Seventeen pages of story this issue, which doesn't sound like anywhere near enough, but Bob Haney crams it full of graham. I had to recount since I didn't think that was right! From 1979, Unknown Soldier #231, "Bridge of No Return!" Written by Bob Haney, pencils by Dick Ayers, inks by Gerry Taloc. 

The "accursed Unknown Soldat," as the Ratzis call him, trades himself for the life of his friend, secret agent Sparrow, who had been captured while trying to trail the new Nazi super-rockets. The one-handed Colonel Steiner is enjoying the hell out of torturing the Soldier, who tortures himself with some flashbacks: he had previously tried and failed to rescue Sparrow, getting all the way into the secret base, but escaping with a decoy Nazi instead. Steiner is building up to a big finish: having the Soldier drawn and quartered in front of der Fuhrer himself, but has to put it off a few days when the Soldier's face bandages get infected and he gets feverish.

Meanwhile, although doctors diagnose him as a "human wreck" that would never recover, Sparrow disappears from the hospital to gather another of the book's regular supporting characters, resistance leader Nightingale, to go rescue the Soldier. Who, for his part, is still on the job: his "infected" bandages were treated with chemicals, and smuggled back to Allied Command with the plans for the Nazis' rockets. Sparrow and Nightingale get into the secret Nazi fortress disguised as chimney sweeps, and they manage to bust the Soldier out during a bombing raid. The Soldier also throws Steiner off the castle wall, saving his prosthetic as a souvenir. I'm not sure that's OK, but eh, it's a Nazi, so whatever.

I swear nine out of ten old Unknown Soldier comics are like this: busy as hell! I'd love to see an series, animated or otherwise, that takes the Inglourious Basterds approach, and U.S. bloodily murders Hitler every week...

Read more!

I keep forgetting there's a Blue & Gold book finally coming out next month, but I have to say I need to try an issue or two before I'm all in, since occasionally those two can test my saintlike patience. Like today's book! From 2008, Justice League Unlimited #43, "Wannabes" Written by Keith Giffen, pencils by Christopher Jones, inks by Dan Davis.

Booster Gold and Blue Beetle have a line on extortionist super-villains the Demolition Team, which they think they could then leverage into Justice League membership. Because they have to discuss this to hype themselves up, the actual League shows up, and Booster and Beetle of course get in their way, letting the bad guys escape. John Stewart and Wonder Woman are immediately rubbed the wrong way by them, thinking they're only in it for the fame, the money, and the girls. Which they kind of are, sure: Booster and Beetle only get serious if one of them gets seriously hurt, of if there's a crying little kid or something.

After wrapping up the Demolition Team, Batman points out the League could have taken care of the situation without their interference: "Do it right or don't do it at all." That is Bats being charitable, though: he tells Wonder Woman, even they were new to this once, and he admits he never had to worry about money.

I actually thought the last page of this story was part of the Mad Kids sneak peak; that's not super encouraging. Giffen often wrote Booster and Beetle as dumb as hell in the Justice League glory days, and the tradition continues! That's probably why I hadn't blogged this before, which of course led to buying it again; great system I've got going here. Read more!

I know I had this issue as a kid, but just re-reading it the ending wasn't what I thought; so I'm probably conflating a couple issues. Peter's life was unrelentingly terrible, so that's an honest mistake. From 1983, Amazing Spider-Man #242, "Confrontations!" Written by Roger Stern, pencils by John Romita Jr, inks by Kevin Dzuban. 

Pete makes a rare appearance at Empire State University, to see if he's been thrown out of grad school yet: between Spidey-stuff and the Black Cat in the hospital, he had not been putting in the time. And neither had his professor, who's there to scold him, but doesn't have the grades posted since his assistant Debra Whitman quit and moved: more Spidey collateral damage. Still, I don't miss college at all after that little time-waster. The professor is so terrible I would've been 100% fine if Pete had slapped his glasses off, webbed him up by his ankles, and told him what his new GPA was going to be. (Even if Pete blew his stack, that would never work, the professor would immediately have a stroke or something.) No time for that, though: Peter is immediately confronted by new foe...Lance Bannon! In a sporty, tiny, car.

Meanwhile, at the state pen, the Mad Thinker is safely locked away, except with a transference unit implanted in his brain, he can project his mind to a waiting robot body at a secret lab. There, he catches some recent footage of Spidey fighting an android made of the Thinker's cast-offs, from Marvel Team-Up #129. Watching Spidey, the Thinker ponders the rumors of his ability to avoid danger--almost like he could sense it. That would be useful to the Thinker, who had been foiled numerous times by unseen variables in his plans. Calculating where Spidey would be likely to show up soon, he sends a "battle droid" to test a theory. (The cover blurb says "the menace of the Mad Thinker and his Awesome Android," but we don't get his traditional, Awesome Andy!)

Lance is not as mad at Pete as it seemed earlier: new girl Amy Powell may have made a play at Peter to make Lance jealous, or may be starting to dig him, and Lance didn't know what to do. Not wanting "to be part of some screwy triangle," Pete calls Amy, who makes a dinner date for them without as much as letting him get a word in, after which he tells Lance to be there too. Ditching Lance to swing and blow off some steam, Spidey is of course attacked by the android, and is dismayed to notice Lance is probably getting pictures of the fight. After luring it into a web-trap and getting it squashed, Spidey still senses danger from it; grabbing a piece to study and taking off before the remains self-destructed. The Thinker, watching remotely, realizes the rumors are true, and considers his next move.

Back at his apartment, Pete answers a knock at the door, expecting Lance, and getting Amy, who decided to surprise him. Really surprise him. Still, when someone else knocks at the door, Pete expects that to be Lance. Amy won't let him go to answer it, but someone had a key...the returning Mary Jane Watson! I'm not sure how long it had been since she had been in the book, but I'm thinking a bit. His spider-sense didn't warn him? The Thinker shouldn't bother testing further, it's crap. 

I thought this was the one where Peter sees his final grades, crumples them up, and walks away: that scene tells you a lot, namely that he's not very considerate of anyone else who needed to check their score. Also, I thought he was seeing Black Cat exclusively now; but maybe that just means exclusively in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man. I thought she was great, but if you were reading both titles at the time, it was like he spent half his time with her, half his time wondering if he should be with her.

Read more!

"Restored."

You should probably know, it took serious restraint in that last panel, not to put in a callback to one of Nightcrawler's few lines in the classic Twisted ToyFare Theater:

Read more!

Ain't no party like an Avengers party...which is probably just as well, if we're honest.

We're so close to today's line-up in Marvel Legends! Maybe. If you squint. From 1990, Avengers #325, "Party Games!" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Rik Levins, inks by Fred Fredericks and "D.Hands." (As in, whoever was nearby that could hold a brush or pen!) 

I absolutely know I read the previous six issues, the bi-weekly "the Crossing Line" and have absolutely no recollection of it or the back-up features! As Avengers Captain America, Vision, Quasar, and Sersi return to their rebuilt headquarters, after a bit of housekeeping and logging, Sersi lays down the law: she's having a party this weekend, and everybody is going. The guys, the staff, the visiting Wakanadan design group, everybody. Couple of problems, though: the Vision, currently white and robotic, wonders if the invitation was meant for synthezoids. And, their headquarters was bugged up the wazoo and the staff hypnotized, courtesy of the Red Skull!...'s support staff, Mother Night and Machinesmith! That's somewhat less dramatic, but still bad for the Avengers.

Passing through a wall and a bug, the Vision traces back Machinesmith's signal, and confronts him, apparently without telling anyone. Machinesmith attempts to take over Vision and fails, but his failsafes paralyze Vision when he attempts to disrupt the villain's robot shell. Machinesmith is forced back in the computer, or cyberspace, but the Vision is apparently out: lacking a lot of imagination, Mother Night and crew dump the bodies in the river: it counts as one less Avenger, so that's probably enough of a win for them. They are dealt a reversal the next day, though, when young security consultant Wendall Vaughn--aka Quasar in a pair of glasses, which everyone supposes means they should pretend they don't recognize him--demonstrates an anti-eavesdropping device, that destroys Machinesmith's bugs. Furious, Mother Night refuses to go down without a fight: she could still force the hypnotized staffers to kill themselves...and there is a party coming up.

It's a little clearer on the John Byrne cover: Mother Night infiltrates the catering staff, to get guns to her hypnotized victims, making them see their enemies or fears. Jarvis sees his girlfriend turn into the Crimson Cowl, John Jameson sees the Man-Wolf, Peggy Carter sees the flaming corpse of her sister Sharon...wow, that is a mess. When the shooting starts, the Avengers move quickly to disarm them, but the Vision has taken care of most of the problem already: once he repaired himself, he had burned their bullets down to blanks, but had to let the situation play out to see who all was hypnotized. He captures Mother Night and her dimwitted brother, and a seething Sersi says she can make them un-hypnotize everyone, since otherwise she'll turn them into furniture. (Is the below where She-Hulk met John Jameson? She nearly married him like 15 years later.)

This is a slight one, but Gruenwald seems to be having fun tying into his Quasar and Captain America runs: Diamondback makes an appearance as Cap's date! The next issue was more substantial, with the debut of Rage.

Read more!

At least they didn't give him the one-finger salute.

An unusual feeling: I think I just read this issue for the first time! From 1993, Thor #457, "Final Gauntlet!" Plot and script by Tom DeFalco, plot and pencils by Ron Frenz, finishes by Al Milgrom.

Going to look it up here: Eric Masterson had been Thor since about #432, although he had been in the book longer than that. I'm 60% sure I fell off the book around then, partly because I wasn't enjoying the book as much as when Walt Simonson was on it, despite inertia keeping me on for a long time! But DeFalco and Frenz's deliberately retro style was feeling dated to me and wearing thin. But the end was near, as this issue finds Eric trying to free Thor from his imprisonment within him, which of course involves an elaborate machine, and a life-or-death trial: admittedly, that's just as on point for the Asgardians as it was for DeFalco and Frenz, sure. While Sif frets, leaving it open if it's for Eric or Thor; Odin warns Eric he will have to face the gauntlet of the Grim Guardian. Alliteration, great.

Within his mind, Eric appears in his Thor form, guided by...ugh..."Sparky, the Lightning Kid!" He's supposed to be his avatar, a version of Eric as a young boy, and he looks like Alfred E. Neuman in a Thor helmet. This proves Eric's inner strength and fortitude; I would've goddamn killed myself already...He then has to face off against the usual array of old foes, from the Absorbing Man to Thanos. Despite knowing they aren't real but can still hurt him, he still gets shaken when he accidentally kills Annihilus, again. I don't know if Eric remembers, but didn't Thanos turn him into glass and shatter him? Yet he's pretty blase about running into him again. He also gets the raspberry from Spider-Man, Captain America, and Captain Marvel. (Monica!) Then, he's nearly torn apart in the dark by the half-dozen or so love interests he had in the book, none of which ever went goddamn anywhere. I could see Eric not feeling worthy of his fellow heroes, but did he really think those women were all "tearing at him"? In a bad way? (Eric later says he won't miss his "daily chew-out by Captain America," and was Cap tough on him? Maybe in the same way a drill sergeant might be, but excessively so? Then again, Cap was going through his own jazz and probably facing his own mortality; and he would've previously seen Thor as someone who would defend the earth and the Avengers when he was gone. He may have been driven to get Eric to Thor's level, maybe.)

Eric then catches some chin music from third-stringer Shatterfist, who he had only met once on a time-travel adventure, but who said he'd met Eric before: Sparky implores Eric to think about that. He can't die yet...can he? Finally, Eric faces the masked Grim Guardian, which is of course himself. Citing old Star Trek, Eric is able to win a fight he figures most Asgardians would lose, to control himself with his conscience. Eric briefly toys with the notion of saying he couldn't find Thor, but frees the Thunder God, who may have had a speech prepared.

Despite his bombast and seeming good spirits, Thor has to be traumatized as Hel, so to speak; but that would be tough for him to acknowledge, let alone articulate. Eric is his old self again, and a bit mopey; but only briefly, as Thor gives him Mjolnir! Earth was still going to need him, since Thor was going to devote himself to his "princely duties on Asgard," as well as his husbandly duties to Sif! Sif (almost) immediately says yes...but is this what any of them want? Well, it's definitely not what any of them will get. 

Also this issue: "To Love No More" Written by Tom DeFalco, art by Geof Isherwood. The Enchantress visits Heimdall, who proposes to her: he was a bit dull back then, before Idris Elba, so no sale there. They had been a couple for some time in this run, for little to no reason I can recall. Enchantress claims to be unhappy, but also seems pretty enthusiastic to eavesdrop on Thor and Sif, and sneakily swipe the jacket Eric gave Sif. This is one of those rare situations where you look at all the possible couples and want to tell them all that they could do better. Well, maybe not Heimdall, but he shot his shot, I guess.

Read more!

It's a clever blurb, that might not apply to either Damian or Dick.

It's subtle, but well done. Also this issue: Damian's colossal nut sack! Some blind-box toys I would want! And a title that could have different meanings as well: from 2017, Nightwing #16, "Nightwing Must Die! Part One" Written by Tim Seeley, art by Javier Fernandez.

Everything's coming up Nightwing, as he has a new girlfriend, former villain Shawn Tsang; and he's still Twitter's Chirper's favorite Robin! Much to the chagrin of new Teen Titans' honcho Damian, who is dismayed by the opinion that Nightwing might go on to become Batman, since he's been gunning for that job for years. Fuming, Damian sets aside his massive bag of peanuts and races across country to Bludhaven, arriving as Dick finishes up a horse-masked gang and relishes living in the moment and not having to devote a lot of thought to thoughts about tomorrow, or legacy. You would think Batman would have impressed upon him the importance of never enjoying anything, because that's how you immediately get it taken away.

While Damian angrily confronts Dick, Dick checks a missed call from Shawn, who's late. You know. Late. No longer having time to put up with a "Robin meltdown," Dick hightails it home, after a stop at the drugstore, also getting Shawn some blind-boxed Lost World of the Warlord toys--are those Walgreens exclusives or something, I want some! Dick is nervous, but it's worse than that, Shawn is missing! And someone spray-painted "daddy" on her painting. Damian also shows up, expecting an apology from Dick for his "terseness," as well as suspecting Shawn was a dramatic type. Still, when he notices the pregnancy test in Dick's bag, Damian realizes why Dick's bent out of shape, and volunteers his assistance: "You'll surely get yourself killed without someone as focused and infallible as me watching your back." As an added inducement, Damian has a stolen Batmobile, so...

Meanwhile, the horse-themed gang is dead, as well as their arresting officers, killed by Deathwing. But is this related to Shawn's disappearance? Or a red herring? Is Deathwing the true heir? Or Dick, or Damian, or Dick's unborn child? I grabbed this just based on the cover, but it looks like the first part of a longer story than I would've thought.

Read more!

The most recent Oh Gosh, Oh Golly, Oh Wow! Podcast got to the splendiferous Excalibur #14, "Too Many Heroes." They wondered if Claremont and/or Davis might not be taking the piss out of crossovers, in particular, as Caplok mentions, "Acts of Vengeance," which they noted didn't make a lot of sense. Oh, I liked that one! Out of costume, an unrecognizable Loki gets the big name bad guys together with a simple idea: villains get their asses kicked by the same heroes over and over again, because they've seen all their moves; so what if everybody switched up? Then, um...profit? It probably would've made a hair more sense if Loki was doing all this not because he thought it would get him his big revenge, but rather just to stir up trouble and have some laughs. Today's book has the "Acts of Vengeance!" corner tag, but it's more of a blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference that still feels like Claremont being snarky. From 1990, Uncanny X-Men #257, "I Am Lady Mandarin" Written by Chris Claremont, pencils by Jim Lee, inks by Josef Rubinstein.

"Lady Mandarin" debuts here, announcing herself to the crimelords of Hong Kong, before just walking all over their goons: she already has a better costume and higher win rate than the Mandarin, if we're honest. While she may be supposed to seem all ice queen and scary, she does have a "I won I won I won!" moment at the end, pleased with herself for getting the W for her master. Meanwhile, Jubilee and Logan come floating into town, with Logan seeming to cow the local authorities merely by wearing an eyepatch. Most readers would probably have known that was his Patch disguise from his solo book; but if you didn't, you're going to be in the dark and seething just like Jubilee. His rep may have been all that was holding him together, though: Logan was still in bad shape after recent issues, with his healing factor barely working; he was also seeing his old friends Nick Fury and Carol Danvers, like friendly ghosts. I forget how that one resolved...

After a brief check-in with the mysteriously young Storm, framed for murder by the Shadow King in Cairo, Illinois; Logan brings Jubilee to the Hong Kong offices of Landau, Luckman, and Lake. (I thought that name was a callback to a long-defunct comics company, but it refers to the founders of the Forbidden Planet comic shop, which also made an appearance in Excalibur.) The office is manned by Rose, and Jubilee notices a photo of her, much younger, with the ageless Logan, in front of a "Blade Runner" looking city. While the adults talk, Jubilee is sent shopping with Rose's granddaughter.

In what would be her traditional outfit, Psylocke trains against the Hand, using her psychic knife, but failing to psychically notice Lord Jonin. Jonin has another job for her, to take out Patch; although he wonders why they bother, feeling that Mandarin was pissing his credibility away again fighting American super-heroes, but the Hand was sworn to serve him, so...were they, though? I don't think Mandarin had control of the Hand for long. While Jubilee gets grabbed, we get another check-in page, with Forge and Banshee on Muir Island. Banshee suspects something is up there, possibly with Moira, although the eavesdropping Polaris wonders if this was her fault, since ever since she lost her magnetic powers she seemed to be spreading negativity somehow. I'm not sure how that wrapped up either, since he would have her magnetic powers back (and her boyfriend, too!) when she went to X-Factor. She gets taken over by Legion before she could dwell more on it, though.

Logan doesn't really have to go looking for Jubilee or Rose's granddaughter, he just has to be seen and let the Hand come at him. He's able to handle ninjas well enough, but Lady Mandarin has the mesmerized Jubilee. In the fight, Logan cuts her helmet, revealing the newly Asian Psylocke, whom he recognizes somehow, maybe by the purple hair. She gets Logan with psychic knife, not only downing him, but revealing his identity, and the Hand would be glad to get ahold of him...to be continued! Read more!

"Hop."

I backpedaled from Frog-Man going all psycho-boy, which very easily could have happened if I had randomly stumbled across, say, a McFarlane frog-monstery thing. On the other hand, that almost certainly would've had the articulation of a brick, and Doom is already testing my patience on that front...I don't even think Doom's articulation is bad, or unsuited for a guy in heavy armor; I'm just not getting the range out of him. Some figures are better 'actors' than others. Is Doom phoning it in...? 

Also, since I don't have that other Dr. Doom, the more first-appearance style one...didn't he come with a Darkhold? But I think it's open; I needed a closed one. Where did this book come from? A Buffy/Angel figure? Hopefully you can tell it's a book and not a handbag in these pictures.  

And, the return of the old Toy Biz Kang! Ah, from the old Ares/Wal-Mart series. There was actually at least one other one, in that Fantastic Four not-movie line that just about nobody saw; the line that had Dragon Man. Hmm, those Kangs may actually be the same; maybe slightly different paint? And FF-Kang came with a missile-launcher thing, and is far more expensive right now on eBay. Dragon Man is still ridiculously pricey,  but, it looks like maybe you could get one from China? Best guess, somebody helped themselves to the old Toy Biz mold and is knocking them out for fun and profit? Buyer beware, and of course the moment you spring for something like that, Hasbro will announce an updated version...

Maybe the kid that played Gibby on  iCarly could play Frog-Man, I'm not sure he's returning for the revival. He may have had something else to do, or maybe he's rich and called it quits...

Read more!

It's mildly annoying that I probably won't read the conclusion...

I feel like I've read three out of four of these, but have no recollection of seeing this one on the racks back in the day. I feel like there was a lot of competition then, though. From 1992, Daredevil Annual #8, "Maxed Out: the System Bytes, part 2" Written by Greg Wright, pencils by M.C. Wyman, inks by Bud LaRosa.

We saw Daredevil Annual #4 (it's really #5!) some time back, part of Atlantis Attacks. Today's book was part of a smaller crossover, with the Punisher, Wonder Man, and the Guardians of the Galaxy. I think the antagonist, the computer virus Ultra-Max, would appear in all four, and Deathlok might appear in maybe the first three. It's not as good as Atlantis Attacks, or the previous year's Von Strucker Gambit. Come to think of it, I don't think I read Daredevil Annual #6, the third part of the "Lifeform" crossover, until just recently: I think I've blogged the other three chapters, at least in part, over the years.

I'm not really getting into this much, partly because it's not great, but also because I wouldn't go back and read any books by the writer of the Wonder Man Annual. Huh, that actually wasn't the conclusion; and I might've read the Guardians one, maybe. One thing this issue does have, though, is the return of Bushwacker--lettered as "Bushwhacker" one panel. It's been a long time since I've read his early appearances: he was killing mutants early on, but here admits to DD he's just doing whatever he has to, to pay the bills. I think his religious zealotry would be downplayed going forward as well, reducing him to a hired gun with that creepy transforming gun-arm.

Also this issue: Daredevil's top ten villains. You can probably guess his top three, but Bullet as number 4? C'mon. The Crippler returns to bring the Wildboys down a peg in "Disturbingly Alike," and another Fatboys short, as the skate kids might be "Growing Up?" I'm sure if the Fatboys returned nowadays, it would be so something horrible could happen to them, and I'm kind of okay with that. Read more!