I still haven't watched his series, but honestly, Marvel/Disney is missing the boat by not getting "Secret Hospital" on there. From 1986, Wonder Man #1, written by David Michelinie, pencils by Kerry Gammill, inks by Vince Colletta. Cover by Bill Sienkiewicz!

Was this the first mention of the in-universe soap opera "Secret Hospital"? Michelinie would use it again years later, as Mary Jane Watson-Parker would get a role there in Amazing Spider-Man; but here Simon Williams flubs an audition for it, by not turning off his glowing ionic eyes. (Which I'm not sure he could do before!) Sulking over it, we get a recap of his origin, and this was post-Avengers #211, where Simon left the team to go Hollywood with Hercules, but rather unsurprisingly none of Herc's contacts had worked out for him. Headed back to Avengers Mansion for a workout, he gets a tip from another hero who never felt he was far from the unemployment lines either: Scott Lang, Ant-Man! He gives Simon a card for Cordco, a scientific research company set up by Tony Stark, before he lost his company to Obidiah Stane. (Ah, continuity! Like a warm hug when it does a good job.)

Cordco turns out to be weird science central, and after Simon goes through on the tour; a scientist desperate for a breakthrough blows open a dimensional portal and unleashes a horde of angry little gnomes. His prospective employers are somewhat blase about sending Wonder Man into the thick of it, but hey, he's invulnerable! He doesn't even have to breathe, which is kind of news to Simon: it feels like it took him a long, long time to get his head around his powers. While he does manage to save the day, he later loses the job when during another emergency, he gets called in by the Avengers to stop the Sandman from causing a nuclear meltdown. The Sandman's not usually like that (although, the splash page notes this was before Marvel Two-in-One #86!) but had been told he was dying of cancer. Simon is able to stop him, and whatever they did in the reactor room cures Sandman, but Simon's annoyed that they may have found a cure for cancer and lost it. Still, all of this maybe helps Simon get himself back on track. 

 This is also noted as being before West Coast Avengers #1--wait, the GCD even notes, this came out in '86 but is set before "Marvel Two-In-One #86 (April 1982) and West Coast Avengers #1 (September 1984)." It reads all the way like Michelinie is giving Simon his own supporting cast, for solo adventures, then nopes it away in the end.

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I haven't paid for Disney+ for a while, but I have all of Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes on DVD: I didn't have all of the comic series, though! From 2013, Marvel Universe Avengers Earth's Mightiest Heroes #15, adapting "Acts of Vengeance" Written by Michael Ryan, adapted by Joe Caramagna. Cover by Chris Jones.

You might notice, no artist credits there, since the art was taken directly from the show! While it works pretty well, it also feels like a weird throwback, to Marvel's old movie adaptations. But, do you really need to adapt something that's available on-demand? (If you pay for the service, of course.) Despite the title, this isn't related to the classic crossover: instead, several members of Baron Zemo's Masters of Evil have been picked off, forcing him to go to the Avengers for help, since he thought only Thor would be able to save him from the Enchantress. He explains that she was still mad over not being able to destroy the earth with the Norn Stones, and thought Zemo still had the last one, which he of course denies. In his requests, Zemo always addresses them pointedly to Captain America, the only Avenger he felt he could trust...although, while it's not referenced here directly, at this point in the series, that trust is misplaced! (It's not a spoiler if you saw the last episode of the first season, "A Day Unlike Any Other.")

The B-plot was the long-awaited face-turn for Wonder Man, who sacrifices himself to destroy the last Norn Stone, after Zemo's inevitable betrayal. He had been touched that Tony had been working on a cure for his ionic condition, and Tony regrets being unable to help him better control it. Still, Black Panther says, today he proved he could have been an Avenger, all along.

Absolutely loved that show, and still do; but we've seen other issues with new stories, which I would prefer. This series switched over to adaptations with #13 and would run that way until #18, which I have in a digest: it adapts "Michael Korvac" and it's a good one. Read more!

Either there's a theme this week, or I'm Groundhog's Day'ing...

There might be a bit that seems familiar this issue, but by god they put a great spin on it. From 1999, Avengers #23, "Showdown" Written by Kurt Busiek, pencils by George Perez, inks by Al Vey.

The entire creative team was firing on all cylinders, and today so was Captain America, recently reunited with his shield after several months with that photonic replacement. Running a training mission in the Mansion, Justice also seemed to be in gear as well; seemingly over his stage fright, even with a broken leg. But, today's main drama was yet to come, as Wanda goes to have a talk with the Vision. She knew he still loved her, even if she was with Wonder Man now; the Vision says, that's his problem, not hers. Simon tries to make things better, by busting in and saying Vision shouldn't bottle up his feelings, and boy, does he uncork something. (The Starkings/Comicraft lettering? Chef's kiss. So good.)

Vision just wants Wanda to be happy, but does have a bone to pick with Simon: he likes jazz! Pretentious bastar--no, that's not the main issue; he also likes chess and Walt Kelly. Simon is thrilled: his brother, Eric, the Grim Reaper, wasn't into any of that stuff; but he and Vision had things in common. This catches Simon a sock to the jaw, since he was missing the point in an epic fashion. And then we pause for a big preview of Doomsday and Young Allies, which really should've had some credits: I'm pretty sure that's Mike McKone and Mark Bagley, respectively.

Wanda is surprised Vision would lash out like that--um, they're superheroes, that's how they work through stuff usually?--and Vision apologizes and takes off, with Simon right behind him. Vision admits, he feels like he was a complete fake: everything he was, was just a copy of Simon's brain engrams: they both had a type, apparently, namely Wanda. He was a pale reflection, no longer needed, but at least Wanda was with the real thing now. Simon turns that back on him, though; surprised Vision didn't know how much Simon envied him. He had made a lot of bad choices, from embezzling from his company to signing up to get super-powers from Baron Zemo; yet had been forgiven or even praised for his 'bravery' over and over. To Simon, the Vision was the best version of himself. Taken aback, Vision needs to think about that, and takes off; leaving Simon to wonder if he would be back...or if he was just something else he had broken. 

The Vision's "am I a real boy" fit has been done a few times, before and since, and swings pretty wildly from writer to writer: I think he is 'real,' with authentic feelings and thoughts, but feels like he has to act like he's just an automaton. Also this issue: the ongoing protests at Avengers' Mansion, with a seeming laundry-list of grievances. Foremost today, the lack of diversity in the current team roster, which would be addressed later. And new bad guys the Exemplars continued to grow their numbers: they were all avatars of assorted Marvel Universe magic, and technically Juggernaut was one of them, even if he doesn't want in...And, a favorite Bullpen Bits strip from Chris Giarrusso!

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I have never seen anyone in one of those "Anti-Bat" shirts; running from a monster or otherwise.

I needed to research something, so had to dig this one out of the garage; and I noticed a big-ass hole in the wall out there! Like somebody shot a hole in it. Hopefully not taking any shots at this one: from 1990, Avengers West Coast #54, "The Troubled Earth" Story and art by John Byrne, inks by Paul Ryan.

This would be the second of three Acts of Vengeance tie-in issues for the book; as previously the U-Foes had attacked the team from out of nowhere; and now the Mole Man is tearing up Los Angeles. Or, his monster is, in this case Giganto! Best known from the cover of Fantastic Four #1, it may not have had a name before now. Also, it apparently weighs less than 85 tons, since Iron Man is able to pick it up!

While Wonder Man and the android Human Torch backtrack down Giganto's tunnel and encounter the Mole Man--who is confused as to why this Torch doesn't sound like the "witless stripling" he's used to--Hank Pym and the Wasp are bringing the catatonic Scarlet Witch home when their quinjet runs into another of Moley's monsters: Tricephalous! Kirby's version of Ghidorah, although Tricephalous was also from FF #1 in 1961, predating Ghidorah by three years. Anyway, the flying dragon destroys the quinjet, which inexplicably doesn't crash, saved by a mysterious magnetic field...Also inexplicably, Pym thinks said field is somehow related to Tricephalous; but I suppose he's concentrating, since he shrinks it "to the size of a sparrow!" Pretty cool, actually.

The Mole Man thinks he's getting revenge for the Avengers attacking his Monster Island; although a brief interlude with Magneto and the mysterious "lackey" make it apparent that he's been fooled. To convince him, Wonder Man lets Moley blast him a few times; although I doubt Simon was in any danger, it still convinces the Mole Man to withdraw. Still, after multiple attacks from different foes, the Avengers have started to realize something was up.

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Is Atlantis done attacking? As done as it's gonna be...

So we started blogging Atlantis Attacks annuals June 2015, so it took me over four years to re-purchase or gather them all up; and yet this last one to go I actually had two of in my garage. At least two of...From 1989, Avengers West Coast Annual #4, "Gather Now Ye Seven Brides!" Story and pencils by John Byrne, inks by Terry Austin.

Because I've gone in absolutely no order, this is chapter twelve of fifteen: I think there was a New Mutants regular issue and a Marvel Comics Presents in there as well, but we're just focusing on the annuals and I don't think I ever had the other two. The Deviant Ghaur has gathered up and mesmerized seven unwilling brides for Set: She-Hulk, Andromeda, Dagger, the Scarlet Witch, Jean Grey, the Invisible Woman, and the believed-dead-at-the-time Storm. (This was during the Outback era for the X-Men, who appeared in the third chapter, but wouldn't appear again in this story. I don't think Storm was abducted that issue, but they didn't exactly help get her back, either! And I don't know if this was mandated by Claremont or X-Men editorial, but every time someone sees her, they're like "That looks like Storm--but she's dead!") Ghaur is annoyed to discover that Dagger was currently blind, which may be another setback: since the humans somehow refrained from slaughtering the Atlanteans, his blood sacrifice to bring back Set didn't go through. But there may be a workaround.

While the Avengers and the Thing meet and try to work out their next move, Ghaur sends the ladies on a fetch-quest for the mystic doo-dads he needs. They are all acting as themselves, except they have to obey Ghaur's orders, whether they like it or not. (And they don't!) A passing ship sees She-Hulk wrestling a giant squid thing, and calls in the Avengers. Iron Man is surprised when She-Hulk clocks him one, and has to stun her; later she rages trying to return to Ghaur. The Avengers opt to let her go, to lead them to Ghaur, which works: they fight their way through Ghaur's loyal Deviants and some of the brides, while Ghaur frantically tries to use the items and the other brides' powers to resurrect Set. Wonder Man destroys one of the doo-dads before it's fully charged, but thinking fast Ghaur has the Scarlet Witch use her probability-altering powers on it, so it would work. Beast makes a goal-line stand, trying to cram an iron gauntlet into the works, but too late! Set is reborn! Things look pretty bad for our heroes, and I'm not sure they would improve the next chapter, either. I know I threatened "you can sort them into order yourself," but here goes:

1. Silver Surfer Annual #2
2. Iron Man Annual #10
3. X-Men Annual #13
4. Amazing Spider-Man Annual #23
5. Punisher Annual #2
6. Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #9
7. Daredevil Annual #4 (It's really #5!)
8. Avengers Annual #18
9. New Mutants Annual #5
10. X-Factor Annual #4
11. Web of Spider-Man Annual #5
Twelve is this one, silly.
13. Thor Annual #14
14. Fantastic Four Annual #22

Also this issue: Wasp and She-Hulk rate the Avengers' hunks! A USAgent story, tying into last year's Evolutionary War annuals. A Firebird story, with some lunkhead Atlanteans trying to conquer the desert. And a Squadron Supreme-centric chapter of "The Saga of the Serpent Crown" that details the events just prior to their limited series.
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"Hiatus."

Some of today's strip is based on actual, factual, Marvel continuity--or at least hearsay about it--while the rest is nonsense I made up. Let's see if we can split them up.

Beast and Wonder Man are, of course, super bros; that I don't think ever get to hang out anymore. Everything has to be so serious all the time, and it's probably a problem for writers if Hank's invulnerable, super-strong, Nathan Fillion-level handsome pal is there when somebody is trying to start something. "Eek, Sentinels!...Simon?" "I got you, man!" Cue Wonder Man crushing giant robots into cubes and signing autographs for mutant kids while Hank sets up the barbeque.

It occurs to me Hank might be trying to protect Simon from having to be all 'woke' and alienating his audience; since Simon would definitely be on Twitter telling mutant-haters not to watch his movies or shows. I also forget how popular Simon is supposed to be as an actor right now: struggling B-lister, or America's sweetheart? Part of that is because I honestly can't remember the last Marvel comic I read with him. I know I was reading Uncanny Avengers for a while, but I think I lost track of it during a crossover, because I don't remember where Simon was disincorporated again and was trapped inside Rogue. At the last show I picked up (but haven't read yet) 2011's New Avengers Annual #1, where Wonder Man--rather out of left field--seems to decide the Avengers are a bad idea and maybe shouldn't be a team and he should settle the argument with his fists. (I remember blogs at the time calling that out of character, but at least one noted, not unlike his acting career, "It's work, man." Got to keep working it...)

I've never read Avengers Two, which I'd probably like. Stern and Bagley, although I think they're working too hard with plot: it should basically be the Hangover or Dude, Where's My Car? Well, maybe not; since I'm almost positive I've seen both of those but can't recall a bit of them.

Stunt-Master has had a TV show in the Marvel U. on multiple occasions--we saw Johnny Blaze doing a stunt for it last month. Legends of the Khonshu was part of Bendis's Moon Knight run; but there's no way that would be filmed in Hollywood, it would be filmed in Canada like Flash or Arrow. That's the 'hiatus' of the title too, the time between filming.

The younger, time-travelling Beast from that stretch of X-Men was learning magic at one point, possibly to try and reconcile the damage done to the timeline. I don't know how far he got. I also certainly don't see modern Hank having any aptitude for it, but it would possibly allow him to have a bit of fun, which he sure as heck doesn't get to in current books. For years he's had to fill the roles of 'adult' and 'science guy,' which hasn't left any room for hijinks or tomfoolery. I think he was allowed more fun when he was working on the Legacy Virus cure, and he wasn't allowed fun there. Last I saw he was one of the last X-Men, as most of the rest got sucked into the Age of X-Man crossover; but he wasn't playing with Cyclops and Wolverine's last gasp, clear-the-ledger team. (That still had a lot of members, and Dark Beast, for the science crap they needed...)

And lastly, I know Wonder Man has seen Dr. Strange perform legit magic more than once--the Infinity War for one--and I know he would've heard Wanda talk about him, but I'm not sure he'd be a believer. Didn't Dr. Strange hint 'Simon' might not even be real, in Avengers Disassembled? That 'chaos magic' wasn't a thing, and Wanda may have just brought to 'life' an imaginary version of Wonder Man. I don't know if I'd be a fan of someone who called me 'imaginary.' Well, maybe.


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Now it's a party.

Actually, I have no idea what that's about; but we're taking a look at this book before jerks try to mark it up for the next Guardians of the Galaxy movie. From 1993, Guardians of the Galaxy #37, "Time Bears all It Sons Away" Written by Michael Gallagher, pencils by Kevin West, inks by Steve Montano.

It may have taken a thousand years, but the dread Dormammu has finally triumphed over his long-time foe, the Ancient One. The current Ancient One, that is: Dr. Stephen Strange! And the Guardians may have given Dormammu the power to kill him, but no time for that now. Kruggar, the current Master of the Mystic Arts, tries to motivate his erstwhile apprentice, Talon, to free him; but the Inhuman Guardian relies too much on brute force. Major Victory works out a plan to distract Dormammu, until Kruggar and Talon can banish him back to the Dark Dimension. Surrounded by Mindless Ones and worn out from the fight, Dormammu seems worried...

Having proven himself worthy, Talon is given Dr. Strange's original square amulet. Then, the main team of Guardians was headed to earth with Hollywood, the hero known long ago as Wonder Man! Elsewhere, Wolverine descendant-slash-cosplayer Rancor makes an attempt on Dr. Doom's life, and was about to cut out his heart with a remnant of Wolvie's claw. There's also a partially seen character that seems to be protecting or exploiting the Inhumans; and has Loki's color scheme. Is it? Well, I only have a few issues from the back half of this series, so it may be a while before we see. I know that Eternal Sprite had similar coloring...That seems like a long shot, admittedly.
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Reed as much as calls bull on this one, in-story, while it's happening...

Some time back, we mentioned Reed Richards calling out scientific inaccuracy mid-story in Fantastic Four #248 (and come to think of it, he would do the same the very next issue, although there's an in-story explanation for that one too!) and some other time back we mentioned looking for today's book, which we've...got today, I suppose. From 1989, Avengers #307, "Metamorphosis" Written by John Byrne, pencils by Paul Ryan, inks by Tom Palmer.

An attack by the Lava Men has left the Avengers' current headquarters, the artificial island Hydrobase, stranded high above the water on a pillar of rock, and it's starting to crumble! Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman are the first to arrive to help, but as Sue points out, the island weighs thousands of tons! Her force field is able to stabilize the tipping Hydrobase until Wonder Man arrives to help...which, as we've mentioned, shouldn't have worked, at all! Reed lets scientific inaccuracy slide, for the moment, although I suspect his teeth are grinding, and has Sue make a force-field spiral around the rocky pillar. Which still wouldn't be resolved this issue...

Looks like a printing plate shifted on that page...Meanwhile, the main team of Avengers (and reservist Sub-Mariner, who came to help and got dragged in) is still fighting Jinku, the witch-doctor of the Lava Men, and his giant lava monster. Their god Cha'sa'dra had been one of the demons that attacked the Avengers around issue #300, an Inferno crossover, and had died in battle; which killed most of his worshipers and left the rest as immobile stone statues. The fight's not going well, since Jinku has turned up the heat far past the point where the team's human members could stand it; although, as was often the case, Quasar probably should've been fine: his bands could protect him in deep space and should have there. The Eternal Forgotten One, Gilgamesh, gets punched out so hard that was pretty much it for his Avengers tenure; then the battle is abruptly ended when the statue Lava Men reveal they had merely been transforming into a new, better form, without the corrupting influence of their "god."

I don't think the new gold Lava Men were ever seen again, were they? I even feel like regular Lava Men were still seen later, too. This issue feels like Byrne was kind of trying to push through this storyline to clear the decks for whatever he actually wanted to do on the book, although most of the rest of his run here was the Acts of Vengeance crossover and then a multi-part Spider-Man guest-spot. His Avengers West Coast run is more memorable.
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Imagine lifting a piano over your head, while on a bike seat. Worse than that.

There's an old issue of Avengers that I've wanted to blog here for years, but maybe don't have any more, and haven't gone out of my way to buy it again yet: I think it's #305 or so, and the Lava Men have raised the Avengers' current headquarters, Hydrobase, high into the air on a pillar of rock...maybe. That's off memory; Hydrobase is perilously hanging up there, though. Wonder Man flies into action, keeping the massive structure from tipping to its doom: very dramatic, except...well, Wonder Man couldn't fly then, he used a belt-jet rig. You can check out a scan from the original Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe here, and while "control circuitry" is noted there, I'm not aware of any explanation as to how Wonder Man controlled or even steered those things, and that's not even my biggest issue with it: even if those little jets could have generated enough thrust to support Wonder Man's strength--which was upper echelon for Marvel, the 100+ tons range--the design of the belt's harness means all that thrust was basically lifting him by the crotch. Wonder Man was way tougher than you ever gave him credit for.

Anyway, here's another book with maybe those groin-destroying jets: from 1989, Avengers #303, "Reckoning!" Plot by Mark Gruenwald, script by Ralph Macchio, breakdowns by Rich Buckler, finishes by Tom Palmer. This was the conclusion of wow, a three-parter versus Super-Nova, an aggrieved (and giant) survivor of the planet Xandar, which had been destroyed by space pirate (and Thanos's alleged granddaughter) Nebula: he was trying to get information on her whereabouts for vengeance, but was generally being a dick about it. Here, when Hawkeye calls him on it, the archer is seemingly disintegrated! Nah, he's saved by Quasar; although Hawkeye is far too blustery to show any gratitude. Still, when the Fantastic Four arrives, the Thing at least is glad to see his old friend. Later, we see the Thing, She-Thing Sharon Ventura, and Wonder Man go at Super-Nova's feet: aw, Wonder Man mentions his jet belt getting smashed and now I'm all disappointed.

Before Super-Nova rage-explodes and destroys Chicago, then-Avenger Mr. Fantastic has Quasar give him a lift back to Four Freedoms Plaza to pick up Dr. Doom's time machine: Reed knew Nebula had been lost in the time-stream, and offers Super-Nova the chance to go after her, even if he didn't have a snowball's chance of finding her. And he wouldn't; Reed would see Nebula again first in Walt Simonson's superlative FF run, but I don't think Super-Nova ever appeared again. Heck, his planet Xandar has come back since then; and maybe been destroyed again too for that matter. (Looking it up, as Garthaan Saal he would return, and also appear in the Guardians of the Galaxy movie!) The issue ends with Reed getting congratulated for saving earth while Captain America gives him the stinkeye for not clearing his plan with him, a dumb subplot about the Avengers' chain of command that would last throughout Reed's short term with the team. Hmm, just noticed the Thing, who was then leading the FF, also gives Reed a glare. Team effort, guys, c'mon. Oddly enough for a guy that named himself "Mr. Fantastic," Reed really isn't the gloryhound type; so them being mad doesn't sit right.

I may be looking for cheap Avengers back issues as this posts. My wife tried to assure me Wonder Man's belt probably wasn't that uncomfortable, but then asked why his pants didn't catch fire from the jets. A good question, that I completely let slide...
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This is one of those things I'm hesitant to clue anyone else in on...

Aside from some robots that appear in tomorrow's strip, I think the last four or five eBay auctions I bid on or won have been for loose accessories. There's been a few for Playmates Star Trek stuff: that line ran for years, and while a lot of the pieces are in oddball colors, they're still nice. There was a Simpsons one--Playmates again!--that I lost, that featured a retro ray gun that I would've loved. And most recently, got a largish box of Marvel accessories!

These two pieces sold it for me--we'll probably see why next week!

I'm pretty sure that's a gamma bomb, but appears to have been glued together. Fine. There's a girder and a frankly huge tommy gun from the Hulk Legends line: the bomb came with Abomination, the girder with the Savage Hulk, the gun with Mr. Fixit--who I have, and who is getting a second gun! There was also what I think is most of the pieces from the 2007 exclusive She-Hulk. I wonder if they'll work with the She-Hulk I have...somewhere.

A spare Nick Fury jetpack, from his first Marvel Legend. Now, to see who it would fit...

Another gun I'd always wanted: Despero's, from the 2009 DCUC Captain Atom! To date, I think Wonder Woman and Artemis are the only figures I got from that series, so I had two of the same leg for Despero, but someone will use his gun at some point. It's Cable-level huge, though. Then, that big Carnage blob-head: I thought that would be a hollow piece, like a mask, but it's solid!

I haven't the foggiest where that Spidey mask originally came from. Searching the Hulk Legends was hard enough; finding that piece seems unlikely with all the Spidey series over the years. Maybe the Marvel Select Spectacular Spider-Man?
Pretty sure I have one of those Wasps somewhere, but I did have the rest of those pieces, even the garbage can from a pre-Legends Toy Biz Spider-Sense Peter Parker! And there's always room for another Cosmic Cube; and I wonder if that Yellowjacket will go in the back of the new Wonder Man figure.
Hey, not bad!

There's some other stuff from that box: a mess of Cap shields, a bunch of those hexagonal bases I like, some axes. Still, I'm hoping I don't end up bidding against any of you later...

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