Tuesday, April 14, 2015

It seems like a reasonable system, until you're forced into it...


Deserved or not, the Legion of Super-Heroes had a bit of a reputation as jerks, especially during try-outs. Teenagers with super-powers would try to walk-on the team by demonstrating their abilities, usually to be shot down by the cool kids that already made the team. Admittedly, a lot of the try-out kids had powers that were utterly useless, occasionally dangerous, or at the very least unpracticed. (Breathing fire could be a completely legit power, if you don't show up at your audition with a cold and spewing napalm snot...) But what if a batch of kids tried out with better powers? Like today's book! From 1975, Superboy #212, "Last Fight for a Legionnaire" Written by Jim Shooter, art by Mike Grell.

A "would-be hero" leaves the Legion's headquarters after being rejected, and in a fit of rage turns his powers on the statue of the deceased Ferro Lad, launching it into the sky--and then putting it right back, his mind controlled by another reject! He's asked to join five other really built teens to "put the whammy on six Legionnaires!" Meanwhile, on a distant and noticeably unnamed planet, since it would've been a giveaway, a reluctant agent is given the assignment of bringing in a Legionnaire: "His days of freedom are over...even if the entire Legion stands in my way!"

Legionnaires Phantom Girl, Shrinking Violet, Chameleon Boy, Cosmic Boy, and Matter-Eater Lad come running to a telepathic summons from Saturn Girl, but it wasn't from her. Reject Esper Lass summoned them all, her powers stronger than Saturn Girl; and that is the core of the rejects' argument: they were all denied membership due to a Legion by-law that said only one member with a particular power. (Superboy and Supergirl being exceptions, and Mon-El had much of the same powers...) The rejects challenge the team, and their powers are all stronger then the established heroes! With the exceptions of Phantom Lad and Micro Lad, they may just be sexist jerks. Matter-Eater Lad's opponent, Calorie Queen, actually has more powers, since her scientist father gave her super-strength! As strong as three men, which means even if she made the Legion, she still wouldn't even be like the fifth choice to help move a couch; but still impressive.

Superboy breaks up the rejects' attack, showing them the door; but an angry Cosmic Boy tells him to butt out, as he and Chameleon Boy tell the rejects they'll settle this after school tomorrow morning. Supes and Karate Kid stand watch as their friends face the rejects, but the fight begins with Matter-Eater Lad turning tail and running! Running to bite into a flagpole and drop it on Calorie Queen, tying her up with the Legion's glow-in-the-dark flag! The rest of the rejects are beaten by the Legionnaires switching up on them: Chameleon Boy beats Magno Lad, Shrinking Violet clocks Phantom Lad, and so on. The Legion thinks it taught those kids that "Super-Heroes win because of teamwork!" It may have just taught them "Being a jerk works," since several of the rejects would go on to join the Legion of Super-Villains, who seemed to have a far more democratic acceptance policy ("Got super-powers? Wanna be bad? Welcome aboard!") and had several try-out rejects as members...

Before the team can celebrate their victory, the agent comes for...Matter-Eater Lad, who is drafted by his homeworld! Superboy is astonished, since M-E Lad's planet Bismoll didn't even have an army; but the agent explains they draft candidates for political office, and he had been chosen to run for representative. An odd position, since presumably he'd be representing a district he hadn't visited in several years...He would be described as Senator Tenzil Kem later, and would probably end up president; despite having seemingly no interest and less aptitude for politics. As he leaves, Matter-Eater Lad graciously suggests the team look at Calorie Queen again as a potential member, but nothing came of that and the Legion would do without a member that could eat anything for many years. Jerks.

2 comments:

Randy Jackson said...

I always liked this story.

SallyP said...

And this is exactly why, I can't stand those snotty Legionnaires.