Retro Toy Week: Transmetropolitan Spider Jerusalem!

Ah, I miss the days when DC Direct used to do a little bit more offbeat character selections, rather than simply grinding out yet another Batman or Superman (or now, Green Lantern) variation. From Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson's Transmetropolitan, Spider Jerusalem!


This was one of my favorite series, so of course I was up for a figure of the future's premier gonzo journalist. While Spider usually wore a jacket or pants when he left the house, the shorts look gives the opportunity to show off the tattoos. Still, he's not quite as articulated as you might think; and because of the tatts, he looks like he's going to have cut wrists, but he doesn't. Does he? Frankly, I always thought the shoulders looked like ball-joints, but they're not.
Spider came with a laptop, and his terrible two-headed cat. (There was a variant with a bowel disruptor handgun, which I believe was molded to his hand and non-removable, so...) I wish Spider had a bit more articulation, to better type away on his columns, or stroke his cat like a Bond villain. A better neck joint, rather than a mere cut, would've better served the character as well, but this was the state of specialty market figures around, I don't know, 1999 or so.
Unless a movie deal materializes (I was holding out for Transmetropolitan: the Animated Series...) I doubt we'll see another Spider Jerusalem figure. Which means, if you want him, well, you're going to have to shell out a bit now. I found one here, which looks about the best price you could figure on right now, but as usual, shop it around.




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Retro Toy Week: Beta Ray Bill!

I almost gave this chap away when I started doing Bastards of the Universe at Poe Ghostal's Points of Articulation. Then, I cleaned him up a bit, set him down, and almost forgot him for this week. I'm glad I didn't: from Toy Biz's 1997 Silver Surfer line, Beta Ray Bill! Not familiar with Beta Ray Bill? Get familiar! Short answer, he's alien horse Thor. Longer answer: Walt Simonson introduced Bill in the first issue of his massively awesome run on Thor, issue #337. Thor investigates an alien ship approaching earth, and mixes it up with a weird cyborg onboard. After Thor reverts to Dr. Blake, Bill smacks the cane on a wall and being worthy, gets the power of Thor. Eventually, in one of the least dicked-up things we've ever seen him do, Odin has a hammer made especially for Bill: Stormbreaker. Beta Ray Bill is a regular guest in Thor, has had a couple limited series, and is currently in Annihilators with the Surfer, Quasar, and Marvel's other cosmic heavyweights. So, the figure: it was a somewhat massive figure when it came out--most figures mid-nineties were what, five inches or so? Best guess, Bill's in a six-inch scale, even if he's in a bit of a crouch; he'd be about the same height as a comparable Marvel Legends figure if he could stand up straight. See: And he's wide. Bill just feels like a good lump of toy. I usually don't display him with his removable cape, since the cape is also massive. I think there's more plastic in that cape than there is in a lot of figures on the racks today...

The articulation is sparse: cut wrists, shoulders, neck, waist, and hips. Not ultra-poseable, yes; but he is vac-metallized! And so is his hammer, Stormbreaker, which is also bigger than its Legends counterpart.

Beta Ray Bill was a bit persona non grata for a few years there, I think: some people have a problem with space horse Thor being part of the same core Marvel Universe as the Punisher, for example. Those people can get bent. Bill is awesome. And you could do worse than having this one on your shelf.
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Retro Toy Week: Love Hina's Mitsune Kanno!

I have never seen Love Hina, and anything I say about said anime would be pure speculation. It's a harem show, right? Doofus guy, inexplicably surrounded by hot girls, struggles to get with the one true love out of the lot, whom you could probably pick out from episode one? Just a guess.

Regardless, I love this figure, but not for the reason you think. Well, OK, it's a cute anime girl who looks like she just got up and put on your shirt, but apparently she's also a bit of a lush. Mitsune came with beer, bottles and cans. Lots of beer. The little metal cans could be anything: energy drink, coffee, ramen, I don't know, but I'm going to take a wild guess that it's beer too. She also has a chair, a speaker...and a piece that looks like shelving or something? Well, I didn't find that, so leave it.


Mitsune's articulated at the hips, thighs, shoulders, elbows, knees, neck and somewhere in the midsection. Not super-poseable then, but not bad, and nothing interferes with the sculpt. She may have been purchased for her accessories, but she's a fun figure to boot. (Mitsune made a brief appearance here, back in our Prisoner spoof last year.) That said, good luck finding her: there's a couple statues and swimsuit mini-figures or whatever, but the proper action figure, with accessories, from C-Works; could be a tough one.
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Retro Toy Week: Chamber!

Hey, remember when Chamber was going to the next breakout character in Uncanny X-Men? Oh, you do not. But somehow, Poptopia must have made enough of an impression on me to pick up the Toy Biz Generation X figure for him. That, and I'm sure he was cheap. So cheap...


He's a pre-Legends figure, as you can tell by his four points of articulation. Hips and shoulders, which puts him on par with the average Simpsons toy. But, he does have an action feature, to demonstrate his mutant power: when his power manifested, the "psionic furnace" blew off his face and most of his chest. By some accounts, his body may just be a dead shell, and Jonothon Starsmore may be pure energy.


Let's see him in action, with our second annual Retro Toy Week Few Seconds of YouTube!

Once again, yay...

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Retro Toy Week: Final Fantasy VIII Skeleton!

From 1999, Final Fantasy VIII Skeleton! This is yet another video game-based figure that I own, even though I've never played the source game. (I've never played any Final Fantasy, as I'm not a big RPGer. Usually.) Pretty sure I both got him at a discount, and picked him up out of my great affection for Harryhausen's skeleton warriors from the end of Jason and the Argonauts.

And, as such, he's a little disappointing. I don't know what's up with Skely's head, if it's supposed to be on fire Ghost Rider-style, but the articulation is blocked up a bit there. He moves at the ankles (barely), the hips, the shoulders, the wrists, and the neck (a little). Still, the way the knees and elbows are set limits his poseability a bit. On the plus side, he does come with two swords and surprisingly, scabbards. Scabbards that seem to bolt directly into his pelvis, but nonetheless. Oh, and after the break, check out skeletons in action, from the aforementioned Jason and the Argonauts!

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Retro Toy Week: Terrax the Tamer!

Um, that's not dust on Terrax...it's dirt! Yeah, since he controls...dirt, I guess. Stupid macro setting...from Toy Biz's 1994 Fantastic Four line, Terrax the Tamer!

His nickname makes him sound like a counterpart to maybe Kraven the Hunter; but Terrax is a bit more cosmic than that. A former alien dictator named Tyros, he got the job of Herald to Galactus; after Galactus got a little sick of his employees being overly heroic and having qualms about their boss eating planets. Terrax was actually pretty good at his job, finding life-sustaining worlds for Galactus to consume, and torturing the inhabitants until dinner time. He would eventually try to quit, and has been killed off a time or two; but Terrax has faced off against his fellow heralds like the Silver Surfer, the New Warriors, ROM, Dazzler, and even Green Lantern Kyle Rayner.

Terrax the action figure's facial expression is a hair too neutral for the character: he's a sadistic brute who thinks he's a bigger deal than he really is, even if he is a big deal. (A herald of Galactus should be able to kick the tar out of earth, Galador, and Green Lantern; but Terrax isn't the brightest of the lot.) He's a John Byrne design, and looks great; and the figure looks just like the source material.

The downside is, Terrax's articulation is not the most dynamic: swivel neck, shoulders, elbows, hips, and knees. His axe looks great in his hand, but he looks best just standing around with it; not waving it around like the maniac he should be. But, he does come with another accessory: a "space-soaring meteor!" Terrax had earth-controlling powers, so he comes with a little rock to ride around on. Check out a terribly framed video after the break!


Ugh, that's not framed well, but you get the idea. The old Fantastic Four line had more than a few not too shabby figures (for the time, at any rate...) like Terrax here, the animated style Thing, some of the Inhumans like Triton. I don't think they had a great Invisible Woman or Human Torch figure in the batch, though.

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Retro Toy Week: Titan AE's the Drej!

Sometimes, when pulling figures for Retro Toy Week, I'm hard pressed to explain why I have a particular figure. This time, I have to explain why I have three of them. From 2000, Don Bluth, and Titan A.E.'s bad guys, the Drej!

Oddly, I suspect I have even another Drej somewhere. Well, maybe not: you can see them in the 3.75 inch test banner I did a couple years back. Bluey there was a pilot and came with a Drej stinger, but I've long since misplaced their accessories. Oddly, they are distinctly different sculpts, and Bluey isn't just a different colored casting: for one thing, Bluey has a vein on the side of his head that looks like it's throbbing something fierce.

I have no idea what scale the hero figures for Titan A.E. were, but the Drej make good, if relatively generic, alien bad guys for your 3 3/4" heroes.
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Retro Toy Week: Mutant X's the Fallen!

During last year's Retro Toy Week, we took a look at the Goblin Queen, Madelyn Pryor; from the 1998 Mutant X series. This time around, we have that universe's Warren Worthington the Third; no longer Angel, or Archangel, now the Fallen. As opposed to the typical What If? timelines for Marvel, where one domino tipping changes everything; in Mutant X several things appeared to have gone wrong in succession, or at least drastically differently. Storm had been transformed into the vampire Bloodstorm, the Beast's experiments caused a more drastic mutation and loss of intelligence, and Warren's transformation at the hands of Apocalypse was less...techy here. Instead of metallic wings, the Fallen would get green, lizard-like ones, and the ability to breathe fire. If I'm not mistaken, here Warren went bad and generally stayed that way, even if he broke Apocalypse's control. Since these figures were Preview Exclusives (and predating Marvel Legends) there was a lot of re-use--modern toy fans may see a bit of re-use in buck-based lines like DC Universe or Masters of the Universe Classics, but this is straight-up slapping on a new coat of paint and new head. (Well, and the wings, which draw the eye away from some of the flaws.) I'm pretty sure the Fallen's body is Quicksilver's, which had a somewhat undersized left fist. The wings are a nice sculpt, though, being about the only new pieces here. I don't know about that head, though: the hair is a bit clumpy. And of course, the articulation is of it's time, that is, not so great. I don't know if Mutant X was a huge seller; and the book seemed to have an unfortunate tendency, like a lot of What If? stories, to have to drag in versions of every super-hero they could for unfortunate, dramatic demises. And by the time a book gets to their own version of the Beyonder, well, maybe it's run its course. Still, I think it was cancelled less because of sales, and more an editorial mandate from Joe Quesada to stop the dilution of the X-Men brand. You can make your own call to how well that worked... Read more!

All this week: Retro Toy Week!

This was kinda fun last time, so here's our second annual look at some of the older toys I have lying around in bins, boxes, drawers, and occasionally on the shelves. I say "older," but don't mean much older than ten or twenty years. Off the top of my head, I thought most of the toys featured this week predated Marvel Legends, and they started in 2002...wow, that'll make you feel old.

This Nightcrawler is from the 1998 Toy Biz Giant-Sized X-Men box set, where he came with very nice (for pre-Legends) figures of Storm, Thunderbird, Banshee, Colossus, and Sunfire. (In a rare bit of restraint, Toy Biz figured you'd be able to find a damn Wolverine figure.) I was able to get some on sale, so I know I still have an unopened set somewhere...

Deadpool there is from 1992, and ooh, he looks it. (Check out the Amazon link, since on the picture there in package, Pool likes like an unpopular Spider-Man variant; but the Amazon links this week are just for reference. Go through some site that'll get a kickback!) Oddly, I thought he came with a gun, but it looks like he came with a couple of swords to go on his back. His left hand holds a spring-loaded dagger, that looks a lot like Pool plans on cutting himself some bread, or maybe carving a turkey. The gun in the picture, is a Han Solo blaster, and looks about right.

As I write this, we've got ten posts already scheduled for Retro Toy Week. How many will we end up with? We'll see...and instead of the usual Wednesday strip (still working on another episode of "Doom Idol"!) we'll have a batch of strips all week! But especially Wednesday.
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Shortlist: I miss buying figures just for the accessories...

Something about that panel of Azazel had been bothering me. But, I couldn't put my finger on it, until I saw this promo piece for Skullkickers.

I haven't read that one yet, but check out the link here. Just to hammer on the point, here's a page from Forgotten Realms #19, "Picking Up the Pieces" Written by Jeff Grubb, pencils by Rags Morales, inks by Dave Simons.

There's a lot more steins in that last one, but I was thinking goblets. Chalices. (I refuse to call them 'pimp cups.')

They would seem to be a much-needed accessory for your fantasy characters, although I doubt Mattel would want their Masters of the Universe to be seen as heavy drinkers, no matter how obvious it is that Ram-Man's had more than a couple. On the other hand, the recent DC Unlimited Dragon Age Duncan figure does come with a kind of cool looking cup, but I haven't played the game and don't know about the character. I can't really throw down on the figure just for one accessory...not for full price, anyway. Maybe if he came with two, or if Morrigan came with one. (And as usual, the Amazon links are for reference only, I recommend shopping around and if you do go Amazon, go through another site that'll get a kickback...)

I thought I used the Chalice of Kali that came from Colonel Dovchenko of the Indiana Jones line. There's actually a couple other figures that have come with goblets or chalices that would work with your six-or-seven inch figures; but be careful: the Marvel Select Dr. Doom figure comes with a goblet...-ed hand; an alternate drinkin' hand for the good doctor. Try the Spike figure from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which might be a bit spendy but also comes with a coffee cup and a kitty. Oh, and Spike, I guess.
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Azazel, part six! Our blog national nightmare is over!

Homestretch time! The last chapter of "The Draco" and I do believe Azazel's last appearance to date! Uncanny X-Men #434, "The Draco, conclusion." Written by Chuck Austen, pencils by Takeshi Miyazawa, inks by Craig Yeung with Scott Elmer. I don't know why Philip Tan dropped out at the last lap, but here we are.

Polaris has opened a hole to Azazel's prison dimension, that opens in the young mutant Abyss. Nightcrawler smirkingly teleports Abyss away from his "pops," leaving Azazel with Mystique suggesting which side of the family he gets lying from. I'm not sure how Kurt is able to teleport there, since they're in the dimension he teleports through. Nor is it ever really explained how Azazel controlled Kurt and the others at the beginning of this story but can't now.

After six more subplot pages of Juggernaut vs. Alpha Flight; Azazel finds the situation unraveling more, as Kiwi Black proved immune to Ginniyeh's telepathy and bugged out of there. Black attacks Angel's torturer, while Ginniyeh goes to kill the other captured X-Men, and kicks the hell out of them with her freaky and ill-defined powers, until Iceman sucks the moisture out of her and reforms.
While Kurt and Abyss try to find the other X-Men, Polaris sticks her head through the dimensional hole in Abyss, which may be the closest thing to sex he's going to get. She starts enlarging the hole, which is scaring the crap out of Abyss but not really hurting him, and starts wrecking up the place. Wolverine's arm comes loose, and he kills his captor. Iceman and most of the other X-Men get through the gateway (and Havok is dismayed to see Iceman get a kiss from nurse Annie for saving Carter) while Kurt, who has been pantsless for four issues or so, fights Azazel. For like two pages, with a quick "Join me" bit that Nightcrawler doesn't have time to make a Star Wars reference to, before the castle collapses...or something, and Azazel falls laughing to his 'death.'
Kurt and the rest get out, and life returns to normal. He now has a couple half-brothers, but I'm pretty sure Kiwi Black and Abyss haven't been seen since either. Kiwi stays silent until the last issue, and when he finally opens his mouth, his dialog sounds cribbed from a Fosters ad. Come to think of it, I have no idea how Abyss gets back to earth without getting turned inside out...Professor X asks Kurt if he's all right with losing his father; but Kurt says he hasn't: Professor X has been like his dad for years, and he's fine with that.

Just for artistic continuity, it would've been nice if Philip Tan had done this issue. Not that I cared for his art, but this isn't much better. But, that wraps up the saga of Azazel; although with him appearing in the X-Men: First Class movie some writer's bound to get the bright idea to use him for something. You've been warned.
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"Son of Doom Idol."

Short one today, guys: I do these strips usually a week or two in advance, and I just started running again. And am in, to be charitable, agonizing pain. (I walk a lot, but my legs have to get used to running every year about this time.) Hopefully, by the time this post goes up, I'll be running a little more smoothly, as it were.

Plus, I'm still trying to figure out the finalists in the Doom Patrol's search for a replacement member. Maybe next time! In the meantime, a real issue of Doom Patrol comes out today, and there's only a couple left, so get them now! Check out the preview at Newsarama here!

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A quick head's-up...that you possibly could've used last week.

Tried out the first issue of Butcher Baker, and am probably a bad person for enjoying it. It's not for everyone, but it's a fun start.

Also picked up Deadpool Corps #12: I hadn't been reading it regularly, but lucked into a couple ninety-nine cent issues, and it was enjoyably dumb. Deadpool, accompanied by alternate reality versions of himself (Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Kid Deadpool, and Dogpool) kicks around the universe causing trouble, but this issue wraps it up. I suspect if Marvel hadn't put three or more Deadpool books out at the same time, this one might've been a little less diluted and done a bit better, but it's all right.

Also, Pool and his crew somehow (I haven't read the rest of the series yet!) had power rings from the Elders of the Universe, poking a little fun at the recent trend of giving everyone a goddamn power ring. Why Deadpool Rings weren't made a promotional item, I have no idea.

The head's up part, is that Deadpool Corps #12 and Deadpool Team-Up #883 are both the last issues of their respective series, and both feature a variant cover. And the variants are very similiar, changing only the title, word balloons, and the cancelled books the crying Deadpool holds. In fact, that looks reversed as well: Pool holds copies of Team-Up on the Corps cover. And rumor has it, there may even be covers on the wrong books entirely. Check it out in the store, if you happen to be looking for one or the other.
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Let's see, upwards of 980+ pages, not counting the trade...carry the three...

I don't know much about how comics are purchased on the direct market, or market-sales strategies; but I do know a steal when I see one: the other weekend at Hastings, I picked up several of DC's recent reprint books, marked down from $7.99 to $.99. Then, there was also a "Buy 2, get 1 free" sale; so I have a couple hundred pages worth of books to read now.

Got nine of those, the first issue of Deadpool MAX, JSA 80-Page Giant, an issue of Atomic Robo, and the second Crisis on Multiple Earths trade. Per the receipt, I saved $89.47; so I don't know if that's a sustainable business model, but it works for me.

Everyday is Like Wednesday mentioned being surprised the DC Comics Presents books weren't selling better, and admittedly I wouldn't have purchased this lot if they hadn't been sixty-six cents a piece; but it makes me think comic books have become a closed system. If so, then there are only so many consumers that will pay for comics, and said consumers only have so much money: if super-amazing Book A puts out two issues this month, the consumer may pass on lower tier Book B, leaving comics no net gain. So, these reprints may be swell as hell, but it's tough convincing a lot of comics buyers to cough up for them; especially when they've been conditioned to buy the big "important" crossover books. Vile speculation, and I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong.
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Shortlist: Killing two birds with one 1D4 stone.

Today's Shortlist pulls double duty, hyping up a book I loved that is actually in trade now! And monsters that absolutely should be figures--proper action figures, not little gaming miniatures: monsters from the AD&D world, and DC Comic, Forgotten Realms! Back around 1989 or so, TSR and DC partnered up for some comics, some of which were pretty good, especially the twenty-four issues (and an annual) of Forgotten Realms, featuring art by Rags Morales (loooong before he hit big with Identity Crisis) and following the crew of the Realms Master as they quest for dangerous magical artifacts. Of course, I'd love figures of the heroes (including Omen, a wizard with magically inexplicable hair...) but the monsters would be the big draw. Now, there were AD&D figures in 1982 from LJN (and you can check them out here) but they never made a Beholder action figure? Did we lose a war? Come on! And ideally, you would want your lower-level monsters to come in packs, for ease of army building. I mean, it's not like one gnoll or a lone skeleton ever gave your brave adventurers a challenge, right? IDW Publishing is doing some Dungeons and Dragons comics now, and they recently reprinted the first eight issues of Forgotten Realms in trade. Written by Jeff Grubb, art by Rags Morales and Dave Simons (and maybe a few others) and if you have fond memories of old campaigns, you might enjoy this one. Read more!

Azazel, week five! I take a "Draco" shaped bullet for you...

Another Thursday, another chapter of "The Draco," until my penance is complete. From Uncanny X-Men #433, "The Draco, part five." Written by Chuck Austen, art by Philip Tan. This issue returns to the Polaris subplot from part three, and nurse Annie realizes her son Carter is missing. (For the last three months worth of issues, which unintentionally makes Annie look like a terrible mom.) He stowed along with the X-Men that went looking for the missing Kurt, and is currently in Azazel's dungeon with Husk, Jubilee, Havok, and the severed head of Iceman. Currently psychic (Carter's powers seemed to come and go, and I'm not positive he actually was a mutant) Carter can hear Iceman complain he doesn't have enough moisture to reform his body. Oh, and Havok sucks for stealing two consecutive girlfriends from him. (Maybe not consecutive, but if you're still mad about something like that, chances are you don't get a lot of action.) Havok offers to help Iceman reconstitute himself, since he had a lot to drink on the flight there...and this is why Uncanny X-Men hasn't been Marvel's flagship title for the last ten years or so.

Meanwhile, in the other ongoing subplot, Alpha Flight fights Juggernaut; which is made rather confusing since Northstar arrived with Juggernaut and is on his side; while Sasquatch is wearing a big, dumb-looking suit of armor with a helmet like Juggernaut's. I had considered going back through and counting how many pages total in "The Draco" actually are "The Draco," and how many are the Juggernaut or Polaris subplots; but I'll be damned if I'm going back through these now...

Back at my dinner with Azazel, Angel is pissed over the archeology professor's death--I'm not sure he had a name, though--and Jillian keeps hitting on Kurt, which is inappropriate considering the situation and that they are almost certainly related. (Doesn't matter, since I don't think we see her again after this scene.) Talking through it, Kurt realizes if Azazel is 'Satan,' it's not really in the biblical sense, but Azazel is a mutant from biblical times.

Azazel says yes, explaining that he was 'cast out' by 'angels,' another group of mutants. He asks our Angel what he knows of his lineage, and Angel clams up, so Azazel gives him to one of his men for torture. Logan is stabbed through the back and pinned, and Azazel helpfully suggests removing his arms at the shoulder joint and then cauterizing the stumps. But, Azazel points out, Logan may be the only toy they get for "the next twenty or more years."

Later, Kiwi Black, Abyss, and Kurt have an almost friendly expository chat with Azazel; rather out of place considering Kurt's friends are probably being tortured right then. Kiwi, who has been the stolic, silent warrior-type so far here; had failed in guarding the dimensional gateway. Although, Kiwi doesn't act like that was his idea either; so Azazel refers him to torture too. Now with two sons left, Azazel explains how the X-Men destroyed the dimensional gateway--somehow, since I don't seem to recall them really doing anything this whole story--and this dimension is the same one that Kurt teleports through and Abyss sucks stuff into. That doesn't really track, either, since we saw Abyss spit Mystique out two chapters back, she wasn't already there. Azazel can see our world, but can't get back, until he breeds another batch of teleporters to poke a hole through as a group.

Meanwhile, Professor X, Polaris, and nurse Annie arrive on the Isla des Demonas. The Professor can't sense them, but Polaris can feel a "spatial rip" and pokes it with her magnetic powers so they can see Azazel and Kurt's conversation. Azazel explains that Kurt's stepmom Margali opened the portal once, and that he totally hit that, but alone none of them can get through without some help from the earth side. Which Polaris is doing, opening a hole in Abyss...to be concluded!

I'm pretty sure this is the issue that broke the suspension of disbelief for Paul O'Brien of the X-Axis into a million pieces: if Azazel was able to get through before, how did he end up back? And he was able to get back to earth to father a batch of kids, so why can't he get back now? Azazel mentions seeing satellite photos of earth; but how? (That could possibly be justified by him looking through at earth, but if he can see earth at will to that detail, he should be able to figure something out.) It could be lampshaded that Azazel needs a bunch of teleporter kids to open a big enough hole to get his whole army through, but it looked like he had an army there for the first fight, and he's still acting like he can't get through. Where did Azazel's army go, anyway?

This issue sucks. The art sucks, the story sucks, the ongoing storyline sucks, the subplots suck, and the characterization sucks. Suuuuuuuuuuuuck. Worst of all, Austen and Tan were both capable of better work; they just needed an editor to crack them on the knuckles and make them do it again. There might have been a germ of a good idea in there at some point, but the execution just failed. One more to go, then I'm going to deny this storyline ever existed, a point Marvel Comics and I seem to agree upon...so far.

Oh, and Azazel in X-Men: First Class, the movie? I'd bet he's there for a few minutes of teleportation action, like Nightcrawler's kickass opener in X2, and that's that. Just a guess.

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"Drinks for everyone!"

Dale from Mr. Morbid's House of Fun asked me what I used for drinks in my posts, and that struck me as a good excuse to be lazy as usual chance to be educational for a change! A great source of beer for your figures: McFarlane's Strange Brew figures from a few years back. I got them just for the accessories, and Bob and Doug McKenzie came with a pile: chairs, a cooler, a camp stove and food, a 'Great White North' backdrop, and beer, beer, beer. Longneck and short bottles, and cardboard cases. I know I gave a friend the figures, but they weren't bad; I just had what I needed. Another quick fix: Playmates Simpsons figures! Homer, Moe, and Barney, among others, will come with a nice frosty mug: it may be a little cartoony for your tastes, but it works. I know the jug's from Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel; but I'm at a loss for the moment as to who had the flask. Pretty sure it's from the Simpsons... There's others, some of which I'll have to try and find another time. And of course, if you have a modicum of craft in you, you may be able to knock out your own: I used to have a couple homemade bottles, cobbled together from old ads. For some reason, perennial Hulk villain the Gremlin had a bottle of MD 20/20 for several years, but trust me, if you looked like him you'd drink too. Read more!

Apparently, 80's Marvel wanted you to blow stuff up.

So, last week we mentioned Mysterio faking a fire with flour, which you absolutely still shouldn't try at home. And today, we have another example of Marvel Comics all-but-encouraging you to blow crap up with common household products: from G.I. Joe Special Missions #13, "Washout" Written by Larry Hama, pencils by Herb Trimpe, inks by Andy Mushynsky. On a mission in "Trucial Abysmia," Joe veterans Dusty and Outback are on a mission with "probational" new Joes Lightfoot and Mangler. Spotted by a chance patrol, the mission goes south quickly, and the team is captured. Under torture, Lightfoot gives up the mission objectives: an American weapons cache, leftover from the previous regime. As a corrupt political officer makes for the cache, his captain refuses to execute the Joes, and instead leaves them in the desert with a single canteen, to make it to safety. Instead, they push on to destroy the cache; unarmed, without explosives, provisions, or transport... Lightfoot has to cobble together an explosive device to take out the cache, which should maybe be easier than he makes it sound here, since the political officer mentioned there were sidewinder missiles in there. But there's a bit of drama, some helpful desert survival tips from Dusty (that you probably also shouldn't try...) and a good, solid issue. Just keep it under your hat. Read more!

Easily mistakable for classic Conan:

It's Barry Windsor-Smith, artist of Marvel's first Conan the Barbarian comics (and a ton of other stuff) but this time on story and art, for 1995's Conan vs. Rune.

Possibly because I recently re-read Smith and Roy Thomas's adaptation of "Red Nails," the story and the art here reminded me of that one: travelling through the Turanian desert, Conan approaches a camp, only to find it deserted. Spying a jewel, the usually canny barbarian is lured into a trap, set by the alien vampire Rune, who has already eaten most of the local populace. (Rune's killed them all, he just hasn't eaten all of them yet...)


I don't know all of Rune's story, even though I think I have a couple issues of Curse of Rune since I like the Kyle Hotz art. Rune's power level varied wildly, though: along with this brawl with Conan, he also fought Venom, Adam Warlock, and the Silver Surfer. Not in any particular order, either...

No offense to the colorist, but man, I bet this'd look great in black-and-white. Story and art by Barry Windsor-Smith, with ink assist by Alex Bialy.
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