Sometimes, I wish I was more organized; since my comics are basically two piles: stuff I've bought, and stuff I maybe might want to blog sometime soon. So, I thought I could maybe use my spinner rack to help with some organization as well as display: maybe put those Slapstick and Death's Head issues together, until I can sort out if I have them all. And I just bought the first issue and last special for Arion, so I might be on my way to piecing a set of that together, if I find cheap copies. Then I bumped into this issue, which I wasn't sure I'd read before, and here we are...from 1992, Conan the Barbarian #263, "The Voice of Moloq" Written by Roy Thomas, pencils by Mike Docherty, inks by Ricardo Villagran. Adapted from "The Voice of El-Lil" by Robert E. Howard.

As is often the case, a practical joke goes awry: Conan lets his nattering companion Hobb ride on without him, just to see how long he would go before he realized he was by himself. Apparently, a ways; long enough to get ambushed and captured and used as bait to lure in Conan, who is monkey-piled by...monkey-men. Conan is captured, and notes the monkey-men are led by armored, regular men. He and Hobb are taken to a hidden valley, with a small village and a pretty massive horned skull on an island. Tourist attraction? Probably not.

Serving wench/dancer Naluna gives them the score: the city was Eridu, their god was Moloq, and her people seemed like dicks. They had been defeated and forced out of their land, so they had enslaved the monkey-men they had found here. Naluna spoke the common tongue since she had fled the city before; Conan asks if she would be interested in doing so again. She says she would do anything for the man she loves; but Conan and Hobbs are taken to the skull. Conan notices the mistreatment of the monkey-men, as well as that at least some of them have had their tongues cut out, and gets madder and madder. As Naluna dances, Conan is tied to the golden gong, which when barely tapped nearly shakes him to death. It might be so loud you can't even hear it? Whatever. He has to take another ringing before he manages to get free, then while he kills the main bad guys, the monkey-men rise up against the rest. Conan manages to blow up the giant skull with the golden gong, although I suspect everyone's ears rang for a couple days after that one.

The monkey-men also dig Naluna's dancing, and seem to see her as a queen. She will stay, if the man she loves stays with her. Conan hems and ha's at that, not ready to settle down, but she wanted the Harry Mudd-looking Hobb! Really no accounting for taste. The letters page notes this was an adaptation of a non-Conan REH story, a trick Roy Thomas used more than once, I think. Read more!

Two bucks a pop for reader-quality comics like I usually grab feels a bit steep, but I got a pretty good stack of some more-retro than usual books the other day. And of course grabbed one I already had, Action #457! Rrr, fine, we'll try this classic cover instead: from 1975, Action Comics #454, "Superman's Energy Crisis!" Written by Cary Bates, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Tex Blaisdell.

The new, "1975-Toyman" makes a daring daytime bank robbery and owns Superman in his escape, using centrifugal force against him...which, I'm not 100% would work. If Supes can negate gravity's effect on him to fly, should he be able to move against that force? WGBS got pretty good footage of the fight, but it's not enough to keep anchor Clark Kent interested, as he nods off during the commericial break! He's also starving at a fundraiser dinner later, and falls asleep there too; which might indicate something was siphoning his juice. After saving a burger place from a falling tree, he has to gorge himself on burgers, needing millions of calories to support his powers! Wait...a Big Mac is 563-590 calories or so--say 600. So he'd need upwards of 1667 burgers for a million calories, which sounds like a lot. Tip your servers!

Toyman's next robbery doesn't go as well for him: he launches Superman into the stratosphere with bubbles, but instead of weakened, Supes finds his powers returning as he gets further away from earth. The actual answer and solution are both dumb and Toyman's not behind it, so whatever. Also, I'm not sure why burger place "MacTavish's" seems to have a Joker-looking clown mascot! Also this issue: the ivy at, um, Ivy University goes bad, in an Atom story, "The Campus That Swallowed Itself!" Somehow, Poison Ivy was not implicated. (Written by Martin Pasko, art by Jose Delbo.) Read more!

Gee, if only Batman knew a librarian, or maybe had one on speed-dial or something...

I wasn't sure if I'd read this one before, so better pin it down now. Then, it'll go into my own god-awful filing system. from 1992, Detective Comics #343, "The Library of Souls" Written by Peter Milligan, art and letters by Jim Aparo.

This was the last issue for Milligan and Aparo; and doesn't reach the heights of "the Hungry Grass," or "The Bomb," but features another oddball crime for Batman to sort out. Bodies are being dug up and placed at odd locations around Gotham, with later corpses being found wearing nice new leather jackets, which Batman notices have little numbers sewn on. After security is tightened on cemeteries, as Batman feared, people start getting murdered. When a body is found in a library, there it clicks: the killer was a librarian. (Batman knew Barbara Gordon was a librarian, didn't he? Although, I forget if she had been one in-continuity or just on the TV show; and I don't think she was Oracle quite yet--no, she was, but maybe not for Bats yet.)

The librarian Batman consults, Ms. Holding, later remembers a former employee, Stanislaus Johns, who had what today would charitably be described as a mental health crisis after the death of this mother, believing he was hearing the voices of the dead complaining they were buried all willy-nilly, no sense of organization or structure. They should be filed, like books, with the Dewey Decimal Classification! Modified a bit, perhaps. While Batman goes to stake out where the next body would probably be placed, Holding has a flash of insight and goes to consult with Johns, although she doesn't realize until much later than she should that Johns probably was the killer! Batman gets there in time to save her, and Johns is probably still in the background in Arkham Asylum to this day. 

Not as affecting as some of Milligan/Aparo's others, but still interesting. Feel like it could have used one more draft, but Milligan was leaving the book due to his workload, so maybe not. It does feel like a throwback to an era where Batman didn't know everything, off the top of his head. Written later, Batman would've rattled off the history of the Dewey system himself: no consult with Ms. Holding, just Bats being a know-it-all.

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Could've sworn I already blogged Red Sonja #2; what the hell...

This was the same year as the other one? Come on! From 1983, Red Sonja #2, "The Sea That Steals!" Plot by Christie Marx, script by Roy Thomas, pencils by Ernie Colón and Alan Kuperberg, inks by Alan Kupperberg.

While this was Sonja's second #2 at Marvel, this was also the last issue of this series: they may have thought reformatting to longer stories was the way to go, and why not see if they could get a first-issue bump again...within a year of the last one. (I don't think Dynamite plays the first issue card as often; but Sonja has definitely had a ton of first--and second--issues in the years since!) Sonja is working as bodyguard for an Aquilonian diplomat and his daughter, and has also picked up Zora, the red-haired survivor of a cult who claims Sonja was her sister. There's also a pirate who turns out to be the diplomat's brother, and a creepy statue and demon, and an unnecessary continuity patch. Yeah, it's another plot-heavy one. In the end, the daughter goes to live the pirate's life with her uncle...which is portrayed as a happy ending? And that pirate didn't exactly have a heart of gold, even if he treats his niece well; but he gives her a new name: Valeria! Which doesn't line up, and I'm surprised Thomas didn't catch it: even just in Conan stories from Thomas himself, Valeria and Sonja were closer in age, but this would've been at least a ten-year difference.

I don't know if that next issue blurb lined up with her actual next issue; but odds are even if it didn't that story probably ended up somewhere, Savage Sword of Conan maybe. Marx also had a lot of TV writing credits, and I wonder if the supporting cast here wasn't originally intended to maybe be around longer than two issues.  Read more!

"Government."

Ah, forgot commentary today! Just thinking about it, I'm old enough to remember when Guardsmen armor was first phased into guard-duty; not old enough to remember when it was a legit contender or its original creator/pilot. Read more!

A Fleetway/Quality reprint book I hadn't read? Better fix that!

From 1991(ish), M.A.C.H. 1 #8, written by Steve McManus, art by Ramon Sola.

This probably seemed a bit dated even in 1991, but it was (and is) of historical interest: British super-spy John Probe became the cyborg super-agent M.A.C.H. 1, in the first issue of 2000 AD in 1977! Although he received his power from "compu-puncture" like electric acupuncture, he also had an internal computer he often argued with, ala Deathlok. Both can probably directly trace their lineage back to the Six Million Dollar Man; although Probe's missions were allowed to stay more ethically murky than Steve Austin's, with usually a higher body count.

Case in point: this issue, Probe tries to defend the rampaging M.A.C.H. Zero, while his boss Sharpe wants Zero destroyed. After the usual fight, Probe manages to calm Zero down and get him into an ambulance for treatment...and Sharpe has the drivers bail out, then blows it up with a tank! Sharpe also leaves Probe a video message: he was going on vacation, and would be back after he calmed down. You never saw Oscar Goldman pull that crap. Probe has to be dragged out of a seedy bar next prog for his next assignment, and Sharpe reveals he couldn't just quit: without ongoing "compu-puncture" treatment, he would eventually weaken and die. Don't worry, Sharpe would eventually get his, but so would Probe: he would be killed off in 2000 AD #64. And M.A.C.H. Zero wasn't even done yet, he would get another serial--and die at the end of that one, too! I feel like that was kind of a problem for lower or mid-tier characters in 2000 AD: the possibility you could follow a character every week for more than long enough to get attached to them, only for it to suddenly end with "and everyone died!" OK, granted, Shako probably wasn't gonna end with the bear living peacefully on a farm, but still. It seems short-sighted, moreso than the usual "that's the next writer's problem!" Like if Marvel had killed off Shang-Chi or Moon Knight when their books were cancelled...actually, they killed Moon Knight pretty good in one of those, which probably puts him in the same boat as Johnny Alpha: mistakes were made, which later writers would have to dig out of. Read more!

Just a note for myself:

I tried a couple issues of Tom King's Danger Street, since I noticed it had Mark Shaw, Manhunter--and Warlord? And the Creeper, and Metamorpho? And...it's not for me. I see what he's trying to do, a story tying in all the characters that appeared in 1st Issue Special, but most of them are written almost unrecognizably. Hashtag not my Warlord, definitely. 

The Green Team appear to be conscienceless sociopaths burning money, which seems accurate: DC has brought them back a couple times and I can never figure out why. 

Disappointing: this is a Black Label, not really continuity thing, but I'd usually be more excited to have those characters appear at all. 

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I will think of this, every time I go to the movies, for the rest of my life.

As is so often the case, Milk & Cheese are exactly right: we should've come together as a society when they first tried showing ads before movies and stopped it cold. I've never felt they were to somehow subsidize movie theaters; it's always felt like "yeah, what are you gonna do about it? In fact, have another ad for Ghost Pepper Mountain Dew or some goddamn thing." Also, support the writer's strike!

I don't think I see--or hear--babies at the movies as often anymore; but I've been a few times the last couple weeks. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 was really good; Evil Dead Rise was solid if not as funny as I'd like, and Shazam: Fury of the Gods was cheap-theater okay. Really waiting for Shin Kamen Rider May 31st!

From  1992, Milk & Cheese's Other Number One #1, written and drawn by Evan Dorkin. I just happened to have a copy handy; although I've had the trade forever. So should you!

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We saw the last issue and #4 previously, and today's issue appears to hit a lot of the same beats: from 1985, Fist of Khonshu: Moon Knight #5, "Debts and Balances" Plot and layouts by Chris Warner, script by Jo Duffy, finishes by Alan Kupperberg.

Three assassins are dispatched, to deliver "death to the worshippers of the White Cobra!" Marc Spector is likewise put on the task, by the ghostly three priests of Khonshu that keep appearing to him in this series: Marc is not loving that arrangement, and is also still pining over Marlene. In Chicago, the assassins attack the law firm of Morgan and Morgan, which seems to have a lot of guards; but while two of the assassins are killed, they get one of the Morgans. The assassins were women, in far more conservative outfits than usual for then or now...

Moon Knight tracks down and confronts the third assassin, who tries to play off as a defenseless woman, but he doesn't buy it. She gets away and fights her way to the remaining Morgan, killing a lot of guards, but Morgan was no innocent: he was sacrificing children to maintain his own life. Moon Knight stops the assassin from killing Morgan, who then ages into a skeleton at the stroke of midnight. Dismayed over all the death, the assassin kills herself, with Moon Knight left wondering what good that served.

If I had to say something nice about this one, the layouts and backgrounds seem very strong? There's a scene in a hotel room that seemed to have quite a sense of place. Story-wise this one's a bit of a mess: Moon Knight doesn't seem to accomplish much, and it doesn't help that neither the moon priest thing nor Marlene would be resolved this series, although they seem to come up every issue. I want to say the priests were explained away in West Coast Avengers, but that wasn't a particularly satisfying explanation, either. Also this issue: the USPS Statement of Ownership: Total Number Copies Printed (net press run): Average number of copies each issue during preceding 12 months: 325,502. Single issue nearest to filing date: 63,669. Read more!

Was the dead one the first to get an action figure?

I didn't think Mattel would get the heroes of the Doom Patrol out, so I sure as heck didn't think they were going to finish the whole lineup for the Metal Men! But, I finished this limited series; and I'd best blog it so I don't finish it again...From 1993, Metal Men #2, "Fast Backward!" Written by Mike Carlin, layouts by Dan Jurgens, finishes by Brett Breeding.

The cover blurb on the first issue proclaims "from the team that killed Superman!" but they don't quite catch lightning in a bottle again here; since they maybe shouldn't have tried the "everything you know is wrong!" card. Doc Magnus has been getting more and more irritable, repeatedly refusing to let the Metal Men go on potentially dangerous missions. Why not? They're just robots, right?...right? The true origin of the Metal Men is revealed, as a lab accident years ago trapped several scientists, a janitor, and a pizza delivery guy in the bodies of the Metal Men. Gold had been Doc Magnus's brother, and Platinum had been Gold's wife, although she seemed pretty into Magnus before the accident: later in the series, trying to reconcile her attraction to both of them, she describes them as basically the same guy, which doesn't seem like it should be a ringing endorsement.

The previously-unseen human bodies of the Metal Men had been in a secret lab, but get killed in the first issue, leaving them Metal Men for good. It's kind of a downer; and the series ends with Gold dead and Doc Magnus now a Metal Man himself, Veridium. They would appear in a few crossovers; but this retcon would itself be retconned in 52, with the whole limited series written off as part of mental breakdown for Magnus. Well, it's got nice art for a mental breakdown, anyway. Read more!

"Brutal."

I barely had enough New Warriors material for a single strip, sorry. Conversely, I feel like I could write Jimmy Woo all day! He's a weirdly upbeat by-the-book type with a can-do attitude that borders on psychosis. As we'll see next time, Everett is less so. Read more!

In the old Star Trek episode, "The Devil in the Dark," there's a scene where Dr. McCoy yells at a crewmember, to beam down the thermal concrete like he asked, "...and never mind what I want it for. I just want it! Now move!" And that seems to be how I'm buying action figures lately, since I don't usually buy a lot of McFarlane figures, but I wanted Atrocitus. Because, that's why! Although, Build-a-Figures or "Collect to Build" rarely come with accessories, so he didn't have a Red Lantern or his beloved pet, Dex-Starr! But there may be more rage-inducing elements in this issue: from 2013, Red Lanterns #18, "The Decision" Written by Peter Milligan, art by Miguel Sepulveda.

I had to re-read Tales of the Green Lantern Corps Annual #2 before this post, since like so much DC continuity, this spins-off a throwaway line in an Alan Moore story. Billions of years ago, space sector 666 was destroyed by the Manhunters, as part of a ploy of the renegade Guardian Krona to show maybe robot space-cops wasn't such a great idea. There were only five survivors, beings that would eventually become the demonic Five Inversions, and one of them was Atrocitus, formerly Atros of Ryutt. He had seen his wife and daughter murdered before his eyes, which would set him on a path of vengeance spanning millennia...but what if it didn't have to be that way? This was part of yet another Green Lantern-title crossover, "Wrath of the First Lantern," featuring the return of the nigh-omnipotent Volthoom. (A name that might ring a bell if you know your Crime Syndicate!)

Volthoom toys with Atrocitus, wondering where his "critical moment" was. And, just to see what would happen, he offers to show him "an alternate life-path," It's a Wonderful Life-style: what if the Manhunters hadn't destroyed his world? Would Atros have lived a happy and peaceful life? Not according to Volthoom, anyway: in his version, Atros becomes a tyrant, conquering his world, even murdering his wife in a show trial. Atrocitus argues he never hit his wife, Volthoom says in that life you did: someone with the potential to become Atrocitus was never going to be "a regular man." But, at the peak of power, his son avenges his mother, gunning down Atros. Volthoom suggests he may want to reconsider hating the Manhunters: "They saved you from yourself."

Still, Volthoom offers Atrocitus the chance to change things, to stop the massacre of his planet...even if it would mean death at the hands of his son. Atrocitus declines, which leaves Volthoom free to get the Macguffin he wanted, which would make him controller of all reality. Atrocitus then makes a call to all Red Lanterns: he had discovered the individual responsible for the destruction of his homeworld...Atrocitus! He could have stopped it, and didn't; and orders all Red Lanterns to execute him, immediately...!

I only read a few issues of this fresh off the racks, but Milligan takes what should probably the dumbest thing ever, and makes some interesting choices: how long can rage keep you going? What will you be if you let go? Some bastards probably should die, but who should make that choice? Atrocitus does seem to occasionally consider the deeper issues, then get rolled back to being the basic bad guy since his name is "Atrocitus." We don't see Dex-Starr this issue, either: he would be softened a bit later in Justice League Odyssey, because he's a cat and everyone loves them, even though he really was a hatey little monster. Read more!

I love this run so much, even though I've admitted it was occasionally frustrating: it holds up for me largely because, it's a set stretch, from here to there, not something that always happens in comics. This is a relatively minor issue in the run, but it features our favorite, Timber Wolf, so here we are: from 1993, Legion of Super-Heroes #52, "Broken Dreams, Fuzzy Memories" Written by Tom McGraw, pencils by Stuart Immonen and Christopher Taylor, inks by Ron Boyd and Wade von Grawbadger.

The recently-returned Timber Wolf was still recovering from injuries, so he has time to reminisce about his old friend/sparring partner Karate Kid, and his old girlfriend Light(ning) Lass, Ayla Ranzz. Who, by this point in the series, had been with Shrinking Violet/Salu Digby for some time, although she still cares for him. This issue recaps a lot of T-Wolf's history, like his unhappy childhood with a dad gung-ho on making sure his kid had enough power to deal with whatever, to being convinced he was a robot by one of his dad's androids. There's an extended flashback to Legion #289, where the stranded and freezing Saturn Girl and T-Wolf comfort each other, only to be found by Ayla, who takes it the wrong way.

Another flashback explains what happened to Timber Wolf and Wildfire pre-Five Years Later: in battle with Sun Boy's nemesis Dr. Regulus, T-Wolf took a massive blast of radiation, eventually mutating him into the massive and mute "Furball" we see later/early in 5YL. Wildfire had sacrificed himself to save the sun from destruction: although, he had seemingly recently returned, but it wasn't the same guy! (We briefly see "Wildfire" examining his containment suit, which he apparently needed...hmm.) T-Wolf does have the opportunity to thank Ayla for always being there for him, although it's pretty obvious, they were not going to be a couple going forward. And, the Legion was going to face Glorith, soon...there was a bit of a reset coming, but the end was near.

I was so pissed at Timber Wolf getting mutated into "Furball," but he did get a limited series out of it later, so okay. 

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