80-Page Thursdays: House of Mystery #252!

I'm slightly swamped with real-world concerns--nothing earth-shaking, just time-consuming and/or labor-intensive--but we haven't had an 80-pager here since January, and that feels long enough. Also, the framing device for this issue reminds me of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, so there's that! From 1977, House of Mystery #252, featuring stories by Paul Kupperberg, Sergio Aragonés, David Michelinie, and others; and art by Aragonés, Frank Redondo, Frank Robbins, John Calnan, and others. Cover by Neal Adams!

The House plays a big role this month, as a construction crew has orders to demolish the condemned structure. Slob of a supervisor 'Ralph' (or, at least he's wearing Ralph's helmet!) tells Cain he can take it up with the city, but orders were orders. Cain warns him, he's not the first to trifle with the House, and it's not gone well for others before him. Case in point, the opening story, "The Devil Strikes at My Old Kentucky Home!" A pair of investors buy an delapidated old house to turn into a 'haunted' amusement park; but one is getting a serious bad vibe from the place and can't convince his partner, even when creepies and crawlies start appearing. A mysterious stranger--that's obviously Cain, his silhouette is as distinctive as Batman's!--warns the fraidy-cat partner, while the other one ends up falling out a window. The house--which is of course the capital-H House--is sold at a loss to movie producers, who are scared off immediately by the seemingly self-appointed caretaker, Cain.

"The House Called Blefestry" has a mysterious title and some tight art by Alfredo Alcala; but also reads like several pages fell out of the script. Then, in "The Man Who Saw Tomorrow!" a baron tortures an alchemist for his secret to predicting the future, despite warnings. If you believed the guy could predict the future, maybe you should've listened? Next, A Bucket of Blood--er, "Markham's Masterpiece." Frustrated janitor Markham wants to be a great artist, but lacks time, training, resources, talent...few strikes against him. Then, he saves an old lady from getting hit by a bus, and she gifts him one of her chrome statues. When a museum bigwig sees it later, he thinks maybe Markham's got something after all, and wants to arrange a show; so he befriends the old woman and gets her to give him more and more statues. It's going great, until she sees his feature in the paper, with her statues: well, probably just a mistake, she can clear that right up--yeah, you know what Markham's going to do next, right? Later, Markham is out of her work, and tries her secret workroom; which I kind of doubt was going to go well for him even before the old lady's ghost shows up. Markham would've probably lost both his thumbs if she had let him try his hand at her machines.

"Grim Choice!" is like a horse-racing version of Stephen King's classic "Survivor Type," as a tycoon is disappointed on a buying trip in Argentina, until he spots a suspiciously-fast horse headed for the dog-food factory: the horse had only been caught because it wouldn't leave its mom, and might've had a strong pedigree. The tycoon has visions of the winners' circle; but when their plane goes down in the Andes, he's forced to first kill the other survivors, to keep them from eating the horse, then kill the horse when they run out of hay, then eat the horse to survive until rescue. Yeesh. Of course, no happy ending, which isn't exactly fair play, but oh well. In "Mankillers" a wizard shames a band of barbarians into supporting his campaign to slay some Amazons and take their gold: short, and no sale! Then, back to another House: the House of Secrets! Who is thrilled they're getting rid of that eyesore across the street, the House of Mystery; at least until Joe Orlando and Jenette Kahn show up with big plans to expand, and move Cain and his staff in! HoS spends most of the story giving Abel the business; Orlando and Kahn don't much notice, but aren't thrilled with the new locale anyway.

Meanwhile, Ralph hasn't been swayed by Cain's stories, so now it was time for Destiny to step in--the hooded horror host, that is--with another tale, "From Beyond the Grave!" Nice Alex Nino art here, as an old woman laments her lost fiancé, killed on their wedding day, fifty years ago. When the city workers tell her they have to move his grave, they promise not to disturb him; but she asks if she can have him, for one night...You know, I'm pretty soft-hearted. An old lady crying, hell, I'd probably cave too, even if there's obviously no way anything good was gonna happen there. Even Destiny can't deter Ralph, and the wrecking ball swings for the House...which simply dodges it. That puts the workers off, leaving Cain and Destiny to the House, which might be a bit of a mess: contents may have shifted there. 

Also this issue: another USPS Statement of Ownership. Average number of copies sold during preceding 12 months (total paid circulation): 124,000. Actual number sold for issue nearest filing date (total paid circulation): 87,583.