"Episode #583..."

This post has been scheduled for years, but kept getting pushed back! Same for next week's conclusion. Wish I remembered when I did these, but I think I've changed computers since then. Checking the ever-popular Year in Toys, I bought K-9 April 2015, so...sometime around then, maybe?


That's the Doctor Who: K-9 Light-and-Sound Figurine and Illustrated Book (RP Minis), still available; and he scales quite well with six-inch figures, I'd say. I know there are Doctor Who figures out there, but they're all like 5.5 inch scale or something, and they're...okay. I may be saying that as to not keep kicking myself for not buying the collector's set, but I'd certainly prefer Doctor Who Legends or something. (I suspect the Daleks figures eat up a lot of plastic at any scale, so maybe that explains the sizing.)

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We've checked out the disappointing Franken-Castle team-up, the meh last issue, the not-bad Thor, issue, and the pretty good Satana one; but today we're up to the best of the run! From 2011, Deadpool Team-Up #885, written by Rick Spears, art by Phil Bond, inks by Dan Brown.

Deadpool and his caption boxes fail a situational awareness check when showing up for a job, and catch an anvil in the face. After a dream about triceratops and a bikini girl, Pool wakes up captured by the strawberry Quik-drinking Dr. Kilgore. Wait...that's not strawberry Quik; "this pink libation is actually the vampire lactations of Hellcow!" (Part of this balanced breakfast!)

Kilgore recaps Hellcow's origin, including a disturbing sequence where Howard the Duck drives a stake through her heart. That's not the disturbing part; Howard is drawn especially toothy there. Kilgore had dug up Hellcow's body, restrained her in a silver cage, and had been drinking her milk to stave off dying of drug-resistant tuberculosis. But the effects of the milk were starting to wane, so he had a new plan, involving drilling into Deadpool's brain, removing his pituitary gland, and injecting himself full of mutated human growth hormone. Deadpool tells Hellcow in an aside, "I'm starting to think this Kilgore dude might be kinda not cool." They have to team-up to fight for their freedom, hijinks ensue.

Even for this title, this is a very silly issue. But for Hellcow, it works! As I write this one, I don't think there's been any big announcement of Marvel Legends for this year's San Diego Comic-Con. I'm guessing they're not making Hellcow--that would probably be risky, even for HasLab--and yet, it's been tough to keep her down.
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If she doesn't come with the mounted heads, I don't know what's the point of anything.

Since Hasbro announced the upcoming White Rabbit figure, there have been several fans thrilled by the news, and perhaps a few that feel like she's going to be a massive pegwarmer. Admittedly, she feels a bit more like a Batman villain, probably an associate of the Mad Hatter, and I do believe there has been a White Rabbit there since. But, I found this issue in my garage, and now I'm not 100% sure I've read it before! From 1983, Marvel Team-Up #131, "The Best Things in Life are Free...But Everything Else Costs Money!" Written by J.M. DeMatteis, breakdowns by Kerry Gammill, finishes by Mike Esposito.

It could be I may have put off reading this one because of the guest-star, the fabulous Frog-Man. I remembered his appearances in Amazing, building up to him teaming up with Toad and Spider-Kid. (That may have been one of Peter David's first credits. I don't hold that one against him.) But I think there's a bit of potential in the Rabbit: not unlike her fellow ginger super-villain Arcade, she has a bit of what the press would in recent years come to describe as affluenza. (Actually, looking it up, that term has been around longer!) The Rabbit had been born into and later married into more wealth; but kept sheltered and bored until she "set out to transform my life into the literary opus I'd always wanted it to be!" Her robberies are merely for the thrills; she's paying her goons far more than she made!

Interestingly, that Arcade link suggests the two of them may have dated; I'd suspect them of being related. Both from money and looking for kicks. Honestly, Arcade probably deserves a figure more than her; but would probably be too much sculpting. (Wasn't he a little shorter? And those platform shoes...)

Despite years as a joke or an also-ran--actually, despite that, White Rabbit was probably still the number-two female Spider-Man villain, behind the Black Cat. It's not a deep field...And her star may be on the rise: I'm not caught-up on recent Spidey, but she may have recruited a female Electro (Electra? That doesn't sound right...) to join a new Sinister Syndicate. Good for her, I guess.
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Steve probably blames the aliens for not getting any, but that probably wasn't happening anyway.

Another, possibly more organized, blogger might've scheduled this post to actually fall on V-J Day, which I just realized probably sounds dirty phrased like that now. But it's a different day whether you're in the US or the UK, so I'm throwing this issue out there now! From 1978, Wonder Woman #242, "Tomorrow's Gods and Demons" Written by Jack C. Harris, pencils by Jose Delbo, inks by Joe Giella.

Maybe Victory Over Japan Day is a different date on Earth-2, where today's issue is set, at the end of World War II. Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor ponder their futures during the parade, then check in with supporting cast members General Blankenship and Etta Candy. Then Steve gets abducted by aliens. Because there wasn't a well handy for him to fall in, alright? Something was bound to happen to him, might as well be aliens. Unable to prevent the abduction, Wonder Woman heads to Paradise Island to try and find out more about them, and has a brief visit with her mom, Hippolyte, who does not seem real tore up that Steve was gone. "Sure, you 'love,' Steve; but we Amazons have other goals: peace, tranquility...not-Steve..." She very much acts like she can't wait for her little girl to put that fad behind her, but WW proclaims she wasn't done fighting evil in Man's world yet.

Meanwhile, you might think alien abduction of a national war hero might rain on the day's festivities: nope! Most seem to have convinced themselves it was an illusion, maybe the DTs. Or maybe no one cares...Still, Steve has been evolved by the alien Cerberons, into "the ultimate man who will end the age of death!" Fun fact: the more evolved you get in the DCU, the more utterly balls your fashion sense gets. Like if you reached the pinnacle of evolution, but had to dress like a colorblind Urkel or something. Steve's spreading that fashion don't around, too; as he turns more and more people into duplicates of himself, sharing a collective hivemind. Watching through the "Magic Sphere," Hippolyte is about to call Diana home, feeling mankind linking minds is a good thing; but Dr. Fate and the Spectre cut into her program to warn her not to.

Despite that set-up, Wonder Woman wraps this up pretty quickly, first by cutting off the Steves at 81, then by yelling at the alien ship that they were interfering with man's rightful future. It kind of feels like the aliens just decided "well, ok then" and quit; but I have to admit Captain Kirk's done that out-argue-logic thing about forty times, so why not. Wonder Woman tells the recovered Steve the world still needs, and would always need, a Wonder Woman; which might be a problem for their relationship but isn't delved into here. And on the last page, the Angle Man arrives...

If you think I've been too hard on Steve here...no, not even enough.

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I wrote a bunch of posts before going on vacation, and this is my first one in a bit; yet we're jumping in the deep end here: it's a great issue, but I can't for the life of me decide how it might play out if it had been written today. From 1988, Daredevil #252, "Ground Zero" Written by Ann Nocenti, pencils by John Romita Jr, inks by Al Williamson.

This was the crossover issue with "The Fall of the Mutants," and unbeknownst to anyone we see here, Apocalypse and his Horsemen have just attacked New York City. We see Archangel briefly, but Pestilence and War cause the most damage, even if they are largely unseen. For the general populace, as near as anyone can tell, this could be the big one, the bomb may have dropped. Since Pestilence's powers infect people with symptoms not unlike radiation poisoning, that may be the only conclusion they can come to.

Currently in Daredevil, Matt Murdock had been disbarred, but worked at a community center legal clinic and "ghost-lawyered" cases. The Black Widow is also here this month--and I think it would be her last appearance for a while, until maybe #262, since she had no aptitude or patience for that kind of work with people. Matt's also working with the young Cain, who seems to be roughly the same age as those annoying Fat Boys kids but not with them. He brings in a younger child that had been beaten by his mom, but confesses he kind of had to force himself to, that being 'good' didn't seem to be his first instinct. Matt doesn't have time to hand-hold him, though, since they're first interrupted by the first legal victory for their clinic, then by the blackout caused by the attack.

Matt takes the lead, as himself here: blind already, he wasn't afraid of the darkness, and leads the people through the subway tunnels to a nearby hospital. Which, conveniently enough, is about to be the next target of post-apocalyptic gang leader Ammo. He wouldn't realize it, but he's on the same page as the instigator of this disaster, Apocalypse: the strong will survive, the weak won't, and helping the weak only drags you down with them. Ammo's forces take an armory for weapons, then plan on pushing onto the hospital for drugs. (I didn't scan it, and I don't always note letterer credits here, but Joe Rosen's work on a crowded panel where Ammo "sniff sniff" remembers he'd like some drugs--slow clap. Just the best.)

(Oh, why not, let's scan it.)

DD and the Widow are joined by a small group of Vietnam vets defending the community--your "good guys with a gun," and DD has to strongly dissuade them from killing. The vets make bombs, to try and force the gang into position. Meanwhile, Cain fails to stop an injured woman from committing suicide: she didn't want to live in the apocalypse with only one leg, and opts to take a bunch of pills instead. Cain runs looking for Matt for guidance, and is instead told by the Widow to "quit sniveling and make yourself useful" and given a gun. (Cain's age is wildly indeterminate, so it's not clear if Natasha is showing good judgement or not; but considering Cain seems to be asked to do a lot here, maybe he's older. He's also referred to as a 'boygirl' later by a thug, which may or may not be supported by the art either. For good measure, there's a gang member, "Bad Seed," that resembles Cain enough that the GCD thought they were the same character!)

The plan works fairly well: when the bombs smoke out the gang, Daredevil and the Widow beat the tar out of most of them; until Ammo smashes through a wall with an armored vehicle, guns blazing. Most of his victims seem to be his own gang, although that's less mouths to feed in the apocalypse, right? And he does manage to stray-bullet a kid imitating him, down to the face-paint: that's no way to treat a fan. DD throws down with Ammo hand-to-hand, the kind of fight that stops the rest of the fighting down cold to watch. Cain tries to get a wounded man into an apartment for help, and the elderly couple inside pretends they aren't home, leading to a bit of overwrought dialog.

With Ammo down and the gang contained, some of the citizens decide maybe they deserve some spoils, or some payback: several, including Cain again, are about to rape one of Ammo's gang; claiming she tried to kill them with a grenade. DD is disgusted with them, and easily able to stare them down from trying anything, then leaves Cain to watch the girl until the cops can cuff her. Then, with the hard stuff over, the army shows up, megaphones announcing it wasn't a war, go home. With Natasha, DD muses how quickly everyone bought into the 'apocalypse,' like they always knew it was coming. Cain is somewhat dismayed that he may have let someone kill themselves for no reason, so he's distracted; giving the gang girl the chance to shank him. (And apparently escape; she's not seen again here.) Dying, Cain asks DD to tell Matt he was like a father to him, and that he died well, and maybe leave out anything else. This maybe might've had some more weight if Cain had appeared before...

I'm not a New Yorker: I'm closer to Homer Simpson on that one, focusing on the "pimps and C.H.U.D.s." Post 9/11, we've seen New Yorkers come together better than most probably would've figured, but we've also seen 9/11 used as a cudgel for a "War on Terror" that's probably not going to end in my lifetime. (In-universe, I think the X-Men's "sacrifice" in Dallas offset the damage Apocalypse did to the mutant community...) We mentioned Ammo's age and inexplicable sartorial choices before, so this story had good and bad guy Vietnam vets, but today I think both the "good guy with a gun" argument doesn't hold any water, while there are way more guns now then in 1988. (Are there more guns in New York City? I don't know if people are necessarily stockpiling them there, and crime in NYC is actually way down.) It may come down to if you think people will live up to their better angels, or if you suspect Daredevil would have far more people to punch out.
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"Home."

I thought about calling this one "For the Kurt that has Everything," but thought that would've given away the game. Still, it would've been more respectful of Alan Moore than DC Comics for the last thirty-some years. It's like almost every business decision there for decades, the first question anyone asks is, does this piss off Alan? Crap on his legacy, water down his work, kick his dog, whatever. The Simpsons "Watchmen Babies" joke feels more and more inevitable every year.

Still, a rare crossover this week, since I don't think we've used a lot of DC characters in this storyline. Today we've got the Black Mercy, who came with Mattel's DC Multiverse Martian Manhunter from the Supergirl TV show. Which was an OK figure: I feel like Mattel spent a lot more time on like the texturing of the TV figures, than making them dynamic or have useful articulation. Still, he got an accessory, which a lot of DC figures don't. I'm mildly surprised Arrow came with a bow.

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Some Toyman, that Batman figure's got like twelve points of articulation, tops.

The Toyman that would get a DC Universe Classics figure (And an Alex Ross one!) appeared on TV's Super Friends yet had a very short tenure in the comics. This incarnation would be around longer, yet is not as fondly remembered, but he does deal Batman a surprising loss here! From 1998-1999, Batman/Toyman #1-4, written by Larry Hama, pencils by Anthony Williams, inks by Klaus Janson, Flint Henry, Sal Buscema, Aaron Sowd and Ray Kryssing.

I kind of see where they were going with this: each issue of this limited featured a different narrator. The first was Detective Bullock, who investigates a murder with one witness: Tyler, a young boy who had been deafened in a shoot-out that had killed his parents. His aunt had just been murdered, but the Toyman had been looking for him, for interfering with his plans for a computer game: namely, killing a ton of kids for playing it. Toyman's motivations seems to be a strong notion that kids should play with real toys instead of "electronic garbage!" More than that is hard to say, but he seems really crazy; particularly in the second issue that he narrates.

Toyman had hired himself some muscle: Stiletto. (EDIT: Man, it really looks like Stiletto should've punched a hole straight through Batman there, instead of a mere...three inches.) While she draws the line at killing kids, saying Toyman would have to do that himself; she does manage to stab Batman good in the third issue, the silent "What the Deaf Boy Saw." In the final chapter, Batman narrates as he tells Tyler how he lost his own parents in much the same way, while getting Tyler to stitch up his chest. Together they race to a video game tournament, where Toyman is making his final preparations. Stiletto again expresses misgivings towards hurting children, this time mentioning losing an eight-year-old brother in a drive-by shooting. Tyler notices this, but Batman tells him (Tyler having to read his lips) that while she may seem good compared to the Toyman, Stiletto was still a criminal. Toyman turns on his henchwoman, setting off explosives in her communications gear, and Batman has to save her from a fall. Toyman had set up the game so when a player died in it, their system would explode and kill them: I'm not sure about that plan, wouldn't the gamers take off after the first console explodes? (Virtual reality is invoked, even though Tyler is playing a relatively standard computer game.)

In the end, Toyman attempts to throw a Batman-shaped grenade into the crowd to cover his escape, but Stiletto knocks it away so Batman can throw it...at the roof? Toyman nearly falls, and Batman then has to catch him; with both saves tearing on his stitches. Meanwhile, Stiletto gets to Tyler, in more ways than one: she tells Batman that Tyler thought he would adopt him. Batman has to tell him (while still holding Toyman up) that he couldn't be a full-time parent; but Stiletto tells him he could be her little brother. And he accepts! The story ends with Batman futilely calling after Tyler, "...but of course, he can't hear me."

I don't think the post-Crisis Toyman went off the rails until he killed Cat Grant's son. That pretty much sucked the fun out of him going forward. Has there been a New 52 Toyman? Apparently, only in flashback, because that page space is needed for Mr. Oz or something. Oh, damnit, now I want to write a new Batman/Toyman: Batman tries to figure out why Toyman has been murdering 'vulture' venture capitalists--for jacking up the toy industry and sales! Even while being murdered with toys, they would still have no idea why they were dying...Although this is arguably a step too far, Batman also has to contend with anti-capitalist fans who think maybe Toyman's on to something. (He's not; Toyman would be capitalist as all get out. If he could make a ton of money selling toys, he would, but there's always some holdup, like lack of legal capital, safety laws, copyright, etc.)
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Last year we blogged Mystery in Space #113, and I remembered reading the Michael Golden story off the spinner rack, even if I wouldn't get a copy of that issue for, um, 38 years. Today we've got one I remembered reading at least part of in a drug store in 1977: the Invaders #19, "War Comes to the Wilhelmstrasse" Written and edited by Roy Thomas, pencils by Frank Robbins, inks by Frank Springer.

Four of the Invaders--Namor, Bucky, the (android) Human Torch and Toro--have been captured by the Nazis and are currently the unwilling subjects of a "victory parade," even if some citizens don't support the mistreatment of prisoners. Namor is kept dehydrated while the Torches are only given enough oxygen to barely breathe, so they couldn't flame on--and I always wondered about that! I thought the Torch was kept in a completely airless prison and couldn't figure out why he didn't die. Toro would be out of luck, but would the Torch die without air, or just go dormant?

Captain America and the Destroyer are still free...for about two pages. When a guard moves to gun down Bucky for embarrassing him with an honestly hilarious kick in the ass, Cap has to step in to save him...and then has to surrender when a major puts a gun to Bucky's head. The Destroyer isn't compelled to surrender, but the embarrassed guard tries to regain face by fragging several of his fellow Nazis with a grenade, seemingly obliterating the Destroyer. And in a way, it did...

Nearby, Spitfire, Dyna-mite, Lord Falsworth, and his chauffeur Oskar, now have "free the Invaders" added to their mission goals. They were trying to figure out what happened to Brian Falsworth, and how family friend Roger Aubrey was turned into the foot-tall "Dyna-mite." Busting into a Nazi lab, they find the scientist that experimented on Roger, and discover Brian's fate: he had broken out, stolen a Nazi formula, and become...the mighty Destroyer! Dismayed that they had just seen him die, they don't catch the Nazi pressing the secret button to drop them into a trap and gas them.

Now with all six Invaders captured, Hitler has a big day planned: execute the drugged Invaders by firing squad, then the propaganda wedding of super-Nazis Master Man and Warrior Woman. (Warrior Woman is markedly unenthusiastic about that...) But the firing squad catches a live grenade, as Union Jack swoops in to save them...continued next issue! Ah, I bought the next issue too at the comicon, but it's a short one, featuring a reprint of Sub-Mariner's first appearance in Motion Picture Funnies Weekly.
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This wasn't the first "new direction" for this book--it had apparently already become a joke a year prior--but I have to wonder if the others were as cringey as this one. From 2002, Superboy #94, "The Hunt" Written by Jimmy Palmiotti and Dan Didio, pencils by John McCrea, inks by James Hodgkins.

Returning to Young Justice headquarters from a mission (against "alien dirt wrestlers from Apokolips) Wonder Girl wants nothing more than a bath, but is surprised to find Superboy sleeping in the bathtub. (She's also naked and Kon does a lot of leering, but it's played for laughs.) Cassie suggests maybe he should grow up and find his own place, so he peruses the Metropolis property guide for prospects. The first place, he seems legitimately surprised that he'd be expected to pay for it--he wasn't that popular, and I didn't think he was that dumb--and the second falls through when he explains his "father" Superman won't be co-signing. Cue the apartment hunting montage! It's full of 'jokes' like the slovenly comic book fan, bickering (and predatory) gay couple, goths, single cat lady, and inexplicably a Daredevil reference. None of it is especially funny, but is there a lot of comedy to be mined from apartment hunting? It sucks, best case...

Refusing to give up, partially to not prove Wonder Girl right, Superboy is clearing his head with a flight, and comes across three (lamely) armored goons shaking down a landlord in Suicide Slum. He easily stops but fails to capture them, and the landlord worries who will repair the damages and drive them off next time. If only there was somebody...Superboy works it out, then packs his stuff and thanks Wonder Girl for the "swift kick in the head I needed," as he moves into Calvin Gardens...as the new super! See, it's funny 'cause that's like his name...no, it really isn't.

I think Superboy was falling into the same trap Impulse did: it was tough for writers to bring them any growth or character development, without ruining the core of what worked for their books. Impulse worked best as a no-attention span doofus, and Superboy as an over-hormonal bro with a heart of gold he tries to hide. (In the same vein, I think it took a lot longer for their Young Justice teammate Robin to fall into that trap: Tim was defined by incremental improvement, and could and did continue that way for years.) Same day I found this one, I did get another from this "new direction," #98, which had a Steve Dillon cover, as Superboy and guest-star Jimmy Olsen are at the local greasy spoon when most of this run's wacky characters, lame villains, and dicey love interest all show up at once. Comedy once again fails to ensue; and the book would be cancelled with #100, after a final Young Justice crossover. The character would find his feet again eventually--I think? New 52, I have no idea.
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Well, USAgent is nicer than ICE, anyway.

Admittedly, he's less aid-and-comforting refugees than trying to recruit them into his army, but it's still an improvement. Arguably. From 2000, Maximum Security #2, "A World of Hurt" Written by Kurt Busiek, pencils by Jerry Ordway, inks by Will Blyberg.

This wasn't going to be so much a full post, as a "yay, I found a mini-series issue I was missing!" And bought it without buying half the rest of the series, too! We checked out the last issue of this crossover last year; this issue is just ratcheting up the tension and getting all the players into position. USAgent doubles down on being a dick, criticizing the way the Wasp was coordinating earth's heroes, then resolving to fight Ronan with the aliens that had been imprisoned on earth. His reasoning is that the aliens "don't want to be here any more than we want them here!" but that may not be true across the board. Many may have been refugees or homeless, gathered up by the "Ruul" just to get rid of them. And I went with the page above just for the Pogo cameo!

Also this issue: Quasar gets the call back to earth, I'm sure that's going to be great for him. The Fantastic Four, Iron Man, and the Silver Surfer are trying to contain an outbreak of Ego the Living Planet. The Surfer has volunteered to be the host to contain Ego, even though it feels like Reed has told him fourteen times this issue that it could kill him, so that doesn't seem to be a dealbreaker. And USAgent realizes the true identity of the Ruul...somehow, since I was hard-pressed to say he'd interacted with their old form; and I think just barely. But the Agent probably read all the files and briefings. Nerd.

And for good measure, I can't believe this comic was from 2000, or that it's my birthday today! I'm well out of the office, but help yourself to some cake. Somewhere.
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"SpaceLARP."

I don't think we're going to see Rom-Con--I didn't see any Rom figures in the Toy Fair pictures, last week as I write this. But the idea of Spaceknight LARPing got me. Or a mini-series of retro Deadpool guest-spots, like him teaming up with ROM, the Micronauts, a proper Hostess ad, and so forth. The legal would be a nightmare, though.

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