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...and, I don't think I had more to say about this book, sorry! Take the rest of the week off! (From 2007, cover for tcapwodahS--er, Shadowpact #16 by Tom Derenick and Wayne Faucher. Read more!

OK, new rule: if I buy the same damn comic three times, I have to blog it.

I've mentioned more than once how when I was a kid, everyone in my small town read Conan comics--more specifically, my Conan comics. I couldn't say how many I lent out that were never returned, but to make up for that when I see cheap back issues I grab them right up. In this case, I wasn't even reading the title at the time, but I've semi-accidentally bought it three times in the last month or so, and I'm hoping there aren't more in the garage...from 1984, Conan the King #25, "Daggers" Written by Alan Zelenetz, breakdowns by Marc Silvestri, finishes by Geof Isherwood. Cover by Mike Kaluta. 

Over the years, we've blogged King Conan #19--the last issue before the name change--and CtK #28; since I know I fell off the book with #20, "The Prince is Dead." Conan's son Conn was killed off, the book seemed to go a lot darker and more serialized than the Conan titles had been for some time, and I didn't check it out again until Red Sonja's guest-spot in #28, which kind of hooked me for the rest of the series. I need to take an actual look at which issues I have, I may have by sheer happenstance put together a complete run...and some extras, apparently.

Anyway, this comic opens with one of Conan's elite Black Dragon Legionnaires, Leonidas, sneaking through the king's courtyard, but not for anything nefarious: he has a clandestine meeting with Conan's daughter, Radegund. Which makes the next page a buzzkill: Radegund is due to meet her betrothed, a prince from the next kingdom over, a marriage arranged from the time of her birth. She isn't thrilled about the idea of a marriage without love; but can't see that her mom Zenobia and Conan's marriage might not be doing so hot, either. (Charitably, Conan was neglectful, since he felt bored and hemmed in as king.)

The next day, Conan and Radegund (and a mess of troops, advisors, and whatnot) meet the possible future prince of their country, a worthless ponce who gets knocked into the moat and has to be fished out by his pantaloons, which does give the king possibly his first good laugh since the death of his son. He doesn't notice, but Tarquin, the head Black Dragon, spies the glances between Leonidas and Radegund. Back in Aquilonia, Prospero--one of Conan's main two regents--visits Lysander, who had been the sole survivor of the massacre that Conn died in. Prospero somewhat cattily tells him he won't be getting the captain of the guard job: maybe they owed him something...something like a short rope and a long drop, possibly. Lysander does have the confidence of Zenobia, even though he (like about everyone else) doesn't care for Conan's other son, Taurus. Taurus had recently accidentally turned one of his feet into a hoof with a spell gone bad, but he was more than a bit sour before that. Zenobia may have first just wanted to hear about Conn, since Lysander would've been the last to see him alive, but there may be something more there now.

While setting up for guard duty, Tarquin scolds Leonidas, and takes him off the princess's detail and puts him on Conan's. Probably a good choice there. When assassins attack, the Black Dragons make short work of them (with sai-wielding Syan-Lin getting the bulk of the kills) and Tarquin is more worried about Leonidas than Conan: in fact, Conan nearly kills Leonidas himself for being in his room, but Leonidas had been following orders. He then makes a poor showing against an assassin, who Conan is more than happy to take care of himself. Shamed, Leonidas quits the Dragons; but telling Radegund later she isn't bothered: she says she'll flee the kingdom before marrying the ponce, and asks Leonidas to give her something to remember him by...

Also this issue: Conn, Prince Conan II, was not dead, but currently lost in distant Asia-like Khitai. He stumbles across a pretty girl and a samurai type, but manages to convince them he means them no harm. But that leads to a confrontation between two groups of soldiers: the girl and the samurai were apparently from rival clans. After a fight, the samurai is captured, then later rescued by Conn, only for him to kill himself in shame. With the girl following him, Conn recalls his dad had passed through Khitai some years back, to save his mom from a wizard; and had friends there. Maybe close friends, as he is greeted by "my very twin--!!" Ooh, that's going to be awkward.

I think that recent issue of King Conan tries to do what Conan the King was here: move Conn from a boy to a man, although "The Prince is Dead" goes about it like, say, the Odyssey, a quest to return home; Jason Aaron's version is more like a quest to prove oneself. Conan exiles Conn "until he can bring me a tale from every land on the map." That feels harsher, but not necessarily out of character, either.

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"Success."

I'm totally dating myself here, since I don't think there's been a college band signed to a major label in about three hundred years...are there even labels anymore? Did they cut out the middleman by just having Spotify rob musicians? There's a video I probably watch too often--Cataonia, "Mulder and Scully" for the curious--that when it's over on YouTube, goes into a somewhat dated-looking Rhino promo: hey, we still own these, go nuts. See for yourself.  

Anyway, this is of course a bit of a riff on the dropped plotline that Wolverine was going to be an evolved wolverine, "courtesy of the High Evolutionary, but Stan Lee himself, according to Cockrum, nixed the idea." (From CBR's Comic Book Urban Legends Revealed #21!) Grain of salt and all, but if so, Stan was right on there: it would've really undermined Logan's humanity and flattened the character.

But...Nightcrawler is an odd duck, isn't he? He has powers neither of his parents have, but that seem to fit. Almost makes you think it wasn't just random chance...And I re-read Azazel and Kurt's return in Amazing X-Men, mostly to try and get a handle on Azazel: I call him a demon, although I think in "The Draco" (which I emphatically did not re-read for this!) Beast suggests he might be one of the first mutants. Or was that Apocalypse's deal? Enh, Azazel lives in a hell, or hell-adjacent dimension; and there's a line in the old OHOTMU to the effect that 'demons' may be anyone that says he, she, or it was one. (If you look up the page...which, shoot, I may actually have handy! At least one of those 'demons' wasn't, and was revealed as a Deviant in Quasar!)

Moreover, the big stinger ending of Kurt's return was that he sacrificed his soul to return from heaven, stop Azazel, and save the X-Men, heaven, everything. You might think that would be a big plot point for later: maybe he has to go on some big quest to get it back, or get a new one maybe? Or maybe without his soul, he'll start to go bad? Nah, I think he looks sad about it twice in that series, and that's about it. It maybe came up once in his solo book? Should re-read that, too.

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It's Jim Morrison and Gossamer vs. Blue Devil! Not even really kidding.

Years of horror movies have conditioned me to think of 'caretakers' as creepy weirdos, and today's book backs that up! From 1986, Blue Devil #20, "Old Haunts" Written by Gary Cohn and Dan Mishkin, pencils by Alan Kupperberg, inks by Bill Collins.

Dan Cassidy, Blue Devil and "weirdness magnet," is checking out a new place: the House of Weirdness! But when a cute little puffball escapes, Cain tells him it's really the "Hairy Devourer," and loose on Halloween it could destroy the entire world! Which is pretty typical for Dan, yeah. His would-be sidekick Gopher, out in a red devil suit, ends up trick-or-treating with the Devourer; while Dan's girlfriend Sharon is going to go see the Doors--er, the Windows; a sixties band whose lead singer has returned, seemingly from beyond the dead! He had died years ago "when this Tarot-reading chick got mad and laid one heavy-duty bad trip on my head!" (Not Madame Xanadu?)

The singer needs to sacrifice a soul to try and save his own, so of course he tries to use Sharon's. Dan manages to save her, with an assist from Gopher, and the singer (and the venue!) are sucked back to hell. To make up for the Hairy Devourer disappearing, Cain says it's only fair Dan take the room in the House; it's a terrible idea and he doesn't want to, so of course next month he's moving in! I'm not sure why it was the "House of Weirdness," though; except that Elvira might've had the House of Mystery lease then. Read more!

If somebody ordered a banner that said "good luck in the next world" you'd call the feds, right?

It's a farewell party for Lana Lang, in today's book: from 1982, Superman #375, "The Stoning of Lana Lang" Written by Cary Bates, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Dan Adkins.

Lana Lang is going to be leaving earth, to go live on Tynola with "the super-man of her dreams--Vartox!" The atmosphere there was poisonous, but Vartox had apparently given her a special aura so she could survive there. While she had said goodbye to Clark Kent in a previous issue (this was part three of a three-parter, which I didn't realize at first) she's glad to get a dance before she leaves with Superman, who she claims to feel as close as a brother to. I don't know if that rings true; this might not have always been the case, but I feel like she would always have gone with Supes if she could.

Vartox makes an appropriately dramatic entrance, namely smashing through the roof and tossing Superman out of the building, for having the gall to touch his woman. He had a ton of powers (pulled completely from the writer's ass at a moment's notice...) but while he could hurt Superman, he couldn't hurt Superman: all his zaps and tricks were painful, but not enough to kill him. But a quadruple-power jolt bounces off Superman, and while everyone else hit the deck, Lana caught one, and was turned to stone!...you really thought "The Stoning of Lana Lang" was going to be something else, didn't you? 

The shock of that snaps Vartox out of it, and he allows himself to be taken into custody; while Superman takes Lana to his Fortress but is unable to reverse her condition. Still, Jimmy had been at the party taking pictures, and Supes starts going through them for clues. Meanwhile, Vartox laments the third girl in a row he had lost: he had lost his wife Elyra when his planet Valeron blew up, and his "first love" Syreena had been a murdering supervillain behind his back! (I don't know enough to say when Valeron got it, but how many "last survivors of a lost world" was DC going to have?) Of course, since he's bringing her up, Vartox is visited by Syreena's ghost. He smashes out of prison, about the same time Superman discovers Lana wasn't hit by a ricochet, but a separate beam aimed right at her from someone else.

Vartox had quickly realized the ghost was in fact the real Syreena, who had also escaped the destruction of Valeron, a daring breakout from prison and escape in a rocket, that's given all of one panel. She was also well prepared for revenge, having implanted in her lungs a poison harmless to her, but deadly to Vartox. She has him beat, until Superman shows up to save him, and then she's singing a different tune: she could save Lana, so she and Vartox could be happy. Syreena does in fact save Lana, but turns to stone herself. Moreover, the aura was gone, so Lana could no longer go to Tynola. Maybe someday--ah, maybe not. Vartox flies home, with the stone body of his ex...I'm not sure what you do with that? It'd be weird to keep it; weird to throw it away, weird to put her back in prison; so I don't know.

Also this issue: "Last 'Scoop' on Krypton!" Written by Bob Rozakis, art by Gil Kane. On "67 Eorx, 9999," a reporter sneaks into a meeting of the Science Council: Jor-El tells them Krypton is going to explode, and the rest of the council not only doesn't buy it, they pass a ban on rocketry and space exploration...if you read this back in 1982, you were probably thinking "how could they be so stupid and short-sighted?" Reading it today, you're just surprised they didn't sit on Jor-El and try blowing up the planet themselves...The reporter keeps working his story, as council member Fel-Kar puts his man Par-Es on watching Jor-El, and the reporter watches them. Sure enough, Jor-El breaks the council's edict by launching his kid's dog into space; but Fel-Kar tells Par-Es to keep watching for now. Eventually, when the quakes strike Krypton, Par-Es decides he should've told the council before, but Fel-Kar doesn't care: he wants Jor-El's rocket for himself! The reporter stops him, with his recorder the only evidence of Fel-Kar's treachery...found years later by aliens who don't speak Kryptonese. Reporting doesn't seem that satisfying a profession, I gotta say.

EDIT: I had to scan the above, since I had to see how Syreena turned out as a statue: there's a Sam & Max where they're about to be dipped in molten wax, and the bad guy asks them to strike an interesting pose when they go in, because they'll be impossible to move later. And there's a Farscape episode where Crichton has to spend 80 years as a statue, and tries to strike a triumphant peace-sign flashing pose...

...apparently becoming a statue really hurts.

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How many early Thor issues were just Loki convincing some chump "Thor? Totally overrated! You can take him..."

Because this one, well...From 1975, Marvel Spectacular #13, reprinting (most of) 1967's Thor #142, "The Scourge of the Super-Skrull!" Written by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Vince Colletta. Better part of a page is cut from the reprint, presumably to clear space for ads.

This one does open with Thor having a bit of fun with a young motorcycle rider: I feel like Thor used to have a bit more fun, honestly. Although, he changes to Donald Blake after that, which doesn't seem convenient, he might have just left Blake to walk halfway across town...Meanwhile, Loki is on one of his periodic exiles, sent to his room by Odin. Oh, wait, not his room, "a lonely, endless space-time continuum!" He gets his own continuum, and he's still bitching? Loki reaches out with his mind to find someone to give Thor the hassle, but I don't think you see Loki do that bit much anymore. I guess maybe you don't have to when you can actually go places and whatnot, but it does seem handy. Anyway, he plants the idea in the Super-Skrull's head, that if he defeated Thor the Skrulls would sing his praises again, give him a parade, and so forth. Cue fight scene!

Super-Skrull makes a pretty good showing, before getting thumped. Thor also uses Mjolnir to "create an anti-force" to send him back to his ship. In his parting speech, he says "thy banishment eternal!" but that means about as much here as when Odin says that to Loki.

Also this issue: "Aftermath!" Another Tales of Asgard feature, from Lee/Kirby/Colletta. Oh, yeah, we saw the previous issue some years back! This is Volla the Prophetess dropping the tale of Ragnarok, the fall of Asgard, and the new age that follows. Loki pipes up that it's a load of hoopla; Odin tells him shut up, you're the one that causes it. Which feels like a weird place to end, but OK. Read more!

I haven't read all of Invaders, but I'm not sure Namor ever talked to him.

Also, the fight on the cover? Yeah, maybe next month, tough break there. From 2016, Squadron Supreme #7, written by James Robinson, pencils by Leonard Kirk and Paolo Villanelli, inks by Paul Neary and Marc Deering.

We saw another issue of this some time back, but this incarnation of the Squadron was mostly extradimensional refugees: the black Nighthawk from Supreme Power, Blur from D.P.7, and a Doctor Spectrum who had been saved by her world's destroyer, Black Bolt. (I believe that was from the 'incursions' in Hickman's Avengers.) Spectrum had been infiltrating the base of the alien Myriad, and runs into first Toro, then Black Bolt. Toro was an Inhuman (now, since this would've been in the middle of their big push) and discovered some Myriad tech that the Inhumans wanted destroyed: a machine that could tell what abilities an Inhuman would get when exposed to the Terrigen Mists. (Spectrum thinks that "sounds useful," while Toro, who wasn't raised Inhuman, still argues it's against their faith.) Their conversation derails before Toro says what country the Myriad had taken over, when it comes up that the Squadron killed his "old friend," Namor: were they friends, though? He was a junior member, a sidekick, and Namor is hardly the chummy type. (Well, I suppose Namor was chummy after the Squadron killed him, but that's not what I meant...)

Those three fight their way through the Myriad--which seriously should not be tough, with those three. Meanwhile, Hyperion, in his trucker ID, hits on a waitress--in an interlude possibly stolen from a Superman movie! And Raymond Kane has an intruder in his skyscraper office: Kyle Richmond, the Nighthawk of this earth. Kyle wants to bring in Raymond, for the murder of his teammate Namor--again, were they really teammates? Admittedly, Kyle would feel it more than Namor, but I don't feel like they were close. Raymond talks some trash, to get his counterpart off balance, as Kyle remembers "--a hawk will always fight to defend its nest--especially from another hawk." (Spoiler alert: there is a cheat here, that kind of makes sense with the villains of this series.)

Do I have the next issue? I don't want to see Kyle replaced, but Raymond was hardcore. Read more!

"Abnormal."

Where am I going with this? Soon. Which may lead to the return of a character I haven't used here in like maybe fourteen years, although they have a new figure now as well... Read more!

It really made me want to read COPRA now too, come to think of it.

This is a bit of a classic, although picking it up again the other day I think I had forgotten Giffen drew this one! From 1988, Justice League International #13, "Collision Course" Plot and pencils by Keith Giffen, script by J.M. DeMatteis, inks by Al Gordon.

Nemesis has been lanquishing (I believe that is the technical term...) in a Russian prison since Suicide Squad #7, and it's about as much fun as it sounds. Colonel Flag wants to go back in to get him, but Amanda Waller absolutely refuses: it's obviously a trap, and would be a political disaster. They may not realize someone else is taking an interest in Nemesis's plight (another cliche, er, technical term...) as Batman wants to help as well: he knew him from Brave and the Bold appearances, and knew he was cool. Batman even goes so far as to lean a little on his new teammate, Rocket Red 8, Dmitri. Dmitri calmly explains, despite the "connections" Batman expects him to have, he doesn't know everything that goes on his country, but wasn't Nemesis caught breaking in somewhere? Then a Rocky & Bullwinkle joke, because this was the style at the time. (Dmitri was often played as a simpleton, largely because he was foreign, but he was a pleasant family man who the Soviet government apparently thought was a good candidate for stuffing into a rocket suit given to them by freakin' Kilowog!)

Flag calls the Squad together for an emergency mission, no time for briefings, go go go! With only Nightshade in on his plan, they make their way to Russia, but not unnoticed by Waller, who visits Reagan to get the okay to sic the J.L.I. on the rogue Squad. Both Black Canary and Blue Beetle suspect Bats of paying the "villains" off to go rescue Nemesis, and may only be half-joking. An increasingly sullen Batman is furious at going where he wanted to go "for the wrong reasons" and J'onn firmly suggests he not try to use this to help Nemesis. Meanwhile, the rest of the Rocket Red Brigade and "Red Star of the People's Heroes" are made aware of the situation as well, in two really jokey pages! Seriously, go check them out, then imagine the same spread in Suicide Squad with Ostrander providing dialog. It'd be a completely different tone.

At the prison, Batman tries to intimidate the warden into getting access to Nemesis, but is refused until Dmitri calls in a favor. Dmitri and J'onn both have to tell Batman to be on his best behavior, with Bats seemingly regretting putting J'onn in charge of the team at least a little: he was pretty used to getting his way, and this might be the first time J'onn gave him any pushback. When they find Nemesis in his cell, beaten and unconscious, Batman is back in their faces, though. It's undermined a bit by Beetle and Miracle in the background, but J'onn lets Bats know in no uncertain terms he will throw him off the team. (Just looking at that page now, I know we see him roughed up at the beginning of the issue, but I wonder if Nemesis isn't playing possum a bit.)

Batman does back down...for now; but the Suicide Squad has now entered the chat! As back in the states, Amanda Waller and Max Lord debate how it's going to play out; the Rocket Red Brigade, Red Star, and most of the Soviet army are closing on the prison...to be continued, in Suicide Squad #10! Wait, the next issue banner says #10, but it was actually #13: Batman did appear in Suicide Squad #10, though. I haven't re-read SS #13 in some time, but now I want to compare and contrast the jokes in it: in JLI, is everyone jokey just because that's what they did there? I seem to recall the jokes from the comedians of both groups not landing as well in Ostrander's book; not because they weren't funny, but because nobody was in a mood for that nonsense. Read more!