either completely understanding, or resigned to never getting married. Their relationship this whole issue just seemed really blah, kind of lacking that spark. Of course, for a couple that's had dozens of affairs, trysts, and forced marriages to aliens, mobsters, mermaids, ancient demigods, other superheroes, and Superman's cousin; well, I reckon it would take a bit more than this to get the blood pumping.

Back in Zrfff, Mxyzptlk gets married, and his bride reveals her true self. Just like in real life! Apparently, standards of male/female beauty are a little skewed over there too; since while she's a little dumpy, the men all look like caricatures of munchkins, and wouldn't be considered trophies themselves. Mxyzptlk: you're a schlumpy bald guy in orange and purple, not exactly a chooser, if you catch my drift. Anyway, if Mxyzptlk is so hung up on how she looks, why not just change it with his magic? If he can change children to chickens, he should be able to turn Ethel Merman into Giselle or whatever. Shallow bastard.

I mentioned how this issue may have turned me into a Marvel fan: Marvel gets a lot of flack sometimes for creating the "illusion of change," for making it seem like things are happening, when really things end up right back at the start. That's a valid point, but even so, Marvel characters got a lot more worked up about it. The Hulk, Spider-man, Captain America: all of them, if in the same situation Superman's in with Lois, would be pissing and moaning and filling thought balloons with melodramatic dialog. But they'd at least react. Superman just seemed like he was standing still. This issue, anyway.

Of course, this issue also did something else that would bite me in the ass later, which we'll get to next time!