"Renfield."

I swear I had most of this strip planned, before Dan Slott brought it up again on Twitter! I didn't like it at the time, I don't like it now: killing off Hostess Spidey is just taking a doofy, pleasant memory and crapping on it to be 'extreme.' It feels like killing Cookie Monster or some other harmless childhood character. Ty Templeton sells the joke, sure, but it doesn't strike me as funny; and a lot of other Hostess-style spoofs do. (There are a number of fan-made ones, but top two would be the Thunderbolts and Preacher.)

Luckily, I don't think Mego Spidey had to face Morlun: that panel was from ToyFare #106, which OAFE mentioned in their review for Morlun. Who, let's be honest, I absolutely only bought because of the Build-a-Figure Armadillo part. As I type this, I'm still waiting for goldrush Spidey or whatever that one is. The new Miles is nicely done, as is Doctor Strange, even if I thought their last figures were fine. No Way Home J.Jonah Jameson had the devil's own time standing for a bit; and I haven't seen the movie yet, so I don't know if they're going to try and humanize him, or just let JJJ be a dick. (I kind of thought that was a problem with Shang-Chi: I don't think they wanted to get into the Fu Manchu-stereotypes, but they softened Wenwu up too much. Maybe let a bad guy be a bad guy.) Shriek might actually be useful later, as she makes up part of Carnage's Maximum Carnage-era Manson family, with the Doppleganger and Demogoblin. That just leaves Carrion, and I think there are enough parts in Hasbro's library to make him eventually.

I was also trying to think, if in Marvel continuity, we've seen a Renfield-type character for Dracula. But I suppose he probably goes through them like I go through noodle cups, since it would be like having an annoying, overly enthusiastic intern: you just want them to get your coffee or whatever, and they make it weird by trying to pattern themselves after you. And eating bugs. Who needs that, I ask you...

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"The End" Week: Marvel Adventures #18!

"If Cap can't disarm this missile," proclaims the cover, "--a nation is doomed!" Since this is the last issue, could be! From 1998, Marvel Adventures #18, "Heart of the Hero" Written by Ralph Macchio, pencils by Andy Kuhn, inks by Harry Candelario.

Captain America stars this issue, opening with some intensive (and immersive) training with S.H.I.E.L.D. and a bit of hero-worship of Cap, before Nick Fury gives him a mission: rescue captured agent George Tarleton from the clutches of Advanced Idea Mechanics, A.I.M.! Not a handsome guy...still, he looks familiar.

I didn't like the art as much this issue, but I spent most of my time trying to recall if this was a straight retelling of Tales of Suspense #93, the first appearance of M.O.D.O.K.! Cap's jet-sub infiltration of A.I.M.'s base rings a bell, but the original story had Sharon Carter. Moreover, Cap fails to rescue Tarleton, as he has already been transformed into M.O.D.O.K.! After a missile is launched at China, Cap knocks M.O.D.O.K. out of his "rocket-chair" (which I thought he was more attached to) and takes off after it, and manages to disable it while thinking of poor lost Bucky the whole time.

Cap worries that M.O.D.O.K. is still out there, but the rank-and-file A.I.M. scientists rise against their momentarily-helpless leader, but may merely give him enough what-for to try and teach him his place. Good luck with that.

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"The End" Week: Impulse #89!

I am super-not-up on my DC continuity, which may be exacerbated by no longer buying DC figures. (I did get one this last year, a character we'll see later this week!) But I think they've rolled today's character back to his old status quo, and for once I absolutely approve! From 2002, Impulse #89, "...Godspeed." Written by Todd DeZago, pencils by Carlo Barberi, inks by Terry Austin.

Impulse and his pal Carol return from the far future, around the year 6200 or so, in time for Jay Garrick vs. Rival, already in progress. Rival--which is a solid name for him--was a fairly recent addition, I think; like Jay's Reverse-Flash. Rival had also taken the role of Jay's wife Joan's primary care physician, and was treating her for cancer. Wait, that should be in quotes, he planned to slowly murder Joan with 'treatments,' to torture his lower-case rival. A furious Jay was kicking his ass all over the countryside, literally; Joan feared he would kill Rival. Impulse might not have been able to articulate it, but was disturbed at the sight of one of his mentors, somebody who had always seemed calm and collected, lose it.

After catching and losing Jay a couple times, Impulse catches up to him in the Sahara, and manages to stop Jay from beating Rival to death. But Rival explains, he was merely part of a larger plan, namely whatever the hell was going on in Flash. Moreover, he had returned from the speed force, but needed a host body, and had taken Max Mercury's! Rival slips them, and makes a beeline for Jay's house, but not to kill Joan: he steals the time capsule Impulse and Carol had come back in.

The rest of the issue is Impulse and Carol having a heart-to-heart: she wanted to take things slow, but I honestly doubt she's appeared since, since in DC comics if you lose your own title, you may as well kiss your supporting cast goodbye. (Looking it up, hmm, Carol Bucklen...son of a bitch, I was halfway kidding!) And Bart hangs out with his new family, the Garricks--Max Mercury, and Rival with a time machine? Max would barely appear again, and I'm not sure Rival did. Still, DC did do one thing right: Impulse has reappeared in recent years, in his 'classic' look and impulsivity. Good for him. Read more!

"The End" Week: Green Lanterns #57!

Over the last year or so, I've pulled a ton of Green Lantern books from the quarter bins, but I paid actual money for this one because I wanted to see how Simon Baz and Jessica Cruz's story ended. With Hal Jordan once again front and center, that's how. From 2018, Green Lanterns #57, "Evil's Might, conclusion" Written by Dan Jurgens, art by Mike Perkins, color by Hi-Fi.

The Cyborg Superman returns to Coast City, somewhat irritated that it had been rebuilt, and starts shooting up the populace. Hal Jordan is in time this time, but can he defeat the Cyborg, who now also has the Phantom Ring? Meanwhile, in space over Mogo, the Green Lantern Corps is in final battle with the Ravagers, but that's largely wrap-up: Guy Gardner commandeers the bad guys' main ship, and turns its weapons on the rest.

The Cyborg isn't able to use the Phantom Ring (or whatever else he was using) to control Hal's ring, but still thinks he has him beat. Hal's taking his lumps as a distraction, to give his back-up time to arrive: five Lanterns, including the Daxamite Sodam Yat. Beaten, the Cyborg still manages to escape. Then, it's even more set-up for the upcoming Grant Morrison/Liam Sharp the Green Lantern series, because every so often DC just seems to decide "thou shalt have no other Lanterns before me." But all of the Lanterns aren't put back into the box, as Jessica decides maybe it's time for her to stretch herself, and explore space.

This felt a little thin, but it was the conclusion to an eight-parter. Feels like Jurgens might've been brought in to clear the boards, and he pretty much did. Jessica would go on to Justice League Odyssey, which ran to issue #25. Aw, it had Azrael and Dex-Starr? Maybe I should look for that.

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"The End" Week: Flash #52!

It's the end with a question mark, but I honestly thought they would've used this as a title like a dozen times by now. From 2016, the Flash #52, "Full Stop" Written by Van Jensen, art by Jesus Merino.

We saw the previous issue back in August, but things aren't looking good for the Flash, unmasked and under the guillotine, at the hands of the Riddler; who also had control of Central City's massive police-drone force and Heat Wave as a nuclear deterrent in reserve. Barry is willing to sacrifice himself to save the city, but when Kid Flash uses his speed to destroy a drone, it sets off an alarm that convinces Riddler--and the cops present--that Barry was lying, and the real Flash was still out there. (I feel like I've seen that card played before, in Flash even!)

Freed to find the 'real' Flash, Barry catches up with the Rogues, who are furious at Trickster for betraying them, but Riddler had put a bomb in his arm. Disarming the bomb, Flash uses the tech to aid the injured Golden Glider, who develops some kind of powers from it. (Like all of the Rogues now, seems like: they used just be guys with guns or wands or whatever, but they all seem to have powers now.) Together, they manage to free Heat Wave, then destroy all the drones and capture Riddler, restoring Flash's reputation with the cops. (For their part, Flash declares the Rogues are welcome up until they commit a crime.)

This was the last issue of the New 52 relaunch series, and of course another relaunch followed. The only thing that really grabbed me about this issue, was idly wondering if Riddler had to do a Suicide Squad stint after this. (Pfft, Eddie would never survive, no matter how smart he is: he'd piss off Waller day one...) Read more!

"The End" Week: Marvel Adventures Spider-Man #24!

Aw, I really want to dig up the one where Daredevil fights the Absorbing Man now, but in today's book, can Spidey make a showing of it? From 2012, Marvel Adventures Spider-Man #24, featuring "If You Can't Beat 'Em" Written by Paul Tobin, pencils by Rob DiSalvo, inks by Terry Pallot; and "The Kingpin" Written by Paul Tobin, pencils by Matteo Lolli, inks by Terry Pallot.

Mystery-woman Blonde Phantom has called Spidey for help, since the cops are moving the Absorbing Man to a medical facility. Is he sick? No, the scientists want to try and learn how Creel's absorbing powers work, for use in medicine, recycling, manufacturing, and so forth. (His powers work by magic, you're not going to learn squat, let's call it a day early.) Creel does of course break loose, and Spidey is woefully outclassed but refuses to give up. Even when Creel beats him almost-unconscious and leaves him on top of a cab. Spidey tries to appeal to Creel's better nature, Creel in turn absorbs gasoline and flames on, delivering a flaming, crushing bear hug. Then, Spidey's words seem to hit him: Creel surrenders, picking up Spidey and getting back in the transport. Blonde Phantom wonders, if Creel didn't accidentally absorb some of Spidey's decency, when she really should be getting him to a hospital, I think his ears were filling with blood.

In the next story, it's Spidey vs. the Kingpin, as Spidey notices a ton of crooks he's stopped back on the streets really quickly. (Including "Jimmy 'Big-Time' Gray and Chris 'Casanova' Sims!) After a brief lunch with his girl, Chat, Spidey traces one of the crooks and confronts him: said crook squeals like a pig, admitting a crooked cop has been letting crooks loose after heroes catch them. (Use 'crook' one more time, I dare you!) This actually seems somewhat labor-intensive, as we see some thugs wrapped up in pipe by the Thing. Spidey goes to the Kingpin, who says he doesn't have anything to do with that cop, since he had also been freelancing and extorting charities. Kingpin gives him the cop's address freely, a school closed for rebuilding, which gives Spidey the opportunity for substitute-teacher jokes. After the bad cop is caught by the regular ones, Spidey again visits the Kingpin, to tell him he'd be coming back for him someday. Which would probably be more threatening if his voice had changed; Spidey was pretty young in this one. 

The letters page acknowledges this was the last issue, as next month would bring Marvel Universe: Ultimate Spider-Man #1, based on the Disney XD cartoon. Which wasn't my favorite; possibly because I think Spidey was voiced by one of the kids from Drake & Josh, which my kids watched but I could not stand. Still, as usual, these old Marvel Adventures books usually hold up.

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"The End" Week: Hawk & Dove!

Ooh, this could be a tough one, since I bought these specifically for "The End" and prior to picking them up, I'm really sure I had more Hawk & Dove action figures, than I had read Hawk & Dove comics. Today we'll at least tie that score, with 1991's Hawk & Dove #28, "Mad Dogs and Americans" Written by Barbara Kesel and Karl Kesel, pencils by Greg Guler and Curt Swan, inks by Ian Akin and John Statema; and from 2012, Hawk & Dove #8, "Endgame" Written by Rob Liefeld, pencils by Liefeld and Marat Mychaels, inks by Adelso Corona and Jacob Bear.

"Mad Dogs and Americans" is a War of the Gods tie-in--why does DC keep cancelling books during crossovers? Aztec war goddess wannabe Huitzilopchtli is sprung from a prison truck by the real deal, but then defeats him in battle, and heads off in search of Hawk, to revenge herself for her prior defeat. Dawn has a talk with Hank (and Don) Hall's mom, since Hawk was wanted for attempted murder after attacking Senator O'Neill. And Hawk seemingly knows he's dumb as a box of rocks, but is also too stupid to see an out except trying to beat the truth out of O'Neill. Before he gets anywhere, he's attacked by the Wildebeest--from the pages of Teen Titans, I'm assuming, although Hawk repeatedly proclaims he's no longer a Titan. The Wildebeest are turned to stone by Huitzilopchtli, who wants to beat Hawk hand-to-hand.

Senator O'Neill, who is obviously crooked as your average congressional district (hey-o!) has a visit from his benefactor, Barter; and alludes to being good at putting a spin on things, which will have a double meaning later. When Hawk's fight makes the news, Dove's mom subtly slips her the news, which Hawk's mom sees as she obviously knew her secret. With Dove's help, Huitzilopchtli--or Azure--is easily captured by the cops, using the same doohickey that captured her last time. Then, Dove has to race to stop Hawk from killing O'Neill, who isn't worried at all; he's got Uncle Sam on his side! Literally, Uncle Sam. (I do like it when DC remembers it has other tiers of characters and doesn't just use Superman or Batman.)

Sam is more that a little suspicious of O'Neill, and Dove knows his secret: he was really the resurrected Flash villain, the Top! Still, Sam can't let the furious Hawk kill him, no matter how mad he is about him pretending to be his dead brother, Don, the first Dove. Sam tells Hawk, to "take it out on him." Dove manages to easily defeat the Top, with his own jacket wrapped around his head; but by the time she gets back, Hawk has surrendered to the cops. Dove tries to get arrested with him, and Hawk angrily refuses to let her; while watching on TV, Hawk's mom realizes she's going to have to let her husband in on the secret.

After a pretrial hearing, Hank is released to his parents' custody, although forbidden from becoming Hawk. (Even though he acted like an angry 12-year-old, Hank had to be over 21.) Uncle Sam tries to persuade him to resign, and "O'Neill"/the Top does...but only to devote time to his presidential campaign. While Hank is feeling sorry for himself, his love interest Ren reminds him of everyone he did help, including her, and asks him to marry her. Dawn gets back in touch with her own love interest, a cop who had also figured out her secret, but wouldn't spill the beans. It's a happy ending for everyone...that I think would be completely undone in Armageddon 2001 #2. I can't remember either of their significant others coming up again, either.

That was a 48-pager, but I was pretty sure it was going to be more substantial than their 2012 last issue: Hawk & Dove was part of a wave of early cancellations for DC's New 52, alongside OMAC, Static Shock, and I think most of the war book offerings. And it was a little slight, although I don't know how much time they had to prepare for the cancellation, but that is probably giving Liefeld too much credit. It's Hawk and Dove vs. some ninjas, Kraven-knockoff Hunter, and Zhar, who wants to steal their avatar-power and gets stabbed for his trouble. I don't think many of these cancellations ended with a lot of closure, and this one goes with them still out there to fight the good fight, or get murdered in some crossover event, either or.

Just from reading this issue, I don't know if in the New 52 continuity Don Hall had been Dove prior to Dawn Granger taking the role. Also, I was surprised Liefeld's book was the first thing I'd read with Hawk that made him seem like less of a meathead: it tried to bring him up to the level of say, Flash Thompson, somebody who thinks a lot in sports metaphors; as opposed to just angry punch guy. Read more!

"The End" Week begins, with The Outsiders #28!

I do this every year, and buy last issues all year round, but somehow I'm still surprised as we start yet another "The End" week, with as many last issues as we can cram in. This year's opener, from 1988, the Outsiders #28, "...A Land Down Under..." Written by Mike W. Barr, pencils by Erik Larsen, inks by Mark Farmer.

DC does this sometimes where they would have a crossover, to hopefully improve the sales of some books by bringing in some new readers, while also cancelling the book in the middle of said crossover. (Captain Atom, Chase, Booster Gold, among others.) What's the point of that, then? This was a Millennium crossover (and the aforementioned Booster Gold was cancelled there as well) and already the Outsiders had lost long-time supporting cast member Dr. Jace as a Manhunter sleeper agent, she had blown herself and Metamorpho up. (He'd be back, on a better team! Surprisingly in recent years, Dr. Jace would be a villainous supporting character on the Black Lightning CW show.)

Looker had been psychically summoned back to Abyssia, the underground civilization that had given her powers. Lia gives a bit of a recap, including probably more about her estranged husband than the Outsiders probably wanted to know. They are greeted by old friends, who try to warn it's a trap, of the Manhunters! Looker was able to put a force-field around the team, and they are able to smash up the blue-faced robots, but when they try to infiltrate disguised as Manhunters, they are discovered by "Queen Tamira the First," whose outfit is...a lot going on, let's say.

Tamira is easily baited into a challenge match with Looker, which gives the Outsiders time to break out of the dungeons. Realizing Tamira shouldn't have been able to get powers like hers, since she wasn't a descendant of the Abyssians' ruling class like her, Lia 'unmasks' Tamira's psychic illusion, and she got real ugly. Tamira returns the favor, by turning Lia back into her pre-Looker self. Lia manages to hit her in the eyes before getting thrown into lava, and Tamira takes the big dive. But before the Manhunters are completely beat, one takes a shot at Katana, that Halo throws herself in front of. In the end, Lia returns to her husband (boo!) and Halo is left on life-support, with Katana grieving over her, as Geo-Force thinks the Outsiders' time is, for now, over. 

I don't think the Manhunters add much to this one; they could've been replaced with Abyssian guards with no impact. This is pretty early work from Larsen, and it's a bit cartoony in spots--there also seems to be a bit of Keith Giffen influence in there? And the various Outsiders, and the team itself, would of course return multiple times over the years. Looker might've been the first to return, in or around Detective #605.

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"Perfect."

You know, I've never seen Love Actually or Eyes Wide Shut; and may just be assuming they're Christmas movies from online chatter. I don't have a traditional one I watch every year or anything, but if you do, enjoy, and all the best. 

 And as usual, after the break, the traditional Christmas reruns! Get a big...glass of nog or something, I don't know...

More Star Wars Black holiday figures are forthcoming, but I don't know if they were held up with supply chain problems or something else this year. So, if you see them in April, think ahead and buy them.

It's not a perennial holiday classic...yet; but I rerun this one every Christmas: "How Deadpool saved assisted didn't wreck had Christmas." See how our production standards have barely incrementally changed in like eleven years! Although, Die Hard wasn't universally accepted as a Christmas movie back then, as it is today.

As usual, click to unwrap, er, enlarge. Not sure of the setup? The first strip's waaaay back here.





What the heck, you've been good this year...he says, based on nothing; so let's have another holiday re-run: "Jingle Bells, Blame Mattel..."

And for good measure, here's the 2015 Christmas strip, "Do They Know It's X-Mas Time at All?" Pool and Kurt had been in space for about 21 months at that point, so yeah, that plotline went on.

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