"Ditkos before Bro's."

So, I bought DCUC 20 Hawk and Dove a couple weeks back. You can't just get one of them, it doesn't work that way. They're like salt and pepper, Milk and Cheese, gin and tonic, assault and battery...

Actually, I'm only guessing, since I don't think I've ever read an actual Hawk and Dove comic. Not a Ditko one, not a Liefeld one, although I have seen a few of their appearances here and there; like their cameo in the membership drive in Justice League America #42, or the surprise reveal of Armageddon 2001 #2. (How did DC roll that back? Not that it made a helluva lot of sense in the first place...)

Anyway, Dale convinced me I'd be better off buying those two now, rather than wanting them after they sell out. And then that week there was a great deal of discussion about Mattel and DCUC maybe circling the drain and the general unlikelihood of them getting more figures on the shelves in the near future. There's a...well, either "spirited debate" or "mean-spirited finger-pointing" depending on who you ask, about why DCUC is struggling. And I'd argue the reason said debate rages is because fans either like, or at least want to like, the line. Personally, I'd as soon it continue to DCUC 40, since there are still a ton of characters I'd love to see. I don't see why they didn't do a military-themed box set with Wal-Mart: Sgt. Rock, Blackhawk, Enemy Ace, Unknown Soldier, Mademoiselle Marie...

But, there was another reason I broke down and bought Hawk and Dove: Tons of vile speculation and berserker rage after the break!


The week before, at the nearby Wal-Mart there was a white DCUC 12 Mary Marvel figure. That's a figure that's like two years old at this point. It's a terrible figure no one wants, and I could pick up like three in twenty minutes locally if I had a burning need to piss away fifty bucks. And I'm virtually positive someone returned it to said Wal-Mart, probably making off with Captain Boomerang or Bronze Tiger--figures someone conceivably would've paid cash money for. Mary stood there, blocking the pegs from any possible restock, until she was marked down, inexplicably marked up again after the other figures sold out (like Toyman, for instance!) and eventually back down to five bucks. Which still wasn't enough to convince me to finally buy her: I remember picking her up, saying meh, and deciding she could wait until I was buying something else. But, one day she disappeared.

Only to turn up at the Target a couple blocks away. It's the same one, she wasn't there before, and some troll bastard traded her in for a DCUC 20, probably Green or Red Arrow. That Mary Marvel figure is going to block that peg for the rest of the line, since I think Target's stock system will read any DCUC figure as the same SKU; and they probably won't restock until they sell through, or almost through. Which seems increasingly unlikely, since they have a couple Sinestros, a Negative Man, and I think a Captain Cold that aren't going anywhere. (I really like that Negative Man figure, but I suspect he and Cold were brought in by that same bastard. Incidentally, I find Poe is often too kind in his 'Karmic Curses' for Toy Aisle Trolls, since mine would be "May you be dragged into the street in the dead of night and shot behind the ear with a small-bore pistol; your carcass left in the gutter for three days before pickup.")

So, I bought Hawk and Dove because I couldn't bear the thought of leaving them for some toy-exchanging bastard. You know, some of you may blame DCUC's current woes on DC Comics mismanagement of their properties, or Mattel's distribution and quality control and pricing. I blame trolls and local retailers. Think about it the next time you see a Big Barda or Kid Flash growing moss at a nearby store...