Warbat probably had vast computing power, like 160 gigabytes or something.

Somehow, the Warbat hasn't gotten an action figure? Honestly, feels like several characters from Legends of the Dead Earth probably could've. From 1996, Detective Comics Annual #9, "Warbat" Written by Chuck Dixon, pencils by Flint Henry, inks by James Hodgkins.

Thousands of years after earth, on the planet Typhon, a time-lost frieghter makes a delivery two thousand years late: a warbot, which is found by some kids on the sunny side of the planet, Sybaris. The planet didn't rotate, so the other side, Crotona, was always night, which eventually led the citizens there to revolt over the less-pleasant living conditions. The war was fought in the stormy region between the two sides, for centuries, but ended in a draw: the Sybarians built a weapon that drove the Crotonans back, and while they hadn't been seen in like a thousand years, the Sybarians still fretted that they might someday attack again. Young Deely thinks the bot is to fight the Crotonans; although it was bought by them instead: his main contribution is a bit of paint and welding bat-ears on it. Geela, "the best gearjock in the gang," is able to alter its programming to make it a "good guy," but she can't change its directive to march to Crotona.

Cue Goonies style adventure, as Deely and Geely independently make themselves Robin outfits for the trip. (Poor Bruggo has to be "Alfred Gordon," one of Batman's friends.) In the stormy region, the Warbat defends them against Crotonan "genetic constructs," lab-built monsters, that seem to be running wild. Eventually, they find a Crotonan city, of the dead: all killed off in the last war, but the Sybarians never knew it. But one grinning warbot remains active, dubbed "the Jokester" by Deely: the two destroy each other. Geela thinks they were just obeying programming from long-dead masters, but Deely believes the Warbat had been a hero to the end.

Returning to sunlight, Geela wonders if they should tell anyone, but considers her people might need "a devil to believe in." (That's how tons of resources get spent on defense!) Deely figures on a smaller lie, a fishing trip, to get into less trouble; but wonders if he doesn't like the night a little bit...Deely also saved the Warbat's head, which will probably have a cult built around it inside of a hundred years, if prior history is any indication. 

Even though there was a better than even chance I had this already, I bought another copy of this and Detective Comics Annual #7 the other day: it was a slow week for me, and I wasn't 100% sure I still had either. #7 is of course "Leatherwing," the Pirate Batman Elseworlds, which did get action figures. Warbat may have just missed a window of opportunity, I guess.

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"You haven't seen the last of the Pi-Meson Man!" Um, actually...maybe they should've put air holes in his cell.

There is pretty much zero chance I'll ever collect all of World's Finest, but I suppose it's not impossible that I'll run out of Bob Haney ones to blog about. Mildly surprised this one wasn't him, though. From 1980, World's Finest #262, "The Power of the Pi-Meson Man!" Written by Denny O'Neil, pencils by Joe Staton, inks by Dick Giordano.

I would guess O'Neil found some info--like the name--pi-meson, or pion somewhere and thought that was good enough for today's bad guy, scientist Pincus Bridger, who was irradiated when his experimental reactor blew up. Contaminated and forced to live in isolation, he blamed the mayor and all of Gotham City, for commissioning the reactor: geez, why not blame your high school physics teacher, that'd make about as much sense. Pincus causes havoc with his invisible projection, the Pi-Meson Man; but blind little girl Betsy Pyatt can see him. Pincus decides no witnesses, and tries to burn down her orphanage to kill her. Classy.

Batman quickly comes to believe Betsy can see P-M Man, who chases them even to the Batcave. (He says he doesn't know or care where they are, he just wants to kill the girl; that's O'Neil making a lampshade concession to Batman's secret identity.) Visiting Pincus in his containment cell, Superman realizes he was projecting something, and follows it to the Batcave, but he can't touch him. Superman takes Batman and Betsy to Gotham University's atom-smasher as a trap, first blasting the Pi-Meson Man with particles, then trying to reunite it and Pincus's body, punching him out and cramming him into a lead cell. The final caption indicates the Pi-Meson Man would return, but nope! Well, maybe O'Neil realized pions have a lifetime measured in nanoseconds. This really felt like O'Neil channelling Haney, but the next issue was "The Final Secret of the Super-Sons!" which seems to draw a line under that type of free-wheeling, somewhat more fantastical story; although Haney was writing Green Arrow that issue.

Also this issue: the conclusion to the Green Arrow Auntie Gravity two-parter! In which GA does nothing. Black Canary's been captured by Auntie and her boys, one of whom wants Canary instead of a dumb ol' mail-order bride. Dinah may actually be so pissed she yells loud enough to disintegrate her gag, kicks the stuffing out of the boys with her arms tied behind her back, then shouts down Auntie. Not playing today, I see. ("Gravitational Boom-a-rang" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Romeo Tanghal, inks by Vince Colletta.) And the ever popular Statement of Ownership, Management and Circulation: Paid circulation, actual number of copies of single issue published nearest to filing date, 85,194. With maybe 137,000 returns! Or allegedly returned...some of those are probably floating around out there.

She's not even done with them there! Geez, I think Canary kicked those guys so hard their sentence will be over before they regain consciousness... Read more!

Scientists who only care about their research, working for a crazed dictator? Enh, I'm sure it'll turn out fine.

Usually when we see a Gold Key issue, the cover is the strongest component, but today the interiors are pretty good too! From 1978, Flash Gordon #20, "Citadel" Written by John Warner, art by Carlos Garzon.

Ming knows Flash, Dale, and Zarkov were back on Mongo; and nearing Citadel, his "city of science." The city's ruler, the radiant Queen Auralon, seems more interested in Zarkov; but she also appears to be literally glowing. Flash and crew fight giant bats on the ice, that are impervious to their usual ray guns; but are saved by Citadel guards with black-light weapons. Captured, they are taken to the city, and meet Auralon through hologram, which she refers to as a "security precaution." The scientists of the city don't really want to work for Ming, but don't have much choice: Auralon had been researching immortality, and she might have achieved it, with the unfortunate side effect of emitting lethal radiation. I'm mildly surprised that's a deal-breaker for Ming, but he does like his brides, I suppose, and probably wouldn't much care for them being immortal too. While Flash and Dale make an escape attempt, and realize the black-light guns only work on the bats; Zarkov makes a deal with Auralon, who's willing to betray Ming for a cure.

Ming and his disgraced, on-his-last-chance warlord ride to the Citadel on lizard mounts; since he had set Citadel up carefully: the radiation from the weird ice prevented rockets from flying over, and the Citadel's weapons only worked on the local wildlife. Auralon doesn't think Ming will destroy the city and kill everyone, since its science was invaluable. While Zarkov starts work on a particle accelerator, with an "emergency exit" Auralon spots immediately; Flash works out a defense: driving the bats into Ming's forces. Ming is pretty sure that's Flash's doing; but by now probably attributes every misfortune to Flash: mustache a little droopy, coffee not warm enough, cloudy day, whatever.

Zarkov begins his experiment with Auralon, but he, Flash, and Dale have to leave before he can see the results. Ming arrives in Citadel, takes out a bit of frustration on Auralon's head guard, then discovers she had been cured: no longer radioactive, and seemingly maybe a couple of decades older, although she didn't care if he killed her. Although it looks like he wants to strangle her, that would be a bit much for a Gold Key book, so Ming punches his warlord instead, who considers that Ming has failed in front of men he controls. Auralon gazes wistfully out into the ice, wishing Zarkov well; while Flash and company move on to the next adventure.

There's a wordy house ad with art from this issue, in this issue; and the classic sea-monkeys ad! Hmm, maybe not the classic, looks like the price had gone up a quarter.

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"Imaginary Novels" should be a regular DC title; get outta here with that "Dark Multiverse" jazz.

Looking more closely at it, the cover doesn't give away the game. From 1970, Superman #231, "The Wheel of Super-Fortune!" Written by Cary Bates, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Dan Adkins.

This was a relatively later-period "imaginary novel," the out-of-continuity What If?-style numbers DC used to do. At a glance, this would be the last one for the title until Superman #300, but they appeared sporadically until Alan Moore's "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?" After that, these stories would be Elseworlds or...ugh...Tales from the Dark Multiverse. (I'm harshing a bit on the latter, because you kinda know from the title how things are gonna go.)

Here, we've got Lex Luthor, Superman; trying to convince his crush Lois Lane why she should stay away from the recently-awoken-from-a-coma Clark Kent: he's a criminal! The Kents had been bank robbers, oh, and Jor-El destroyed Krypton to avenge his wife's death, then came to earth with toddler Lex; as we see in flashback from a mystic swami who gives tips to crooks, after he's paid off by Clark, who then kills him...look, maybe it'd be easier to tell you what crazy nonsense doesn't happen in this comic?

Also this ish: a reprint of "Superman's Fatal Costume" from 1957's Superman #112: after running a "spectroscopic analysis," from a distance, of Superman's costume, Lex figures out how to irradite it to cause weird effects, like generating intense heat or changing metal to wood? Lex makes one slip-up, though: he accidentally changes the lead in his armored hideout truck to something else, and Supes spots him. It'd still be years before anyone pointed out a big lead truck would kind of stick out to him, anyway. Read more!

"Tan."

I don't think I've ever had Point Beer, despite having known about it for years from old issues of Badger. I'm not sure I'd know a good beer from moose piss anymore, though: I like a Guinness every so often, but used to have a system where I would start the evening with 'good' beer, like Henry Weinhards or such, and over the course of the evening keep reducing the quality (and price) of my drinks until I was swilling PBR at four in the morning. Read more!

The colors, Duke, the colors!

Like so, so many Gold Key books, the cover is way better than the story inside, but this entire book had been printed before? Did another of the stories here get the cover then? From 1976, Twilight Zone #71, cover by George Wilson, reprinting 1972's Twilight Zone #45 in its entirety! It could have the same ads, it could have the same staples, I don't know...

And of course, I'm still goddamn looking for TZ #70...Anyway, in "Art for Art's Sake," art by John Celardo; a contractor cuts a deal with a starving artist to provide some murals for his new building: in this case, 'murals' being a psychotronic nightmare on every exposed surface in the joint! The contractor gives the artist the bum's rush, but then the buyer's wife loves it and they're going to pay him double--okay, even in the Twilight Zone, that's never happened. The contractor tries to cut the artist out of the deal, and you know where this is going. Twilight Zone comics have a higher mortality rate than What If? I was flipping through this while watching a Hunter Thompson documentary, and had an inexplicable flashback to a Popsicle ad from '97-98, that I was not positive was actually real. They played this for kids, or cartoon watching twenty-somethings...moreso the latter, I'm guessing. Read more!

SDCC was last week as I type this, and I was a little underwhelmed with the Marvel Legends teased? The Disney+ She-Hulk figure looked great, as did the trailer; and while I know there's a few out there thrilled for Razorback, it didn't really do it for me. Feel like he needs a Pig Rig semi or whatever to really do him justice...Not much else grabbed me, but I may be sour because I've got about a dozen figures on pre-order, and Galactus; all of which will show up whenever. Anyway, today we've got the first appearance (maybe?) of a character that hasn't got a figure yet, but shouldn't feel bad since Sony will probably give him a whole-ass movie. From 1991, Amazing Spider-Man #344, "Hearts and Powers" Writen by David Michelinie, pencils by Erik Larsen, inks by Randy Emberlin.

Spidey is dodging guards at a warehouse, getting pictures of chemicals purchased legally but often used to process cocaine. There are a number of guards to keep reporters and/or meddling kids out, then the sudden arrival of...Cardiac! Spidey stops him smashing up the place, and while Cardiac is up for a team-up, the chemicals were technically legal? Cardiac takes out the roof, then disappears in the commotion. While Peter meets up with reporter Joy Mercado, we see Cardiac, unmasking, lamenting that his actions seemed to run across his oath as a doctor. While Peter watches Mary Jane on an early shoot for "Secret Hospital," Dr. Wirtham arrives at the tower with his name on it, part of a large hospital; but he, Peter Parker, and Justin Hammer are all increasingly concerned with Sapirdyne Chemicals. (This is old-school, megalomaniac miser Hammer; not young, hip, wants-to-be-liked MCU wannabe Hammer.) And, a little subplot hyped on the cover: in prison with his cellmate Cletus, Eddie Brock continues to work out since he needs to be in peak condition to avenge his symbiote, which is of course not as bad off as that.

That night, as Spidey patrols, Cardiac goes to take out Sapirdyne, but gets stonewalled by the Rhino! Ah, that's a lucky break, Rhino's a good get for a fledgling hero. He's tough but beatable, and has a great rep for a guy that averages less wins than the Washington Generals. Off the top of my head I can think of two Rhino/rookie fights, and you can probably think of more. Rhino actually climbs up a rope to chase Cardiac on a catwalk, but that just puts him into position for Spidey to kick him. Rhino, surprisingly, has a new trick today: a new membrane attachment to his mask, to keep webs out of his face. That appeared to be a new market for Hammer, Scorpion had gotten something similiar earlier.

During the fight, a ton of live wires are knocked loose, and Cardiac blasts open some chemical barrels; advising Spidey they would almost certainly explode. Rhino hears that and bails, and Spidey has to follow suit. Sapirdyne is leveled, but checking the reports the next day, Hammer realizes Spidey wants Cardiac stopped as much as he does: why not put him on the payroll? Ugh, he'd probably get paid less than the Chessmen. Or an unpaid internship. Anyway, this was a cheap pickup and not a completely minty issue, so I probably won't make a killing when Cardiac gets his own slightly underwhelming movie... Read more!

As often the case around here, things have been on blog-o-pilot for the last week or so: I've been out, and it's the brief stretch where it's really hot locally. Maybe this comic will make things seem cool by comparison! From 2008, Reign in Hell #4, featuring "Counterstrike!" Written by Keith Giffen, pencls by Tom Derenick, inks by Bill Sienkiewicz; and "Half Measures" Written by Keith Giffen, pencils by Justiniano, inks by Walden Wong.

No opening recap here, as war in Hell continues, with the Demon and Blue Devil smacking each other around. That's...kind of good on Danny, for going toe-to-toe with Etrigan; but on the other hand, remember when he used to be fun? Two lower-level devils cut out as the fighting gets too close, as that could maybe release something worse...Elsewhere, Dr. Fate visits, I think that's Lady Blaze? about the ongoing Neron problem, but may have said too much and gets attacked by her she-devils. Zauriel meets with part of the Shadowpact, regarding a resistance in Hell, which may also involve Zatanna.

Back on earth, the Etrigan-less Jason Blood is hitting the spell books, trying to find a way to keep the Demon from ever being bound to him again. Good luck with that! But he's visited by Deadman, who warns of Ruma Kushna losing balance: all "infernal" things had been purged from earth, but that was driving her insane. Boston advises, an intervention. Finally, the Etrigan/Blue Devil brawl hits "deep detention," something it took all of Hell to imprison in a "runespout," which of course they then fall into. After a massive explosion, a familiar figure emerges from the smoke...none other than the main man himself, Lobo! The next issue box praised the "frag-tastic" return of the "real" Lobo; what, was there a fake? I was thinking of the later New 52 version, but that was years away.

The second feature continues Dr. Occult and Yellow Peri's journey deeper into Hell, in search of Occult's "soulmate" Rose. They appear to be coming up on a weird techy part of Hell, but not much to that one.

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Hmm, it's taken us 15 years, to blog 3 consecutive issues of Thor.

Starting with #236 in 2007, then #237 three years later. Moreover, we brought up Kamo Tharn (or Tharnn) a bit ago, and I'm sure you've been clamoring to see his first appearance...I don't care, we're doing this anyway. From 1975, Thor #235, "Who Lurks Beyond the Labyrinth!" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Joe Sinnott. 

Y'know, when Thor gets stuck in the rain, he's only got himself to blame, right? Actually, he's moping, since Jane Foster was fading fast. Losing his temper, he knocks a chunk off the side of the roof, then has to finesse his hammer to save people from the falling debris. He's not the only one in a sour mood, though, as the returning Absorbing Man was trying--and largely failing--to keep a low profile, so he could put his master plan against Thor into action. (OK, it's a plan, you have to give him that much.)

Thor meets with Odin's Vizier--I feel like he should have a name other than 'Vizier,' but not sure he's ever given one--to discuss Jane's plight: she's seemingly lost a chunk of her soul, the will to live, something. The only hope is hopeless, as the Vizier has sent Hercules and Sif across the universe, in search of the Runestaff of Kamo Tharnn. After fighting through his ape-like guards, they find...what appears to be a blind hobo squatting in a library. There's something more to him, though; as he uses the Runestaff to deafen Herc! But, the staff's blasts aren't enough to keep him down, and he and Sif return to earth with the staff; only to find Thor was fighting the Absorbing Man, who had gotten close enough to touch Mjolnir and imitate its power. Hercules wants to join the fray, but Sif worries Kamo Tharnn could track them down, and they need to use the staff and save Jane now...

While Tharnn's story seems pretty wrapped up in #335, he has turned up since, since he somehow gets Elder of the Universe status. Somehow. I want to say he's in Englehart's Silver Surfer, but had to check: he wasn't one of the Elders bodied by Thanos in Thanos Quest. Also this issue: a John Severin Sgt. Fury Marvel Value Stamp and a Statement of Ownership, Management, and Circulation: Paid circulation, actual number of copies of single issue published nearest to filing date, 230,311.

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"Grog."

This was originally scheduled for mid-February, when we got Quasar and knocked a quick post out with him; and the next three strips were already scheduled. They were sequential, this one wasn't, figured I could bank it. And while I'm on vacation seems like the time to use it!

Man, I almost wish Hasbro would make a new Blob figure, so Nightcrawler could try to cram that shark in it!  

But, I just had to go back through my year-to-date figures, since the last month or two has felt dry. Possibly because I have a ton of stuff on preorder, that'll show whenever it goddamn feels like. Whenever I preorder from Target, for example, it never shows up in one batch. As I type this, I think Vulcan and Siryn showed up two weeks ago, and I haven't bothered to open them? OK, I'm kind of waiting to build Bonecrusher, but that still doesn't feel great. 

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Like many Conan comics from this time, this one definitely falls under the 'bought three times' rule, so better get to it! From 1984 , Conan #163, "Cavern of the Vines of Doom!" Written by Michael Fleisher, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Charles Vess. Great cover by Ernie Chan!

Conan and his one-armed pal Fafnir are riding through the countryside after a recent earthquake, when they come across a village about to burn an innocent-looking blonde at the stake. Usually Conan would rush right in, but he was slightly older and wiser here, leaving that to Fafnir; perhaps feeling his friend had lost some sense with his arm. The rescue goes well enough, although Fafnir is a little groggy afterwards, and they stop at a stream. Conan notices, but can't quite believe, that as the girl Krylxxa (obviously a millennial...) wades in the water, the water level seems to go down? There's no time to consider that, as Krylxxa is then attacked by a bear: Fafnir leaps in but gets swatted away, while Conan has to wrestle it and snap its neck. Krylxxa still only has eyes for Fafnir, though. That night, Conan excuses himself to "get some firewood," somehow not giving Fafnir the Hyperborean thumbs-up; but while Krylxxa makes her move, Fafnir gets groggy again, and worries that in losing his arm he's also lost his...ahem...virility.

On their way to return Krylxxa to her village, they pass a smith owned by a family Fafnir knew. The blacksmith and his sons greet him cooly, claiming not to know him, or even have horseshoes. Thinking it a joke, Fafnir checks the chest for horseshoes--and finds the bodies of the smith and his sons! The replacements attack, although Krylxxa implores them not to hurt her love: Conan and Fafnir defeat them, but they don't bleed blood, but...water? Conan had heard Krylxxa, and suspects she knows more than she was letting on, but Fafnir defends her. Then, in the caverns, they were attacked by her 'people,' green potato-like lumps! Conan and Fafnir are captured, and are subjected to an exposition drop: The lumps were an intelligent race that existed alongside the dinosaurs, but had retreated underground when the climate changed. Centuries later, most avoided sunlight, but some had taken to the surface with an old power: to kill something or someone, and take its form. Krylxxa had killed a serving girl, but felt so bad about it she never wanted to take another life. She also explains her 'exhalations' were good for plants but bad for people, explaining Fafnir's groggy spells.

The lumps don't have any grudge against Conan or Fafnir, but can't have them tell anyone about them, and tie them up with vines. Conan manages to break free, and Krylxxa joins their escape: she won't leave Fafnir, even though leaving the caverns would mean her death if she didn't suck the life out of something else. She asks Fafnir to look away, as she dies and wilts into her true form. Fafnir says she isn't really dead, as long as his heart is beating; Conan seems less sentimental. 

Weirdly, we've seen Conan vs. body snatcher-types before; and I'd almost wager you could probably find some more like that if you read a ton of issues. Better get started!

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Surprisingly, I didn't have to buy another copy of this.

It's got a cameo of my favorite character, but this issue is dark. Well, that might not be entirely accurate; but it's definitely not sunshine and lollipops--damnit, that's half-wrong, too. Let's just see: from 1984, Micronauts: the New Voyages #3, "In the Country of the Blind!" Written by Peter B. Gillis, pencils by Kelley Jones, inks by Bruce Patterson. The cover blurb is "Spawn!" Um, not that one.

This one starts out cheerily enough, with Bug playing a holographic chess game with Nightcrawler--or at least a hologram of him, that switches to Wolverine after Bug beats the computer. Despite multiple encounters across the Marvel universe in their first series, aside from the Beyonder appearance in #16 (the mandated Secret Wars II crossover) I believe this was the only time Marvel characters would show up in New Voyages. In hindsight, I can't help but wonder if that hurt sales. Bug also makes an offhand comment to Commander Rann, asking if this meant there wasn't going to be any good bars in the section of space they were exploring; that would be reiterated by a later letter-writer, noting the book's transition from Star Wars style space adventure, to a slightly harder sci-fi.

Rann is puzzled, since this section of the Microverse had traditional planets orbiting suns; not the molecule-chain shaped worlds they were familiar with. (Rann had explored the Microverse for about 1,000 years; apparently seeing molecule-worlds the whole time?) Meanwhile, Marionette has just smashed the hell out of Endeavor II's sickbay. While looking for a possible cybernetic replacement for Rann's recently severed hand, she instead found the legacy of Baron Karza: body banks, filled with organs harvested, willingly or unwillingly, from the citizens of Homeworld. ('Willingly' isn't exactly accurate, 'lost gambling' would be closer.) Mari is distraught, and Rann gives Biotron an earful. Biotron points out the body banks were standard issue: Karza had ruled the Microverse for a thousand years or so, and what was the point of throwing the parts out now? Especially since the Micronauts need--Rann cuts him off, not about to hear it, and disappointed this new Biotron didn't seem to share the principles of his fallen friend.

In the engine room, Acroyear was not especially comfortable with the ship's new power source, an alien egg. (Not the facehugger kind...hopefully.) He discusses Huntaar's recent mutation with him: while Karza had turned him into a living weapon, an alien intelligence had now made him "a living sculpture or painting." Huntaar found a peace in it. Later, Rann decides to take the crew down to check out a planet, mostly just to get off the ship for a bit. His announcement wakes Mari from an uneasy sleep, but she doesn't notice blood on her pillow...unsettling. That scene creeped me right out when I read this originally!

The alien planet doesn't have a great atmosphere, and seems oddly bright; forcing the 'Nauts except Huntaar to wear survival armor, another remnant of Baron Karza's. (It would be like Luke or Leia having to wear Stormtrooper armor somewhere! Also, they seemed to have a variety of sizes.) The alien life seems to be coating itself with a mercury-like reflective layer, and when Bug tries to take a plant sample, a laser is reflected back at him! Meanwhile, back on Endeavor II, Biotron and Microtron clean up the carnage in sickbay, and worry about their masters: with the exception of Huntaar, they were all dying of radiation sickness taken the previous issue. The 'bots had considered replacing everyone's organs in their sleep, since they would never have taken replacements willingly. Without them, the Micronauts would be dead within days.

If not sooner: after larger, bug-like creatures damage their shuttle, the 'Nauts realize the atmosphere of the planet amplifies light into lasers. Which could maybe recharge Endeavor II, if sunrise wasn't coming up! Rann calls the 'bots to pick them up, and hurry; but then the ground shifts as colossal solar panels shift towards the sun. The shuttle is brought in by a metal grapple, as Endeavor II is caught in the laser sunrise...! 

The radiation sickness subplot had a few more issues to go, and while it was rather harrowing, in retrospect it was practically a cakewalk compared to later issues. The only lighthearted issue of the series was #6, which, while fun, was largely imaginary and still had radiation sickness lingering over it!

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