There are Claremont subplots that wrapped quicker than this. And with better closure!

Now, granted, if I blog three issues of a formerly monthly comic, over the course of just over seven years, it is going to feel like it's been dragged out a bit. Was it really? Let's see! From 1984, Jonah Hex #83, "Blues in the Bottle...Stopple in My Hand!" Written by Michael Fleisher, art by Tony DeZuniga.

Jonah's marriage to Mei Ling may be over, but so what? He still has Emmylou...which is trading down and I suspect Hex knows it, but he doesn't even have Emmylou, she had taken the stage to St. Louis. What Hex doesn't know, besides why she was going, is that she never made it there, she was abducted by bank robbers; two of whom were women. Disgruntled, Hex opts for a bit of the bottle, perhaps not noticing a lot of the townspeople giving him side-eye, like a bomb they expect to go off sooner rather than later. Two thugs were tasked with keeping tabs on him, but one gets the bright idea that a soused Hex would be easy pickings. There's two more coffins, but best get some more ready...

While Emmylou tries and falls to escape her captors, there's a mysterious and sudden dearth of hotel rooms in town, so Hex is bedding down--and still drinking--in the stable. Two locals lead out the horses and tell the stablemaster they'll build a new one after the fire, that they're starting right now in the hopes of getting Hex. Hex escapes (on his conveniently saddled horse!) and leaves town, which doesn't improve his mood any. He doesn't even kill those guys: he didn't expect to be given a parade, but maybe hadn't expected to be burned out, either. Frustrated over the downturn in his life, Hex throws his guns--his "matching Dragoons"--in the lake. He is awakened in the morning by the extraordinary loud and grating Catherine Rebecca Smollett of a Christian temperance farm, and I have to figure she's just lucky his guns were in the lake. Still, he hangs out on the farm for a few, which does have to be a vacation of sorts for him, before the three bad guys that had been planning on ganging up on him with the first two, I guess, catch up to them. Hex has to kill them with a knife, a pitchfork, and a sickle, respectively.

Catherine tries to tell Hex maybe it would be for the best if he left, and Hex agrees, figuring he was about as saved as he was likely to get...I'm curious if he helped himself to the bad guys' guns, although I can't imagine they would've been as good as his old ones. 

 Also this issue: still another USPS Statement of Ownership. Total Number Copies Printed (net press run): Average number of copies each issue during preceding 12 months: 220,700. Single issue nearest to filing date: 197,556. Paid circulation, actual number of copies of single issue published nearest to filing date, 63,973.

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Can you catch lightning in a bottle twice? Well, no.

I was curious enough to order the trade, though: from 2013, Threshold #4, featuring "Small Wonder" Written by Keith Giffen, art by Phil Winslade and Matt Raney; and "A Step in the Right Wrong Direction" Written by Giffen, art by Scott Kolins.

This was another of DC's periodic attempts to relaunch some of their classic space hero stable--well, not Adam Strange, he still does okay here and there. Feel like the last time they tried this, was the 2006 Mystery in Space with Captain Comet and the Weird; but this time features the New 52 versions of Stealth from L.E.G.I.O.N, Star Hawkins, and Captain Carrot? Sort of? Here we have K-Rot, who is very very much in the Rocket Raccoon vein; a more traditional Captain would appear later in Multiversity. The other lead was Jediah Caul, a new Green Lantern.

Best guess, but I really think this might've been DC trying to recreate what Giffen had done with Annihilation: Conquest--Starlord back in 2007: take a bunch of third-string, barely remembered characters, and somehow transform them into a massive multimedia franchise. Didn't take this time! Still want to read the whole thing, though. It's got good artists, and the back-up feature was Larfleeze, with the Star Rovers!...nobody remembers the Star Rovers, Space Ranger, Tommy Tommorow! I think the last time most of them appeared in a comic was Twilight, and that was over twenty years prior! Again, DC does this sometimes, but I think it might help to get some reprints out there ahead of time, drive up some interest; and they never do.

EDIT: I did get the trade this afternoon; and hated the ending! And other parts were a little too like Giffen's own last issue of Doom Patrol, a little too meta about getting cancelled. And just about all of the characters are jerks, at best.

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I feel like you won't see all three together again anytime real soon...

I enjoyed the third season of Jessica Jones, although it reached a point where everything Patsy Walker did was wrong or went wrong, to keep the drama going. She gets off a little easier today, but maybe not for long: from 2016, Patsy Walker, A.K.A. Hellcat! #5, written by Kate Leth, art by Brittney L. Williams.

Civil War II wouldn't do it any favors; but this book was trying to carve a fun little niche out for itself, as Patsy worked to set up a temp agency for people with super-powers who weren't necessarily the superhero type. Much of this issue was wrapping up an old foe and a new competitor: Casiolena. Who we've actually seen on the blog before, although I thought it was spelled with two S's! She both described as and taunted as a "third-rate Enchantress," which admittedly has to grate after a while; her trying to go extra-bad is almost understandable. Even her lackey turned on her, and with the help of Valkyrie and She-Hulk, Casiolena and her supervillain app are wrapped up.

Patsy still has problems, though: her old rival Hedy Wolfe got the rights to the Archie-like comics Patsy's mom made about her, and was republishing them to Patsy's embarrassment. (I first learned about Patsy's history in the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe, but my understanding is: Patsy was kind of like if Betty had married Archie, who went into the army and became an abusive dickhole, then got herself superpowers. Hedy was basically a meaner Veronica?) Hedy may have something more in mind, though, as she hires Jessica Jones to dig up any dirt on Patsy. Williams uses a softer style than usual for Marvel, so this does feel like some of the edges get sanded down on Jessica: she has a huge name plate, and a drink, in a glass, with ice! Fancy, somebody's making an effort today. (I tease, but yeah.) Read more!

Verbal abuse! That's what sells comics, right?

I've had this one in a pile by my exercise bike for some time, so Metron has been de-motivating me for long enough! From 2014, Green Lantern #35, "Godhead, Act I, Part II: Dead Worlds" Written by Robert Venditti, pencils by Billy Tan, inks by Rob Hunter, Batt, and Mark Irwin. 

We saw another chapter of 'Godhead' some time back, but the covers for the early chapters all had large blocks of text from the New Gods, who are way crankier than usual in this crossover. They've already stolen rings from Mogo and Saint Walker, messed with a large alien planet apparently experimenting with the rings, and now Highfather sets Metron on the task of cracking the Source Wall and getting the Life Equation. Metron hacks the Green Lantern's database, to get information about Kyle Rayner and the White Lantern, since he had gotten through the Source Wall and back; but Hal lets the hack go on long enough to see the hacker, and where.

He admittedly has a point there...Orion is not impressed with the Lanterns, and he and the Divine Guard mop the floor with them. Worse, when they just leave, Hal can see through the Boom Tube, there's a lot more of them. And Metron had the whole GL database, so Hal's going to have to try something else, which you can probably guess since this crossed over with Sinestro and Red Lanterns.

Highfather pays lip service to some of the mayhem he was letting happen "for the greater good" or whatever; but there's a real sense he's just had it with Darkseid and is willing to do whatever it takes to finally win their long war. I don't think Orion was given especially deep characterization in this one, either. There's sometimes a bit of a thug to him, though.

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"Deadbeard."

Sharks can get really old! I'm guessing I had seen that when I wrote this...

This may be me backfilling why Satana didn't burn Shiklah or Arcade's souls: absorbing too much energy would be bad for her...maybe like Strong Guy? Well, nobody wants that. Also, tossing them into hell, she's technically not killing them, more like deportation; possibly to avoid offending Kurt. (I don't write Kurt as religious, or especially bothered by murder; although he's no killer himself.) Or, I could be explaining away some of Sat's other looks in the past; which may or may not have been a terrible hat.

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Someday a Marvel movie will end with the Snarks or Friday showing up, and the true heads will lose it.

I was pleasantly surprised that I liked Eternals when it got to Disney+. While I think it maybe could've used a bit more of the bombast and color of the classic Kirby art; there is a bit more characterization and plotline; and since they didn't all have the laundry list of powers they had in the comics, they were more vulnerable as well. (As in, not unstoppable, unkillable tanks!) 

A mild spoiler: not all of the Eternals make it to the end, but I was surprised that one did, who I thought wouldn't cost out. She was basically Wonder Woman with early-onset dementia; and I hope she shows up again! But two characters I also didn't expect to show up in the MCU appear at the end: somehow I managed to avoid spoilers on that one, or I saw it and pushed it out of my skull...not these characters anyway. Not yet! From 1989, Power Pack #50, "Friday's Children" Written by Jon Bogdanove, pencils by Tod Smith, inks by Mike Manley and Al Williamson.

The Power Pack--with Franklin Richards--had finished one adventure only to immediately start another: their Kymellian friend Kofi returns, to enlist their help. The smartship Friday, that originally gave the Powers' their powers, was gravely ill; and Kofi thought they could help. Somehow, the Power kids are able to talk their parents into letting them zip off into space for a couple days--it seems weird to the kids, that they're being reasonable-slash-borderline negligent. I don't think we see Franklin call his folks, but for him even at that age going into space was probably like going to the 7/11. They arrive too late, though: Friday's "spark" has gone out, the smartship is dead.

After an interlude with the Snarks' Queen Mother looking to drop some serious quatloos on a doomsday weapon (that's two Star Trek references and a Transformers one so far!) the kids are not keeping it together at Friday's funeral, jumping on the coffin and wailing. Of course it works, rekindling what lifeforce the ship had left. Meanwhile, the Queen Mother checks out the "Galactus-matic DLX" at the dealership--hey, that's just the Doomsday Machine from the Star Trek episode of the same name! They even name-check the neutronium hull! (The dealer, Crazy Freddie, admits they did lose one of those things, when somebody accidentally left one on automatic.) The test-drive goes well: "Note the smooth trigger-action, the maniacal feeling of power!" Until the Queen Mother blows up Crazy Freddie's asteroid dealership. Arms sales seem tricky!

Back on the Kymellians' orbital habitat, the kids can't help but pick up on the bad vibes: they had accidentally blown up their homeworld with anti-matter power, which necessitated their new home. Old folks that remembered things like skies and grass were pretty depressed, while most everyone else was pacified by technology. They also meet, somewhat unwillingly, the Kymellians' own super-horses--er, heroes; Force 4. Kids with powers were raised by the state and treated like superstars, so they were dicks, except for their leader Ghostmare. She had phasing powers, and an affinity for nature her people didn't share anymore. But she does look forward to meeting them in battle!

Battle? It's supposed to be more like training: the argument is, since the Powers got their powers from Kymellians, they were responsible for teaching them how to best use them. Alex thinks it's unnecessary, they had been doing fine on their own, and was also upset that it was a spectator sport in a stadium. Of course there's some anti-earther sentiment to boot, those that felt they shouldn't even have Kymellian powers. Predictably, the kids are curb-stomped the first round; until their wild card, Franklin, is able to use his powers to distract one and turn the tide. Since they are kids, they're also going to play as rough as they're played with: the adults are predictably aghast, but later Force 4 apologizes: they were following orders and were sorry. 

Increasingly disillusioned, the kids then get to see Friday installed into a new smartship body--new and improved, with much more weaponry. Kofi's father tells them their "rapport" with Friday wasn't special, it was merely following programming; but also has another revelation: the Powers no longer have to worry about their parents freaking out. He had altered their personalities slightly, to be suggestable to whatever the kids told them: if they wanted to stay up late, have ice cream for dinner, or go into space; the folks would nod and agree. The Powers, and Kofi, are furious--OK, honestly I could see Jack being completely on board with that, he could be a bit of a stinker.

While the kids smash some furniture, Friday realizes she does care for them, and could not simply be property: her former captain, Whitey, had freed her from restrictions and directives. She breaks free, gathering up the kids and Power Pack's newest member: Kofi, who no longer feels like he belongs with his people. They take off, with the Kymellians trying to track them, but there was a sudden interference: the Queen Mother's arrival, as she appears to destroy the Kymellian sun...! 

 This was a double-sized issue, and a dense, and wordy, one. I was also surprised to see Bogdanove as writer instead of artist; I think he would write a couple more and do a bit more art later.  

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This plot seemed familiar, but that will happen...

From the cover I thought this was maybe N'Kantu's first appearance, but it was at least a couple in. They maybe could've had the splash page for the cover instead; crazy space mummy seems like it should maybe move some books. From 1974, Supernatural Thrillers #8, "Power Times Four!" Written by Tony Isabella, art by Val Mayerik.

After rising again from a museum in New York City, the Living Mummy's "sanity" is back, just in time for him to get yanked into another dimension and attacked by rock creatures, dust devils, mini-volcanos, and pelting rain. (The pelting rain probably doesn't sound so bad, but what does wet mummy smell like?) He is brought before the Elementals, four wizard-y types that claim to have been around since before Atlantis sank, but were driven off by a warrior with a ruby scarab. (This bit features "Dann" and "Garret," and is a brief homage to the classic Blue Beetle!) Although banished, the Elementals wanted to return to earth, if only some chump was available to get them the scarab: they make a brief attempt to bribe N'Kantu with the restoration of his humanity, before the air elemental Zephyr takes control of his mind, and sends him on his way, compelled to complete his mission by any means, including murder...! Well, wait, how else was he going to do that? He wasn't particularly sneaky or anything.

I felt like I had seen this plot with Morbius before, or maybe Werewolf by Night: weird magic/alien whatever kidnaps the hero with a ray--also a convenient way to keep them from being captured by the cops! Then sends the hero after whatever MacGuffin they shouldn't have. That's usually a two-parter, although looking it up, the Elementals were still giving N'Kantu the hassle in the last issue of the series, although they appeared to be short one by then...

Also this issue: a Lee/Ditko three-pager, "The Little Gypsy Tea Room" from Amazing Adult Fantasy #13, and somebody--probably 'Darren,' who signed the cover and front page--clipped the Marvel Value Stamp of the Ancient One out of this copy. Read more!

Not from what you were probably thinking it was:

It looks like Bernie Wrightson's Frankenstein, but is much shorter and should run you much less: From 1983, Berni Wrightson: Master of the Macabre #1, featuring "The Muck Monster," "The Pepper Lake Monster," and "The Black Cat."

There's a slight chance it could have been elsewhere, but I'm almost positive I was introduced to Bernie Wrightson through Creepshow--I recall a childhood friend having it, and I'm still jealous. (And I'm a huge Stephen King fan, yet am not positive I've ever had a copy of my own...? I say that, but should get up and make sure I don't have three copies...) Today's book was from Pacific Comics, and featured three reprints from Eerie #68, Eerie #58, and Creepy #62; now with color by Steve Oliff.

"The Muck Monster" is a Frankenstein riff, of course, with the added step of this mad scientist seemingly failing to create life, until he dissolves his unliving creation in acid, pours it down the drain, it congeals around a corpse, then comes back. The first person narration from the monster is somber and existential, but not completely without hope. In "The Pepper Lake Monster" an investigator tries to corral a small-town lake's sea monster, and succeeds!...briefly. "The Black Cat" is a Poe adaptation, but it's doubtful you'll find it done better. $1.50 in 1983, a buck out of the bins last week, but well worth it either way! Read more!

Again, like oh-so-many superhero suits; it just looks better on a woman.

Especially since our other choices were 90's slacker, burly jock, or...from 1996, New Warriors #73, "Damn the Torpedoes" Written by Evan Skolnick, with a plot assist from Dwight Coye, pencils by Patrick Zircher, inks by Andrew Pepoy. 

Young New Warrior Turbo, Michiko "Mickey" Musashi, was about to leave the team; and to suggest her partner Mike Jeffries be the new Turbo--although she had proven to be the better pilot, all the powers were in the suit, after all. But that's put on hold when Mike gets a surprise visitor: his second cousin, Dan Jones, son of Brock, the previous owner of the Torpedo suit. Whatever happened to him...ooh, right.
(From Rom #50, "The Extraterrestrials!" Written by Bill Mantlo, art by Sal Buscema, inks by Akins and Garvey.)

Dan seems a bit intense, and tries to intimidate the armor, or Turbo's whereabouts, out of Mike. Mickey calls in the rest of the New Warriors, currently under the somewhat tentative leadership of Justice. (Night Thrasher and Rage had been "booted" from the team for not being there to help Namorita, and were now intent on rescuing her, at least partially to redeem themselves.) To help with the decision, Justice and Hindsight Lad do their research into the Torpedo suit, and Mike reluctantly tells the story of how he got the suit: he found it in his attic, while trying to piece together Halloween costumes for himself and Mickey. Thinking the suit was a bit "goofy-looking," he passed it off to Mickey; but nearly died of envy when the Rocketeers (No relation!) attack while trying to get it and the suit's powers were revealed. 

Mike realizes he may have to continue sharing the suit, this time with Dan; and asks to be allowed to wear it to fly over to his hotel and get him. Except "Dan Jones" was already there: he had killed Mike already, and taken his place, since he was a Dire Wraith! And the Torpedo suit appears far more powerful with him in it...to be continued! 

Despite seemingly being headed out the door this issue, Turbo would go on with the Warriors and other teams later. Mickey also seemed willing to share the suit more than once, but seemingly never does; and Dan Jones doesn't seem to have turned up again, either, alive or dead. The letters page this issue is a retrospective from writer Evan Skolnick, who may have created Turbo with Coye as part of a long-running proposal that was never greenlit; but Fabian Nicieza and Darick Robertson may get credit for her creation since they rolled her into New Warriors! Skolnick also explains the Warriors were nearly selling well enough to warrant a spin-off title: it would fall through, but that's why the team's membership swelled to 14 at one point.

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"Fight Music."

Technically I don't think Destiny is Mystique's "ex," but Kurt probably just wants to give his dad the hassle. And once again, Kurt is both way too enthusiastic about fencing, and keeping swords God knows where.

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It's the comic book equivalent of the Cloverfield Paradox, maybe.

In that, if you were reading comics 800 years ago in 1992, you almost certainly bought this, but does anyone remember it? X-Men Annual #1, "Shattershot, part 1: the Slaves of Destiny" Written by Fabian Nicieza, pencils by Jim Lee (layouts), P. Craig Russell, Brian Stelfreeze, Adam Hughes, Stuart Immonen, Dan Panosian, Greg Capullo, and Mark Texeira; inks by P. Craig Russell, Brian Stelfreeze, Dan Panosian, Mark Texeira, Joe Rubinstein, and Harry Candelario. That was a way stronger creative lineup than I remembered for this; and one way too strong for such a creampuff of an annual. 

On Mojoworld, it's the last day of the rebellion, but not in a good way: Mojo has crushed the rebels, including capturing Quark (from the Longshot mini) but the "toymaker," Arize escapes, making a desparate extradimensional jump to earth. After some object lessons in the Danger Room, the Blue Team of X-Men is sent to scenic Afghanistan in search of a sudden alien appearance, and find Arize, who was not in great shape after the trip. A great deal is made of Spiral being the only one who could navigate the journey from Mojoworld to earth safely, but she doesn't appear here, even if she may have transported in the retrieval team Mojo has tasked with bringing back Arize. 

Despite including Gog and Magog (again from Longshot) and the brainwashed Quark, the retrievers do not fare well; with Wolverine rather callously stabbing one nobody to death. He and Psylocke seem to think the retrievers should resist Mojo, but they don't seem to have a lot of free will, and may also have hostages at home, as one cameraman tells Gambit. When the retrievers with names flee--which may involve Spiral, but isn't clear--Wolvie and Rogue nearly follow, but are stopped by Cyclops, who considers the mission complete. (Rogue and Wolvie are mildly steamed: Longshot had been missing for some time, and they angrily note he was their teammate, not Cyke's.) Back on Mojoworld, the ratings are great, but Mojo is a laughing-stock; and a shadowy figure watches and plots against him...  

I am virtually positive I had this back in '92, but had absolutely no recollection of it, and definitely hadn't read it in years. Also, I got the next chapter from the same quarter bin haul, and I'm not sure I had even seen it before, and Shattershot ran three more annuals? For some reason, I thought only two. I feel like I would've got the X-Factor Annual, but again it's like it's been wiped right out of my mind. Then again, '92 was a pretty fun year, so I may have some rough spots...

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Ooh, here's an optimistic one for a Monday morning...(dies of sarcasm)

I'm 70% sure I bought this because I thought it might be the last issue of the series; but I'm 100% sure I didn't pay the $6.25 sticker price on the bag. That seems optimistic...from 2017, Thunderbolts #11, "Return of the Masters, part two: Chance of a Lifetime" Written by Jim Zub, art by Jon Malin. 

This incarnation of Thunderbolts only lasted a year, and may have been quickly forgotten; which I don't think was necessarily these creators' fault. It featured most of the classic Thunderbolts lineup, plus Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier: Marvel seemed to be trying to figure out how to capitalize on his popularity from the movies, but with limited results, since this title started from Avengers Standoff: Welcome to Pleasant Hill and was building up to Secret Empire, with the heroes here having no way to stop it. 

(A moment for a pointless gripe: So this series, and I think most if not all of Captain America: Steve Rogers was all building up to Secret Empire, a total of like 31 issues. That feel like a bit long of a burn, and a bit spendy: I don't want to follow Hydra Cap for more than a couple issues, not over a year. If comics were still cheap, maybe it would be a bit more forgivable, but still seems way too long. Also, thematically it felt like the wrong time for it...) 

The T-Bolts had been guarding Kobik, a Cosmic Cube that had manifested a personality, that of a little girl. A gullible little girl, since she is manipulated by the Red Skull (because, admittedly, you can't argue he doesn't love the Cosmic Cube...) to retroactively turn Cap into a true believer of Hydra. In the previous issue, Helmut Zemo had attacked, critically injuring Bucky, but Kobik had offered to "fix everything" and Bucky hadn't had any choice. He then finds himself back in World War II, but with his current memories; and even better news, had already killed Heinrich Zemo! Bucky thinks that has to change the future: Cap won't get frozen, and neither would he, no Winter Soldier.

Bucky receives new orders to go on a recon mission, with Cap staying behind, under protest. Bucky investigates some unguarded Nazi trucks, but that's putting his head in the noose: it's full of Zemo's androids, who beat the tar out of him. He wakes up, chained to a plane like he and Cap had been in the old reality, by Zemo, this time Helmut. He knows the Nazis are all but finished, but "the future belongs to Hydra." Cap is there as well, to save Bucky, but not in the way he would hope: Steve argues with Zemo that Bucky is an asset, that they could use. Zemo says that went out the window when he killed Heinrich, but Steve tries to get Bucky to join them: "Say it. 'Hail Hydra.'"

Refusing, Bucky is launched on the drone fighter, blowing up a U.S. base in a fiery death...interrupted by a frustrated Kobik, yelling at him for messing it up: he was supposed to join Hydra, duh! Kobik thought she was letting him into her "secret club" with Hydra Cap, the Red Skull, and not-movie-version Erik Selvig, who had also been retroactively made a Hydra loyalist. Bucky still refuses, telling Kobik he had protected her, while she had ruined everything, and she screams... 

There's probably a reason, but if Kobik was able to retroactively turn Cap and Selvig, why couldn't she turn Bucky? Or everyone, for that matter? Maybe the Skull didn't want to risk altering the timeline too much. Or explaining that to a little girl would've been too much.

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