Earth's cattiest heroes!

For many comics fans and writers, the hero's secret identity is a bit of a sacred cow. Actually, that's an apt cliche, because it's been milked for about all its worth. It can be a very good means of creating drama, and I would personally keep mine; but it also often leads to plots that are just tired. Lying to your one true love about your secret identity, tired. Having seventeen different villains who know your id, but none of them expose you because that would ruin their fun, tired. Brainwashing villains, society, your love interest to protect your identity, tired. What about brainwashing your friends? Pre-Identity Crisis, that is.

Iron Man/Captain America '98 Annual, "Life and Liberty," plot by Kurt Busiek and Roger Stern, script by Mark Waid, pencils by Patrick Zircher, inks by Randy Emberlin. This was the year Marvel did team-up annuals across the board, so you had things like X-Man/Hulk or Dr. Doom/X-Men, most of which were glorified fill-in issues, and completely disposable. However, with the regular writing staff of both Cap and Iron Man, and a penciller that would do more Iron Man issues, this one counted.

We begin with Cap and Iron Man using a force-field bubble to get to the beach of a Caribbean island undetected, or a homage to American Gladiators. Whichever. It doesn't especially work, as they're attacked as soon as they hit the sand by automated cannons and A.I.M. fliers. Yeah, I'm just going to call them AIM from here on in, OK?

I have more mockery for AIM, Advanced Idea Mechanics, scheduled for later, but for those of you who haven't seen them, I guess "evil Microsoft" would be the best description. Or is that "more evil Microsoft"? Think a bunch of geeks who originally were the lab rats and tech monkeys for HYDRA, then they branched off into their own little terrorist group, with yellow beekeeper uniforms and MODOK and ray guns and crap. They've never been that effective, but really, if your IT guy decided to try and take over the office, he could probably bring your computer to a standstill, but you could probably beat the tar out of him.

Cap and Iron Man aren't having a huge problem dealing with AIM, but are sniping at each other like an old married couple after one of them ate the last eggo and didn't mention anything about it, even as I was getting out the toaster and the syrup...and on that note, cue the flashback:

Earlier, Cap had made his way to the center of another AIM installation, on the trail of Mentallo, who was using AIM's scientific knowhow to amp up his telepathic powers. Using a dogpile of beekeepers and a force-field "filched from the brain of Reed Richards!" Mentallo is able to hold Cap off as he gains control over everyone on earth, about six billion people...which kind of seems like more trouble than it's worth, really: I really, really don't need to know what's going on in the head of Julie Sue Podunk, of Bumsphuck, AR.

But, as Tony Stark puts it, Mentallo "overcounted by one." Who? Professor X? Jean Grey? Cable? The Vision? No, Tony himself, tired of the constant mind control, wore a watch full of circuitry to protect himself from mental domination. Granted, he did it so he couldn't be taken over while in his armor, but maybe that's the sort of invention you might want to share with the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, etc. Tony gets sucked into Mentallo's "Cyberastral Realm," which is probably a lot like the movie Johnny Mnemonic. Not because of the cyberspace, Mentallo just liked the movie. He starts to take Stark apart and pulling secrets out of his head, but is shocked to realize Stark is Iron Man, which gives Tony the opening to knock him out. I dunno, I don't think Mentallo could've maintained control over everyone for very long if he's that shocked by that; because he was bound to run across more shocking things in people's heads. Shocking, icky things.

With Mentallo down, Iron Man has access to and control of everyone on earth, and to his credit he doesn't automatically make everyone shape up and fly right. (I would have made everyone, everywhere, mail me a dollar. And buy more comics. "Stop killing each other" was down around number seven on my list, next to "Go ahead and eat pork, why not?") He does take the opportunity to erase the knowledge of his secret identity from Mentallo's mind, and everyone else on the planet, as he destroys the mind-web and releases everyone.