Look, I've read more issues of VEXT than I have of MIRACLEMAN; but I think I'm OK with that?

Oof, we saw an old issue over a decade ago, and we're just now checking out another one? Although I'm not sure why, either. From 2015, All-New Miracleman Annual #1, featuring "October Incident: 1966" Written by Grant Morrison, art by Joe Quesada; and "Seriously Miraculous" Written by Peter Milligan, art by Mike Allred.

There's been a lot of Miracleman discussion this week, mostly to the effect of, why aren't people more hyped for it? And the general consensus seems to be, either Marvel botched the relaunch, or it's been so long since the original stories nobody cares or remembers anymore. Both things are kinda true: I've read a lot of comics, but not much Miracleman, since it was a pain in the ass to track down, and why bother, since I think it just ended mid-stream. After years of false starts and fights over the rights, now Marvel's got them, but seems almost willfully incapable of getting a good trade program going. It should probably be an evergreen seller like Watchmen or Dark Knight Returns, but Marvel maybe tried to pad out sales by including "classic" Marvelman stories; which might be interesting in a historical context, but weren't integral to the story. Moreover, Alan Moore may have requested they leave his name out of it, which probably didn't help matters. Still, it's weird that "October Incident: 1966" was written around 1984, per the back matter, then not published until thirty years later when Quesada asked if Morrison still had the script. And while there are allusions and symbolism and a bunch of stuff the back matter had to explain to me, it's still a bit slight: Johnny Bates, a.k.a. Kid Miracleman, returns; and kills a priest on a rainy beach. Cheekily, Bates is drawn to look and dress like Morrison circa 1984! Very mod. If you had read more Miracleman than I have, it probably would resonate more.

The second story, Milligan and Allred's "Seriously Miraculous," is in the style of Golden Age Marvelman stories, with Miracleman and his sidekicks Kid Miracleman and Young Miracleman fighting their usual baddies, the King of Boromania, Young Nastyman, Gargunza, and in what appears to be an unlicensed Simpsons crossover, Snorky. (OK, they're dolphins pissed about illegal waste dumping, but yeah.) Miracleman is starting to question the reality of his world, but doesn't push it too hard...yet. This was a $4.99 book, but with only 21 pages of actual comics; and like 15 pages of script and process and blah, blah, blah. I don't mean to be down on it; but this must be what superhero comics are like for people who don't read superhero comics: if you weren't already a Miracleman fan, this wasn't going to do anything for you. Maybe if Marvel ever gets it together, in easy to read and track down trades; but until then, it will probably remain something I know of, rather than actually appreciate. Read more!

For some reason, I was expecting this to be smutty...

Even though I bought it used from EntertainMart, when I got Green Lantern: Intergalactic Lawman it was shrink-wrapped. I was afraid Hal was going to go full-frontal...Anyway, it was okay? I did appreciate how Morrison is completely unafraid to take an idea or plotline another writer would give six issues and burn through it in a few pages. Although, I swear a couple plot points had been done fairly recently even, like the Darkstars or Hal supposedly going renegade.

Another pickup this week that won't really fit in the scanner? Tom Peyer and Chris Giarrusso's Hashtag: Danger. (With Randy Elliott and Andy Troy.)
It's kind of a riff on adventurer-hero types like the Challengers of the Unknown, if they weren't really heroic, mostly hated each other, and were generally thoughtless. So, lots of laughs! It's "Rated P for potty-mouthed adults," which was a bit of a surprise with Chris G.'s art. Give it a try!
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Feels like this could've been a few more issues. Maybe.

I have no idea why I didn't buy these when they came out, especially since I would buy the next 18 issues. From 2005, JLA Classified #1-3, written by Grant Morrison, pencils by Ed McGuinness, inks by Dexter Vines. Got all three from the dollar bin the other day, although #1 is in pretty bad shape.

Like a number of Morrison's JLA stories, there is a lot going on: the entire JLA, minus Batman, is out, investigating a super-villain infiltration of "the infant universe of Qwewq." Gorilla Grodd attacks, and later takes over, the Ultramarines. Along with some very Morrison ideas, that team featured Club of Heroes alumni Knight and Squire, and another version of Jack O'Lantern: in fact, later we'd see some more members also from the old Global Guardians like Olympian and Tasmanian Devil. Covering for his team, Batman goes into his "sci-fi closet" and subs in robot versions of the League! Who don't do especially well; in fact I don't think they last four pages. (McGuinness's version of the Superman Robot would get a pretty nice action figure some years back; I don't know if anyone else's robot did.) Hmm, just noticed Bats didn't have a Wonder Woman-robot; but I think the bots may have all been refurbished Superman-robots, so that would make sense.

May be too much going on here: while Squire has a moment to shine, the overall message of this story seems to be a team that kills might not be equipped to deal with "jet-powered apes and time travel." So, it's implied, why not send the Ultramarines to clean up Qwewq? I know the Knight and Squire would be seen later, but I don't know if the rest was followed up on. It also feels like the JLA itself is barely in this, which might be intentional: they're kept at arm's length, godlike and remote.
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It makes me think of TV's, but that's because I'm old, apparently.

We've mentioned Quality's 2000 A.D. reprints numerous times over the years, including the titular reprint 2000 AD Showcase; but I don't think I had many of what was probably the most popular story reissued there: Grant Morrison and Steve Yeowell's Zenith. From 1987's 2000 AD #545 and reprinted in 1989's 2000 A.D. Showcase #35, "Burn Baby, Burn!" Written by Grant Morrison, art by Steve Yeowell. (The reprint has a pretty good cover from Tom Lyle.)

This was well before Grant Morrison was, y'know, Grant Morrison; and reading this issue cold, without any other chapters or Wikipedia, I didn't know much besides the hero's name was Zenith, and I think he wore a jacket? He may have had powers, but he wasn't a full-on superhero at this point, and was admittedly not prepared to face returning Nazi superman Masterman, who is mopping the floor with "former 60's superhuman Ruby Fox." Zenith's friend Red Dragon is more willing to take on the bad guy, but gets his face heat-visioned off for his trouble. Enraged, Zenith enters the fray, and in short order is thrown through Big Ben! Well, he was described as a pop singer, not a superhero. Masterman tells Zenith his soul will be eaten, and his "leader" will take his body; but Zenith may yet be saved by the sudden return of former superhuman Mandala...

That would've been at least a full splash page in an American comic, here getting punched through Big Ben rates two panels!

Looking it up, this was towards the end of the first phase of four--although, a quick search on Amazon finds a book five, so I couldn't tell you how it breaks down. Still, it appears to be downloadable now, which sounds a damn sight easier than tracking down reprints! Per the GCD, Zenith would be reprinted serially until the end of phase two in 1989's 2000 A.D. Showcase #45; phase three was then still in progress in the British weekly, but the reprint title was cancelled before Zenith could return.

Also this issue: ongoing chapters of "Meltdown Man," "Harlem Heroes," and "Return to Armageddon." For some reason, I thought it was the first installment of the latter serial; it was chapter 7 of 23...
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A reminder that I should've returned these by now...

I was at the library the other day, and spent several minutes weighing what books to take before my wife pointed out they didn't cost anything, just grab 'em. Which is how I read Batman: Odyssey, Batman & Robin: Reborn and Batman & Robin Must Die!. Huh, I don't think I noticed as I read the latter that I missed volume 2, Batman vs. Robin. In fact, in the backmatter for "Must Die!" I thought it was weird that it had the cover for issue #16, I thought these trades had more issues than they do.

At any rate, the Batman & Robin trades were OK for me, not great. Dick Grayson was Batman for what, a year, year and a half before Bruce Wayne returned? Reading these all at once (and missing that chunk in the middle and the other titles running concurrently...) made that seem really short. But they read quickly, unlike Odyssey, which seemed to take forever. Admittedly, most of that was on me, since I only read it intermittently, but the main takeaway I got from that one is that maybe Batman, who introduces the start of each issue with a chatty recap to an unseen listener, isn't a great storyteller himself. "So, the Riddler shot this kid, who looked totally dead but was OK, but it wasn't the Riddler, it was a terrorist dressed up as him, and Deadman was there, but sometimes he was kind of solid but still dead, and then the Bat-Caveman and Robin the Dinosaur Boy Wonder from Skartaris took me to the center of the earth, and that's why I might have to kill someday but I totally won't unless I absolutely have to but I won't because I'm Batman." That's from the top of my head but I swear it's pretty close. That said, I did think some of the art was kind of nice; and actually I don't think the story is quite as nuts as it could be: if Neal Adams wanted to draw Batman riding a pterodactyl, he makes at least some effort for it to make sense in the narrative. I think.

Anyway, three books I read from the library, which I mention here so in ten years I'm not tearing my shelves apart wondering where I put them...
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"Probation."

I'm not sure about the hands on that figure, but otherwise I like Protector; even though I've never read a comic with him. As the Protector, anyway: he's Noh-Varr, the Marvel Boy of Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones' 2000 series. How he ended up as "Protector," and on the Avengers, I'm not sure; but apparently he betrayed them during the Phoenix thing. Which doesn't make a lot of sense either...

Hyperion is on the Avengers now as well; although after looking it up, he isn't the same as any previously seen version of the character. Fine. I think I maybe get what current Avengers writer Jonathan Hickman is trying to do with new Hyperion, Captain Universe, and Smasher characters, and the return of the Star Brand and Nightmask; but I'm not sold on it. For whatever reason, when I heard the Star Brand described as a "planetary defense mechanism" it reminded me of Earth X.
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"The End" Week: Aztek #10!

Hey, remember Aztek? Big gold helmet, created by Grant Morrison and Mark Millar with artist N. Steven Harris? Even if you do, you might not recollect his solo series, which despite the creators and guest-spots by Green Lantern, the Joker, and Batman; only made it to issue #10: "a league of their own" Written by Grant Morrison and Mark Millar, art by N. Steven Harris and Keith Champagne.

Still, Aztek is going out strong, as he's up for membership in the Justice League of America! He's already impressed Kyle and Batman, and seems like a stable, level-headed guy...even if his equipment and training was provided by a mysterious organization...

Meanwhile, at Aztek's day job as Dr. Curt Falconer, Professor Ivo is brought to the hospital in bad shape. Ivo's immortality serum seems to be breaking down, and he's fading fast. Perhaps not fast enough for his creation Amazo (or a Amazo) who pins the JLA in their watchtower with a GL power bubble, then attacks the hospital.

Aztek takes a licking--there's a nice, subtle sequence of Amazo beating his ass from 21st to 281st street--but manages to stall the agitated android until the JLA arrives. Knowing he's beat, the rather-chatty Amazo says he wasn't there for a fight or even to kill Ivo: describing their relationship as like Tom and Jerry, Amazo doesn't want to lose Ivo, and brought a serum to save him. Which is actually poisoned, but Ivo had taken an anti-toxin...Aztek's love interest uninterested doctor friend notes they really are like Tom and Jerry.

Even though this is his last issue, several future plotlines for Aztek were teased, like encounters with the Puzzler and Patti Celeste, the Super-Groupie. With the hat and mask of the Crimson Avenger ("the first of our kind," J'onn J'onzz points out) the JLA initates Aztek onto the team. I wonder how that'll work out for him...oh, right.
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A quick one today, so we can all get back to reading SDCC headlines...

I was seriously considering bagging out today, honestly. It's about a hundred degrees here--which I like, but my dog is hot to the touch, so he can't go anywhere. I've got a flat tire I need fixed, my keyboard occasionally refuses to type the letter 'c,' and like I said, everyone still at home is doubtless reading about goings on from San Diego Comic-Con. But, real quickly:

Being cheap, I didn't spring for Mattel's DC subscription, although I had at least a passing interest in the Metron figure. There are reviews out there with some pretty good pictures--Needless Things, It's All True, OAFE.net, a guest review at Poe Ghostal's--and the general consensus is that Metron himself is somewhere between fine and OK, but the chair is all kinds of great. In fact, the Mobius Chair should probably get billing over Metron.

Now, DC Direct also did a Metron figure a year or two back, but without a chair. Which just seems sad: he and his chair are pretty inseparable. You don't see Captain America sold without his shield, or Thor without his hammer, or Professor X without...his chair. (Metron can walk, he's just lazy. And the Mobius Chair can travel the length and breadth of the space-time continuum...) Hastings' website has the DCD Mobius on sale for $4.25 right now, and they also occasionally have sales on shipping as well. I've been wondering if I'm crafty and/or industrious enough to cobble a chair together for him...out of pizza boxes and dog hair, apparently.

This train of thought compelled me to dig up an issue where the Mobius Chair is on panel more than its master: Marvel and DC Present Featuring the Uncanny X-Men and the New Titans #1, "Apokolips...Now" Written by Chris Claremont, pencils by Walt Simonson, inks by Terry Austin; reprinted in Crossover Classics. Darkseid and Metron make a little tech-swap, so Darkseid can try to harness the power of Dark Phoenix, and Metron can try to breach the Source Wall. Metron seemingly fails immediately, his chair drifting off unattended. But, the chair would be found later by the X-Men and the Titans, who would use it to get back to earth:

I thought I had a different reprint, besides the big trade; I would've also scanned a panel where Cyclops is possessed/inhabited by the Dark Phoenix power, as indicated by the addition of the tasteful emblem and not a red thong. Then again, I also thought the X-Men and the Titans all just piled onto the Mobius Chair for the ride home, all fourteen of them crammed on there like a fat guy on a minibike. Duhr.

What the heck, let's have a quick look at a somewhat different Metron--a lackey of Darkseid, in a dark future--and a different chair; this also features my favorite description of life I've ever heard, and one of my favorite single issues: JLA #14, "Rock of Ages, part five: Twilight of the Gods" Written by Grant Morrison, art by Howard Porter, inks by John Dell. While Wonder Woman gives her life to distract Darkseid, and our timeline's Wally, Kyle, and Aquaman stand around confused; Batman convinces Metron there's something he doesn't know. Metron is intrigued, and is goaded to "narrow the frequencies of my form to an exact simulation of your biology. I can easily become human."

How many splash pages were there in the most recent issue of JLA? This issue just has one, the traditional splash page opening. So good, even if that means there isn't a great big shot of Metron and his chair. Oh, well.





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Talking to Dale the other day, this issue came up: DC Comics Presents: Mystery in Space #1, with stories from Grant Morrison and Eliot S! Maggin; art by J.H. Williams III and Jerry Ordway. This ish also featured an Alex Ross cover, and a Harlan Ellison tribute to renowned editor Julie Schwartz.

The first story is pretty good, but in eleven pages Morrison is able to tell a great Adam Strange story, that explains and refines a number of his traditional plot points; but also explains why Schwartz would choose a brainy archaeologist as an unlikely pulp sci-fi action hero. It's a nice piece of writing and perfect for a tribute book like this. Re-reading it again, I hope this version of Adam Strange (and Alanna, and Rann) make it into the new DC: instead of being gritty and pseudo-realistic, his Rann is fantastic and dangerous.

There were eight tribute issues to Schwartz, but I only recall two others off the top of my head. I'll have to look into that, but have a good weekend!

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80-Page Thursdays: One Million!

For the next stretch, as long as I can find them, every Thursday we'll check out an 80-page comic! Not 64, not 100, 80-page giants only! Today, revisit the Quantum Age of Comics with DC One Million 80-Page Giant, with Grant Morrison, Mark Millar, Chuck Dixon, and more writing; and Mike Wieringo, Flint Henry, Norm Breyfogle, Dusty Abell and more on art.

I like DC's 853rd Century, but I find it exhausting. With the core heroes stationed on different worlds of the solar system (and Batman presumably upgrading Pluto back to planet status by virtue of being Batman) and Justice Legions from A to Z (and possibly more) I don't think we've seen a baseline human normo yet in that setting. And why would we, when everyone and anyone could be a fifth-generation genesplice of Tamaranian and Braalian traits, trained in Vuldarian hapkido, carrying on the heroic legacy of the Infrared Bee, and locked in battle with Hellgrammite³? If none of that made any sense, DC's One Million is not going to be for you.

To be fair, the 853rd Century looks to be just as exhausting for the heroes as well: I suspect this is Morrison's doing, and could be read as a commentary on modern man or superman; but the crisis level is constantly at 10. 10+. 10+ followed by another 10, then some more that make that first 10 look like a 3. Picture three years worth of Justice League of America--the old series--happening in an afternoon; and that's a slow day in the future. (It's not in this one, but I know there's a Superman One Million story where he gives some prospective alien conquerors a quick tour of the solar system, and they're scared off by watching the JLA bash a bunch of threats in fifteen or so minutes.)

I don't think DC One Million has been seen recently, and with the reboot it might not be again for some time. But, it does kind of undermine dramatic tension: if you know there's a Superman and a Batman legacy centuries in the future, you're more sure than usual how things will turn out in the present. On the other hand, it is a fun place to visit every once in a while. Flip through this one, see if it grabs you. Read more!

Who watches the allegorical not-Watchmen?

Taking a bit of a day, since I've got a headache, but from Comics Alliance, we see Grant Morrison is working on "Pax Americana," which I guess is supposed to be a Watchmen-style political allegory, set in the present, and using the original Charlton heroes--Blue Beetle, Captain Atom, and the Question; instead of Nite Owl, Dr. Manhattan, and Rorschach. Interesting...but I feel like I've heard that before...oh, yeah:





I think Grant may be able to bring more to the table than that, but using the Charlton characters just seems arbitrary. Or, more likely, DC (and possibly Morrison himself) don't think a Morrison-written sci-fi political thriller would sell by itself, that it needs to have a Watchmen connection to move copies. And this is coming from someone who's liked more than a couple versions of the Charlton heroes.

Too early to tell, though, of course; and with Frank Quitely art I am positive it'll be worth reading.
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I'm only fifty-plus days late on this one:

I swear, this is the first thing I thought of when Disney purchased Marvel: sure, Disney's getting a library of more than 5,000 Marvel characters, including The Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, the X-Men, The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man; but there are a lot of good characters further down the list as well. Or, at least ones with untapped potential, like Morbius, the Blazing Skull, Death's Head, or Woodgod. (Maybe not Woodgod, but can't you just see him happily prancing around with the happy little Disney woodland creatures, until one of them gets killed and Woodgod has to go berserk?)

Somewhere, I saw pointed out that to turn a profit on this deal, Disney would need to see a return of what, over $800,000 per character? More than that, because they're never going to get any cash out of Bloodhawk, the Devourer, and the Raptor. And those are just the lamest ones I've blogged about, you can probably think of others. (Oddly, I keep thinking of lame characters they probably could get some money out of, like the female Dr. Octopus from the Clone Saga: somebody would buy her action figure...)

But I immediately thought of one that probably isn't going to become a Disney Princess: Oubliette from Marvel Boy:

Which is actually kind of a shame: Oubliette (noun: a dungeon with only one opening.) describes herself as "the Lara Croft of evil." She quickly proves to be less evil, more used since birth by her megalomaniac father Dr. Midas. Among other crimes, Midas convinced his daughter she was hideously ugly under her mask (she wasn't) and he seemed to be wearing an old Iron Man suit for some reason.

I haven't been as enamored of Grant Morrison's recent work, but damn, I loved this one. From the trade Marvel Boy, written by Grant Morrison, pencils by J. G. Jones, inks by Sean Parsons. The scan is from issue #6, which I couldn't find for the life of me, and finally just bought a used copy of the trade. Which I wholeheartedly recommend, and I also recommend finding a copy while you can, since I doubt Disney will be keen on reprinting that one.

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Today's Happenstance panels...

...are late. Sorry. The one time I've had to blog all week, and my computer decides it's update-running time. I did finish most of next week's strip, though: I just have a little cut-and-paste left, and done, I think.

I'm not sure I've even read a comic this week, though. Busy, and I might not even get to the comic shop until Monday. Heck, even if I got in now, I wouldn't have the time to sit down and read them; especially Seaguy, since I want to read all three issues. (I enjoyed the first two more than most of Morrison's other recent work, though.) I saw the DC sales numbers yesterday over at the Beat (sorry, no link, just hit the sidebar) and they weren't great for Seaguy. Or the new Warlord either, which is discouraging. I don't know how either of those would stack up as trades, so again, discouraging.

I did get a bit of summer reading in, though. I re-read one of my favorite books, Haruki Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. And although I'm not a follower of his work, I may as well mention Chris Ware of Acme Novelty Library did some design work for the book cover. I also read again, as I often do in the summer, some Hellboy novels. The Bones of Giants by Christopher Golden is my favorite, and I'm in the middle of On Earth as It Is in Hell (by Brian Hodge) now. May have to keep an eye out for a couple new ones.

So: hopefully, panels or something to come...later.
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A quick thought on Final Crisis #6:

(From someone who's not really reading it!)


Yeah, I didn't buy Final Crisis #6, sorry. I was hoping to get the new issue of that Super Friends book--the cover where everyone dresses up like Batman--but they were sold out. Drag.

I don't know if I would've hated Final Crisis #6 as much as Val over at Occasional Superheroine seemed to, but she did set up the link to the pages in question. Spoilers, spoilers, spoilers, so don't click over, or read further if you're waiting to read it.




Man, if Batman's going to make a "once in a lifetime exception," I thought he'd use a plain old Earth gun. Maybe a nice revolver, or the gun that killed his parents or something. I think the idea of Batman taking the role of Orion in the New Gods was one that Morrison had pitched for this thing, but editorial made him dial it back. Come to think of it, in Superman/Batman I'm pretty sure there were some issues where Bats joyrides around in Orion's harness and makes time with Orion's girl, maybe a test run at the job.

In the interests of accuracy, I was hoping to find my reprints of Kirby's New Gods so I could nail the dialog on the "right" panel, but instead I found the third issue of Johnny Dynamite. Oh, man, I had the other three of them out and had been wanting to read that again for ever. Anyway, even though Batman's bit here was kind of cool, it might have been cooler if it had happened in goddamn Batman: R.I.P. Even with the stuff that sounds interesting like motherlovin' Tawky Tawny fighting Kalibak to the death, there's eight or nine things that just make my brain numb, like the Metron Rubik's Cube or Planet OMAC or the Tattooed Man or Anthro...

So, not reading Final Crisis, but Batman channeling the fallen spirit of Orion and wearing his harness, while he battles Darkseid for the final fate of the Earth? That would have been cooler, and more like Batman, than shooting him, even with Darkseid's own bullet.

This is the DCUC Batman, and a DC Direct Darkseid from the box set with Orion. And that Orion lent Bats the harness. The old DCD Orion had a removable helmet, and interchangeable heads, and the DCUC version crushes him, we'll compare them sometime...

New "Timing" strip Thursday at noon! Read more!

What would absolutely make Batman: RIP for me:

(A minor spoiler for a relatively minor bit in Batman #681 follows, so beware if you missed it last week, or the ongoing shouting. There's a new issue out Wednesday, anyway...)

(Oh, you're gonna look.)








Regardless of the title, or whatever happens the next however many issues until his triumphant return, this isn't gonna be the final appearance of Bruce Wayne as Batman. No oddsmaker in Vegas would give you 500-to-1 on it. However, if this was the last appearance of the Joker...casually run down mid-escape attempt by Batman's psychotic son Damian in the Batmobile? That's damn funny. That would be the funniest thing the Joker's done in years.

(Over at the Factual Opinion, they fairly eviscerated this issue; pointing out that Alfred doesn't seem overly moved that Damian runs an ambulance off the road; but the scene isn't clear if the kid saw that it was the Joker, that said ambulance had just plowed through a police barricade, or if he just doesn't give the proverbial rat's ass. Frankly, it's the least of this story's problems. Maybe in trade and footnoted and packaged with the ancient back issues with the space backup personality nonsense...still seems iffy, yeah.)

From Batman #681, "Hearts in Darkness" Written by Grant Morrison, pencils by Tony Daniel, inks by Sandu Florer. Read more!

You know what would've improved DC Universe 0 about 100% for me?

I was hoping one of the moons would be thrown out of orbit, Space: 1999 style. That would've been something...

Confession: I don't have the cash to drop on all of DC's crossovers or events, so it's in my best interest not to let them grab me. There wasn't much chance of that, but even so. I'm just not feeling it.

The Legion pages: even though they're trying hard to evoke the spirit of old LOSH stories...no, that's not right. Not so much the spirit, as the warm nostalgic glow fans still have for those characters. But any fondness or connection I felt for the Legion feels like it was left behind two or three reboots back, despite any of the relative quality of the current work.

I didn't like the art of the Batman section. Homage to Killing Joke aside, why does Batman need to talk to the Joker? I miss the days when Batman slapped their asses in the asylum, and that was the last you saw of 'em for a few months.

Wonder Woman: So, she's failed because there's still war and hate, but Zeus (or whoever) says there always will be? Then, how has she failed again? I'm just pitching her a bit of guff: I'm not a huge fan, but WW vs. 300 could be something.

Green Lantern: Pink hearts, blue moons, green clovers...Look, I like Green Lantern OK--I used to be a pretty big fan, honestly, and I like Guy and Kyle and Kilowog. (And John with JLA.) Hal's return has left me a bit cold, but even that doesn't bother me. Sinestro Corps? Great idea. And I like the Zamorans and Star Sapphire. But why did they have to get rings? And lanterns? Then you get into the rest of the spectrum, and you've lost me. I liked it better when there were Manhunters and Darkstars and matching accessories weren't mandatory. I just feel like the joke's been taken too far.

Spectre: Don't care. Sorry.

Rogues' Gallery: Killer Croc and Shadow-Thief are Flash villains now? I have only the vaguest idea who most of these schleps are. And since the art doesn't show their reaction to Libra's little salespitch-slash-sermon, I have no idea how they feel about it. My guess is, the next page someone shoots him and wonders who let the Jehovah's witness in. That was a little harsh, but my point is, there's no good reason for the Gallery to sit still for this proselytizing. Is this the same spiel as that Crime Bible, or are there two rival faiths in the super-villain community?

Don't get me wrong: I still enjoy a lot of DC's characters. But it's been like three-plus years of ongoing Crisis, and I'm a bit numb to it. And is it a bit telling that out of all the characters in 52, Countdown, Brave New World, One Year Later; this time around it's the traditional guns. You could say that the Crisis cycle has been building up to this, but if Shadowpact or Blue Beetle or the replacement Catwoman or Atom or Freedom Fighters or whoever else had broken big, they would've gotten at least something in DC Universe 0.

I'll check back later, but for right now, no thanks, DC Universe 0. Written by Grant Morrison and Geoff Johns, pencils by George Perez, Doug Mahnke, Tony Daniel, Ivan Reis, Aaron Lopresti, Philip Tan, Ed Benes, Carlos Pacheco, and J.G. Jones, inks by even more. Read more!

An example of what was wrong with Morrison's JLA...from Mark Waid.

From JLA #18, "Synchronicity" Written by Mark Waid, pencils by Howard Porter, inks by John Dell.

When I proclaim, "This is what was wrong with Grant Morrison's work on JLA," it's a bit of a misnomer on several ways. Case in point: Morrison's Batman. Like I mentioned yesterday, Morrison played up Batman's planning skills, making him the League's tactical genius. A perfectly fine direction to take the character, except then the next writer takes that a step further; and sometimes that expands the character, sometimes it makes a copy of a copy.

In Batman's case, it was Waid again, in "Tower of Babel," where R'as Al Ghul steals Batman's contingency plans for taking down the rest of the Justice League. That was a pretty good storyline too, but it was a quantum leap forward in regards to Batman's dickery. A couple more generations removed, and you have Batman's plans used against him again in "War Games." A few more, and you get Batman creating OMAC's and then losing control of them. So, it's not necessarily Morrison at fault, but he loaded the gun.

Likewise, it followed that the rest of the Justice League became more and more dependent on Batman's plans, if not his leadership. In this issue, it's not a big step to imagine Green Lantern and Flash freaking out a lot here. Read more!

"The Problem with Grant Morrison's JLA"

Now updated with hopefully easier to read pictures: the old ones are below, and if you click 'em you can go through to other old homemade posts on Flickr.

The Problem with Grant Morrison's JLA

Click for readable size.

I wrote this about two years ago or so, but didn't have the software for word balloons, so a big thanks again to PlanetWide Games.

Upon further thought, and this could be very open to discussion, a lot of the points I jokingly blame Grant Morrison for, were instead the product of later writers, but Grant opened the door. Among other things, in his JLA, he focused less on the detective aspects of Batman and made him more of a tactician or general.
On the other hand, the penultimate chapter of "Rock of Ages" is my favorite JLA comic, and might be my favorite New Gods thing as well. If I can, I might re-read some of Morrison's (and some later writers) this week, to see if I have any real examples.

The toys today are, with the exception of the DC Heroes Superman, from the Total Justice/JLA line of a few years back. (Well, actually, I guess the Batman is from some duh, Batman line or another. He came with a very baroque electric yellow helmet, among other insane accessories.) Wonder Woman in particular was kind of rare--I remember my old boss wanted her, and that was not gonna happen. But they were really muscular sculpts, with not a lot of articulation; and that Flash seems just ugly now. They were perfect for this, though, give them a hand.

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Sometimes, I wish I could pull out a list, like for Previews, of all the books that came out, say, December 1978; so I could see if, oh, Fantastic Four really was 'The World's Greatest Comic Magazine' for that month. I'm pretty sure World's Finest was often an exaggeration, though.

Today we've got World's Finest #254, "Whom Gods would Destroy!" Story by Bob Haney, art by George Tuska and Vince Colletta. The cover by Jim Aparo shows promise: Sinestro, perennial Green Lantern villain, blasting Superman with his power ring; while Supes exhorts a sweaty-looking Batman to "Wake up...or your nightmare of Sinestro destroying the world will come true!" And then inside, Batman is chasing down a Col. Sander's looking scientist, who babbles like a loon, and Batman blacks out.

This is what we call, 'coming down.' Try to relax.

Batman lies down for a little nappy-nap in what appears to be a cobblestone alley, with loose bricks. Urban renewal was a ways away, I guess. He dreams of Sinestro fighting Superman, which is:
A. Weird.
B. Weird, but not creepy weird, thank God.
C. Geez, I think I've dreamed that, after watching Super Friends and mainlining Quik. I miss college.
D. Probably a vacation, after dreaming about his parents' murders for like 30 years.

The scene shifts entirely to Superman, as Sinestro "has just sent every heavy plate glass window in every skyscraper in Metropolis, USA, tumbling down like a billion guillotines towards the throngs below!" And Superman tells himself, "Get off your Super-butt! Do something--!" I'm probably not qualified to judge, but is it a 'Super-butt'? I hope he refers to everything as super, from super-hands to super-feet...man, that's weird.

At super-speed, Supes smashes all the glass into powder...this is one of those things that Superman 'fixes,' and when I say 'fixes,' I mean 'doesn't outright destroy, but leaves in a seriously precarious state.' Several bloggers pointed out in Infinite Crisis, I believe Supes stops a building from tipping over and rights it, then leaves...leaves an assload of structural damage and shattered foundation. Yes, powdered glass would be safer than billions of razor-sharp shards, but...

Oh, sweet Jeebus. What could be better than powdered glass in your eyes? Why not let your kid play in it! Stick out your tongue and catch it! Officer 'Blazes' has a point: I think several tons of powdered glass would indeed keep the crooks at home for a while.

Sinestro seems confused here. After all, all the times he fought Green Lantern, GL never stopped him from destroying Coast City by destroying it first. He leaves in a Spaceman Spiff-looking rocket, presumably made by his power ring, but who knows at this point. Superman starts taking fistfuls of the 'glass snow,' zapping it with his heat vision, and replacing the windows. You might as well replace "glass snow" with "magic dust" or "lobster farts." Same difference.

Batman wakes up, figuring his 'vision of something crazy happening in Metropolis" up to fatigue. Look, Batman, I once was so hungover, I thought a Godzilla marathon on TNT was on CNN; and even that pales in comparison to this. You're not tired. Get help.

Before he can take in the babbling doctor, a carful of goons show up; but even a tired Batman can take out four or five armed thugs. But, as the chapter ends, a sniper takes aim at Batman's back, following orders to kill the doctor rather than lose him. He also plans on killing Batman, but wouldn't they be able to get the doctor back after shooting Batman? Well, when you have a gun already in hand, it probably wouldn't occur to you.


Oh, Great Rao, I'm only on page 8 of this one...sigh. The sniper fires twice, and Batman goes down, dropping the doctor. In the very next panel, Batman, carrying the doctor again, does a standing high jump of at least six feet straight up and over a fence. "Impossible!" exclaims the sniper, and I'm inclined to agree. Batman explains that he had been wearing a bulletproof vest under his costume: I'll grant him walking off being shot twice, since hey, it's Batman. But that jump, carrying another man and with bruised ribs...look, my suspension of disbelief is strong enough to accept two different kinds of aliens and the rest of the insanity in this story. It's not strong enough to do that carrying the doctor.

Letting that go: Batman takes the doctor back to his Batcave, the seventies one that was under the Wayne Foundation building. Hey, is that one still there? Out of nowhere, Batman thinks that it was risky to bring the doctor, Willard, here, since he
knows Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same man! And, right on top of that bombshell, Batman asks the doctor the whereabouts of the brain of Gorilla Boss Dyke! Willard says, aliens took it.

Now that's good crazy: if we had gotten All-Star Batman from Grant Morrison, we might be close to this territory.

And now comes the infodump: when criminal Boss Dyke was executed, Dr. Willard transplanted his brain into a gorilla, although the art isn't clear if it was normal-sized or giant. Dyke's plan was to capture Batman and steal his body, but he fell to his death, like all giant apes. Seriously. If my brain ended up in King Kong, Donkey Kong, whatever, I wouldn't even stand on top of a chair. This is footnoted to Batman #75, listed on GCD as February-March 1953. It may have been reprinted in one of those gorilla specials DC loves.

More recently, World's Finest#251 to be precise; in a plot involving chlorophyll-stealing aliens, Dyke's brain ended up in Batman's body briefly, before Batman was restored and "Willard escaped with the brain of Gorilla Boss." Well, if he's just a brain in a mason jar, he's not really 'Gorilla' Boss, is he? He's just plain old Boss Dyke. Heh, Boss Dyke in Batman's body. Yet another sentence you thought you'd never see, huh? And let the misdirected traffic roll on in...


Oh, hell with this. Let's go back to Sinestro vs. Superman for a minute. Sinestro is still wrecking Metropolis, and Superman thinks that he could use his 'unlimited willpower' (and 'super-modesty') to overwhelm Sinestro's beam, but that would cause even more destruction. Supes is forced to let up, giving the gloating Sinestro more opportunities for demolition, like cutting a bridge in half.

To save cars thrown into the water, Superman has to first "blow a giant bubble of super-breath", then he locks the cars' bumpers together into a chain that he drags to safety. That's like three panels of super-feats that make super-ventriloquism or super-kiss-make-Lois-forget seem completely reasonable in comparison. I don't know much about fluid dynamics, but I know even four cars welded together wouldn't hold up as a chain. Rrr. Let's go back to Batman.

Batman's right there with us, however: he has another blackout, and again sees Superman and Sinestro fighting. He uses a 'neuroserum' to get Willard coherent enough to talk: apparently tired of hiding out, Willard had taken Boss Dyke's brain for a walk in the park, and aliens stole it, doing a number on Willard's own brain in the process. What...why...ok, give me a second here: why did Willard have the brain with him? Well, maybe he didn't feel anyone else could be trusted with it, and he really needed that sunshine to combat his seasonal affective disorder. OK, but what did he keep the brain in? A baby carriage? A Saks Fifth Avenue bag? A turban on top of his own head?

Investigating the scene of the abduction, or would it be theft at this point? Batman, with Willard in tow, notices a bum with a newspaper over his face, and the headline "Metropolis Beseiged Sinestro Outpowers Superman" Maybe the other words or puncuation were too small or cut off. Bigger fish to fry here: Just like in All-Star Batman, events in Metropolis and Gotham City seem to occuring concurrently, yet with enough time for the print media to report on them.

Batman realizes his flashes are actually happening, just in time to get shot. Again. This time, by a guy on a merry-go-round, which would've been quite the coup, if the would-be killer hadn't just nicked Batman's shoulder, then gotten his skull cracked by a batarang. I think Batman broke out the heavy batarang for this guy, it looks about a foot across. I have no idea, how Batman would've made that throw, hitting a guy ducking down behind a horse (like a cowboy in a good western, the guy had skills!) on a moving carosel. Technically, I don't think we see the carosel is moving, but we don't see a lot of background, and we've only seen four people in this park at all. (That would be Batman, Willard, the bum with the newspaper, and the gunman.)

Batman checks the scorch marks of the 'aliens,' and they show as pure yellow on the spectrum analysis. Uh, all right...he realizes Sinestro staged the aliens with his ring, to confuse the issue. Batman realizes Boss Dyke's brain is connected with the fights in Metropolis, and since that brain was once in Batman's head, residual cells must be causing the flashes.

Back in Metropolis, Sinestro releases radioactive steam from a nuclear plant, which Supes then has to eat; then creates a yellow shield over the city that even Superman couldn't penetrate...and maybe a DC historian could tell me what the hell Green Lantern was up to this month. Batman contacts Superman and sends him into space.

Batman somehow uses his residual-link to give directions ("Um...space.") and Supes finds Boss Dyke's brain, which Sinestro has enlarged to planet-size, to use as a "reservoir of will to draw on...!"

Despite being forsworn from taking life, Superman treats the brain like a tumor, and x-rays it to death. Then, he punches Sinestro's ass back to the anti-matter dimension of Qward, which isn't an explosion of positive and negative matter, but more of an inconvenience for him by now.

Superman is glad to have the usual problems back again, and Batman notes that with Willard hopelessly insane (but luckily not scarred, which means he won't escape Arkham) and Boss Dyke's brain destroyed, "Superman and I had our hands full on this amazing adventure, but we never even met!" Take that, Seven Soldiers!

Holy hell, there's at least eighteen kinds of crazy in that story. But, there is some charm to it. Where else but in comics, can a mob boss have a story arc that goes from brain-transplanted-into-gorilla, to pawn-in-alien-chrorophyll-theft to brain-grown-to-planet-size-used-as-will-battery? Nowhere, that's where. And everything is summed up nicely, so even if you didn't have all the back issues, or experience with DC's gorilla fixation, they brought you up to speed.

Plus, I bought this issue for a quarter, yet I had to devote several hours to posting about it. And that's just the opening story, there's four other features in there, including Green Arrow blowing up the Arrowcar, and a Ditko Creeper tale. Can't say I didn't get my money's worth.
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