Once again, Friday Night Fights!

I thought hard about how to phrase this, but I think the Absorbing Man works best as a two-dimensional character. I don't want to see Crusher Creel's relationship with Titania, I don't want to hear about his crummy childhood, and I definitely don't wanna see him try to reform or join the Thunderbolts or the Wild Pack or anything. Absorbing Man equals mean-spirited thug. That's it. That's all I want out of the character. (And frankly, I think some of the attempts to humanize or add layers to his character, have just made him creepier.)

This month, Thor's got a bit on his plate already, with his girlfriend Jane Foster in the hospital and dying, and his dad Odin missing and living like a homeless yokel. That might be an unfair assessment, but how do you explain the majesty and might of All-Father Odin, dressed like Hillbilly Jim?

Actually, that bit's weird in and of itself: Amnesiac Odin gets attacked outside a grocery store in California, by a concerned batch of citizens who find it odd and distasteful such an old man should be in the company of a much younger, pretty woman. The elderly should be in homes, where we need not be offended by their wrinkly visages! Admittedly, these guys are first seen standing in front of a bar in broad daylight, which seems to hint at their state of mind, but they accuse 'Orrin' of being a dirty old man and pick a fight. Yeah, take the law into your own hands and protect...voting-aged females from senior citizens. Hmm, Dateline NBC this isn't; and they receive a Norse-sized whipping.

Elsewhere, Thor is picking himself off the sidewalk, after being stoutly floored by the Absorbing Man. Beaten, he refuses to give up:

See?

Thor renews the battle, and Crusher takes a moment to explain how after his last fight, when he accidentally absorbed the power of water and nearly dissipated, it took him six months to build up his nerve. Thor responds by punching him in the face and running.

Convinced he's now won, Absorbing Man gives chase, following Thor into a department store (hmm...as seen on the cover) and cornering him in the toy department. Thor holds up his hammer, as if to shield himself, but true to his name, Absorbing Man takes on the hammer's power. (Wait for it...)


I know Crusher's a moron, but 'outsmarted by Thor' looks way worse in the papers than 'beaten into jelly by Thor.'

If you're wondering how Crusher was fooled by a cardboard replica, that toy company does really good work. Thor and the other Avengers once replaced Cap's shield with one of the company's toys; and although Cap got himself shot three times, they all had a good laugh about it later.

I can't wait for a Thor movie, because I'm totally buying one of those. Actually, since we live in the space-age 21st century, by the time it comes out we should have toy Mjolnirs that return when thrown, and spark lightning. Or at least make cool sound effects. BOMM! KROOMM! KRAK! Oh, I want the Walt Simonson version, you have to hook it up to a car battery for the sound effects.

In the end, Crusher needs to get on the horn to the ACLU, quick: is keeping him trapped in a refrigerator box even legal? I wonder if he eventually remembered he could just turn back to human and punch his way out. That might be tougher than it sounds for most people, but in his normal form Crusher's still a brute, hence the name.

Also at the end of this issue, Sif gives her lifeforce to save Jane Foster, although she's really just absorbed within her and would eventually return. Hell, we even saw it mentioned in passing way back when, as part of a knot of continuity so dense, even Chris Claremont wasn't going to get into it, and that's dense.

From Thor #236, "One Life to Give!" Written by Gerry Conway, art by John Buscema and Joe Sinnott. And check out Bahlactus for more Friday Night Fights! Read more!

Probably should be a Better Off Dead joke here...


Not much sucks more than having a great artist under a terrible writer, unless of course it's a great artist (John Cassaday) co-writing with Ben Raab, and making your favorite character look like a schmuck.

And Ben Raab...man, I don't want to say I hate the guy, but god I hate him. I don't know if he was given an editorial fiat to clearcut everything cool Warren Ellis did on Excalibur, or if he did it himself, but he rode that book into the ground. I'm sure Raab's a good guy and doesn't eat puppies, but I have the same level of distaste for his work that others have for say, Chuck Austen's. Austen at least had brief shining moments of not-total crapitude.

Of course, Raab and Austen may have freed hundreds of readers from a mindless completism, from that stupid primal impulse to buy a comic like Uncanny X-Men month in and month out regardless of the quality of the product. (True, by bottoming it out, but still...) So, don't think of them as hacks, think of them as emancipators. Seriously, it's very much like comics readers didn't realize that they didn't have to buy a particular comic if they weren't enjoying it, until these guys.

Man, out of all the comics I've lost or sold over the years, I still have a ton of these. And almost uniformly, they reek. It just occurred to me, and I probably wouldn't since I'm a huge packrat, but could I even get rid of them? Or are they like hazardous waste comics, potentially toxic to anyone that might want to continue reading comics in the future? Like lead poisoning or something, like leaving the Draco or the Drago or whatever the hell it was somewhere where kids could read it would permanently put them off comics.

It also staggers me to think that about the same time as the first X-Men movie, the comic was going into a long doldrums. And right about now, with the third Spider-Man movie out, I can't remember the last time I bought a new issue of the regular Spider-Man comics, at full price anyway.

I think I blogged too many good comics lately, so this has been from X-Men/Alpha Flight #1. This copy has a quarter sticker on it, but I have a sinking feeling that I paid full price for it back in 1998. Read more!

RE: Green Lantern #22

Grife, Jack T. Chance snuffed it? Hell, I liked him, especially since I can remember his first appearance. Nice Flint Henry art.

This Green Lantern Corps vs. Sinestro/Yellow Lantern/Manhunter/Cyborg Superman/S-Boy Prime/He-Man Green Lantern Haters/Corps thing is going to rack up a lot of casualties, 99% of them unfamiliar to the casual fans. I kinda doubt Kyle's going to die, Kilowog or Mogo are beloved to GL fans, and I don't think DC would kill someone like Arisia for fear of another 'women in refridgerators' moment. Who's left, Charlie Vickers? The Green Man?

Frankly, a lot of Green Lanterns seem to get killed off, then return; either because there was a demand from the fans (like Kilowog) or because the writer forgot or didn't know they were supposed to be dead. Still, the ranks of the crowd-filler Lanterns could get a little thin during this crossover, especially when it's overstuffed with villains like this one. (Sinestro Corps seems like a perfectly good idea for six or more issues, then put them to the side for an equal amount of time, then escalate and bring them back with the Manhunters, then the Cyborg Superman, emo kid formerly known as Superboy-Prime, God, etc.)

Where am I going to find a new favorite obscure Green Lantern? Who will rise up, to fill up the background?

OK, I thought it was funny. Anyway, totally dogging it today. I wanted to work on a longer piece and I got some new back issues and...

Yeah, that is about how I feel, sorry. A big thanks to SallyP for the head's-up on Green Lantern #22!

Oh, one more thing: the above panels were from What The--?! #11, "This Man, This Meal!" Written by Rob Tokar, art by Keith Wilson. Not great, but it has it's moments. On the other hand, "Okay, It's Not Such A Wonderful Life!" written by Scott Loebdell, skewers Daredevil with art by then-DD artist Lee Weeks, Rob Liefeld (!), Keith Wilson, Ron Wilson, and Dale Keown. Keown delivers a great faux-Byrne page:

Two points: somewhere I read something mentioning how Marvel's humor stuff brought more to the table when it had the regular writer or artists for a particular book spoof it; and while it's not something I'd want a steady diet of, eight pages a year would go a long way. And I think Daredevil should have to do a flashback or throwback book once a year, set back in the Lee/Colan heyday, when Daredevil was having way too much fun. It'd be fun in and of itself, but every time you did it, it would underline how much Matt's life outright sucks in the here-and-now.

Man, that's a lot more than I intended to write today... Read more!

This works in Gotham Adventures, but would've fallen flat in Gotham Central. Weird.

In Batman: The Animated Series, there were several episodes that were adaptations of stories from the comics, like "The Laughing Fish" or "Cape and Cowl Conspiracy." The comic version that followed was set in the Animated continuity, but to the best of my knowledge was all original tales, no adaptations or kiddie-friendly watered-down versions. (There were numerous elements taken from the comics, of course; but the DC Animated books always seemed to avoid the remake-of-a-cartoon feel the Marvel cartoon adaptations had.) Which is why for a number of years, it was the best Batman title on the racks.

But I mention all this because I picked up the trade for Batman: Gotham Adventures at a yard sale last weekend, and the first story struck me as one that works great in the Animated Continuity, yet I can't imagine setting it in the standard DC Universe: "With a Price on His Head!" Written by Ty Templeton, pencilled by Rick Burchett, inked by Terry Beatty. We, and the camera crews, join the Batman crew's roundup of the Joker, already in progress. As Batman and the Joker punch it out in front of a Times Square-style giant television, a press conference from pharmaceutical tycoon G. Douglas Reid runs. During his current crime spree, the Joker had killed Reid's son, for splashing mud on his new khaki shorts. Reid had planned a reward for his capture, but instead offers a fifty-million dollar reward, to whoever kills the Joker.

I really, really thought there was no way this would end without the Joker shot in the face. Or maybe that's hoped. This mob should be at Arkham Asylum every time the Joker's captured, since the odds of getting killed/maimed/stuffed full of Joker Fish by Mister J. is probably like 1 in 5 in Gotham. I've wanted the Joker dead, written out of the comics since the Killing Joke, since A Death in the Family, since No Man's Land: all perfectly good points for the last Joker story, but he keeps coming back.

Not trusting Gotham's populace, or police, to not kill the Joker, Batman has little choice but to...handcuff him to a rail in the Batcave. Because the Animated Batman is too nice to punch the Joker in the kidneys and leave him stuffed in the trunk of the Batmobile, that's why. In a clever touch, Robin (the younger Tim Drake) stops Alfred from coming down to the cave, to remove the chance of the Joker seeing and possibly recognizing him. As the Bat-signal is lit, Batgirl is left to watch the Joker, while Batman and Robin are sent on a Riddler case, and Nightwing patrols solo.

From here there's a few plates spinning: the Riddler tries to extort Batman and Robin into giving up the Joker, revenge for an earlier attempt on his life. A bounty hunter tries to turn in the Joker, and is in turn attacked by other bounty hunters, who discover it's really Clayface trying to make a quick buck, and Nightwing has to take him out. And the Joker, unsurprisingly, escapes; by stealing from Who Framed Roger Rabbit:

Luckily, Alfred is there to bash the Joker's skull with a serving tray and duct tape him up, putting him yet another point over Jarvis in the butler standings.

Later, after mocking Batman for solving a riddle with a computer, and feeling ignored, the Joker tells Batman why he's never killed him: he's been letting him win. Looking at it again, it seems like the reverse of Batman's taunt from Mad Love, where he tells "Puddin'" that Harley came closer to killing him than the Joker ever did. It doesn't hold a lot of weight as an insult, since the Joker usually shoots himself in the foot before getting to the finish line, but it does have to sting at least a little.

In the end, Batman kidnaps Reid and brings him to the Batcave, leaving the Joker's fate in his hands: Since the Animated continuity is ostensibly for kids, Mr. Reid makes the 'right' decision to let the Joker live, and puts the money into a charity fund in his late son's name. I just can't see that happening in the regular books. Templeton has a great plot going here, but I still wonder how another Batman writer like Ed Brubaker or Alan Grant would've done it for a book like Detective Comics, even if DC wouldn't let them kill the golden goose either.

Out of the six issues in this trade, I had bought two of them individually: one because it had a fun cover, and the other because it had one of DC's B-list characters that I love. But, later for that one. Read more!

Bite my tongue: Zaran and Machete were an improvement.

Way back around Captain America #302 or so, Batroc unveils the newest incarnation of Batroc's Brigade, which is less impressive than it sounds since it's just two other guys. To be fair, one of them, Zaran, has given Shang-Chi a hard time of it more than once; but with an Asian martial artist, a guy named Machete from south of the border that uses...machetes, and 'ze mastair ov savate,' they might as well have called themselves the Ethnic Stereotype League. (Pronounced 'Easel'? As in, when your evil plan can't stand on it's own, get Easel!)


But this 'Brigade' is somehow less impressive, even though it has more guys. Probably because, it's just some guys. I had thought Captain America #149 was going to be their first appearance, but my issue is coverless, so I pulled it from GCD and it looks like it isn't. Were the Swordsman and the Living Laser called Batroc's Brigade when they teamed with him? If so, they need to have a serious talk with Batroc about billing.

This is kind of a weird issue all the way around: Cap is thinking things over hanging out at a S.H.I.E.L.D. installation, when Nick Fury asks him to join S.H.I.E.L.D. full-time. Cap declines, saying he needs to devote more time to his partnership with the Falcon; and Fury doesn't take the no graciously, taking a swing at Cap and declaring him persona non grata with S.H.I.E.L.D. This also effectively shoots Cap's love life in the foot, as Nick specifically forbids Agent 13 Sharon Carter from dealing with him. I don't know if there was an in-story reason for Nick flying off the handle, or if this was just another situation of a new writer trying to reset Cap's status quo as quickly as possible.

Leaving S.H.I.E.L.D. behind, Cap switches back to Steve Rogers, and reports to work as a cop, now assigned to a patrol car. Captain America, indeed, the idea of most super-heroes working as a police officer in their secret identity...how do I put this gently? Goddamn moronic? Is that too harsh? I know Nightwing was also working the cop by day, costumed vigilante by night angle: still, moronic. For one thing, I'm not sure an officer's shifts are that flexible, and it's hard to think of another job that would be more difficult to ditch out of for superhero hijinks. For another, it seems like the fast path to burnout, or confusing the two: hitting a jaywalker with your shield or reading the Red Skull his miranda or something. Lastly, I'm not sure how great a cop Cap's going to be, if he can't recognize Batroc out of costume. Seriously? How many people are roaming around with that mustache? Yukon Cornelius is the only other guy I can think of...I don't think Cap has ever seen Batroc unmasked--he mentions that one issue--and it seems like this has happened more than once: Cap sees a guy in plainclothes with a crazy mustache, but can't quite place him, Batroc shows up twenty minutes later. I'd just rough up everyone I saw with facial hair. Just in case.

In the subplot, the Falcon is taking an incredible amount of crap from his girlfriend while trying to track down some stolen children; who were of course stolen by Batroc, who naturally was working for the Stranger. Oh, well, that makes perfect sense...hey!


For those of you not familar with him, the Stranger made appearances in books like the original Uncanny X-Men and Fantastic Four back in the day, but is probably most recognized as a chair-filler whenever there's one of those big cosmic collections of omnipotent heavyweights like Eternity, Galactus, Master Order and Lord Chaos, and so on. Not a great looking character, and the shortest description of him would probably be, 'alien scientist dickweed,' as he's not above kidnapping lab rats for his experiments, which included Magneto at one point.

The other defining characteristic of the Stranger is that his origin is never the same twice, either because he's a lying bastard, or no one remembers his origin from one time to the next. He's been the condensed lifeforce of an entire alien race, he was supposed to be the back face on the Living Tribunal, and he always shows up at events like the Infinity Gauntlet, even though if he was so great, he probably wouldn't need a whole planet's worth of science fair exhibits. But, we'll save that for another time. Long story short, he's one of the last characters I'd have expected to turn up in Captain America #149, "All the Colors of Evil!" Written by Gerry Conway, art by Sal Buscema, inks by Jim Mooney. Read more!

Double wrong: In this case, it's not a double negative, just twice as far away from being right.

Ah, I was all set for Friday Night Fights for Bahlactus, then I took a nap and went to a barbecue and missed out! Maybe next week.

In the meantime, I had been thinking about the next issue of Nexus coming soon, and I've had the expression "Double wrong" stuck in my head for years. Kreed the Quatro, the one-eyed, four-armed gent above, was only in the series for a relatively short time, but he remains one of it's most memorable characters. This panels from Nexus #21, "The Battle of Ylum" written by Mike Baron, penciled by Steve Rude, inked by John Nyberg. (The next month was scheduled to be a fill-in issue, but that wasn't until the issue after, and it was a fill-in with Keith Giffen art, guest starring the Badger.)

I'm going to have to try to remember to check the sales figures, since I'm hoping the new run of Nexus picks up some readers. It's one of my favorite books ever, and I want it to be successful enough to keep going, and generate spinoffs and toys and cartoons and whatnot. I still wish the reprints were being done in a format more likely to get more readers, like an Essential-style or something.

The only other criticism I have so far, which may not be fair based on one issue, would be a request for more of the insane action/sci-fi aspects of the series. Like so:


Fun, almost but not quite whimsical, since I generally hate whimsy something fierce.

I don't know if it's even a possibility, but I would love to see a Legendary Heroes Nexus figure. No offense to anyone, but he's way more deserving than Star or Stryker. Here's a design challenge, though: how could they make hands that could hold a weapon:
Yet still look good in the flat, 'zap' hand:

You'd sell at least one, guys...

Other panels from Nexus #22, "Implement of Destruction" Baron, Rude, and Nyberg again. Read more!

Scrapple, hodgepodge, odds and ends, and Skrullduggery Week revisited.

At a garage sale today, the Oldest talked me into buying a box full of random old comic cards for him. Mostly Marvel, with some DC Bloodlines (like I'll be explaining who Glonth is anytime soon) and some bikini girl trading cards, which he didn't want, or at least says he doesn't want, today...There were spares of this card above, which reminded me of a book I finally found, about a week or so late.


I know I have Uncanny X-Men #375 somewhere, but I found this reprinted in X-Men Universe #3. That also includes Astonishing X-Men #3, where the fake Skrull Wolverine is killed by Apocalypse's Horseman Death, who turned out to be the real Wolverine. Even though this was leading to a whole lot of crossover, this wasn't too bad, and the cover's a nice bit of fake-out. But Wolverine should never be replaced by a Skrull again. Been done.

It would be ever so nice if Wolvie, I dunno, mentioned it in passing, though.

In other news, the Oldest and I finally saw Rise of the Silver Surfer, and liked it quite a bit. Initially, I was a bit concerned that it was such a short movie (a hair over 90 minutes, I think) and that there wouldn't be enough room for everything, but I thought it ran better than Spider-Man 3, which seemed a bit overstuffed. Oldest was a little disappointed not to see the traditional Galactus, but a purple planet eater might not have translated that well to the screen.

I noted that the Human Torch seems to fly a lot faster in the movies than he did in the comics, and Oldest said that's because he doesn't move in the comics, so he's not going at all. He may have had a point in there somewhere.

Art on the Marvel 1991 trading card by Ron Lim.

"I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been..." Plotted by Alan Davis, pencils by Adam Kubert, inks by Matt Banning and Tim Townsend, script by Terry Kavanagh. I really liked Alan Davis on the X-Men books: it wasn't reinventing the wheel, but it was entertaining and characters didn't change just for the sake of shock or to move a favored plot forward...or at least, not as much as usual for the X-books.

From Silver Surfer #123, "Square One" Written by outgoing George Perez and incoming J.M. DeMatteis, art by Ron Garney and Bob Wiacek. An emotionally dead Surfer returns to earth to try to put together what's happened to him, and seeks the help of the one person who's rekindled his emotions before. I need to re-read these: I remember liking them quite a bit, but the why of it all escapes me, and some of the villains seem a bit dodgy. There is an issue in there of the Surfer walloping the overmatched Spider-Man and Daredevil, though. Also, what does everyone have against changing the character of Alicia Masters from "Ben's girlfriend"? I can think of three different changes that have all been reversed, but that may be a post for another time. Read more!

Yet again, time for another pulse-pounding, senses-shattering, action-packed Star Trek panel! Panels. Whatever.


From Star Trek: New Frontier, "Double Time" Written by Peter David, pencils by Michael Collins, inks by David Roach. I liked the first six or so novels in this series, before I fell off it; and it's interesting to compare the comic version to how I pictured the characters. This was a fun time-travel story, with lots of David's trademarked humor, and attention to old Trek history.

Not feeling so hot today, and tomorrow morning the Wife leaves for convention, so I'm taking a couple days off to take care of the kids. I don't know what I'm going to get done, if anything, but we'll see. Read more!

"Is This the End of the Kirbyverse?" Before now, I would've had to say yeah.

Hey, a topical post! Part of Newsarama's Comic-Con International: San Diego coverage was a piece on a revival of some of Jack Kirby's creator owned properties, in particular Silver Star and Captain Victory. The story also mentions possibly finishing the abortive Kirby crossover Victory. I had the first issue of that one from 1994, and I think I bought it from a grocery store with a sixer of Henry Weinhards. (Even though I don't drink much anymore, don't you miss buying comics and booze?) I was a fan of the Giffen 'Five Years Later' Legion of Super Heroes, which is probably more why I bought it, than any fondness for Kirby's later work. That wouldn't come until later, and Busiek's gone on to do a ton of fun comics as well.

This Victory, though...I don't know how well Kirby's characters and overall design work in Giffen's nine panel grid: Giffen does open it up a lot more than usual, but there's six nine-panel pages. And a big crossover like a Crisis or a Secret Wars works a lot better when the reader has some attachment to the characters, or at least has a vague idea who they are. I'm usually all for cramming as much story as possible into a comic, but this one's got, deep breath now, Captain Victory, Bombast, Captain Glory, Nightglider, Boojum, Aurik, Dijit, Seera, the Kreech, Brian Bluedragon, Dezira, Dr. Mordius, Frightful, Hardluck Harrigan, Kuga, and Silver Star. And some supporting cast members for each group.

And villains, Death Flash, General Ordiz, Dr. Roag, Darius Drumm (who looks like an albino Darkseid in this one), and the Lightning Lady. Like a G.I. Joe/Transformers crossover, the main villains of the individual books appear to be teaming up, even though their goals don't seem to be compatible at all. But it's sorta expected.

Since I sadly haven't read anything else with Captain Victory, his appearence at the end of the issue doesn't do much for me, except remind me of the Daxamite fleet from Giffen's Invasion! from DC a few years prior. Still one of DC's better crossovers, so it's not a bad moment to bring back, but then again, I knew who the Daxamites were going into that one. The issue did have a solid two pages of short descriptions of all the characters mentioned, though, so they at least made some effort to bring new readers up to speed.

Topps had planned Victory as a five-issue limited, but the last four never appeared, and I think the company wasn't around for much after this. A pity, but maybe the series will turn up someday. After all, you have to look forward to a second issue Busiek was cheeky enough to call "Secret War!"

All pictures from Victory #1, "Invasion" Written by Kurt Busiek, pencils by Keith Giffen, inks by Jimmy Palmiotti. "Invasion" and "Secret War"? Was the third issue going to be "Millenium" or "War of the Gods"? Read more!

Dear Tara,

First of all, I know you're doubtless angry at me. Infuriated. Waving a sword around and cursing my name. I want you to know that's completely understandable, it's all my fault, and I'm sorry I didn't come home last night. Well, I guess you don't have nights in Skartaris, but you get the idea, right? Oh, you don't.

I fully intended to be home in time for dinner. You know there's nothing I love more than to watch those shaved apes you call a royal court tear into a 'dinner' that's equal parts botulism and salmonella. And I had just bought some flowers for you, and was on my way back, when I was attacked by a pack of wild dogs and knocked into a river. Sadly, your flowers didn't survive the attack.

Since you're the queen and everything, maybe you should make one of those court hangers-on the royal dogcatcher or something. That'll either thin out the dog packs, or the royal court, and that's what we on the surface world call a win-win. Those stupid dogs treed me on top of one of those Mayan looking pyramids that are all over the place, but I was able to finish them off. Without even shooting any, for a change!

Then I tripped a trapdoor on the pyramid, which dumped me into a treasure trove. It looked like King Solomon's Mines, or Scrooge McDuck's money bin...and I keep forgetting you don't get any of my references, honey. Sigh. OK, you know that pile of coins and shiny rocks in your basement? Yeah, the, 'royal treasury.' It was like that, only with actual valuables.

There were a lot of carvings and engravings in there, too. Most of them were dirty limericks, but there was a big spiel about the age of the Wizard Kings and the Evil One and a guy named Ironhand and a bunch of other crap that'll probably bite me in the ass later. Geez, I know a guy with an actual iron hand, but he doesn't go around blowing his horn about it. Anyway, I was going to pick you up something nice...

...when the trolls attacked. Man alive, they were tough ones too. All dried up yet still smelly, like that crappy jerky you always take when we go somewhere. Seriously, what's that made out of? Goat? Dinosaur meat? It's not spider, is it? I have to be pretty goddamn hungry to choke any of it down, yet there you are, chomping away on it like it's a Snickers bar. And then you'll want a kiss afterwards, and while I love you and I love the adventure of life in Skartaris, I really gotta bring some Pepsodent back the next time I'm on the surface world.

Where was I? Oh, right, the trolls. They caught fire in the sunlight, which was a lucky break, and admittedly kind of neat. So, I was ready to leave the pyramid, and I sealed it back up so you could use the gold later, to finance your war against the Therans. Why are they attacking again? Something about this whole, 'War on Thera' thing just seems like it could go south in a hurry. Well, you're the queen.

Then came the weird part. Well, it seems weird to me, but you grew up in a land full of wizards, dinosaurs, and 24-7 sunlight and bondage swimsuit costumes; so you tell me. The black bird that was painted on my new shield came to life, picked me up, flew me I don't know how far into a thunderstorm, and dumped me on an island. Where I woke up on a beach, looking up some dude's skirt, which is a million miles away from where I wanted to be, honey.


I know a lot of the time I seem restless at home, Tara; but every time I'm apart from you I realize how lucky I am and how much I miss you. This time, when I get back, no more wandering. I mean it. No more quests, journeys, sojourns, bar crawls, or expeditions. I'm staying home. Think I'll get a pet or something. Tara, you aren't allergic to cats or anything, are you?

P.S. It occurs to me I have no way of sending you this letter, but then again, you probably can't read. Boy, it's a good thing under Shamballan law you can't remarry no matter how long I'm gone, eh, hon? Hon? Tara?

Love,
Travis Morgan, USAF

Hot damn, I love old Warlord comics. From Warlord #31, "Wings over Shamballah" Written and illustrated by the incredible Mike Grell, inks by Vince Colletta. Read more!

A shining example of the unstoppable, never-say-die determination that's made Captain Comet a household name!


From The Secret Society of Super-Villains #12, "The Plunder Plan!" Written by Gerry Conway, pencils by Mike Vosburg, ins by Bob McLedd.

In Comet's defense, it is the super-villains book, and he's not the only hero having a hard time of it this month:

I don't know how strong Blockbuster's supposed to be, but strong enough Robin's not going anywhere for a while, not so strong as to outright kill him. That's one of the little oddities of the old DC universe, one that's especially obvious in books like Legion of Super-Heroes: there's the characters with pretty super strength, like Blockbuster here, or maybe Timber Wolf. Guys that could throw around a semi-truck pretty easily. Then there's super, super strength: like, duh, Superman, who could push the planet across the galaxy. And not a lot of in-between there, for some reason.

Anyway, I'm dogging it out tonight, and hope this is the weekend I get to finally see either the Simpsons or Rise of the Silver Surfer, or Rao forbid, both. Wish me luck! Read more!

One's a hardass, by-the-book 24-7 cop...and the other one's Judge Dredd.


When it comes to action figures, not everyone is going to as lucky as Darth Vader or Spider-Man, getting dozens of different toys in various scales and levels of articulation and sculpting. Lots of properties would be lucky to get toys at all these days, due to fewer toy outlets now and the collapse of several smaller companies. Also, if you're a fan of a lower-tier character, like, say, the Question, your choices might be, um, one; and it may or may not ever be available to buy again. So, you might not get to be as choosy.

The flipside to that, would be characters I like and want an action figure of, but just one. I've been mulling over biting the bullet and getting the remaining Legendary Heroes and building Pitt, but I already have two other Savage Dragon figures. It's not a bad book, but I'm not so excited about it I need a third; and it's not really a figure I want to give to my son. (I haven't read it regularly in a while, but Savage Dragon is occasionally too violent or risque for a nine-year-old, although he loved the Hellboy crossover...) By the way, out of the six regular figures in the Legendary Heroes initial lineup, at least three are cops. Weird.

So, in that vein, let's look at before-and-afters for Judge Dredd and Witchblade, since my Wife was kind enough to get me them for my birthday. (She did raise an eyebrow at Witchblade's "costume," and I had to try to play it off: "Um, he comes with Pitt's head! Yeah.")

I've been a fan of Dredd for years and years now, even if I don't keep up on it as regularly now. The old one was part of a short 2000 AD line...hmm, I say short, and it had Judges Dredd, Death, and Anderson; Slaine the Berzerker, Strontium Dog, and Durham Red: not too shabby, really. Pity it didn't get another series, though: I would've loved a classic Rouge Trooper, and characters like the ABC Warriors would be toyetic as all get out. Thinking back, I probably paid full price for Dredd, but I'm pretty sure I got the rest of the line (except Durham) for something like $3.33 each, probably from a KB Toys.

I figured the older one would look like a Jimp now, but the elder Joe Dredd doesn't look too bad, really: he's a hair taller, more in scale with DC Direct style figures. I also like the older Lawgiver pistol better, and he came with a daystick; the Legendary model had two Lawgivers and a boot knife, along with the requisite more articulation and Pitt part (a leg).

Witchblade, on the other hand, is a character I've barely read, ever. Maybe a crossover here or there, but I'm just not a fan of Top Cow's line. Still, say what you will about her costume (or lack of same...see, like that) it's a toy that looks interesting even among a ton of others--like Bulleteer in DC Comics, I'm afraid Witchblade's for filling out crowd scenes. No pun intended. I bought the old version, a Moore Collectibles/Top Cow number, from a KB Toys again, which should give you an idea on the time frame, since neither company is doing a lot lately on the action figure front. She was only $3.33, I remember that much, well below whatever starting price she may have had. (All those figures I bought for under five bucks, and I'm surprised there's no KB Toys in my area, the toy market's depressed, and there's fewer toy companies?) Since I mentioned it with the 2000 AD line, I think this lineup was the Sara Pezzini Witchblade, Pirate Witchblade, and guys Ian Nottingham and Kenneth Irons.

The Legendary Witchblade doesn't get as many points of articulation as the guys in the line do, partly because of her size and thinner limbs, but also because some feel that too many points make for too many lines interrupting the sculpt. Moore takes that philosophy to heart, as the old version has a minimum of joints for that very reason. Legends Witchblade is also considerably less tan, shows less skin, and seems to wear less makeup than her older counterpart. Check out the new one on the rack, though: if her hips are rotated wrong, you can see her balljoints. Perverts.

So, where are we as far as Pitt? Well...

Ugh. Well, Superpatriot may win me over yet, but Ripclaw, ah, Ripclaw: trying to out-'extreme' Wolverine, and yet failing. Although, for some reason it occurred to me that I couldn't name a Native American character that I had an action figure of.

Oh, and I still had more build-a-figure pieces:


Let's see here: Witchblade's bike in the first picture is Kaneda's classic bike from Akira: from McFarlane Toys, it was sold separately in a line with a Kaneda that didn't have enough joints to sit on it. Dredd is perched on Leila's bike--the Leila from Futurama, but from Vampire Hunter D.

The Question was in a DC Direct wave that probably had a name, but included Blue Beetle (check), Phantom Lady (check), and Uncle Sam (pass). Like the other Charlton characters, Vic hasn't gotten a lot of toy love: he and Captain Atom have never been made in the Justice League Unlimited line, for example.

The Savage Dragon in the police uniform is from the 1995 Playmates line, for his short-lived cartoon. McFarlane made at least one other, since I have the one from the Image 10th Anniversary wave, which also included Ripclaw. A kinda terrible looking Ripclaw. Read more!

I have never been more glad to see Ben Grimm interrupted.

There is no way that sentence was going to end well: I know for a fact Ben doesn't call his dad "Mr. Thing." How many beers did he have before the start of this issue?

From Marvel Team-Up #10, (it says volume 1, it's more like volume 3 or 4, I think) "Two in One" Plot by Tom Peyer, script by Glenn Herdling, pencils by Pat Olliffe, inks by Al Williamson.

Just a short one today, since it's my birthday, and I'm taking a vacation day and plan on doing as little as I can get away with. Hell, maybe even a little less than that. Read more!