Imagine lifting a piano over your head, while on a bike seat. Worse than that.

There's an old issue of Avengers that I've wanted to blog here for years, but maybe don't have any more, and haven't gone out of my way to buy it again yet: I think it's #305 or so, and the Lava Men have raised the Avengers' current headquarters, Hydrobase, high into the air on a pillar of rock...maybe. That's off memory; Hydrobase is perilously hanging up there, though. Wonder Man flies into action, keeping the massive structure from tipping to its doom: very dramatic, except...well, Wonder Man couldn't fly then, he used a belt-jet rig. You can check out a scan from the original Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe here, and while "control circuitry" is noted there, I'm not aware of any explanation as to how Wonder Man controlled or even steered those things, and that's not even my biggest issue with it: even if those little jets could have generated enough thrust to support Wonder Man's strength--which was upper echelon for Marvel, the 100+ tons range--the design of the belt's harness means all that thrust was basically lifting him by the crotch. Wonder Man was way tougher than you ever gave him credit for.

Anyway, here's another book with maybe those groin-destroying jets: from 1989, Avengers #303, "Reckoning!" Plot by Mark Gruenwald, script by Ralph Macchio, breakdowns by Rich Buckler, finishes by Tom Palmer. This was the conclusion of wow, a three-parter versus Super-Nova, an aggrieved (and giant) survivor of the planet Xandar, which had been destroyed by space pirate (and Thanos's alleged granddaughter) Nebula: he was trying to get information on her whereabouts for vengeance, but was generally being a dick about it. Here, when Hawkeye calls him on it, the archer is seemingly disintegrated! Nah, he's saved by Quasar; although Hawkeye is far too blustery to show any gratitude. Still, when the Fantastic Four arrives, the Thing at least is glad to see his old friend. Later, we see the Thing, She-Thing Sharon Ventura, and Wonder Man go at Super-Nova's feet: aw, Wonder Man mentions his jet belt getting smashed and now I'm all disappointed.

Before Super-Nova rage-explodes and destroys Chicago, then-Avenger Mr. Fantastic has Quasar give him a lift back to Four Freedoms Plaza to pick up Dr. Doom's time machine: Reed knew Nebula had been lost in the time-stream, and offers Super-Nova the chance to go after her, even if he didn't have a snowball's chance of finding her. And he wouldn't; Reed would see Nebula again first in Walt Simonson's superlative FF run, but I don't think Super-Nova ever appeared again. Heck, his planet Xandar has come back since then; and maybe been destroyed again too for that matter. (Looking it up, as Garthaan Saal he would return, and also appear in the Guardians of the Galaxy movie!) The issue ends with Reed getting congratulated for saving earth while Captain America gives him the stinkeye for not clearing his plan with him, a dumb subplot about the Avengers' chain of command that would last throughout Reed's short term with the team. Hmm, just noticed the Thing, who was then leading the FF, also gives Reed a glare. Team effort, guys, c'mon. Oddly enough for a guy that named himself "Mr. Fantastic," Reed really isn't the gloryhound type; so them being mad doesn't sit right.

I may be looking for cheap Avengers back issues as this posts. My wife tried to assure me Wonder Man's belt probably wasn't that uncomfortable, but then asked why his pants didn't catch fire from the jets. A good question, that I completely let slide...