"Four pages yesterday, one today. Seems fair."

I watched the Robot Chicken Star Wars DVD the day after I did this one, and caught the Seth Green commentary. He wasn't picked because of that: I just needed a hapless victim figure, that had more joints than Timmy.

Marvel Comics' Zombie has been haunting me for years, though. Like a lot of characters, I saw him first in the pages of the original Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe. That's not terribly unusual, since as a kid I didn't have the piles upon piles of comics I have now. In fact, I think I saw Nick Fury in OHOTMU before I ever saw a S.H.I.E.L.D. comic, for instance.

But the Zombie was the second to last entry in the original OHOTMU's Book of the Dead, before the Weapons issue. And it was a bit of a change from the superheroes, aliens, and even other monsters I'd been cramming into my head over the year-plus I'd been reading the series. It was a little grimmer than the usual Marvel character's bio, but intriguing.

Unfortunately, more than twenty years after reading that entry, I still have never read the Zombie's comics, even though I think they've been collected. Need to rectify that one of these days. See if it grabs you, the original entry from 1984, with art by Bob Hall.

Note that unlike most Marvel Universe entries, the Zombie's first and final appearances are omitted, presumably by accident. And out of thirty-six entries this issue as dead or inactive, at least twenty-three, including the Zombie, have reappeared since then.

EDIT: Some time later, it occurred to me that if I did this post the Robot Chicken way, it would've been a good five minutes of the Zombie humping Seth's leg... Read more!

"Completely reusing an old bit here, but it's fun, so suck it."

I'm playing the B.P.R.D. as a supernatural dumping ground, which of course it isn't in the comics. The recent the Ectoplasmic Man one-shot finally told the story of how Johann Kraus became a bodyless medium and joined the organization, and there's rarely more a fistful of paranormal agents there.

Two real Hellboy and B.P.R.D. comics are out today! The second issues of B.P.R.D.: the Warning, which may guest star Lobster Johnson; and Hellboy: the Crooked Man, with Richard Corben art! Like this tomfoolery? Try the real deal!

Oh, hell, I said I'd try to list the figures I used. Hoo boy...there's at least five Shadowrun figures here and there. In the devil panel, there's a Hellraiser Pinhead, the Dark Alliance (from Chaos Comics, home of Lady Death) Lucifer, Marvel Select's Mephisto, DC Universe Classics the Demon, and I think the spiky winged one is from Bastard! Maybe? I got him on clearance, because, well, he's kind of cool; but doesn't stand especially well.

There's a Mister Hyde and a Frankenstein figure from Mezco's Silent Screamers line: I bought two friends the Maria robot figure from Metropolis and am kicking myself for not picking up one for myself. There are McFarlane Monsters and Marvel Legends Frankensteins present as well, and a McFarlane Tin Man from the Twisted Land of Oz series. (After the Dorothy figures sold out, you could probably get a Tin Man for a song.) Three of the girls in the last panel are from various McFarlane lines, and none of them probably have a matching boot. Seriously.

There's a Charmed figure of Alyssa Milano that I must have found on sale somewhere, an Alley Cat Alley Baggett figure, two House of the Dead figures, Angel from the show of the same name, and the old Judge Death figure from the 2000 AD line. Beta Ray Bill, Jack O'Lantern, Dracula, Blade, Tom Manning (really Professor X), the Thing, and of course Nightcrawler are all from Marvel's Toy Biz days; Jack being from the Spider-Man line, the rest Marvel Legends.

God, I'm not done yet? What the hell was I thinking? Deadman's the Alex Ross version from DC Direct's Kingdom Come line: I have the other, more traditional version, but this one seemed to fit here. I've wanted to do some write-ups on some of his old appearances, but just realized this is the first time I've used Deadman as a tag. Damn.

The "house elves"--that's what Dobby was in the Harry Potter books, wasn't it?--were Legolas from Lord of the Rings and the little one, I forget the name of, but he's a pack-in from the Slaine figure, the 2000 AD line again. Read more!

"Admittedly, if I could wear goggles and jodhpurs at work, I would too."

Lobster Johnson has made a couple of appearances in B.P.R.D., that you really need to have read...to get the joke in the fourth panel. Since I love shared universe stuff, I like the idea of Lobster, the Shadow, the Spider, the Crimson Avenger, the Grey Ghost; all concurrently mowing down gangsters and hoods with .45's and alternately laughing like madmen or leaving calling cards or whatever.

Newsarama just ran the write-up on the San Diego Comic-Con Hellboy panel, and I think io9 also had a piece on the possible end of Hellboy. Check them out. Done?

Everything ends, but it was a little shocking to me to think about Hellboy ending. Not just because I've been reading Mignola's comics for what, fifteen years? but considering most comics go on and on and on, I hadn't even thought there would be an ending in sight, or in mind. It's also interesting that Guillermo del Toro could end the movie version of Hellboy: after all, no matter how much money the Dark Knight makes, would DC Comics let Christopher Nolan write a definite end for Batman? Doubtful, huh?

But although del Toro and other writers have done Hellboy stories, it's still Mike Mignola's character and his book. I feel like I should be more glad that someday, I'll get to see the end of the story; but right now I'm just a little down at the thought that someday it's going to be over.

Of course, this is from a guy that remembers reading the end of the first Gunslinger/Dark Tower novel, where Stephen King notes at the rate he's writing them, he's never going to finish the story. I was so pissed, I almost didn't keep reading the series; and of course I did and King eventually did end the story. Soooo...I guess I might've been just as weirded out if Mignola said Hellboy was going to run for 500 more issues like Spider-Man or Batman. Hmm.

Read more!

"In case you were wondering about the eyepatch..."

A new page (or more) every day this week! Ooh, better get started.

While I liked the Hellboy: Animated DVD's, is it just me, or did they tend to use Liz Sherman like the Human Torch? Or maybe more like a napalm airstrike. In the comics, her pyrokineis isn't as much a power as a force, something inside her that may not always be under her control. While she may occasionally use it casually, as in lighting her smokes; it's still not something Liz lets off the leash easily.

And I'm still having some fun with Abe. Aside from his recent limited series, which told the story of an early solo mission for him (and with great art) and a couple bouts of self-doubt, he's been a very effective member and leader of the B.P.R.D. Of course, in the comic Hellboy has long since left the organization, and he recently fought the Baba Yaga in Darkness Calls. "Fought" isn't really the right word; that makes it sound like a superhero comic. There's more going on there.

Ah, but where is it going? Possibly two directions at once. We'll guess at that tomorrow, and another page of whatever nonsense I have going here.

Oh, and the "Baba Yaga" I used was, um, I think a McFarlane Blair Witch figure, and doesn't even have a passing resemblance to Mignola's version. Of course, the figure's "Todd's interpretation" of said Witch, and doesn't even look like the Blair Witch of the movie, since you never see her, unless you do in the sequel I have no intention of watching. Over the next few days, I'll try to name most of the figures used, but no promises, since we've got a cast of thousands lined up! Hundreds? Dozens, maybe? Yeah, I think I can say dozens.

Read more!

"Objects in panel may be smaller than they appear."

"Banner" there is actually Jack Driscoll from a line of King Kong gachapon capsule toys. I got friggin' Jack three separate times. Took me forever to get an actual Kong, and I never did get a V-Rex either. The Oldest might've though, he was more of a fan than I was...the Hulk is from a 7-11 Slurpee straw: not quite as cool as the Iron Man ones, but nothing to sneeze at.

The Oldest and I saw The Incredible Hulk a week or two ago, and while we liked it (even if the Oldest fell asleep for a bit, we saw a late show) I hadn't really thought about it until now. Not that it was bad, perhaps not as fun as Iron Man or as intense as The Dark Knight, but still enjoyable. And the Bruce-Betty conversations seemed more like a couple than anything in those two movies. (Bruce explaining what they could and couldn't use while on the run, for instance.) It did just strike me that the Hulk seemed more hopeful, or at least less doomed, than Batman and Gotham, though. And while I enjoyed the nods to the comics like the Super-Soldier serum, did that do anything for non-comics readers?

Anyway, for me at least, the summer movie season is running down: still waiting for Wall*E to get to the cheap theatre so I can take the Youngest, still haven't seen Hellboy 2; and am only waiting for the new Punisher: War Zone and Death Race. The Wife really wants to see Death Race, for some reason. I know I didn't see it until like 1994, but the original feels like it's a hundred years old. Still like to see it again, though.

Went looking for toys with the boys tonight, and found some stuff that was interesting, but not quite interesting (or cheap) enough to grab me. Not a lot of DC Universe Classics out there, and not a Wall*E toy anywhere. I don't think any local stores got them, although I did see one that still had a few Ratatouille toys, the other mice. (The Youngest just started watching that, and seemed to like the Wall*E preview.)

The second wave of Legendary Heroes figures has finally showed up here (aside from the Judge Death that came with the first wave and is now everywhere on clearance) at Rite Aid, of all places. Moreover, since that chain doesn't exactly blow through the toys--a couple stores still have Masters of the Universe figures from the 2002 relaunch, and one had a Batman: the Animated Series Creeper, which I would've bought if I didn't already have one--it's like they spread a case out over all their local stores. One had Ann O'Brian, another Star, and so forth. I picked up one because it'll be a perfect punchline, when I get there. Read more!

"So there's the comics, the movie, novels, and the animated series; all with their own continuity. Hellboy Crisis is probably in the works."




As I write this, I still haven't seen Hellboy 2: the Golden Army, but I'm still looking forward to it. Over vacation, I read two more of the novels (The God Machine, written by Thomas E. Sniegoski; and On Earth As It Is In Hell, written by Brian Hodge.) and I've been a fan of the comic since Seed of Destruction. A couple of weeks ago, I sat down with a few complete limiteds: Darkness Calls, and the Abe Sapien and Lobster Johnson minis. So, a bit of Hellboy on the brain, yeah.

I kind of like B.P.R.D. better lately, though. Hellboy's journey into mythology isn't boring, but it's a direction I (and, I would imagine, Hellboy himself) wouldn't have chosen to take. Still, it's something new, and that is something. For the record, Abe is about a million times more badass than I make him out to be here; but there haven't been action figures of the "frogs" so no fights, sorry. (Sammael from the first movie is close, but not quite; and the frogs are more numerous and more scary.) Roger is also badass, but he is a homunculus made of human excrement and other, um, less tasteful things.

I was considering picking up the Liz Sherman figure (check out OAFE's review here) but haven't gotten around to it yet; and while I have a couple movie Hellboys and an animated one, I'm still kicking myself for not getting a Mignola style one. Stupid, stupid, stupid. If I got Johann, I think I'd want the comic style as well. Movie Liz Sherman, though, if for no other reason than to make her and Buffy kiss...

Why the eyepatch on Hellboy? It'll make sense later. And Professor X has to stand in for Jeffery Tambor: it's almost a pity Hellboy wasn't made eight or nine years ago, when the action figure market seemed flush, and he'd have gotten a figure... Read more!

I've had this flier from an issue of Wizard or Toyfare or something for years, and it's been sitting by the computer for a while now.

I was going to ask if anyone had ever actually seen this bust, but then I thought, duh, eBay. And after a few minutes of searching--"Bug" and "Thing" are tough ones to search for oddball comic-related items, and I don't want to guess how many worm listings I've seen looking for Nightcrawler stuff--an auction came right up.

I'm afraid I'm not interested enough to buy it: I don't have anywhere to put busts. Ever since my wife broke the tail of a Nightcrawler statue, what little high end stuff I have goes into the basement. Also, check out the link: the eyes don't look right on the auction one...like they've been turned about 90 degrees.

I've fallen behind on Annihilation and Guardians of the Galaxy: is Bug still in there? This Dynamic Forces promo was an odd item, since it was tied into Image's relaunch/reimagination of Micronauts that didn't use any of Marvel's characters. Didn't, um, didn't take. Everyone remembers Micronauts fondly, but with the licensing all tied up and the wave of nostalgic comics come and gone, it's never coming back. (I took a quick look for it, but I couldn't find Warren Ellis' explanation on why that was a bad idea in the first place.)

Still. The old issues are still out there, and fun enough to flip through. Now ROM, hell, ROM deserves a new figure, new book, and a dramatic reveal in Secret Invasion...hey, at this point, that's like the one thing that would get me to pay money for that. Read more!

"This will also not end well."

What, you didn't think Doc Samson was going to be able to help Deadpool by talking, did you?

I got Capcom Classic Collection volume 2 for my birthday, which means I spent a lot of time playing original Street Fighter and the Speed Rumbler. Speed Rumbler is obscure fun in a Road Warrior derivative kind of way (not unlike the movie Doomsday, but that's another tangent), but Street Fighter was like the greatest looking game ever in 1987, and now it's like a cave painting. A cave painting with crappy game mechanics that cheats. Bastard! I hate it so much!

I also put together a rudimentary lightbox (the tutorial's here, courtesy of Fanmode.) but haven't had time to try it out. Well, we'll get back to that. The results of Deadpool's therapy are going to have to wait a little bit, since we'll have something else on Wednesday. Why? Um, all part of the master plan. Or something.

Read more!

"Prognosis: Negative."

Samson probably should know Cable's real, but even in a superhero universe full of gods, androids, aliens, and Canadians; if someone told you about him, he would sound pretty far-fetched.

I don't use the yellow fill often enough for Deadpool, and it doesn't always get everything, but maybe I'll start using it.

It's tough to hammer out exactly what's wrong in Deadpool's head, especially since it can vary from writer to writer or story to story. For instance, in the -1 Flashback issue, Joe Kelly wrote the pre-Weapon X Wade Wilson as an immoral, remorseless thug; in a later issue, Pool hallucinates a busty brunette riding a giant bunny rabbit while pouring scotch into milk. And that's pretty tame, since I think he's gotten worse.

And it's my birthday, so I'm out for the weekend. No idea what I'm doing, so wish me luck!

Read more!

"Checkup from the Neck-up."


I had to do a little research on this one: I knew Estelle Getty died recently, and I thought Deadpool was hung up on her, not Bea Arthur. Incidentally, if you try a Google search for "Estelle Getty" and "Deadpool," you are not going to get the kind of results I was looking for. Just a heads up, there.

Like DC's Ambush Bug, Deadpool often breaks the fourth wall to talk to the reader, and often seems aware that he's in a comic book. I don't know that it's ever bothered Wade, like it does here: I was thinking of a Hulk issue where the guesting She-Hulk becomes agitated that she was made to look foolish in front of the readers, who the Hulk can't see, and he suggests she see none other than Doc Samson. Maybe it helped, since she doesn't talk to the reader as much anymore.

On the tail end of Cable/Deadpool, after Cable had left the book, Brother Voodoo asks Deadpool the question: Can he redeem himself? Voodoo didn't seem to think so, based on Pool's past crimes. Even if that was true, it's a harsh and foolish answer, one that could very well have given Pool permission to backslide into bad deeds again.

Next time: Samson's diagnosis. You may need to put some paper in the printer for that one...

Read more!

"This will not end well."

Seems like I've been waiting for this one for a long time: Doc Samson, from the Hulk/Fin Fang Foom Build-a-Figure series. Sadly, the good Doctor is probably the only one out of the wave that I'm going to buy (barring some freakish alignment of clearance markdowns) since to build the super-awesome looking dragon Fin Fang Foom would be about $120: eight figures at $15 a piece. I bought Samson in Montana, so I at least dodged the sales tax there; but if anyone wants to make a trade for the BAF part, leave a comment and we'll see if we can work something out. (It's a big piece, like Foom's lower torso/upper tail, assocological region. No Kirby shorts, either.)

As far as the figure goes, it's a little less posable than previous Marvel Legends, although that could just mean Samson's a lot more durable, too. He's done in the style of his early appearances in the sixties (no, sorry: Doc Samson first appeared in 1971) but honestly, that's aged better than his leather-and-ponytail look from John Byrne's 80's Hulk run.

Samson's origin is tied to a fake status quo change for the Hulk: Banner is cured by siphoning off some of his gamma radiation, but then mild-mannered psychiatrist Leonard Samson exposes himself to the radiation and gains super strength and luxurious, flowing green hair. Samson then starts making the moves on Banner's longtime girlfriend Betty Ross, so Banner stupidly exposes himself to gamma radiation again so he (or rather, the Hulk) can kick Samson's ass sideways. Fair enough, but then why didn't they just siphon off the radiation again? Ah, there's probably a stupid reason.

I picture Samson as being a rather buttoned-down, staid, and restrained individual; maybe even quiet, introverted, or meek. When he saw the opportunity to irradiate himself and maybe break out of his shell a bit, he took it. But even with the hair and the powers and the notoriety, Samson is still who he is: a little restrained, maybe a bit staid or conservative. He's also still better known for his psychiatric work (which is usually more bizarre and risk-taking) than his superheroing. As such, Samson fills an important spot: I've said before how the Marvel Universe used to have characters that were the go-to guys for a particular occupation. If a character needed a lawyer, Matt Murdock guest-starred. Mystic trouble? Dr. Strange. Photographer? Peter Parker. Psychiatrist? A lot of times, Doc Samson.

We're going to go a little differently this week, and have a new page every day or so. Can Doc Samson cure Deadpool's mental problems? Yeah, good luck with that... Read more!

Like Bully said, "How can I miss you when you won't leave?


Thanks to Bully at Comics Oughta Be Fun for the reference material for this one. I have the Star Trek one there, and forgot about it...

By the way, I'm taking all my comments the same way the FCC does for complaints, and counting each one of you as 50,000 people. You're worth that much easy, and thanks!

Still on vacation, though. See you next week! Read more!

On vacation, that's my excuse!

I haven't even really read this one yet, but the sheer WTF-level of this one made me buy it out of the quarter bin. MASK #8 cover by Curt Swan?

I can recall my early toys pretty clearly: Six Million Dollar Man, Mego Star Trek, classic Star Wars through Empire; then a terrible six or eight years or so where I was supposed to give a rat's ass about what other people thought and wasn't supposed to care about toys. I missed the first showings of Transformers, G.I. Joe, Masters of the Universe, Thundercats, MASK...

What other people think sucks, kids. And it always will. New strip, I dunno, Wednesday? Read more!

"Last Thursday in Metropolis:"
How long have I been gone? Do I have to tell you, click to enlarge?

God, I haven't posted this one already, have I? That'd be embarrassing...

Anyway, some good news: I found this one hidden away in my files, after I realized I'd only loaded one page of it to my Flickr. Duhr. So, I hadda republish the whole thing, and it's frankly just an attempt to get some use out of that Penquin figure. Yeah, he was just bought for the Metamorpho leg, but I wanted him to be good for something. I had the Superman figure out for comparison, and I was trying to figure, how could the Penguin deal with Superman? (Remember, there's a panel in Crisis on Infinite Earths where Firestorm appears to be having some trouble dealing with Penquin.) The answer: not very well, although bluffing goes a fair ways...

And after making a big stink about being done and not able to blog anymore, well, I'll probably be back soon. Um, except I'm on vacation this week, and I burned through the rest of my saved strips when I thought I wasn't going to be able to do this. And I'm in all likelihood only going to be blogging once or twice a week. And I'm severely cutting back on toy purchases, so someone else is probably gonna have to do that Wall*E/Iron Man panel. (I haven't even seen Wall*E yet, but it seems totally obvious...) And I'm probably making this announcement long after the lights are out and everyone's gone. So, um, yay? Read more!

"God, even if you're not gonna be around, there's something to be said for upkeep."

Even though I'm not updating...aside from this update, here...it's a little depressing to see the same post at the top all the time, since I'm still here a lot, since I use the sidebar to read all the blogs I read. Some I hit every day, some I hit once a week, some I can't read at work for fear of seeing something I can't unsee, but it's the easiest way for me to do it. (Not to say there's not easier ways, but I'm lazy.)

So, even if I'm not around or if I am, I'll probably keep adding to the sidebar. The Video Nasty Project and Topless Robot are both being added: they're not strictly comic book related, but there's enough overlap and both are well worth checking out.

And, a little good news: things are looking up a little around here, and I found a figuretoon I hadn't posted yet. At least, I think I didn't. I have to pull it back up, so later.

Keith Giffen art on a house ad for Avengers, from Clandestine #8. That was the last Alan Davis issue, it hobbled along for another four issues... Read more!

"Everything sounds suggestive, it's the nature of the times."





And a brief note: until further notice, Random Happenstance is closed. I have family issues that need serious attention. Like Frosty, I may be back again someday, but it could be a long time. Maybe never, I don't know yet.

I wanna thank everyone who's ever stopped by and said hey, or not said hey. A big thanks to SallyP at Green Lantern Butts Forever!: I was hoping to get to that DCUC Green Lantern figure, since he's tailor-made for strips for you and Sea of Green. Well, maybe someday.

Poe Ghostal and Pete: Keep cranking out the figuretoons! I might be dark for awhile, but hopefully I'll still be around, and I know you guys will keep up the awesome until I get back.

The guys at Doomkopf and the Fortress Keeper: keep fighting the good fight, and thanks for everything.

And Siskoid: a sincere thanks for all the Trek. Each post reminds me of the old school fun.

God, this is more maudlin then I intended, I'm not dying. Let's just say, I hope to be back if and when my ship's correct, one way or the other, and hope to see everyone then. And if not, well, it has been that little slice of heaven I hear so much about. See ya. Read more!

"Poolside."

Another post will be up later this afternoon, and an announcement. Check back later. Read more!

"Robin's Day Out, or Driving Object Lessons."

Click to enlarge. Or squint. See if I care!




I have a Super Powers Batmobile, but no actual Super Powers figures. It was an eBay score, and there are the occasional figures that fit in it.

I love the old Animated style Robin, because he seems that much smaller than Batman or any of the bad guys, and stands out in contrast. This whole strip was little more than having Robin and some figures that would fit in the Batmobile in the same box. Incidentally, it was a box that hadn't seen a lot of use, since most of the toys I buy and display lately are larger-scale.

Plus, and this is another one of those things I could be completely misremembering, but in Batman: the Animated Series, wasn't Tim Drake initially only interested in getting revenge on Two-Face for killing his dad? And then Batman makes him Robin to keep him from getting killed, and get a new sidekick out of the deal? Kind of press-ganged Tim into the gig. Still, the voicework on Tim was better than you would've thought, and Tim seemed to have a relatively normal childhood--playing videogames and slacking off, that is--despite his dad's death, brutal training from Batman, life and death situations on a weekly basis, etc.

I do miss this style of Batmobile, though: one that's neither tank nor gothic monstrosity.

Read more!

Catch-up ball: the disturbingly active social life of the Last Boy on Earth.

Back when I was mocking Kamandi, I was looking for this issue, and didn't find it until about a month later: Justice League Adventures #30, "This Better World." Written by Stuart Moore, pencils by Tim Levins, inks by Robin Riggs. It's 22 pages that make more sense than any of the Kamandi/Great Disaster stuff in 52, but moreover, for me it makes a good conclusion to Kirby's original Kamandi series. Blasphemy? Let's take a look!

As you saw above, Kamandi, Chichi (the monkey) and Tuftan (the tiger, accidentally called a lion three pages later for some reason) are racing ahead of the monkey army through the ruins of Metropolis. Tuftan sacrifices himself (off-panel, this is the kids'-friendly Justice League!) to give them time to get to a time machine, in the hopes of stopping their whole crummy future. They start to bring something through...

Meanwhile, in 2004, Superman, Green Lantern, and the Flash are visiting S.T.A.R. Labs. Days without accident: 0, as Flash is zapped by a malfunctioning raygun. As if that wasn't bad enough, Flash is thinking about "quitting the hero business."

Superman gives Wally a pep talk about how all they can do is just help one person at a time, but is interrupted by their reason for being there: Professor Hamilton presents a monkey.

It's a potentially dangerous monkey, however, that "spoke a few crude sentences," distracted a zookeeper, then released half the animals in the zoo. Professor Hamilton says the monkey has a gene not unlike the Metagene that gives several DC heroes their powers, and wants to "jumpstart the little fellow's intelligence with this ultra-sonic brain enhancer." I know this is a comic ostensibly for little kids, but doesn't that sound like a spectacularly bad idea? Even if you'd never seen a Planet of the Apes movie? "Hey, this monkey nearly started an animal revolution. Let's make it smarter." Guh.

Superman, who is usually too polite to outright call B.S. on anything, is about to; when a weird red thing opens up in the lab. Flash goes to take a look, and promptly disappears. In the year 2156, Chichi and Kamandi were trying to get the ape and stop the experiment, but got the Flash instead. Kamandi explains to the befuddled Flash what everyone reading probably figured out: monkey+super-smarts=enslaved, then extinct, humanity.

Before they can send Flash back, the ape army storms the building. Chichi is captured, and Flash and Kamandi are forced to flee. Kamandi guides Flash to his allies, the Cheetahs. Who dress and talk like pirates. I dunno, Jack Kirby, that's why. Kamandi rescued their chief's son from a tree. In short order, they manage to free the last of Kamandi's people (the apes were still working on the time machine, and thus had divided their forces) but Flash is dismayed to realize most humans are little more then cavemen now. He worries again that nothing ever gets better, but Kamandi, like Superman, points out that by helping him, Flash may have given them all a chance.

The Cheetah captain tells Flash and Kamandi that the time machine is almost unguarded, if they hurry. Kamandi sends Flash back to the past, promising that he'll never forget how the Flash helped make things better. (Wally figured he wouldn't remember if history changed.)

Back at S.T.A.R. Labs, Professor Hamilton theorizes that Flash disappeared when he started the brain enhancing experiment, so maybe he should activate it again, which just proves that he's bound and determined to destroy humanity. Flash arrives in time to tell him to quit it, and leave the monkey to evolve, or not, on its own. Even though he doesn't know for sure if the future's changed or not, Wally knows "I did manage to help one person. And that's the first step." Good advice. I'd say the second step is killing. All. Monkeys. (Not really, but still...)

Meanwhile, in the future, both humans and animals are intelligent, brave, and cooperative.
Until the next retcon, anyway.

Read more!

A bit of catch-up ball here:

So, a month or so ago we were talking about multiple Batmen display options, and I mentioned this issue, but couldn't find it. It was easier just to buy another copy: Superman: the Man of Steel #37, "Countdown to Zero" (which was probably the title of like three other Zero Hour crossovers) Story by Louise Simonson, pencils by Jon Bogdanove, inks by Dennis Janke.

Although it's pretty memorable for the gimmick, this one had the potential to be one of the best Zero Hour tie-ins, but it doesn't quite deliver. Perhaps valiantly, they keep their ongoing plotlines going, crossover or no. Still, one of those involves a vampire heavy metal singer playing a benefit concert for Metropolis, so while I appreciate the effort, I wish they had just gone with the A-plot.

Batman shows up in Metropolis, in person since the city had recently been nearly demolished by Lex Luthor; to warn Superman of a time anomaly that was causing people from the past to suddenly appear. This Batman's a Neal Adams-era version, who has no recollection of recent events like Bane breaking his back. Two more Batmen appear shortly, Dark Knight and Bob Kane models.

Somewhat surprisingly, they're all pretty cool with each other. I mean, if Zero Hour came out now, it feels like Batman would be the one to give his alternate versions the hassle; accusing them of being fakes or white Martians or thou shalt have no Batmen before me or something. I think the future Batman would be content to see other versions of himself that might have an easier time of things or come to a better end; while the past one would probably be thrilled to see he could be successful enough to have a legacy.

Still, despite a skirmish with the mutants from Dark Knight Returns (or not, they could be just lookalike vampire hunters...whatever) all the Batmen eventually disappear; as the current timeline's Batman shows up to warn Supes about that time anomaly. Supes is too polite to tell Bats he got the memo.

The issue ends with Metron showing up with his usual premonition of doom, while Jor-El and Lara show up at the Kents farm, probably to see why their son wasn't raised traditional Kryptonian or something. And I like Metron, but he's like the Phantom Stranger: does he ever show up when things aren't circling the drain? Could just stop by every once in a while and say everything's going great, Metron. Just a thought. Read more!

(Completely) Off-topic: Neat freaks and germophobes, turn away now.

Are you a "neat freak"? Are you a compulsive cleaner? Are you "tidy"? Then yeah, you should stop reading now. This is going to be like torture porn for you.

Since I'm not especially handy, around the house my chores are mostly relegated to anything that's gross, unpleasant, or oozing. From squishing spiders to snaking drains to cleaning any of a multitude of vile fluids; I'm stuck handling biohazards while other dads are getting standing ovations for building birdhouses or drying drywall or whatever it is they do. So, one of my little jobs is cleaning the vacuum cleaner.

An odd sounding task, yes? I mean, most people just have to vacuum and call it good. I don't think I even do most of the vacuuming. I muck out the crap clogging the vacuum cleaner, pretty much every time we use it. It's not the vacuum's fault, though: it's actually a pretty good vacuum, but it's fighting a losing battle here.

The first culprit is Sam's hair, the lab mix: Sam's hair has the same molecular makeup as rat's teeth. Maybe even denser. I have found Sam's hair on my desk at work. No idea how I got it there, but there it is. Of course, I keep finding the Wife's hair as well: every so often she gets hair extensions, and no matter how nice they look, I'm now positive that extensions are the base of an elaborate pyramid scheme involving vacuum repair men and plumbers.

Both kinds of hair clog the vacuum differently: the extensions are long, and wrap up around the rotating brush, while Sam's hair forms clots with dust. What do you call it when dust and hair forms a sheet-like layer? Oh, yeah, my house.

That's just out of the brush, we haven't even got to the bag yet. There's an extension, stuck on a paper clip, with a rubber band attached. And as long as we're running forensics here, there's chunks of foam innards from at least two separate stuffed animals, or possibly the couch. (Sugarpie's been a bit on the bitey side lately.) When this vacuum dies, it should be buried with honors.

To the best of my knowledge, I've never sucked up one of my or the kids' action figure accessories. Probably because the vacuum doesn't have that kind of juice.

Anyway, that's why no comic or toy post today, but we'll be back on tomorrow. Unless I have to clean up bile or flem or something.

Edit: Not fifteen minutes after posting this, I had to go pull an extension out of Sugarpie. And not out of the front end, either.

Read more!

Some time later...

I was 90% sure that mask was from a Fist of the North Star figure, but just now I realized, I think it's from a House of the Dead toy. One of the ones that was in the zombie strip a while back. Anyway, once I stumbled across that, and it fit, well, it just fell into place. Yay, process!

Meanwhile, while right-thinking citizens are celebrating freedom by blowing stuff up and pounding warm Budweiser in the hot sun, I have a guest strip up at Fanwank! If you're a regular reader here, then you should be a regular reader there: although he accuses me of being more coherent, Fanwank's got a superior work ethic, is damn funny, and has contests! Hell, he just had a contest for Dark Knight Movie Masters Batman and Joker figures; here, I give nothing. Probably because I'm a horder. (I'm not sure if that contest is done or not, either...)

Incidentally, the other day my wife had Oprah on, and they were running a piece on "extreme horders." I thought it would be people who saved up so much junk and piled their old newspapers and rotten clothes so high that they could base jump off of it. Woo!! Extreme!! Yeah!! Imagine my disappointment. Read more!

Ripping off an old issue of What The--?! for the Fourth.

So, there was an old What The--?! page with Captain America facing off against Baron Zemo, Madame Masque, the Controller, and Dr. Doom: the All-Scar Squadron. Yeah, it was funnier when All-Star Squadron was still on the racks.

I don't remember, so I'm probably just spreading a rumor, but there was a picture going around of Thomas Jane as Jonah Hex. Anyone know what that was about? Makeup test? Mockup to build interest? Fan-made homage? I know somebody suggested early Halloween costume, and Jane seems cool, so maybe. Anyway, have a good Fourth, and stay safe!

Oh, and V (of the V for Vendetta movie) doesn't get his mask off because A. it's not removable, and B. the last thing I need is Alan Moore turning me into a toad or something. Read more!

Not the most outlandish explanation for $4 gas that I ever heard. I mean, 'supply and demand'? Who's even heard of that?

A little set-up on this one, from Kelley Jones' first The Hammer series: Isobel is a reincarnated witch, brought back by the Lovecraftian Old Ones and now leading a cult of thousands as a self-help guru. For this little get-together, she's already punched (!) through the face of one human sacrifice, but she explains a wee bit about why this lot is getting the business:

I think Steven Grant of Comic Book Resources Permanent Damage had a similar idea that he used in a writing exercise. Creepy.

A longer writeup on the Hammer is probably down the line, but scary stuff. Story and art by Kelley Jones, from the Hammer #3. Read more!

"Chicks dig scars...woo, maybe not."

A short one this week, but what the hell, click to enlarge.

This one's for Dwayne, "the canoe guy," over at Matching Dragoons, certainly the blogosphere's number one site for Jonah Hex. If you have even a nodding familiarity with Jonah past, present, or future (I really liked Hex, honestly) then you need to be over there on a regular basis. He does more than just Hex coverage, but hell, that's enough!

This wave of Showcase figures is a strong one: classic Batgirl and Hawkman, and Superman with multiple Red Kryptonite inspired heads. That's mighty tempting, even though I have more Superman figures than I'd ever planned on getting. Hell, I still have to buy the electric one from DCUC.

I like a lot of characters that are either on the fringe or not traditionally part of the DC universe: in fact, I would say out of Blackhawk, Sgt. Rock, Warlord, Enemy Ace, and Jonah Hex; it's ok for them to crossover into special events like Crisis on Infinite Earths or time-travelling Justice League stories or even each other. For instance, Rock has a cameo in the Garth Ennis written Enemy Ace, and the Ace met Bat Lash in Guns of the Dragon.

That said, I think their individual books should be completely self-contained. I sure as fun don't wanna read a Jonah Hex Final Crisis crossover. If you read the superhero-tinged issues of Warlord, you'd be nodding your head in agreement right now...except nobody read those.

My DC Direct dream list gets shorter every year, as the figures I want trickle out: for example, a new Creeper is coming next year, I believe. I would love a classic Doom Patrol: Elasti-girl, Negative Man, Robotman, maybe the Chief. (No Mento. Mento sucks. I will brook no discussion on this matter.) Wildfire and Dawnstar from the Legion of Super-Heroes both have striking and toyetic looks, even if they might not fit in with the frankly, rather whitebread, other Legion figures. (Those other Legion figures are deliberately in a retro style.) OMAC. The real one, Kirby style. Hell, throw Kamandi in there too; maybe even Atlas to round out another Kirby wave.

Perhaps a wave or a box set of forgotten, ill-advised, or unpopular big bads: Extant! Monarch! Neron! Evil Max Lord! Some of these would be more fun as toys then they ever were in the comics.

There's probably more, but I'll have to think about it. If you have one you can't wait for, let me know, it might ring a bell... Read more!

"Summer toys, and one line I won't cross."

Over at his eponymous site, Bob Mitchell in the 21st Century often has Superhero T-Shirt Tuesdays, and that seemed like as good a reason as any to play with some toys with the Youngest. He got the Burger King Dumpster Throwing Abomination toy the other day, and enjoyed that a lot. Maybe not as much as that spinny Indiana Jones toy, but a lot.

I do try not to think about how much Happy Meal hamburger meat is packed into my colon, though.

I haven't been breaking my legs on any of the toys this year: Oh, I enjoy getting them, but I'm not going hardcore completist on them. So I've missed a few of each wave of toys, but the boys and I are getting a pretty good pile. I think the Indiana Jones toys helped me out quite a bit, since I didn't really want to pick up any of the regular toys: I don't buy a lot of 3 and 3/4 inch figures anymore. So, the Burger King toys made me feel like Indy was getting some toy representation.

Big thanks to the Wife for taking the pictures for this one, and for knowing I'd listen to a CD with the theme to (the old TV show) The Prisoner, and Peaches "F*** the Pain Away." Love you, hon! (Not the edited version, of course, but I'm still trying not to swear around here. It's a self-imposed rule, because if I start, there'll be buckets of profanity before long.) Read more!