I don't think you're sad enough today. This'll help.

Since most of us don't live in a universe with super-heroes, we don't have to deal with the trauma of super-villain attack, fridged girlfriends, team breakups, continuity reboots, or any of that. Most of our damage is doubtless emotional.

Like that makes it better. Still, time heals all wounds, or sometimes causes them. Like this afternoon's book! From 1997, Dark Horse Presents #118, "Five Years and Counting" Written and illustrated by Evan Dorkin. This was a Hectic Planet story, and HP is what Dorkin's sci-fi/ska/soap Pirate Corp$ mutated into--less adventure, more relationship-oriented. Or, more accurately, the wreckage left post-relationship, usually.

Case in point: Halby, the ostensible hero of the strip, wants to borrow a few bucks from his pals; who then mercilessly grill him about why: he has a date. No one they know..."I don't even really know her."

Five years ago, at the ripe old age of seventeen, Halby ran into (literally) a girl named Trudi Kershaw, from Long Island. He spends most of the rest of the day with her, immediately smitten; but she has a boyfriend, albeit one she's becoming slightly afraid of. When Trudi finally has to leave to meet "Artie, her jocko-homo boyfriend," Halby panics, and blurts out they should meet there in five years, if neither of them are with anyone. Agreeing, "just in case," she makes a note with her name, and the future date for him, and another for herself.

His friends chip in a few bucks for Halby, although they are understandably less than confident. "Don't get your hopes up," suggests one. "Huh, like hell he won't."

Buying "corny" flowers, Halby waits, in the rain, for twenty minutes. About the time he's feeling like a complete moron and ready to leave, he hears his name. From a big guy in a Knicks sweatshirt. Artie. Calling back to his friends, Artie can't believe the sad bastard showed up. He found the note in his wife's purse, although he says "it ain't like I'm threatened or nothin'," he wanted to see what would happen. Artie shows Halby pictures of himself, Trudi, and their two kids; shaking his head, he suggests maybe Halby should get out more. Laughing, Artie and his friends drive away, with Trudi looking back at Halby, completely trapped in her life.


As Halby's friends are still discussing whether his gesture is romantic, futile, romantically futile, or just stupid; Halby returns, piss-drunk.


"You can't wait for the past," says the noseless, grumpy Harm. "It never shows up."

If we had a better comics marketplace than the one we deserved, Dorkin would be making bank; cranking out more stories like these. This was the first of three he did for DHP: the second was a bit of a shaggy-dog story; but the third is just as heartbreaking for Elsie, the female lead. Good stuff. Good, soul-crushing stuff.


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Depressing, but not for the reason you think.

"Abject Depression Week" started off with the loss of a little girl--there's nowhere to go but up, right? How about a man, and a vigilante, unable to break the circle of violence? From 1982, Moon Knight #26, "Hit It!" Written by Doug Moench, art by Bill Sienkiewicz.

On a hot night in New York City, a man sees in the paper his father's obituary. Abused as a child, he now feels robbed of the chance to ever "pay him back" and seething with years of rage, goes berserk, punching his way through random bystanders on his way to the funeral parlor. (There is a rather amusing panel of the man plowing through a locked door like he was the Kool-Aid Man, only really angry.)

Moon Knight follows the trail of bloodied noses and banged-up jaws to the man, who has decked a priest and smashed open his father's coffin. He dares MK to hit him--why not? His dad did! The priest even extorts MK to pop the man one, but MK says there's been enough hitting tonight. Until the man hits him in the back of the head, and he's left with no other choice. (Well, that's not true; I guess Moon Knight could've stood there and let the man punch him until he was all punched out...)

It's a sad story, and it's a little more bittersweet in that it was pretty much the highwater mark of Bill Sienkiewicz's run on the book: he still did a few more issues, but felt he had peaked there. Not to underscore his involvement, but in an interview at Horror Comic Book News, Doug Moench says "I originally did 'Hit It!' as a 5-6 page story. Bill Sienkiewicz went crazy on the story. He turned it into a longer story, he kept expanding the panels on the story." (Check out the rest of the interview!)

More depression later today!
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Feeling good about yourself? Well-adjusted? At peace? Or at the very least not completely depressed? Well, don't get used to that: it's Abject Depression Week! Where we'll be looking at some of the most soul-crushing, heartbreaking, just plain sad comics I could find. And we're starting with a tear-jerker...although since this is comics it still involves a ton of fight scenes: The Question Quarterly #2, "Gomorrah Homecoming" Written by Dennis O'Neil, art by Denys Cowan.

We took a look at the (almost as depressing) last issue of the regular Question series last year, and while he's had a couple adventures since then, Vic Sage has been in Brazil with Jackie, the daughter of Vic's love interest and mayor of Hub City, Myra Fermin. And Jackie is dying. She had been unwell before, but had been kidnapped the prior issue and left tied up in a shed in the rain, and now probably had pnuemonia if not worse. Vic knows she's dying, and she does too, and she wants to go home, to her mom.

Easier said than done, since Vic is starting with about forty bucks to get several thousand miles; and he gets a bag thrown over his head and beat up as well. Vic even recognizes his attackers--three drug dealers he had beat before--but is off his game. Only the intervention of new character Marco saves him; but Marco's saving Vic for himself, since he plans on fighting him to the death.

Marco is a capoeira master (predating Tekken's buttonmasher Eddy Gordo by six years!) who has devoted his life to fighting. After losing to a fighter we know as Lady Shiva (who, apparently just wanted to check out the fighting style) Marco requested a rematch, but she told him he would have to earn it by beating someone better. Like Richard Dragon. Or maybe Vic Sage. Vic thinks Marco is more than a little crazy (which Marco admits is probable) but he's a great help in getting back to Hub City.

Vic is also working through the trauma of having killed: in the previous issue, to save Jackie, he had to shoot a knife-wielding transvestite drug dealer. (That one was better than I'm making it sound here...) Now, repeatedly faced with the utter worst of humanity, he wonders if he could kill again. In Hub, Myra is reunited with Jackie, but she needs medicine. And the hospital's been taken over by a motorcycle gang. Vic is afraid of what he might do, but Myra gives him his old "No-Face" mask and gear: as the Question, Vic is able to get his head back in the game, and he and Marco clear out the hospital. Just not in time for Jackie, who dies before they get back.

The story ends with Vic agreeing to fight Marco, and to honor his friend by fighting him to the best of his ability...but I don't think you ever find out who won. The next issue, both of them are beat up a bit, but don't seem especially put out about it. And I'm not sure poor Jackie even gets a funeral. In fact, the GCD points out Jackie's referred to as alive in Batman/Huntress: Cry for Blood #3.

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I'll be avoiding Prometheus spoilers for another week or two...

...since I probably won't go see Prometheus for another week or two. Although, you could probably make a pretty solid guess that everyone on that ship is so dead. But, instead of speculating about that, let's take a quick look at Alien: Survival, a three-issue miniseries from 1998 written by James Vance, art by Guy Davis, covers by Tony Harris.

Feverish, halluncinating, and trapped in an escape pod; Thompson tries to piece together what happened to him. And his family. And the research party they were a part of, before being attacked by the xenomorphs. The pieces don't all fall into place until near the end, since there are several nightmares, pieces of wishful thinking, willful self-deception, and corporate double-cross to sort through.

As with a lot of Aliens comics, the story is good, but the art really makes it. I think this was Guy Davis post-Sandman Mystery Theatre, but before his run on B.P.R.D. Solid. Have a good weekend, and don't spoil anything!


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80-Page Thursdays: Marvel Super-Heroes #12!

Today's 80-pager brings us some mixed messages: Marvel Super-Heroes #12, Winter 1992 (or January 1993, per the GCD) featuring stories from Kurt Busiek, Dwayne McDuffie, and Roy Thomas; with art by Brian Postman, Marie Severin, and Dave Simons.

We already checked out the Falcon dog-fighting story, and dogfights seem to have slid underground again; although I worry they're still out there.

In "Sins of the Father," a young sorcerer named Augustyne Phyffe comes to Dr. Strange for help. Augustyne's dad hadn't been a bad guy, but betrayed Strange to Baron Mordo. Strange had long since forgiven him, as a "good, but weak" man; and now his son was on a bad path, addicted to "the forbidden mind-expander orphium." (I haven't read enough Dr. Strange to tell you if orphium has shown up before or since.)

Since said orphium has to be smuggled in from other dimensions, Augustyne is trying to score at Strange's. Strange naturally refuses, so the boy offers to trade a magical tome, which turns out to be the cursed Diary of the Aged Genghis. Trying to take the curse off Augustyne, Strange is hit with a mystic bolt, that seems to do more damage than he lets on; and he's left with no choice but to try to unload the book at the "Bazaar at the End of Unreason." Augustyne has to come as well, since the curse won't let Strange take it alone.

Strange makes the analogy that it's like trying to get rid of toxic waste in NYC: you can do it, but you have to find a guy...after a visit to a head skull shop, they may have someone, but a weakened Strange has to deal with young thugs looking to make a name for themselves by offing him, and the curse is turning him into a satyr. (Or something; his foot turns into a hoof.) Augustyne is still chasing that high, even though Strange claims orphium isn't addictive itself.

Amidst a battle a failing Strange might lose, Augustyne pulls himself together, and gives Strange the orphium. Strange, a former alcoholic, had been reluctant to take it; but it gives him the power to beat a young mystic thug. The book disposed of, Augustyne makes a break with orphium, and returns to earth to begin his life anew. I don't know if the message in this one was supposed to be "a drink every so often won't kill you," but here we are.

This issue's final story is an Iron Man tale, "Glitch in the System." This was co-plotted and scripted by Kurt Busiek, a good five years or so before he would get to write Iron Man #1 for Heroes Return. A young hacker--the titular Glitch--is recruited by Spymaster, to hack Iron Man's armor. Which of course leads to Glitch making a costume...because cyberpunk, that's why. (Don't know what cyberpunk was? Well, imagine trying to explain steampunk to your kids. Yeah, same thing.)

Glitch's new gear accidentally gives him the ability to transfer his consciousness to a machine, which he's not especially keen on doing. But, when finally pushed to the edge by Spymaster, he admits he only hacked to prove himself, to see if he could, and not to be a crook. He releases Iron Man, who mops the floor with Spymaster and his men; then sets Glitch up with a job doing computer security for S.H.I.E.L.D. and Nick Fury. Glitch is pleased as punch, since he's the noble hacker who cracks systems for the same reason a climber tackles Everest, for the personal challenge. I have no idea if such a beast exists in real life, but it's pretty common in fiction, like Lisbeth Salander...and the message here might be, "if you're good enough at causing trouble, you can get a job at it, and all will be forgiven."

Actually, when I started writing this issue up, I thought it featured a different Iron Man story, possibly also by Busiek, with a different mixed message and better plot hook. Another Thursday for that one, I'm afraid.
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"Nokking to fear."

I had no intention of buying the DCUC Star Sapphire Wonder Woman, except I got her for under seven bucks. The Youngest lost her lantern, though--it took me like two weeks to find it. (OK, I'll admit it wasn't two weeks of intensive searching.) We aren't done with this power ring tomfoolery yet, though; as we'll see next week.

This strip actually was re-written a couple of times, though--for one, I didn't think Wonder Woman would use the term 'shenanigans.' That, and I was going to use Superman instead of Batman; but I don't have a Supes with a power ring. I do think the JLA probably has a big chart of who has to deal with certain problems, though: underwater stuff, Aquaman, duh. Birds? Hawkman. Fatcat corporate bigshots? Green Arrow.







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Once is happenstance, twice enemy action, but three times? They don't like you, USAgent.

I mentioned a while back going through my box of Captain America comics looking for a USAgent appearance, and ended up reading a ton of issues, including all fifty issues of the 1998 series. I had forgotten USAgent appears three, maybe four times in that run. He probably wishes he could forget, too; since none of them go well for him. In the parlance of wrestling, USAgent is jobbed out, every time.

First, in Captain America #10, "American Nightmare, Chapter Two: The Growing Darkness," written by Mark Waid, pencils by Andy Kubert, and inks by Jesse Delperdang; USAgent falls under the influence of long-time Dr. Strange bad guy Nightmare, and tries to steal a jet to sell to a foreign power so they can be a proper foe for the U.S. army. Yeah...Cap stops him in about four pages, most of which is them crashing said jet into the ocean.

USAgent returns...in a dramatic fake-out, in Captain America #20, "Danger in the Air!" With Waid, Kubert, and Delperdang again. Taking a break from trying to catch the Thunderbolts--a break that may have lasted over a decade, I'm not sure--the Agent fights some A.I.M. beekeepers, until his Cap-style, new vibranium shield explodes on him. This was building up to the conclusion of the plot of Cap's indestructible, shattered shield; and USAgent gets taken out to show the stakes rising. Later this issue, a bunch of S.H.I.E.L.D. vibranium likewise blows up, and the next issue at Avengers Mansion Hawkeye's stash of vibranium for arrows goes blooey as well. (Hawkeye isn't in there, so he comes out better than USAgent.)

Later, most ignobly of all, in Captain America #33, "Impending Rage!" Story and pencils by Dan Jurgens, inks by Art Thibert. A.I.M. revives Protocide, a pre-Steve test subject for the Super-Soldier Serum, and tests him on USAgent. Protocide rolls over USAgent in three pages; even though the Agent was better trained, had a better shield that shouldn't break, and was well over twenty times stronger. Unless it was altered somewhere, USAgent could lift about ten tons; even with the Super-Soldier Serum, I don't think Protocide should have been able to bench more than a thousand pounds...

USAgent is shown getting medical care the next issue, and may have suffered spinal injury. In about a year, he would get a limited series and his Judge Dredd-like costume. It really makes me wonder if the poor guy has any fans, or if they just like seeing him take abuse.


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I've probably mentioned before that I haven't been a fan of Brian Michael Bendis's Avengers run. Avengers: Prime was an exception that proved the rule: it was set in Asgard, outside of Bendis's usual settings; it only had three Avengers to focus on and they didn't all sound like each other this time; and it had great art from Alan Davis. That mini and today's issues make me wonder if maybe the artist wasn't part of the problem I had with Bendis: he's done a gajillion issues with Mark Bagley, with Alex Maleev, with Michael Avon Oeming. All good artists, but maybe a bit too familiar: Bendis's usual dialogue+the twentieth straight issue with the same artist=contempt. Maybe? Or maybe not. So, let's look at another great artist, that may have only worked with Bendis a few times: Bill Sienkiewicz, in 2001's Ultimate Marvel Team-Up #7.

"Team-Up" is a misnomer, since Spidey doesn't show up until the second-to-last page or so. The bulk of the issue is Frank Castle in prison; and the first three pages are a couple of criminals talking smack about the Shocker and the crimes they plan on committing when they get out on appeal. Frank kills the hell out of at least one of them, with a spoon.

God, I'm not sure I noticed that deer in the headlights bit before, and it is awesome. Don't know if that's from Bendis or Sienkiewicz, but bravo.

The guards are a little conflicted about Frank: some feel bad for him, and respect him since he was a cop; while others remember he killed two cops. When his lawyer arrives, she's angry to find him in hard restraints, since she knows Frank only kills criminals. And two cops. She tries to get him open up about what happened to him, the murder of his family, and why he killed those cops. Remembering that day in Central Park, and a distinctive belt-buckle of one of the shooters, Frank remains silent. Sadly, his lawyer leaves, perhaps not realizing she left a pen and paperclip on the table, that aren't there when the guards come to put Frank back in the hole.

Later, as tourists take digital pictures of Spider-Man's butt, on the jumbotron the news announces the Punisher's escape...whether or not Frank named himself that, or was even "the Punisher" at that point, well, that doesn't matter.

While a lot of this issue has the trademark Bendis dialogue, there are also seven pages with none at all (except for "Gkk...gkk...gkk..." on one) and two more with minimal dialogue. The criminals' conversation, which brings up Daredevil since he'll show up in the next chapter, is particularly ugly, as one mentions being stopped from raping a girl by DD, but how he plans on going right back there when he gets out. (In case you thought Frank just killed him to shut him up.) Yet, it's so much like Bendis's usual verbal tics...! But man alive, Bill Sienkiewicz knocks it out, as usual. This storyline would run for two more issues, and bring in Daredevil, and while I remember a great killing from Frank, I couldn't tell you what if anything Spidey got to do here...
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Hey, I'm out today!

So, we'll just have this ad for Elektra: Assassin. Great series, and I actually hadn't seen this ad until recently. Have a good weekend!

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80-Page Thursdays: Batman Family #18!

Because I'm obviously insane, I have 80-Page Thursdays written almost six months (!) in advance. So, this was written in January, and I can only hope I'm still diligently blogging away and haven't been lured away by something shiny or abducted or anything. Today, from 1978, Batman Family #18, featuring stories by Denny O'Neil, Bob Rozakis, and Paul Levitz; and art by Michael Golden, Joe Staton, Juan Ortiz, and more.

"The Monstrosity Chase!" opens with Batman gunned down by the Gargoyle Gang. Well, a Batman; an actor working security guarding an aging actress and a golden mask. That, and a brief scene of Batman saving a radio DJ from being mugged, is mostly just setup, for a rather exciting chase through the sewers--the gang took a hostage, the sewer plans are out of date, and severe flooding is coming. There's a lot going on for a 20-page story, but it comes together nicely.

Next, in "The Fine Art of Murder," Dick Grayson is snoozing through his art history class, when a student is killed by a sniper. Quickly changing to Robin--Dick apparently wears at least three layers of clothes--he catches the sniper, but someone knifes the killer to silence him. Getting the clues to a Rembrandt smuggling ring leads to some friction with Dick's love interest Lori, which appears to be setting up something for the next issue; but aside from Barbara, did Dick ever have a halfway decent girlfriend? (I know he was with Starfire for a long time in Teen Titans, but that seems to be handwaved away as a phase or something.)

Speaking of the "Dominoed Daredoll," (and man, Gail Simone needs to bring that back) the next story Batgirl defends against "Assault on the Pentagon!" Congresswoman Babs is out parking by the Potomac with Senator Tom Cleary, but before anything crosses party lines (hey-o!) she spies a commando group on the river, and has to slap Tom as fresh to excuse herself.

One of the commandos is wearing an amusingly garish skimask and scarf, but for a reason! It's Madame Zodiac, who plans on using "the largest man-made pentagram in the world!" on this night of mystical confluence or something, to give herself mighty astral powers. Like optic blasts, for instance.

When the army is gassed out of commission, Batgirl uses a dropped pistol briefly, but that seemed more to underline the uses of her utility belt then anything: she uses at least four different items from it in 12 pages. I kinda liked this one.

In "Man-Bat No More!" Kirk Langstrom mopes over his scrapbook of cases, since as a new dad, he's resigned himself to giving up super-heroing. Although he's a zoologist who created a pill to turn into Man-Bat, he's had a harder time parleying that into cash money, so he's working at a factory. His wife Francine feels bad, and thinks Kirk should go ahead and be Man-Bat, but he feels it would be too addictive and too hard to work full-time days and flap around nights.

Meanwhile, another Man-Bat is seen nights, stopping a robbery and vandalism of a school. Kirk swears it isn't him, but worries he may be sleepwalking; as he see a report that his old villain SNAFU has broken out of jail. (It was him or the Ten-Eyed Man; Man-Bat hadn't built up a deep rogues' gallery.) The...ugh..."razzle-dazzle villain" terrorizes Madison Square Garden, but as Man-Bat arrives, Kirk is home, asleep, alone...! I liked this version of Man-Bat, as solid family guy with a decent head on his shoulders; since numerous other versions make him out to be a loon or a loser, with assorted creepy personality problems as needed.

Lastly, we visit Earth-2 and the Huntress in "A Choice of Destinies." Helena Wayne's day job as a lawyer at a public interest research group, is not leaving her especially satisfied; she feels enforcing the law as the Huntress is more necessary. Costuming up, she helps save some people from a burning building, but then sees a man give a small child cash and a bomb...more so than the Man-Bat one, this reads like a chapter rather than a full story. Still, a solid, solid 80-pager here; although in retrospect I'm not sure the cover has much to do with the contents, save a reference to Gotham's sewers!
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Chibis, Squinkies, Bonkazonks, googum...not a real word in the whole post.

Long time readers know I usually keep a running total of the action figures I buy over the course of the year. It's been a little light this month, since I've been picking up little things. They're toys, sure; but not proper action figures, so they don't always "count." The Avengers chibis, for example. (Oddly, I had a row of them mounted with sticky-tac on my monitor at home; until my Youngest son decided they had to come down. He said he thought they'd fall off, but rolled the sticky-tac back into a ball and put it away...!)

The Nightcrawler Squinkie was part of an X-Men set, although I'll probably give all or most of the rest to my nephews. Then, today I found the Nightcrawler Bonkazonk in a four-pack, with a Hulk, Silver Surfer, and Onslaught. They're odd little things--I thought they would be like tops, but they're weighted differently than that.

I'll usually go out of my way to pick up any new Nightcrawler trinket, and fortunately these two were pretty easy.


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"It's a Shame About Ray."

"It's a Shame About Ray" is, of course, the title of the Lemonheads' fifth album. No YouTube links because I hate them. (I do love me some Juliana Hatfield, however.)

Off-topic already...that's a good sign. The Indigo Tribe Atom figure isn't necessarily bad, but it definitely wasn't one I went out of my way for. I got him at a Fred Meyer store about three blocks from my house, clearanced down to $8.84. But he wasn't the only one marked down, as we'll see next week...

I'm only vaguely keeping up with events in the proper Green Lantern comic; but I know the recent storyline has been all about "the Secret of the Indigo Tribe." It's kind of messed up, and makes compassion--that is the "emotional spectrum" indigo is supposed to be, right?--seem completely weak. Well, the Talking Heads were right: "They say compassion is a virtue, but I don't have the time."

Two band references this week...no idea if that means something.





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I need to set up a tag for 'recidivism.'

Here's a random one from the quarter bin: Batman: Gotham Knights #46, "Scared Straight" Written by Scott Beatty, pencils by Roger Robinson, inks by John Floyd. And it hits on something we've seen before here: Batman vs. recidivism.

The Spook, a hypnotist and escape artist, is up for parole after serving seven or eight years. Although it seems like he's reformed, since he passed up a couple easy escapes from Blackgate like during the Bat-quake, Batman tells his crew that this time they're going to be 'proactive.' At a halfway house, the Spook seems rough, but still seems clean; telling a young would-be offender "Addiction is a prison. Escape it." But, Robin and Nightwing keep a watch on him, and catch him using hypnotism to short-change a clerk.

Being forced to return the money would be bad enough, but the Spook's day gets worse when the Russian mob, on a tip from KGBeast, pick him up as a prospective asset. When he arrives at a mob warehouse, he finds the Bat...girl. Cassandra beat the hell out of everyone there as an example, and sends the Spook home with a videotape to hammer the point home: Batman isn't alone in Gotham. (The tape actually displays a "self-destruct in five seconds" message.) The next night, Batman tells the gang that the Spook violated his parole (attempted armed-robbery, although he didn't really have a gun) and turned himself in. Did they pressure him into a bad decision? Yes, probably; although Bats says they just showed the Spook he still had some rehabilitating to do.

A surprisingly dicked-up issue, especially since Bruce is funding Bane's world travels at the time...

The back-up Black & White story is much more fun: a writer pitches and pitches his idea for a coffee-table book on the crazy old architecture of Gotham City: buildings shaped like blenders, cash registers, toasters. But, he's told those are dated and camp, and he might be forced to do a book on gothic design and gargoyles instead; when he finally gets a taker...from Signal Publishing, a division of Wayne Enterprises...

"Urban Renewal" Written by Will Pfeifer, art by Brent Anderson.
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When you come up with a title like "Doom, Where's my Car?" half your job is done already.

I think a lot of comic shops didn't stock many of the all-ages Marvel Adventures books. That was probably partly because of the stigma of the all-ages label; and I think Marvel's prior kid-friendly offerings had been dumbed down too much. Still, I've read a number of them, many reprinted for Target stores and sold on the cheap; but a few I picked up primarily on the strength of crazy Silver-Age style covers. Marvel Adventures Spider-Man had some good ones; Marvel Adventures Avengers had one great one; but today we check out a Fantastic Four one! From 2006, Marvel Adventures: Fantastic Four #12, "Doom, Where's My Car?" Written by Jeff Parker, pencils by Juan Santacruz, inks by Raul Fernandez.

When Ben and Johnny are putting some stuff in the basement of the Baxter Building, Johnny finds an old classic car. Ben recognizes it as Reed's from college, and Johnny decides it must be his. He 'asks' Reed for it, by yelling at him as he flies by while Reed's neck-deep in an experiment. While working on it, Johnny notices "all kinds of high-tech machinery in places," and assumes Reed must've modified it himself. For good measure, Johnny also explains why someone who can fly needs a car anyway: dates, for one.

After weeks of "playing Monster Garage," as Sue puts it; Johnny unveils his newly painted ride. Reed immediately recognizes it, and after a bit of arguing, lets Johnny have it, with a warning that the car has a history. Later, when the team gets called to fight the Rhino and the Sandman, Johnny takes his car, and finds it's more tricked-out than he expected, with flight and a force-field. It's surprisingly effective:

Still, while Johnny's having a ton of fun, someone else takes an interest in his ride. Yoink!

Sue and Ben laugh at Johnny's story of Doom stealing his car, so the next day Johnny decides to fly to Latveria. The rest of the team catch up to him later with the Fantasticar, since Johnny was off-course and on his way to the North Pole. Reed explains he never told Johnny who sold him the car...

Meanwhile, in Latveria, it's their biggest national holiday: Dr. Doom's birthday! Sadly, Parker doesn't give us a date. It's a mandatory party, but the people seem to be enjoying themselves a little, since they don't have any choice, and there is cake. The inventors and toymakers of Latveria present Doom with several giant robots; and a disguised Reed presents automaton "toys" of Ben and Johnny. Another inventor presents the recovered, and restored car, which he stole from Johnny with the help of a refurbished Doombot. Doom is suitably touched, since he built it to fly him to college in the states. Reed is relieved to find it wasn't taken for some sinister purpose or hidden weapon; but Johnny's not having that.

As a fight with Doom's presents breaks out, and Johnny and Doom squabble, Reed points out it was his car: he traded Doom an anti-matter regulator for it, so he could have wheels to take Susan out. (Susan is thrilled, but...wasn't she like twelve when Reed was in college? I'm probably wrong. Hopefully.) Doom has to admit, that sounds like something he'd say, but it's here now, so it's his. Finally, Ben does his best King Solomon impression, and rips the car in half, which has to be immensely satisfying. As the FF heads home, and Doom's anti-aircraft batteries open up, Reed reminds Johnny: "You don't own your possessions, your possessions own you." I'd say that's a good moral, or I would if I didn't have a home full of comics, toys, and nonsense. Like Johnny, and Doom, I learned nothing. Hmm.
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By this point, it's been a couple weeks since I saw the Avengers...

...although, I might take the kids again here shortly: I got a free ticket from the movie-reward card I had, then another from the DVD of the animated Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes. There may be spoilers for both upcoming, or not, so beware.

While I quite liked the movie, I love the cartoon; although I have the feeling that with the spectre of cancellation looming, the cartoon's writers have seemingly opted to try and cram as much cool stuff from the Marvel Universe as they can before the end. Recent episodes featured Michael Korvac and the modern Guardians of the Galaxy, the Ballad of Beta Ray Bill, the Heroes for Hire and Scott Lang Ant-Man, and the Fantastic Four and Dr. Doom. Any one of those could've been given another episode or three, but EMH is also still doing its version of Secret Invasion, which will probably be more enjoyable when it ends: we've known who the Skrull is since the end of the first season, but the 'reveal' hasn't come yet...

But, the expansive nature of the cartoon underlines my apprehension with the movie's mid-credits reveal of a certain cosmic villain: I have a hard time picturing him in a movie, since he's been in a number of stories I like, but also comes with a certain amount of backstory and baggage that would almost certainly have to be cut. In fact, that's probably true of most of the Avengers comics that are personal favorites of mine: they would either be utterly unfilmable, or not fit in with the established mythology and look of the movies, or would be completely impenetrable to a wider audience. Well, 'completely impenetrable' unless you devote a movie or three to setting them up.

And honestly? That's OK. There are things the movies can do well, and things an episodic cartoon series can do (I say 'episodic' because if Jeph Loeb's pushes the notion of only single-shot episodes, I'll be super-pissed) but there are things comics do, that only comics can do. If they're allowed to...

I'm tired of comics that think they're the unwanted bastard cousin of movies; or at best an embryonic storyboard, an unhatched film. I want comics that can tell a complete story in a single issue, even if it is "to be continued," not just a small installment of a future trade. Maybe I'm just bitching because I'd like to maybe read Avengers comics again some day, and Marvel seems deadset against making one I'd like to read.

Going through some of my favorite, and presumably unfilmable, Avengers moments; I'm a little surprised how many of them involve defeat, utter failure, or loss. Hmm.

Cap's getting a little sick of the public, and he's not the only one, in Avengers #25, "The Ninth Day" Written by my favorite Avengers writer, Kurt Busiek, art by George Perez, inks by Al Vey.

It would take two or three movies to build up to this, but man, what a payoff it would be. Or, just read Avengers Annual #7, "The Final Threat" Script, pencils, and page 30 inks by Jim Starlin; finishes by Joe Rubinstein.

Hawkeye is a cheating bastard, even if he did save the universe, in Avengers Annual #16, "The Day Death Died!" Written by Tom DeFalco, breakdowns by Bob Hall, inks by Tom Palmer.

That kid is going to break his foot kicking Ultron's adamantium melon around, in Avengers #57, "Behold...the Vision!" Written by Percy Bysshe Shelley Roy Thomas! Pencils by John Buscema (and Marie Severin) and inks by George Klein. (I have the Marvel Super Action #18 reprint.)

Hawkeye faces Excedrin headache #498, as Whirlwind shames a pile of Avengers; in Avengers #4, "Too Many Avengers!" Written by Kurt Busiek, pencils by George Perez, inks by Al Vey and Bob Wiacek.

After Baron Zemo and the Masters of Evil are defeated, Cap needs a moment, in Avengers #277, "The Price of Victory" Written by Roger Stern, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Tom Palmer.

Kang forces the Wasp, at the time the Avengers' co-chair, to sign earth's surrender, in Avengers #49, "There Are No Words..." (One of those wordless, 'Nuff Said issues.) Written by Kurt Busiek, Pencils by Kieron Dwyer, inks by Rick Remender.




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