Let's call it, 'Skrullduggery.'

With Marvel Comic's recent revelations about the shapechanging Skrulls being up to no good, opinion is torn: on the one hand, it's an out towards fixing Iron Man (among others), in what is seen by many as the character's slide toward villainy, or just being a total dick. On the other hand, it's a total copout, and no one wants to find out the last year's worth of comics they dropped thirty-six bucks on didn't feature their favorite character, but instead have been the adventures of Skyppi the Skrull. (Skyppi the Skrull appears courtesy Bob Layton's Hercules, and I like to think most if not all Skrulls have names that sound like Caarrl, L'nee, etc.)

That may seem far-fetched, but it's happened before. In Uncanny/Adjectiveless X-Men, after a trip back in time to the Skrull Throneworld right before Galactus destroyed it...the fact that this sentence made sense in context is why comics are awesome, really. Anyway, Wolverine was replaced by a Skrull, and his Skrull replacement was the lead of Wolvie's comic for several issues. Without it being hinted or mentioned anywhere, I believe. The Skrull may have even been thinking in Wolverine's caption boxes. (Edit: actually, no. The issue I was thinking of was Wolverine #140, and Logan had no captions or thought balloons, so maybe it was part of the plan.) I only caught the issue with Nightcrawler, and the crossover issues after the whole mess came to light; so I don't know if there was a big stink about it, which I would expect.

Skrull Wolverine was killed by Apocalypse's new Horseman, Death; and Death turned out to be the real Wolverine, brainwashed and stuffed full of adamantium again. Or something, I'm a little fuzzy on the details. There was also some in-story reason why only Wolverine was replaced and not everyone, which I'll get back to if I find the issues in question. Still, fairly shortly after this Chris Claremont returned to the X-Books and resumed his pet storylines, and this was never spoken of again. For a book that can be so mired in continuity, there's years of X-Men stories that are ignored, missing like a reel in Grindhouse: this scene was supercool, but we don't have it, and we're moving on.

And it's like the Chuck Austen stuff gets mentioned more than the Grant Morrison. Granted, Austen's always referenced in the sense of 'that story was so awful I have to fix it away right now,' but nobody wants to get into Xorn or secondary mutations at all now.

Great Goulessarian, I was headed for a point on Iron Man, but as usual got completely distracted by another comic. It's why I'm so disorganized, by the way: I have a hard time straightening my comics without stopping to take a peek at one. Still, I could almost get a week's worth of posts on Skrulls, so why not? It's Skrullduggery week!

Hercules page by Bob Layton, from Hercules vol. 2, #1. X-Men page from X-Men #90, "Eve of Destruction" Story and art by Alan Davis, script by Terry Kavanagh, inks by Mark Farmer. Read more!

At long last, Friday Night Fights!

I don't want to oversell this issue, but when the second half features Sinestro knocking over a skyscraper in San Francisco, and that isn't even the most exciting part of the comic? Hell, it's even a bit of a letdown after the first half. Although, it is a good excuse to see Hawkman on the receiving end of a beating.

Even though Sinestro is Green Lantern's villain, Hawkman sticks him on a point of order: he has monitor duty. Captain Comet and Hawkman take this one, but Hawkman doesn't make as good of a showing as he would've hoped.
Sinestro smashes Hawkman's anti-gravity belt, leaving him to fall and buying time to bail out into space. Huh, you'd think he would want to hang out and see the destruction, but Sinestro plays it smart.

Only Captain Comet can stop the building from collapsing (the narration is odd, noting Superman could stop the building from falling by "merely lifting a pinky," but the Captain has to put his back into it) and stop Sinestro, using his mightier mental powers to override Sinestro's yellow power ring. Leaving Hawkman talking out of his beak:
Hawkman's gained a lot of respect in recent years, but this story's from around the Superfriends era, when he was just a guy who flapped around.

But, like I said, this wasn't the main event for this issue, so let's skip back to the front of this issue, where Mantis begs for his life, the Black Racer arrives, and Darkseid faces the assault of the Secret Society of Super-Villains!

I don't have the previous issue, and there's no recap or reason given for this one. Suffice to say, the Society is going to take Darkseid down. They know why. Darkseid dismisses the Black Racer, as if he was a vulture, stating if he's patient there will be more victims; and sets Mantis on the Society.

Currently, the Society consists of undercover hero Captain Comet, Flash Rouges' Gallery regulars (back when that meant something) Mirror Master and Captains Cold and Boomerang, Star Sapphire (not Carol Ferris...I don't think) and another clone of Manhunter Paul Kirk. From what I can piece together, Comet and Manhunter were trying to use evil against evil, and this may be the most successful they ever were at that.

Left against Mantis, a warrior that has fought Superman to a standstill, the Rouges don't even work up a sweat. Well, they probably never sweat much with Cold around, but you see what I mean. Comet puts the finishers on Mantis, leaving Manhunter clear to make a run on Darkseid.

A suicide run.


The 'Endgame' comes on page 7 of the comic, so naturally the rest of the book is a bit of a comedown--it's why heavyweight title fights don't come before the bantamweight matches. Especially when the next few pages are devoted to thinly-veiled Stan Lee parody Funky Flashman, Comet pulling Green Lantern out of a hole he's apparently been in for issues, and Green Arrow being much more of a dick than usual.

Even putting aside that I have only the vaguest idea what's going on this issue, it's jarring to see how much of it is back in vogue in current DC comics. Sinestro has his own corps, Star Sapphire and Captain Comet have recently made appearances, Darkseid's due back in short order, and the Rouges recently had their greatest victory ever...beating to death a child in a grown-up's costume. All of a sudden, this issue seems a lot better, especially when you factor in a mere thirty cents cover price, versus various and sundry purchases of Countdown, Flash, Green Lantern, Mystery in Space, JLA, and so on, and so forth. From The Secret Society of Super Villains #5, "Endgame!" Written by Bob Rozakis, art by Rich Buckler and Vince Colletta.

And again, this one's for Always Bet on Bahlactus, home of Friday Night Fights. Bring back Milestone Mondays while you're at it! Read more!

At long last, Thursday Night Thinking!

Geez. I've been meaning to get in on Diamondrock's Thursday Night Thinking for a while, but I usually write Thursday's post on Wednesday. Fortunately, the Fourth delayed me, and I found a suitably patriotic batch of thoughts.

When he was writing Captain America, at one point Mark Waid said he tended to not use thought balloons for Cap, because Cap would be one step ahead of him. (I'm paraphrasing a bit!) Jack Kirby had a ton of thought balloons for Cap in his solo run on the book, but in these two he lets the S.H.I.E.L.D. S.W.A.T. T.E.A.M. (O.K., I'm done with that) do the thinking.

And there's nothing wrong with checking out what the Falcon's thinking. In fact, the Falcon probably has the more important part of the mission in this one, from Captain America #200, "Dawn's Early Light!" Edited, written and drawn by Jack Kirby, inks by Frank Giacoia.

Just for good measure: I haven't done Thursday Night Thinking before, and am about to work on a Friday Night Fight, but I get vaguely worried that I'll post something someone else has already done. Better. With better scans. And photoshop. So, figured I better throw in a spare:

From Nightcrawler #4, "The Wizard of Oops!" Written and pencilled by Dave Cockrum, inks by Josef Rubinstein. Think, then act! Or think and act, tough to say. Seeing thought balloons again makes me think only Deadpool should be allowed caption boxes... Read more!

(Mostly) Off-topic: Toys, year-to-date.

Last year from January 1st to July 3, I spent $378.61 on toys. For 2007, I've spent $135. I'd like to be able to attribute this to my wife being a little more stringent with the finances, but she's actually bought me two of the more expensive items I've picked up so far. (Sebastian Haff/Old Bruce Campbell Elvis and Grindhouse Cherry.)

No, last year had Toy Biz making their end run on the Marvel license, and they released a pile of toys I had to have. By this time in 2006, I had bought figures from three different Marvel Legends waves, a Legends box set, and comparable figures from the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man lines. Under Hasbro, the FF and Spidey figures are a different scale, so I haven't been buying them; and have only wanted some of the current Legend assortments. For example, I still haven't picked up She-Hulk, but $9.99 for a figure with no comic, and a hunk of the Build-a-figure Blob I have no intention of completing, just hasn't quite grabbed me yet. (I saw her on sale for $8.99, and still feel like I should hold out a little more.)

On the other hand, lots of toy fans will also tell you Mattel's distribution is...as usual for me, I'm going to be diplomatic: let's say, "spotty." I would probably buy Steel and the blue-outfit Supergirl DC Heroes, if I ever saw them. Still, even if it's only based on what I've seen, I don't think Mattel has put out as much product this year.

In fact, overall the toy shelves seem a little short to me of late: lots of Spidey or Transformers movie stuff, Star Wars figures, wrestling toys, a line of Cars toys in the action figure aisle. (The Oldest loves those, and has built himself a pretty good set...but I wouldn't call them 'action figures.') Target is the only store I've seen either the FF movie toys or DC Heroes of late.

I've only hit the Comic Book Shop for one figure so far this year, but that's less to do with them, then with my general dissatisfaction with paying fifteen bucks or more for a toy, unless it comes with a DVD (ala Hellboy) or is just so unbelievably cool I must have it. (Or, like the Warlord, is a concept I have entirely too much loyalty to.)

Booster Gold may be a good example: back when my son and I were pretty regularly buying the JLU figures, we couldn't find the single-carded Booster, which came with Skeets. Booster was available in a three-pack, but we already had plenty of Superman and Martian Manhunter figures, and after the classic episode "The Greatest Story Never Told" it would be too disappointing not to have Skeets. So, we bought nothing, and it kind of put us off the line. Now, Booster only recently (and finally) got a DC Direct figure, probably $15 to $17 in my area...if I could find one. I like Booster, but that's a good chunk of my comic/toy budget for any given month. If I saw him at just the right time, with a pocketful of cash...maybe. Someone like Animal Man, though: a character I like, but not that much, I probably wouldn't pick up unless there was a pretty severe sale involved. Ditto similar lines like Stargate: SG1 or Star Trek: they're nice figures, sure, but not at sixteen bucks a pop.

At any rate, I was thinking about this earlier today, and knocked it into a halfassed blog post. And all this complaining, and I might have some new toy in my pullbox Thursday, if I'm lucky. Have a Happy Fourth, and if you've picked up a toy everyone absolutely should have, or are fed up with high prices and crappy distribution, let me know. Read more!

(Yet again) Time for another pulse-pounding, heart-stopping, thrill-packed Gold Key Star Trek panel!

Really? I spent most of my summers in the pool or out at the lake, and I never saw anyone freak out so badly they had to be slapped down. Surely not even Captain Kirk is beyond repercussions for such an act...

As usual, shows what I know.

Anyway, might take a day or two off for the Fourth, or I might be in and blogging like crazy. Kind of depends on what happens, the weather, if I can get to a movie, and so forth. If I don't make it back, have a Happy Fourth, and be careful. I don't have enough readers that I can lose any...

From Gold Key's Star Trek: The Enterprise Files, volume three, "The Haunted Asteroid" No credits given. Read more!

And now it's time for a comic, that will probably confirm for most of you that I'm not all here. Well, I don't care. I liked the Night Man.

I love that he's stuck with a power that sounds interesting, and maybe even useful, at least at first: Johnny Domino, jazz musician, gets hit by a cable car and a chunk of metal lodged in his brain. He ends up unable to sleep and with his eyes dilated a bit, but no other ill effects. Once he gets out of the hospital though, he realizes he can hear other people's evil thoughts.

Even putting aside most people probably don't think they're evil even when they're waist deep in atrocities, it still doesn't seem that helpful, does it? Johnny gets his ass jumped twice in the first issue alone by evildoers who acted without really thinking. But it's a bloody great storytelling engine (to steal John Seavey's term) as Johnny could be anywhere: at a show, at a restaurant, buying groceries, then hear evil being planned, and bam! It's off to the races.

The problem is, Johnny can't take the tack that I would with his powers, mainly walking the streets with a lead pipe and hitting every evildoer I 'heard' in the kneecaps. ("You! Pay those taxes! You! Quit cheating on your wife! You! Stop it! Just stop!") That would make for a short, but highly entertaining crimefighting career, before I was locked up and medicated full of things ending in 'zine.'

So, Johnny starts down the road of costumed vigilantism, in a trial-and-error fashion. In short order, he learns most cornices can't support a full-grown man on a four-story drop, infrared lenses will shatter if you land on your face, and capes look cool and are snuggily warm. (And doesn't Darick Robertson draw nice teeth? Better than Spider Jerusalem's snaggily ones in Transmetropolitan.)

Conveniently, Johnny's a cop's son, which not only gives him access to police information, but he also had aikido training from the age of 5. Which does at least save us yet another training montage, I suppose. He's also not afraid to just shoot a guy (or at least wing 'em), which strikes me as a completely logical response if you can hear someone thinking. Again, I probably would've gone insane with violence inside of twenty minutes, although I know I would have a lower tolerance for people's petty, evil thoughts. Johnny should count his blessings that he just hears 'evil,' and not 'stupid.' Or worse.

Granted, a lot of things in this comic aren't perfect: Steve Englehart's jazz fixation doesn't seem to add much, except cheesy one-liners, although I admit what I don't know about jazz could and probably does fill a record store. How many cops own amusement parks? (Hmm, Johnny has the same hair color as longtime X-Men nuisance Arcade. There's a crossover that hasn't been suggested before, I'm sure.) And shouldn't Johnny be pretty insane without sleep? (Short answer: no, through the magic of comic book medicine. The 'sleep center' of his brain was destroyed, so he couldn't sleep anymore but didn't need to, and he meditated a few hours a night to rest.)

If remembered at all, Night Man's probably known for his syndicated TV show. I'm going to be charitable and call it limited--by the budget and the constraints of special effects. ("Grappling hooks are hard to set up, and would mean more exterior shots...what if he could fly?") And once Marvel bought the Malibuverse...ugh. Little says the 90's more than a guest-spot from Gambit, which I'm pretty sure was the last time I willingly bought something with Gambit in it.

Actually...maybe not. I'd have to look up the dates, but I did buy a Gambit Annual because it had a Nightcrawler appearance. Even though it was square in the middle of his 'Father Kurt' phase. It's a terrible, terrible comic, part of the retroactive insertion of Gambit into the Mutant Massacre story from several years before his first appearance. Colossus, Nightcrawler, Kitty Pryde, and Angel all guest; and all were severely injured during the Massacre. I was hoping to see them retroactively kick Gambit's ass sideways.

And we're off the tracks again, so, in closing: Night Man was cooler than you think, and Gambit sucks even more than you had imagined. He sucks from before his creation now, if you can believe it. From The Night Man #1, written by Steve Englehart, pencilled by Darick Robertson, inked by Andrew Pepoy.

(Marvel's handling of Malibu's books was like, if you had a friend that drove professionally, had several of his own cars that were in great shape, and knew how to get a lot of mileage out of a vehicle. So you lend him your car and he drives it around the block, cracks the block, then blows it up. Like Ghost and Static, Night Man's comic universe is more or less lost and gone forever.)

Gambit Annual 2000 was written by Fabian Nicieza with art by Cam Smith, Thomas Derencik, and Eric Cannon; all of whom I'm sure have done better, non-Gambit work. Read more!

Off-topic: Sunday's hodgepodge.

For some reason, the Youngest (he's two) has been wandering around carrying James Frey's A Million Little Pieces, flipping through it and holding it as if he was seriously feeling the words within. For those who might not remember, this was the Oprah's Book Club selection about a recovering junkie, that was later discredited as not a memoir, but completely made up. It just strikes me as funny, since the Youngest has probably had more experience with withdrawal than Frey ever will.

As I type this out, he's fidgeting with a Playstation controller. I've been playing Motor Mayhem again, which probably isn't the greatest game ever, but I quite enjoy it. Vehicle-based shooter, it's deep enough to still be some fun years after I got it (and it wasn't a new game even then) but simple enough that I can play a game or two and then turn it off. A longer, more-involved game just isn't in the cards for me right now.

In other news, everywhere I go seems to have the big Harry Potter countdown display for the last book. I can't be the only one that's thought of this, but if J.K. Rowlings had the stones for it, end Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with Harry waking up from the coma he's been in for seventeen or so years, since the car accident that killed his parents and gave him his distinctive scar...

Whoo boy, can you imagine? The fans would storm Scholastic with rakes and torches, put a fatwa on Rowlings' head, and the next three or whatever movies would be dead in the water. Rowlings would have singlehandedly brought an entire generation the magic of reading, then just as quickly taught them not to trust anything or have any faith in the safety of their corporate-owned heroes. Who knows, Rowlings might be able to open up a whole new literary movement, of adventure and wonder and honest surprises. Nah, this would probably just cram the internet full of fan-fiction until it cracked in half.

Since it's summertime, traditionally I have a little more time for reading, and often buy more one-shot comics, or books that don't require you to read every month and buy the crossover and so on. Over the last couple days, I picked up the new issues of Justice League Unlimited (#34), The Simpsons (#131), and Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four (#25). All are solid little done-in-one issues, the kind of comic I can find in my basement six months or a year from now and reread without having to gather up five other issues for the whole story, and without feeling like a jackass for buying.

The Simpsons one is probably the best, with stories from Chuck Dixon and Ty Templeton--and I would not have expected to see a funny story from Dixon, since he's better known for books like Robin or the Punisher. The stories are short pieces about the Simpsons' comics in other countries: Japan's version is "a three thousand page weekly manga with over a hundred million readers." Nina Matsumoto delivers the manga-style Simpsons, and it works really well. I'd write more about this one, but the Youngest took it out of my hands and won't give it back.

I probably liked MA: Fantastic Four #25 better, though. Fred van Lente (with a contribution by Crystal Skillman that I won't elaborate on, for fear of ruining the joke) and Cory Hamscher bring us "What If...?" Guest-starring the Watcher, Reed builds a "Probability Engine" to try to predict super-villain attacks. Johnny dicks with it, to try to perfect his fantasy baseball team. Alternate dimension mayhem occurs. A fun issue, and Mr. Devious is a pretty good name for an alt-Mr. Fantastic.

Lastly was Justice League Unlimited #34, "Phantoms" although the cover title "Oh My Zod!" is better. James Perty and Gordon Purcell open with Superman getting a stout beating in the Phantom Zone, and keeps the show running from there. Blue Beetle and Booster Gold guest star, which is a good reason to buy it right there, but I also thought the cover might've been Walt Simonson, and I've liked Purcell's work since his run on DC's Star Trek years and years ago.

Earlier in the week, I bought Hellboy: Darkness Calls #3, and then I saw more than a couple bloggers comment that while it's a good enough issue, it's kind of pointless to buy or even read Hellboy issue to issue anymore, since it reads better in a trade. I liked the issue, but they may have a point, and I'll definitely end up reading this issue again once I have all six. But, if you're looking for a lazy afternoon comic, one you that isn't part three of six (or twelve, or more) you could do worse than one of the above. Read more!

What's more unusual?

It's time for a quiz...no, I'm not being lazy. Well, yeah, totally. What's the weirdest, most unusual or nonsensical thing in the above panels?

A. Batman plotting a course on a star chart. It makes sense in the context of a Brave and the Bold issue, but isn't this exactly the sort of thing that drives the movie people and Batman purists insane?

B. Apparently, the Guardians of the Universe think it takes one GL from earth to do the jobs of a lizard guy, a plant guy, and um, a rock guy, I guess. I'm probably being too hard on them, they're probably like the Exposition Guard or something, just doing their jobs. Anyway, if human Lanterns were so effective, earth wouldn't need like five of them, eh?

C. I'm not sure I've ever seen a caption box open with 'Aye' before. Who's narrating this, Conan?

D. How the hell...no, why the hell is Green Lantern, Hal Jordan, flying like that?

It...it's like space yoga. Or, "In the Kirby issues, Thor ran like this!"

OK, that wasn't much of a quiz at all. Anyway, panels from Brave and the Bold #155, "Fugitive from Two Worlds!" Written by Bob Haney, art by Jim Aparo, and B&B could've gone for 400 issues all by those two and it wouldn't be enough. Hell, I only got to the fifth page before I had to blog this, so there might be more from this one. Pretty sure Batman sucker punches Hal at some point...

I had something else planned for today, but the pictures wouldn't load, and it's an opinion I am either going to get cold indifference or utter distain for. And I had something planned for next week, then remembered it was the Fourth next week. Now I have no idea what I'm doing, as usual. Read more!

Still musing on the Spider-Man movies. Let's take a look at Spidey's win/loss record for a second, shall we? Green Goblin...killed by his own glider. Oh-kay. How about Doc Ock: sacrifices self to save city, which only just now struck me as way out of character for the evil little toad. (Between these 80's Spidey issues, I'm re-reading Adam Troy-Castro's Revenge of the Sinister Six, where Ock is a complete bastard.)

(Possible Spider-Man 3 spoilers after the picture!)

If I remember, Venom was blown up by a Goblin bomb, and Sandman dried up and blew away. So aside from the outright shelacking Peter gave Harry, movie Spidey's track record is kind of piss poor. Sure, they still go in the win column, but when have we seen Spider-Man win a big fight outright? I would've much preferred, say, dropping a musical number somewhere (save 'em for the DVD, Raimi) and had Spidey simply punch Venom in the face until he cried symbiote tears or something.

It's weird: I've had Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man issues #75 and #79 forever, and while I know there's issues between them, and have even read them; in my mind #75 and #79 segue right up, one-two. After a brutal beating in #75, Doc Ock tries to get back at Spidey through the hospitalized Black Cat. (See? Bastard.)

Even though the Doctor puts up one of his best fights, it still ends in crushing embarrassment, as Spidey saves Doc Ock from being crushed. Looking back at it, though, I would've maybe had this issue first, then the more-climatic battle of #75, where Spidey 'disarms' Doc Ock. (Ugh. Saw that coming, and still couldn't avoid it.)

Now, even taking into account Spidey being super-pissed over Ock nearly beating the Black Car to death, Spidey's damn lucky he didn't kill Ock. A lot of people that lose an arm, or two, probably die of shock. But four? It might be psychosomatic, but still. Also, how Spidey tore the metal there, on all four arms at the same time, instead of ripping divots out of Ock's torso, defies analysis.

But Spectacular #75 is the definitive Spidey/Ock beatdown for me, and it's a win with no asterisk, no lucky breaks, no backup or trickery or deus ex machina: Spidey gets pissed, things get broken. Hell yeah.


This was right before the stretch were Doc Ock had been beaten so many times he finally had a nervous breakdown, and started to freeze up at the sight of Spider-Man. I'm missing some of those, or I may have just read friends' copies, but I think in his next appearance Octopus goes catatonic and drooly, then the next time he had enough foresight to program his arms to defend him as he went catatonic and drooly. Finally, Spidey was in a position where only Ock could defuse a bomb (or something) but had frozen. Spidey had to let himself take a beating from the arms until Ock regained his confidence, woke up, disarmed the bomb, and left a beaten Spider-Man to choke on it. Sometimes, just like with the heroes, the villains need to be broken down completely, so they can build back up again.

Panels from Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #75 and #79, both issues written by Bill Mantlo, breakdowns by Al Milgrom, inks by Jim Mooney. Read more!

The first guy to yell "COBRA!" is so dead.


Since I found multiple copies of Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #75 in my basement, (one presumably being the one I bought in 1983, but no idea where the other came from), I took one to my work and put in in the little pile I have there. Which was lucky, since I was thinking about the movies and wondering, have we seen Spidey beat up a pile of goons on film?

The closest I can think of off the top of my head was the MIA preview (Spidey foils a heist and webs a helicopter between the WTC towers) or the muggers he stops before kissing MJ in the first one. But four or five muggers is too small for what I'm thinking of. I wanna see a scene like this issue: Spidey vs. an army (or two) of armed, preferrably costumed, thugs; leaping, webbing, punching, mouthing off. Like a modernized version of the last reel of Goldfinger, except with Spider-Man fighting at least one army.

The idea of Doctor Octopus as a criminal mastermind, someone who would have an organization, men, bases, uniforms...that's pretty much fallen by the wayside since this issue, even though it dates back to the Lee/Ditko issues. Maybe someone thought it was too Batman? (Crap, right before posting I noticed I had Lee/Kirby there. Proofreading is important, kids; unless you wanna waste a lot of time correcting mistakes and deleting comments pointing them out.)

And the Owl is second-string Kingpin, at best. If you want a mob boss type, but one that is easily kickable or that can be brought down at the end of the story, you use the Owl. Maybe if he still had the uniformed goons, he'd get some respect...no, I guess not. Plus, you really should give your men, I dunno, maybe guns instead of those rake/backscratcher things they have.

On further examination, this looks like my copy from 1983: I ticked off my checklist boxes for this issue, Star Wars #68, Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe #2, Marvel Team-Up #126 (I'm positive I got that from a friend or something, since I can't imagine being excited for a Luke Cage/Son of Satan team-up) and X-Men Special Edition #1, which reprinted Giant Sized X-Men #1. So, barring any DC purchases, I probably spent less than $5.20 on comics that month. Aside from the MTU issue, I still have all of them, so it was $5.20 well spent.

Panels from Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #75, "Ferae Naturae (Wild Beasts)" Written by Bill Mantlo, art by Al Milgrom and Jim Mooney. Read more!

Well, maybe they'll turn up for the next Annihilation sequel.

Some of the teasers for Annihilation: Conquest promised the return of alien bad guys from 90's X-Men stories. It turns out to be the Borg...ow, cheap shot. No, it's the Phalanx, Marvel's mutant Borg. See the difference? They're OK bad guys, serviceable enough, I guess; but I was really really hoping for these guys:

The Uncreated only appeared a couple of times, and Warren Ellis used bits of their characterization elsewhere in Stormwatch and Planetary, but I really liked them. Cranky godless aliens. Think Bizarro Jehovah's Witnesses: where Witnesses are devout, harmless, and won't eat you; the Uncreated think God is stupid, and so are you if you believe.
Feeling inferior over God waving his superiority in their creepy faces, the Uncreated managed to kill their creator, or 'God.' They expected thanks from a grateful universe, but were cheesed to find other people still praying. Eh, still less scary than Scientology.

Looking at them now, the Uncreated seem more like Jehovah's Witnesses than I would've thought: Both are steadfast evangelicals, both are kind of chatty about it, both are experimented on by the British government...As usual, my conclusions are a bit wobbly, but there you go. I imagined the Uncreated as being charming and friendly alien monsters unless you get them started on the God thing, then it's kind of a drone.

From Excalibur #90, written by Warren Ellis, art by (deep breath) Ken Lashey, David Williams, Carlos Pacheco, Larry Stroman, Tom Wegryn, Mike Miller, and Cam Smith. That's how you get a double-sized issue out on time! Pretty sure we're looking at Pacheco's work on the scans. Also in this issue: Kitty doing her best Buffy impersonation, and Peter Wisdom's 80's hair. Scary.

For some reason lost to my memory, I had three copies of this in a box, although that goes a ways towards explaining the giant pile of Overpower cards my Oldest was playing with yesterday. Read more!

Time for another pulse-pounding, heart-stopping, thrill-packed Gold Key Star Trek panel!

Oh, there was no way that was going to look right, in any context. From Star Trek: The Enterprise Files Volume 3, from Gold Key circa 1977? I think last time I did one of these for Gold Key, I defended them. Yeah, not as much this time.

With summer here, I'm thinking about doing the Trek panels more often, especially since they're fish in a barrel. So, we'll have another one later, and I swear it's even worse. Read more!

Make your own crossover! (Not to scale.)


Oh, thank goodness, a meme: Thanks to the Fortress Keeper of Fortress of Fortitude, 'cause I kinda needed a softball to wrap up this week!

First, I guess we have to post these rules before giving you the facts.
Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of the post, I'm supposed to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. (Good luck. Do I even know eight people anymore? I keep telling you, I'm as antisocial as a troll anymore.)
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

All right, let's make with the facts:

1. I've never seen any of the Godfather movies. Don't really plan to, either: when am I gonna have like 10 uninterrupted hours to kill? I probably should watch it, the same way I watched Citizen Kane just to get the references.

2. Although I got pretty close to finishing my psych degree, I never graduated college. What I ever thought I would do with a psych degree is open to debate.

3. Even though we had met briefly, more than once, before; my first 'date' with my future wife was moving her into her new house. Turned out pretty well...

4. As a teenager, I worked two summers at a barbecue place, carrying a sandwich board sign, for eight hours a day. The job had less 'street cred' than wearing a Grimace suit at McDonald's, but it was free grub, great pay, and my legs are still monstrous.

5. My mom was a first grade teacher, and my dad retired as a school superintendent. However, he was principal of the junior high I went to. That was a fun three years...we get along a lot better now. When my parents retired, I took my wife and son on a walking tour of my hometown. That took 15 minutes...to be fair, it might've taken longer if I hadn't cleaned it up a bit.

6. I usually bike to work, partly because I'm too cheap to pay for gas, partly because I enjoy the exercise and feeling superior to drivers, and largely because I'm terrified of getting fat.

7. During college, I was the last remaining lease-signee of a house I rented with some friends. I ended up having 15 different roommates over two years, which I assure you is less due to me than to the flophouse nature of making rent. Ah, good times. Good, blurry, hazy, miserable, times.

8. I have a pretty good speaking voice, and at least once a day I answer the phone and someone thinks I'm a machine. Now if I could just beep on cue.

Thanks to the Keeper, and have a good rest of the weekend! If anyone wants to 'tag' themselves, hell, let me know. Read more!

I'm crushing your head!...Oh, geez, sorry, I thought I was further away there.

Last week I did finally watch Ghost Rider: not too bad, although I'm not a huge fan of the character.

I am a big Hellboy fan, though, so I got the new animated DVD, Blood and Iron. Poe Ghostal's review at MWC Toys (and heads-up over at OAFE) tipped me to the Best Buy Exclusive, which was on sale last week. Which means I probably should've done this earlier. Oh, well.

Even though the animated-style Hellboy has little bitty feet that aren't real stable without his stand (or propped up by his tail) I love this figure for one feature my other Hellboy figures lack: interchangeable Right Hands of Doom, including a fist that isn't clenched/shut tight. Which means I can finally set this up:

And a good excuse to re-read this novel, too. I liked the previous one, The Lost Army, but this one's better. Partly because I'm also a Thor fan, but also because it was a story that works better as a novel than it would've as a comic. I freely admit, after years of Marvel Thor comics, that's the version I'll always think of. Nevermind that it's not very accurate.

So, I don't usually like other versions of Thor. This one predates the Marvel one by years, yet seems fake to me. (Of course, in the story it's a fake Thor anyway.) Pretty sure Erik Larsen had a version in Savage Dragon as well, but I just can't accept other versions. Hell, I'm not even sure about Thor's new costume...

If Mignola had drawn this as a comic, my eyes would expect the hammer to look like Mjolnir there. (It's spelled with two l's in the novel, which also looks weird to me, although that's probably more accurate as well.)

I can't wait for Thor to get made into a movie, because I need a toy hammer of my own. Then, I think I'll fill it with nickels...

Oh, and definitely pick up Blood and Iron. It's got vampires, werewolves, and major mythological figures lining up to get asskicked by Hellboy; and a short bonus adaptation of Iron Shoes with the Simpsons Dan Castellaneta! Best Buy may still have some left with the figure, or Walmart had it packaged with a bonus digest comic. Rumor has it sales of this one will decide if the next one will be made, and while it looks like it will, you could help me out here...

Sandman panel reprinted in Adventure Comics #499, "The Villain from Valhalla!" By Joe Simon and Jack Kirby. Read more!

Dark Knight, Shining Knight, Atomic Knights, the Knight...I'm sure he's on here somewhere...

Further down the list of 'Knight' characters at DC comes the Silent Knight. Created by Robert Kanigher and Irv Novick, the Silent Knight first appeared in Brave and the Bold #1 in 1955; and was part of a stable of medieval adventurers including Robin Hood and the Viking Prince. While barely a footnote today, Hawkman fans may remember the Silent Knight as another past life of Carter Hall, which insures that he (and probably his girlfriend) died a bloody, pointless death. Yay!

That said, this story is damn funny.

Brian of Greystone is the meek, unassuming alter ego of the Silent Knight. As typical of the time, he's fighting for the girl, in direct competition with his own alter ego, like Superman or Green Lantern were back then. Object of his affection Lady Celia gently gives Brian the brushoff, so she can give the Silent Knight her scarf before the tournament.

Of course, 'ruffians' meet Celia in the forest, to separate her from her jewels; and Brian arrives as the Silent Knight to save the day. Why is he the Silent Knight? Committment to a bit. Even wearing a full-face metal helmet, Brian was afraid his voice would be recognized if he spoke, which makes me imagine him as sounding like the Squeaky-Voiced Teen from the Simpsons.

True to his chivalrous code, the Knight sets aside his lance, since it would give him an 'unfair' advantage over the ruffians. Then he simply pummels them. Celia longs to hear the voice of her hero, which is kind of jumping to the conclusion that the Silent Knight can talk at all. Let me tell you about another unstoppable masked badass that never spoke; his name was Jason Voorhees.

It would explain why he keeps the mask on around you, Celia.

The couple makes their way to Camelot, where peasant and King Arthur alike put the smart money on the Silent Knight to take the tournament. But, a surprise awaits: sorceress Morgan le Fey, who arrives with a champion of her own. I would've sworn it was "Morgana" rather than Morgan, but that's just because I'm used to the Marvel version. This version seems if not less evil, more civil, and less slutty.

As the tournament goes on, both the Silent Knight and Morgan's unnamed champion are plowing through their competition, until it comes down to them in the final match. Morgan boasts that S.K. is going down, prompting Celia to put the Knight's ass where her mouth is...wow, that's an unfortunate phrasing, but leave it: Celia bets the Knight's services on the match.

Unaware that he's on the verge of being traded like a carton of smokes, the Knight begins his joust, which goes remarkably badly, and he is unhorsed. Down to his sword, he struggles against Morgan's champion (who does not come off his horse, which is a bit unsporting) until the champion breaks the Knight's sword. Beaten, Silent Knight can only watch as the champion 'unmasks':

Morgan may have won by sorcery, but she has won, and now the Silent Knight is hers, to do with as she will.

Still, Morgan's not going to be a bitch about it, or make the Knight do anything creepy and weird: he just has to run a few chores for her, in the middle of the night, several miles away: bringing back an apple. As usual, it's a golden apple guarded by a dragon, but the lady asked nicely. Although, now that I think of it, giving a sorceress like Morgan a golden apple is probably like selling plutonium to terrorists. Celia sees the Knight return and give Morgan the apple, and is pissed.

Morgan agrees to release the Knight from service, if he'll do just one more little thing: fish a necklace out of a lake. The lake is described as "half a league to the south," and I looked it up: a league was about 3 miles, which makes me wonder why no one else had found these things. The Knight seems pretty confident going into this one, considering he jumps into said lake, in the middle of the night, wearing his full suit of armor and helmet. How in the hell he can see out of that helmet underwater is a mystery, a bigger mystery than the giant sword-wielding hand sticking out of the lake.

Silent Knight duels with the hand, until it's struck by lightning...which, even though he threw his sword to knock the giant sword into the lightning (?), probably would've electrocuted a guy covered in metal in a lake in a thunderstorm. The Knight effortlessly picks up the necklace from the bottom of the lake, which is kind of impressive, since again, middle of the night, full armor, no lights, at least twenty feet down...that's not the fun part, though.

Returning to Camelot, our "tireless knight" no doubt soggy and reeking of ozone, the Knight gives Morgan the pearl necklace (please, no jokes), earning himself his freedom, a kiss on the helmet from Morgan (that's literal, no jokes there either), and upwards of six hours of nonstop verbal beatdown from Celia. Probably wishing he was the Deaf Knight right about now...

I tried to tell my wife about this one while she was watching So You Think You Can Dance, and as expected, she said she wished I was the Silent Knight.

In other news, this might be the bulk of my posting for this week: the wife is getting better, the Oldest is well enough to demand Burger King since I brought home some of the Fantastic Four toys (pretty nice, all told), and the Youngest is craftily licking every piece of silverware in the house so I don't miss out on intestinal cramping. Thoughtful little guy...Youngest was sick on himself last night, so I'm hoping he's about put this one behind him.

I still have one more thing I'm hoping to finish tomorrow, but we'll see.

Origin panel art from Trevor Von Eeden and Larry Mahlstedt, text by Mike Barr, from DC Blue Ribbon Digest #26, which also reprinted "The Sword in the Lake!" A title having absolutely nothing to do with Arthurian legend, oddly enough, written by Bob Kanigher, art by Irv Novick. Read more!

Captain Midlands there could be talking about anything: comics, comic movies, comic cons...

Flargh. The Oldest has also contracted the stomach flu, the ick, whatever it is the Wife and Youngest have already picked up. It would seem to be only a matter of time until I myself fall victim to this bug's pukey vileness; but I'm not worried. Thanks to exposure to Stephen King's masterwork the Stand at a young and impressionable age, I've spent years fighting colds and flus with every fiber of my being, as if any one of them could be the dreaded Captain Trips, and showing so much as a sniffle would seal my fate. Yes, I've devoted many a winter to training my immune system to fight off SARS, asian flu, bird flu...

Ooh, I'm jinxing myself something fierce now.

Today's panel is from Wisdom #4, "The Rudiments of Wisdom, part 4: Too Many Jacks" Written by Paul Cornell, pencilled by Manuel Garcia, inks by Mark Farmer. I've mentioned this series more than once, and just finally read the whole thing at once this evening, while I chewed on an okay cut of sirloin and the rest of the family had diet 7Up. It's a good read, and again I encourage you to pick up the trade. I have no links or evidence to back this up, but man, I think a lot of bloggers read this and liked it. Everyone that read it may have blogged about it. They're trying to tell you something.

Coincidentally, in light of the Heroes for Hire tentacle cover hoopla of late (no links 'cause I'm tired! You can find it!) the series does feature a bit of icky tentacle danger, and Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu. The tentacles don't go into hentai territory, though...

It would've been nice to have Trevor Hairsine on the whole series, but I'm okay with having the series done in a reasonable amount of time. (When sales didn't materialize, Hairsine was probably moved to other work...) Garcia does a very good job up to the tailend of the last issue, and I particularly didn't like the second to last page. Although, the last panel of that page may have been a homage to that particular character that I didn't recognize, in which case I'm ashamed of my ignorance. Although I didn't think that particular character was British. Although, I could be thinking of Kamandi.

Well, now you'll just have to read it yourself, and let me know. Read more!

Earth's Greatest Heroes...and Green Arrow, for some reason...

My Wife, the Youngest, and for good measure my parent's dog, have all been sick the last couple of days. I've cleaned up more vomit this weekend than a roller coaster operator on St. Patrick's day...

So, of course I'm running late on what I laughingly call 'content,' but I did get to read all of Justice today. It's not bad by any means, but it's not as essential as Kingdom Come or even as out there as Krueger and Ross and Braithwaite's previous collaboration, Earth X and it's sequels.


Still, I did enjoy it, even though not unlike Frank Miller, you can very clearly see the line where Alex Ross stopped reading new comics...tough break, Firestorm. Maybe some more on this later, but I gotta take care of the family, kay?

Panels today from Justice #8, Story by Jim Krueger and Alex Ross, script by Jim Krueger, art by Doug Braitwaite and Alex Ross. Read more!

Some people are more excited for the Fantastic Four movie than others.

Even though Rise of the Silver Surfer opens today, I doubt I'll even get to see it this week. Still, I'm looking forward to it, and have moderately high hopes; I liked the first movie regardless of what anyone says. Of course, I didn't think Daredevil was terrible either, and you've seen this blog, so you can draw your own conclusions about my taste.

Not to spoil Spider-Man 3, but I didn't like it as much as the previous two. Most of my complaints are probably typical: three villains is just two many, Mary Jane was kind of annoying this time, Peter was alternately a jerk or a crybaby. Also, while the plainclothes fight with Harry Osborn was great, I see we've reached the point in the series where Tobey Maguire is tired of wearing the mask the whole movie (yeah, I know Spidey's CGI or a stuntman 99% of the time) and has the clout to do something about it.

On my desk at work, I have the Unmasked Spider-Man Minimate--it came with Spider-Woman, and is subtitled Raft Escape or something, from the first storyarc of New Avengers. He comes with a little pseudo-cast, to commerate Spidey breaking his arm for two issues, and not mentioning it in any of his own books (that I know of) but it made me consider something. I think Bendis started the process in Ultimate Spider-Man, then imported it to the regular Marvel Universe: I'm positive I've seen Spidey unmasked or maskless more in the last couple of years, than in the twenty-plus years preceding. Maybe I'm giving too much credit, but it's almost like Bendis was laying the groundwork, like he knew any actor playing Spider-Man would eventually reach a point where he wants his face out there. Then, if you consider all the old issues where Spidey would make a mask out of webbing, scraps of costume, a paper bag, anything to keep his face covered; and the theory seems more plausible, doesn't it?

Well, maybe, maybe not. Anyway, have a good weekend: I think I might need to pick up the new Hellboy Animated (hopefully with the action figure) and comics tomorrow, and maybe Ghost Rider. Haven't seen it yet, but it has to be better than Man-Thing. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but Manny's one of my least favorite characters, yet I still rented that. My son wandered in about a quarter of the way in and watched part of it with me, then asked "Is Man-Thing even in this movie? All they've done is drive around the swamp!" Kids don't take that kind of crap, tell you what...

From Marvel Adventures: Spider-Man #9, (maybe. Reprinted in Spider-Man: Doom with a View) "Doom with a View" Written by Sean McKeever, pencils by Mike Norton, inks by Norman Lee. I need to get more of the Target reprints of these. Read more!

There's no foreshadowing in this title...or is there?

I love this panel, not just because it underlines what a mouthbreathing slackwit Grunge is (albeit one with decent taste in movies) but that is a fair explanation for what passes for foreshadowing in most movies today. Anton Chekhov would be glad to know, if you see a harpoon gun in the first reel, you can rest damn assured somebody is getting harpooned before the credits roll. And I'm being generous: foreshadowing is now usually reduced to "Wow, who would've thought the girl who said she was afraid of dismemberment would end up chopped into giblets?" (Fun fact: I watch way too many crappy horror movies, always with the vain hope that they might not be crappy. Granted, a lot of them are mildly entertaining, they generally aim kind of low.)

That said, let's look a comic with some nice foreshadowing, that's also a bit of a cheat. See if you can guess the secret of "The Tangled Web" from Batman Adventures #17, written by Kelley Puckett, pencils by Mike Parobeck, inks by Rick Burchett.

The story opens in a jungle, as Batman jumps out of the trees at a masked, uniformed soldier, shouting the man's name as he comes at him. Batman hits the guy so hard, he wakes up on a plane, extradited to Gotham and arrested by Commissioner Gordon. And that's the second page!

In a large temple, a small army of the uniformed men are addressed by another, who critiques their collective incompetence. Luckily, he says their mission has been postponed a week, so they all have time to practice their killing, marksmanship, general evil, etc.

Afterwards, hidden in the trees, Batman, disguised in the soldier's uniform and mask, radios Alfred to update him and bring the readers up to speed. Ra's al Ghul has set up a major operation, in his ongoing quest to save the environment by wiping out most of humanity. Batman doesn't know what the big plan is this time, and is also suspicious that Ra's has delayed his plan.

And Batman should be suspicious: Ra's stresses to the base commander that everyone be informed of the delay. The commander did, but wonders why the delay, since he doesn't even know the target. Ra's assures him its fine, and they prepare for the Batman. Afterwards, Ra's berates his scientist lackey Asquith, who was responsible for the delay when he failed to take into account a local African holiday: his Bedouin guards took the week off.

As the week passes and Ra's heads for Africa, Batman still can't find anything at the base. Ra's checks Asquith's preparations at the African desert base, the Bedouin guards finally on the clock. R'as notices one guard's sword, and chats with him:

Finally, the gray soldiers go into action, attacking another base and fighting their way to a control room. Then, the leader uses a radio-doohickey, to set off Batman's radio, exposing him:

Luckily, the control room has a direct video line to Ra's al Ghul, who apologizes to Batman for luring him in with this diversion, but he needed to keep Bats out of his hair while he got down to business. Namely, setting off via satellite, a chain of explosives planted in the Antarctic polar regions, in order to flood large parts of the world, deafening millions with the harsh laughter of Al Gore proven right. Oh, and the drowning and stuff.

(Aside: R'as works great as a Batman character, but when you throw the assorted other superheroes of the DC universe, it doesn't seem as great, does it? I mean, if Batman dropped the ball and R'as flooded the world, Superman could still fix it, right? Unless R'as has a great plan for that...)

R'as knows Batman won't join him--if Talia can't get Bats to join, he sure as hell isn't going to be able to do it. But, he won't kill Batman, saying the new world will need him. Yeah, like to try R'as for genocide, apparently. But there's a flaw in R'as' ointment, or a run in his stockings, or whatever:

Robin's probably wearing a padded uniform, to make himself look a little more like the larger Batman. But the comic gets a little cheat here that wouldn't have worked on the cartoon series: when 'Batman' called Alfred, his voice would've been recognizable as Robin's. So, this works as a comic, but might not have in another medium. Unless the writer throws in a voice modulator or something. Aside from the size difference, though, I can imagine Bruce and Dick being pretty good at disguising their voices, and the voice actors may be good enough to fool most viewers as well.

Back to the story: Batman orders the goons there and surrounding Robin to throw down their guns. Robin starts beating the soldiers--no real reason, I suppose, just to keep his hand in--and Bats explains his disguise is more authentic than you might have guessed: "Ali-Yasa wasn't El-Shaitan's only student. He wasn't the best, either." With R'as as a hostage, he moves towards the plane, leaving Asquith to try to detonate the explosives. Batman, not being a moron, had already sabotaged that, blowing up the satellite...but leaving a ton of explosives in Antarctica. Hmm.

R'as signals his men to rush Batman, who isn't harsh enough to slit R'as' throat. As his matching Ubus attack, the Bedouins aren't as much help:

I love stories where otherwise generic henchmen opt out of taking their beating.

R'as escapes in his jet, and goes over the postgame with his base commander, who offers his life for failing, getting his ass kicked by Robin, to make R'as feel better, etc. R'as is big enough to admit he got played (or maybe this is a kids' book, and R'as can't exactly have his man strung up by his intestines here) but wonders if Batman thinks about the people he saved, or the world that could have been.

It's not strictly speaking a cheat, but the scene where 'Batman' is revealed, by tearing open the front of his uniform, does seem a little odd to me. Granted, I'm old, and thus used to scenes of Batman taking off a latex mask, a hat, a space helmet; and having his full Bat-cowl underneath. I also concede, it would've been an extra step, and looked dumb as hell, if he had been unmasked as Batman under that Snake Eyes-style mask, then unmasked again as Robin.

There's a little box of mostly animated style DC Comics in my basement, including most of my Parobeck Batman's. My son knows that one as the 'good box.' And he's right.

Grunge and Roxy panel from Gen 13 Bootleg #10, "Grunge: The Movie, part 3" Story and art by Adam Warren, and if you have even a passing interest in Hong Kong action movies (or even just movies, since a helluva lot of it fits) you deserve this. Get it now. Read more!