Monday, October 12, 2020

Wish I could nap for 832 centuries...

Kind of steps on your heroic legacy, though; when you have Black Adam go bad around 1250 B.C. or so, some kids in the 20th century, and then a break until the 853rd century!? From 1998, the Power of Shazam #1,000,000, "Between the Rock and a Hot Place" Written and penciled by Jerry Ordway, inks by Dick Giordano.
In the DC One Million future, Mercury is the communications hub for the entire solar system and beyond; yet there are still have-nots, the "information-poor" who can't afford access to the "headnet." (That doesn't seem like it's coming true goddamn now or anything...) A single-mom explorer finds a strange tesseract-space, filled with antique artifacts--that VHS copy of Star Wars may still be worth something, if the original editions never get re-released!--and a bearded, costumed man on a stone throne. She tries to get her claim registered, since this motherlode could pay to get her son Tanist the medical attention he needed for a bad leg. (Internet and healthcare still aren't socialized in the 853rd century? This is what happens when the Republicans stack the courts.)

Unfortunately, her claim is jumped by the shifty, slumming Prospero; who pushes his way past Tanist but gets them both sucked into the tesseract. Dicking around with a "power-icon" for heat vision, he gives the bearded figure a trim, but is surprised when his eyes open and accidentally lights the brazier! Captain Marvel, now possibly older than the wizard Shazam had been, awakens; momentarily confusing Tanist with his old friend Freddy Freeman. Prospero tries to murder them both for the claim; and Tanist is injured by falling rock.
Tanist's mom discovers the claim had already been filed, and tries to get back to her son, only to be trampled by the callous, thrill-seeking upper crust. They're a little cheesed the wi-fi isn't working in the tesseract, and Billy's none too thrilled to have his home invaded by gawkers and looters. With their borrowed, artificial powers, they attack Billy, more for kicks than any malice, for the most part. While disappointed that man really didn't seem to have advanced much, Billy doesn't have time for them, since he needs to help Tanist. The newly orphaned Tanist, since this is a Disney picture...actually, Billy had been orphaned young as well, this seems familiar to him. He advises Tanist to speak his name--"not Lightning Man or Flash. It's Captain Marvel."
Transformed by the magic lightning, Tanist wants to thank him, but is advised saying the name would turn him back, and that he should call Billy "Wizard." The locals are not impressed, though, because the headnet just went down; and if you think people bitch about outages now, well...This was going to continue in Flash #1,000,000; maybe Tanist would get a name there. I kind of wanted to see Prospero get it, too; I don't know if he was supposed to be an analog or future version of Uncle Dudley, but he was awful.

1 comment:

Mr. Morbid's House Of Fun said...

"Internet and healthcare still aren't socialized in the 853rd century? This is what happens when the Republicans stack the courts."
It'd be funny if it weren't so damn sad and true.