80-Page Thursdays: Mysteries of Love in Space #1!

What could be more romantic than a new 80-pager?...whaddaya mean, 'just about anything'? From March 2019 or thereabouts, Mysteries of Love in Space #1, featuring stories by Jeff Loveless, Saladin Ahmed, James Tynion IV, Aaron Gillespie, and more; and art by Jesus Merino, Cian Tormey, Tom Grummett, Amancay Nahuelpan, and more.

I liked this one so much better than the last DC 80-pager I read, the Nuclear Winter Special. It's a mash-up and modernization of DC's old school sci-fi and romance titles; although it's not completely sweetness and light. Darkness features on the jokey cover, but also in the lead feature, "An Apokoliptian Love Story." Since it doesn't feature Scott Free and Big Barda, it's not a spoiler to tell you that's not gonna end well. Next, writer Kyle Higgins and Guy Gardner try to set up Kilowog, but his heart may not be ready for it yet: it's the first time I can remember anyone remembering he lost his people too.

Bizarro not get heart broken in "Backwards Hearts," then Hawkgirl starts Valentine's Day alone (is Hawkman dead again? Okay...) but ends it with friends in "Galentine's Day." Space Cabbie meets his true love in "GPS I Love You," and Lobo's maybe-daughter Crush breaks bones, not hearts in "Crushed..."

Probably the best of the book is the Lois Lane story "Glasses," which she writes as a letter to Clark. The book wraps with a classic Adam Strange reprint from 1958's Showcase #17, which doesn't seem overtly romantic, except as always Adam's travelled billions of miles and fought terrifying dangers for Alanna. I don't think there was a stinker in this whole lot, which is pretty darn good for one of these!

I got this half-off at EntertainMart, I love them.
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80-Page Thursdays: DC's Beach Blanket Bad Guys Summer Special #1!

I got this at a yard sale last week, and it's a million degrees out as I type this, so perfect timing! From 2018, DC's Beach Blanket Bad Guys Summer Special #1, featuring stories by Lee Bermejo, Jeff Loveness, Paul Dini, Tim Seeley, and more; and art by Gabriel Hardman, Minkyu Jung, Max Raynor, John Paul Leon, and more.

Ten summer-themed stories with DC's villains, are there more hits than misses this time? "Worst Finest" isn't a great start: is that supposed to be that Batman Who Laughs, or just the Joker with a cowl? Whatever, it's him versus Bizarro in a charmless story. In "Help," Lex Luthor gets roadside assistance from a guy with a Superman tattoo, and asks him why. He asks in a foaming-at-the-mouth kind of way; which Supes-tattoo either doesn't notice or is too polite to mention. Enh. "Close Shave" features Mister Freeze and his giant robot taking issue with a shaved ice truck's unauthorized use of his likeness: hasn't Freeze murdered a ton of people? That'd put me in the mood for a frosty treat! Okay.

"False Idols" is interesting; a young archeologist petitions Cheetah to share her power, but she may instead grant a different favor. Not bad. Black Manta stars in "Icy Embrace," where his true colors are rarely far from the surface. Okay. On the run, Giganta accidently returns to her hometown in "Giganta Strong," which goes about like you'd figure. Still, not the worst one here. Flash tries to understand Grodd's motives and reach out to him in "Cruel Summer," and it feels like a variation of the 'Martha' scene from Batman v. Superman. Grodd lets Barry know he's drawn the wrong conclusion here...a bit forced, but not bad? Next, Deathstroke takes a job from a young girl in "Dog Days of Summer." He tries to teach her an object lesson that really doesn't come out. Good!

"Perfect Gentleman" is a young Penguin story: surprise, he was a dick then, too! Okay. Lastly, it's the Crime Syndicate in "Independence." The team celebrates the Fourth of July their way, with bastardry and murder attempts. They're unlikeable dicks, but there is an amusing angle I hadn't seen before with Volthoom (the ring) controlling Hal/Power Ring. Okay!

I feel like I liked this one more than the Nuclear Winter special? It's slightly more cheerful, or maybe I'm just a summer guy. Harley Quinn's on the cover of this one too, but not on the inside again!
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Me so happy!

I'm going to do us all a favor and not write this whole post in Bizarro-speak; but last week I got the Walgreens exclusive DC Multiverse Bizarro! He's a handsome fellow...dresses better than I do, too.

Bizarro comes with alternate hands, his "Bizarro #1" medallion, a removable cape, and a suit jacket and glasses for his disguise as "Kent Clark." That's a fair amount of accessories for this line, but there's no "Collect-n-Connect" piece or anything. Which is fine. Except for the alternate hands, Bizarro can wear all the accessories at once, which makes his terrible disguise look even sadder.

I had to go back through my records, since I didn't recall if I had a previous Bizarro figure. But we saw the comic he came with years ago--back when action figures came with comics! And the old Bizarro came with a tire we've seen before as well. But holy cow, the old one is thicker in the chest! I wondered if he might've been based on Eric Powell's art in Return to Bizarro World, he predates that story by a year.

Regardless, this Bizarro's got more of a Silver Age feel, and he's great. I found him while looking for the Marvel Legends Mystique, but if you see him first he's worth getting as well.

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I would have to try a ride called, "Ball o'Whacks."

We saw the Legends of the Dead Earth Robin annual a week or two back, but I knew I had at least a couple besides that one. From 1996, Action Comics Annual #8, "A World of Hurt" Written by David Michelinie, art and story ideas by Kieron Dwyer.

In a far-off future, earth is so far gone we don't even see any proper humans the entire issue, except in flashback video footage or shape-changing stand-ins. Bizarro is a carnival performer, in a stage action show on the theme park planet Bizarro World; but is nearing the end of his popularity. Huggable, Barney-like new sensation Quedzl is becoming the headliner, and is so popular an intergalactic ambassador has to take his young daughter to see the show, even if his older son is too cool for that. But when terrorists take over the park, it's up to Bizarro to become the hero.

A fun little one-off, although not as fun as the more off-the-wall backwards antics usually associated with the Bizarro World. And this reminded me I had been thinking of another Dwyer issue I probably should've blogged long before now. Soon then, maybe.


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I wonder if the Superman Museum's liability insurance is as expensive as the Flash Museum's...

We checked out the next issue way back in the early days of this blog, but I just got this one last week from the quarter bin! From 1976, Superman #306, "Backward Battle for the Bizarro World!" Written by Martin Pasko, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Bob Oksner.

Protesters are surrounding the Superman Museum, to voice their displeasure over Superman recently destroying Metropolis Coliseum. They aren't the only ones pissed: the Toyman's collection was on display there when it was destroyed, turning the reformed villain back to murder. (I don't have it, but in the previous issue, Winslow P. Schott, the first Toyman, killed the second, Jack Nimball.) But with the arrival of Bizarro, Jimmy Olsen points out it's pretty obvious that he destroyed the coliseum, not Supes. The Toyman didn't seem to put that together, though; but did convince Bizarro if he could kill Superman, he could have the duplicator ray he wanted. And Bizarro wants that bad, since his Bizarro World had been destroyed by a meteor storm!

Bizarro had taken what would probably be a severe head injury for anyone else, but also seems to have some new powers: flame breath and freeze vision, opposites of Superman's freezing breath and heat vision. Were these new, or just not seen often? Superman is a bit surprised by them, but remembers he and Batman had been to the future and seen the Bizarro World was still there. After Bizarro kidnaps and attempts to duplicate Lois, Supes gives poor Bizarro a beating that retraces his steps, back into space where he was hit by the meteor, and is able to see the Bizarro World still there, safe and sound. Back on earth, the cops caught up with Toyman, who realizes Bizarro had destroyed his toys, and that he murdered several for no reason. He seems a little tragic, but I think would be back as a villain before too long. At a glance, Bizarro would return in Superman #333, and he and Toyman would be in Superman #337.
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Well, at least now I can use "Destroy all Monsters!" for a post title.

For some reason, I thought this was the last issue of the title, even though the titular heroes don't really appear in it! From 2010, Superman/Batman #67, "Night of the Cure, part two" Story and art by Scott Kolins.

While Solomon Grundy has returned during the Blackest Night crossover, he's not the same Grundy his old pal Bizarro remembers: this black-ringed Grundy is a dick. Bizarro had been trying, in his Bizarro-way, to help his "super-pet" Batty--I mean, Man-Bat! Who was in the process of being corralled by Frankenstein, the Bride, and agents of S.H.A.D.E; as Kirk Langstrom's long-suffering wife Francine had a cure for Man-Bat, if he'll take it.

The monster mash goes all kinds of wrong pretty quickly: Grundy calls out for Bizarro's help, before being decapitated by Frankenstein. That doesn't kill him, and when S.H.A.D.E. fires at the furious Bizarro, Francine is hit by ricochets, giving Man-Bat the chance to become ascendant over Kirk again. Grundy tears out Frankenstein's heart, but seeing the brokenhearted Bride, Bizarro is reminded of Lois, and turns on his old friend, throwing him into the sun. Thinking Francine dead, Man-Bat leaves; and the Bride is surprised Frankenstein survives, since he had two hearts. And Man-Bat and Bizarro fly off alone and traumatized, which is a shame. I'd like them to team up more! If Superman and Batman are the World's Finest team, I'm not sure if they'd be the World's Worst, but it's a start.

Fun issue. Could use more monsters, though...
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Art Adams, Kevin Maguire, and Ty Templeton on this one? Sold!

And Bizarro? Whoa, I'm already sold, quit selling! From 1990, Superboy #8, "But Am It Art?" Written by John Moore, pencils by Jim Mooney, inks by Art Adams. Cover by Maguire and Templeton.

This series was based on the syndicated TV show that ran four seasons from 1988 to 1992, which was run late night Saturdays in my neck of the woods, so I rarely saw it. Still, even if this wasn't the traditional continuity, with a college-age Clark; it's still a pretty recognizable Superboy. Even though Lana Lang is in this one too, Clark spends a lot of the issue with his co-worker at the Herald, photographer Janelle Cisernos. Unlike Clark, she's not devoted to journalism, just an art student working on the side; but she's observant and does a good job. Good enough to notice Clark's kinda buff, not good enough to notice he's Superboy! Still, when Bizarro returns from space, Janelle gets the idea to use him as part of her art installation. With mixed results: Bizarro is mostly harmless, and kept docile with cartoons, but apt to get riled if they're interrupted.

There is a subplot about Bizarro's instability, and how he might explode; but white Kryptonite stabilized him to the point where he only blows up a little. Bizarro heads out into space to make his own art, while Janelle is a surprise success. "Am over."

Looking at the cover gallery, I feel like I read more of this series than I saw the TV show; and I watch a lotta TV! But I don't think I watched Lois & Clark or even Smallville regularly. Love Supergirl, though.
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A lucky break: at one of the closed Hastings locations, a store called "EntertainMart" opened up; with a layout and merchandise pretty similar to the old Hastings. I don't know if it's part of a chain or its own thing, but it'll be somewhere to check out for cheap books. I went through some back issue bins for as long as the Wife would wait, and got today's book on the cheap: from 1968, Action Comics #365, "Superman's Funeral!" Written by Leo Dorfman, pencils by Ross Andru, inks by Mike Esposito.

This was about the fourth chapter in this storyline, although spaced out in 12-page installments a month, since the rest of the issue is a Supergirl story. Lex Luthor infected Supes with a strain of Kryptonian leprosy, and Superman's body is being launched into "Flammbron, the hottest sun in the universe." While he's still alive! Partly because there's no cure for his condition, and partly to keep him from infecting the rest of the universe. Still, Superman's "space-bier" rocket coffin is taking the scenic route to Flammbron, passing planets like Knorr, Lexor, and Bizarro World. The Avians of Knorr mark the occasion with an hour blindfolded, to symbolize their darkest hour. (They're still wandering around gamely, though; so it seems like a party game. Maybe to cheer them up.) Although Lex's girl Ardora stands by her man, the rest of Lexor turns on Luthor...and science, which doesn't seem like a great idea. And the Bizarros celebrate by throwing red and white Kryptonite at Superman, because dying is fun!

Most of this story is flashback, as Superman's recalls his life. Supergirl brings his three big loves, Lois Lane, Lana Lang, and Lori Lemaris; out to see him off; and the issue ends with Supes about to plunge into a sun a thousand times times hotter than a normal one! The next issue blurb points out there is a clue here how Superman would get out of this, if you know your pre-Crisis continuity. Oddly, checking it on the GCD, this has never been reprinted in the U.S. I would've thought five 12-page chapters would make a good chunk of a digest or special or something.
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No funny suicide here, but Harley dies anyway.

Since the Internet was all aflutter last week about the Harley Quinn #0 contest (try Ty Templeton's take on it, "Some Comedy Writes Itself") let's look at a couple Harley Quinn comics that I just randomly stumbled back across the other day! From 2002, Harley Quinn #17, "#1 Am the Loneliest Number," #18, "The Bride of Bizarro!" and #19, "Going Out with a Bang!" All written by Karl Kesel, penciled by Terry Dodson, and inked by Rachel Dodson.

Harley Quinn and her, um, pal Poison Ivy have only been in Metropolis a short time, but so far Harley's got a job at the Daily Planet as lovelorn advice columnist Holly Chance and stolen a swanky personal jetpack; while Ivy has the city's street-level vigilante, Thorn, captured. Using her psychology expertise, Harl realizes there's something more to Thorn than meets the eye, namely multiple personality disorder; but she has a bigger fish to fry: Bizarro! He had been at the Daily Planet to see his "worst enemy," Jimmy Olsen; who had been hitting on "Holly." Following Holly, the imperfect duplicate sees her real identity, then enlists her help in finding a bride! Harley balks at first, but quickly realizes a big dumb lug with most of Superman's powers (and some oddballs like X-ray hearing and flame breath) could come in handy, and Bizarro wins Ivy over as well, with the gift of a stripped-bare tree.

Still, none of them were prepared for the sudden-yet-not-entirely-surprising arrival of Jimmy, who shows up thinking he might get lucky, then finds Harley's costume in Ivy's plants and realizes his mistake, but is stopped from escaping by Bizarro. Jimmy brings up Lexcorp's "Bizarrotron," and Harley decides maybe they should check it out, but Ivy misspeaks her "Bizarroese" and Bizarro frees Thorn before he leaves. At Lexcorp, after the usual beating of the guards, they meet a helpful scientist, who's thrilled to meet a Bizarro. While Bizarro "hates" Lois Lane so much he'd love to spend the rest of his life with her, well, Harley's already right there, right? As the scientist scans Harley, a locked-in-a-closet Jimmy builds a signal device to try and summon Superman, but the ultrasonic noise also hurts Bizarro.

Harley tries to make a break from the berserk Bizarro, but flies straight into the real Man of Steel. Stopping Jimmy's signal, Harley tells Bizarro that Superman isn't going to let her help him, and Bizarro fights Supes, but Harley also realizes he let Thorn loose, and she and Ivy are throwing down as well. Still, Harley had one ace up her sleeve: "The Kryptonite Kiss-Off!"...which was actually glitter and dried parsley. It's psychological, see? No? Well, all right.

I like Thorn, since every time I see her it's fun.

Bizarro is less than smitten with his prospective bride, Bizarro-Harley, a grey, dour, no-fun shrew. BH does zing the real deal, pointing out at least she's not in love with the Joker--since "Joker am never in love with you." The imperfect duplicate explodes shortly thereafter, and Harley manages to wheedle Superman into letting her fly the jetpack back to jail, but instead pushes Jimmy off a ledge and makes a break for it. Unfortunately, that jetpack was experimental, and not meant for the abuse Harley was giving it: it explodes, atomizing Harley Quinn. She makes the front page of the Daily Planet (as does Ivy, brought in by Thorn) and while Superman notes Harley could've been thrown into another dimension or back in time or something; Jimmy says whatever Harley's faults, she always followed her heart, and had good intentions. Maybe.

Although there's more than a fair amount of cheesecake, the Dodsons draw the heck out of everything here. In #17, Harley's inner monologue is manifested by a little Harley-doppelgänger, doubling the amount of Harley per page! (Picture if Deadpool's little caption boxes were each a little Deadpool yelling at him...) #18's recap pages are Harley's subconscious interviewing Jimmy Olsen's brain, which he probably wasn't thinking with at the time...Although they would do covers for a while longer, these were the Dodsons last issues of interior art, while Kesel would stay with the book to #25. Far more issues than her "Puddin'" ever got...
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80-Page Thursday: Superman 80-Page Giant 2011!

We've got a few more 80-pagers coming, maybe even a month's worth if we're lucky! And we're starting with one I waited some time to get: Superman 80-Page Giant 2011, featuring stories by Beau Tidwell, Abhay Khosla, Joe Caramagna, and more; with art by Amilcar Pinna, Eddy Barrows, Dean Haspiel, and more. And it's pretty solid!

Jor-El stars in the lead, "First Time for Everything," as Superman's dad tries to get around the Kryptonian cops and find evidence he hopes isn't there. Wildcat guests with Perry White in "Old Men Talking in Bars," which also features a Guardian cameo; as Perry and Wildcat have a drink or seven and worry about their sons. Both solid stories, but trumped by "Quarter-Life Crisis of Infinite Jimmy Olsens," as "science terrorists" kidnap and clone Jimmy Olsen! A hundred Olsens running through Metropolis, all living their short half-lives as fast as they can: it's a little too morbid for a classic Jimmy Olsen story, but the mad ideas of it remain.

To forget more about others, Bizarro am isolating him from all Bizarrokind...not unlike a certain someone's walk across the country. Except the rest of the Bizarro World won't leave him alone! Then, Supergirl's dating life is ruined after an alien bloodsucking monster attacks from the fair's freakshow; Lois Lane rises to Lana Lang's challenge to find the owner of a lost debit card, and Superboy tries to blow off some steam, which of course leads to a run-in with a werewolf.

A good find, and I picked it up with two others I'd been holding out for: the DC Comics Presents hundred-pagers Superboy's Legion and Batman: Dark Knight, Dark City! The former is a great Alan Davis Elseworlds, the latter my favorite Riddler story from Peter Milligan and Kieron Dwyer! And all three ran me less than ten bucks at Hastings! Nice.


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80-Page Thursdays: Adventure Comics 80-Page Giant!

We've covered a pretty good pile of 80-pagers, and it's pretty rare to find one that is an actual 80-page story. On the other hand, it's rare to find an anthology book that actually was an anthology book, like today's: Adventure Comics 80-Page Giant #1, featuring stories from John Byrne, Tom Peyer, Chuck Dixon, and more; with art by Phil Winslade, Rick Burchett, Kevin O'Neill, and more.


Actually, Adventure Comics wasn't always an anthology, but I read it when it was a digest, mostly featuring Legion of Super-Heroes, the Spectre, and Challengers of the Unknown reprints. Heck, those digests probably were my introduction to those characters. While the Legion appears in this 80-pager, it's mostly for characters that appeared in Adventure's heyday: Wonder Woman, Green Arrow, Supergirl, and Superboy.


But the best story in this one is Tom Peyer and Kevin O'Neill's missive from the Bizarro World, "Bizarro Must Think!" Bizarro #1 brings his private, secret journal to a scientist so he can broadcast it to the whole universe. The imperfect duplicate tells about when Superman tried to improve the Bizarro World, which led to the Bizarro Code. It's a funny story, but more than a little sad. Read more!

"Doom Idol."

A bit of fun today, although it's also a bitter rant about not (at least yet) getting a figure of Rita, Elasti-Woman. (Of course, if and when she ever does come out, expect a bitter rant about having to buy all the figures to get the parts to build her...)

Metamorpho has hung out with the Doom Patrol on a couple of occasions at least: during the Silver Age event and later in John Byrne's run on the book. The figure I used wasn't the Collect-and-Connect DCUC one, but the older DC Direct model. Which has more of a cheery, Silver Age feel, so yeah.

Like I've mentioned, for me the Doom Patrol is Larry, Cliff, and Rita; and any other member is just a guest or a temp. Would I feel differently if I read (or re-read) Grant Morrison's version, or Arcudi's, or Byrne's? Mmm...no. But it sure as heck couldn't hurt sales if the Doom Patrol maybe added an established DC character (i.e. someone with their own fans...) into the lineup, even for a bit. That said, if they did try to add a female character, most of DC's heroines would be bigger names than the Patrol, and they'd be demoted to "...and the" status. I don't know how, say, Catwoman and the Doom Patrol would work, but I gotta say, I'd try it.
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A post about Mark Millar's work, with no swears? Or movie hype? Really?

I was a fan of Mark Millar's for some time, but after the Unfunnies, the end of Wanted, and his hucksterism-level passing Stan Lee proportions; I haven't read Kick-Ass or Superior yet. Still, some of his old stuff still holds up, like today's comic: Superman Adventures #29, "Bride of Bizarro."

There was a stretch during the Azrael-Batman run, where the only way to get a proper Batman story was in the comic based on the animated series. It helped that Mike Parobeck was knocking The Batman Adventures out of the park then; but in the same vein, Millar was ostensibly working in the animated continuity, and still telling the best Superman stories in years. And this issue, he managed it with guest-star Lobo. (I don't mind Lobo, but he's not the first character you think of when you think classic stories.)


Cruising through space, Lobo sees a message written in giant flaming letters on a planet: "ME NEED RIDE HOME" Curious, Lobo checks it out, and meets Bizarro. Superman tricked the imperfect duplicate, making him the "guardian" of the alien creature "Krypto," on this "Bizarro World." Although he was happy with his job, Bizarro wanted companionship. Bizarro...needs women. Specifically, Lois Lane.

Lobo, having met Superman before, knows full well Lois is "Supergeek's main squeeze." Knowing this is going to be a riot, he offers Bizarro a ride home; and to keep Superman out of his way.


Meanwhile, in Metropolis, just about nothing is happening. For a slow news day, Clark is going to cover a local superhero fan club costume contest...until they hear an explosion across town. Millar has a nice bit of narration from Lois, where she tells Jimmy Olsen not to be fooled by Clark's hayseed bit, and that he's a shrewd reporter that could beat them all to the story. (Of course, Clark's ducked out as Superman.) Before they get going, Bizarro grabs Lois.


Across town, Lobo gets Superman's attention, but tips his hand too soon about freeing Bizarro. And on their date, Bizarro showers Lois with gifts: a nice tree (in place of flowers), a live pig (as ingredients for a nice dinner) and coal. Lois tries to make a run for it, and the hurt Bizarro plans on making them the same.


Lobo offers Superman a chance to end their fight: all he has to do, is light Lobo's cigar with his heat vision. That idea goes over about as well as you'd expect. Supes knocks Lobo into the convention center, then after Lobo is distracted by a ton of Supermen, throws him in the river. Still, Supes knows Lois could be in real danger, and takes off...too late. Bizarro actually gets an Ozymandias moment.



With Lois dead, Superman loses it. Lobo saves Bizarro, mostly just because he's amused that a simpleton like him could be the one to push Superman to kill. Bizarro doesn't understand what all the fuss is about, since the original Lois is just fine, in the "soundproof duplicator machine," so Supes couldn't hear her. Bizarro explains Bizarro-Lois "am duplicate of original Lois, just like Bizarro am copy of Superman, stupid!" Disgusted that everything is headed for a happy ending, Lobo takes off.

Bizarro plans to stay in Metropolis and help Superman, but Lois gives Superman an idea: they introduce Bizarro to the "Superman Emergency Squad," a veritable legion of back-up superheros, in reality the costume contest. Supes tells Bizarro he does know a certain world that's missing a protector, and a certain alien doggie that needs taking care of. Even though he doesn't plan on an immediate marriage, Bizarro is overjoyed to return to Bizarro World, building his imperfect love a place to work, to live, and a circle of friends for her to gripe about him to. That's quite a man, honestly.

From Superman Adventures #29, "Bride of Bizarro" Mark Millar, 'Writarro,' Aluir Amancio, 'pencillarro,' and Terry Austin, 'inkarro.' I have to wonder if Millar could write one like this anymore, but it probably wouldn't get him another movie deal if it did, so...

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